Witty descriptions- pass them around

[riff]

My dad cracks me up. Last night we were watching TV and this bucktooth dude was talking and dad just blurts out: "Goddamn... he is so bucktoothed, he could eat a crawfish out of a coke bottle..."

It nearly killed me then and just thinking about it now makes me laugh so hard my tonsils are throbbing.

Share share... I want more.

 

[Countess DeWinter]

I think I heard this one on an episode of Golden Girls:
As nervous as a virgin at a prison rodeo.

 

[Ambrosious]

Jeans so tight you can tell the sex of her next child.
Jeans so tight you could crack a flea on her ass.
So short, he can play handball on a street corner.
Teeth as crooked as: fence row, or a dogs back leg.
Slow as mollasses on a cold day.
So dumb, he couldn't pour water out of a bucket if the directions were on the bottom.
So slow you have to poke him to see if he's still alive.

 

[Ticklish Girl]

These come from my mom. She's got a million of 'em, and she never fails to crack me up.

He's got a face as long as a wet week.
He's as happy as a rooster on a dunghill (or a pig in shit).
The parking here is as tight as a crab's ass.
He's so drunk his eyes look like piss holes in the snow.
Her skirt is so short, if she ate a fish you could see the tail.
I wouldn't step over a cowshit to see that movie.
She could talk a hole through a brass pot.
He's so cheap he'd squeeze a dollar till Washington farted.
I feel like a Friday shit at a Saturday market.
That pitcher couldn't hit the market house with a sack of beans.
He's so lowdown he could walk under a snake's belly with a top hat on.
His head is as thick as a gallon of shit in a quart jug.




[Edited by Ticklish Girl on 12-23-2000 at 12:23 AM]

 

[WriterDom]

I've been to 3 world fairs and 2 buzzard fuckings and ain't never seen anything like that.

 

[TN_Vixen]

it's slicker'n owl shit out there.

 

[riff]

From Ferris Bueller: "He's so tight, that if you stuck a lump of coal up his ass, in two weeks you'd have a diamond..."

A southern one: "Baby, you look so good I could sop you up with a biscuit..."

(this one doesn't quite fall into our genre, but while I am at it... Richard Pryor "She was so fine, I wanted to suck her daddy's dick..."

colder than a witch's titty
hotter than a well-digger's ass

 

[miles]

So ugly she'd make a freight train take a dirt road.
Feel so low I could sit on a nickel and dangle my legs.
So fat she has more chins than a Chinese phone book.
Slicker than a pot of okra spilled on a linoleum floor.

 

[Bushido71XS]

You're about as useful as a fart in a spacesuit.

 

[Ticklish Girl]

Heard this one on a talk radio program

That guy's so low he'd have to stand on his mother's shoulders just to kiss my ass.