Winter Holiday 2011 Contest Reviews

[Darkniciad]

What the hell. I've been typing up all these reviews, so I may as well post them.

The goal is to be fair to the story, pointing out things that may push your buttons ( either for good or ill ) regardless of whether the story did anything for me. That being said, everyone has their biases, and I'll point those out as I go along.

I'm including a link to the story, the author name, category, and number of pages, to help out those using the contest page as a starting point, since it doesn't include a lot of that information.

The page listing may have a + attached, which means that the story runs over into another page, but not by much. Thought that would be helpful to those with limited reading time.

The sections are:

Technical which includes not only grammar and spelling, but also formatting and style. The last, of course, is entirely subjective.

Plot&Characters My thoughts on the characters and plot of the story -- or lack thereof. When a story is meant to be stroke in my opinion, I put far less emphasis on this section.

Stroke This is my thoughts on the sexual content. I'll do my best to point out anything that might squick you if you aren't fond of anything beyond the vanilla that shouldn't be obvious from the category.

Theme Is the story on theme? Somewhat subjective, but this contest gives a lot of leeway for theme.

Overall My final thoughts on the story as a whole.

Anyone is more than welcome to add their own reviews to this thread. Think I went to hard on someone? Maybe I went too easy? Write your own review! You don't have to use my format. Do your own thing. I don't have any control over it, but I think that any responses ( other than the author responding to his or her review ) should be in the form of a review of your own. The goal in that is to mitigate any potential back and forth arguing amongst posters.

Above and beyond all, these are my opinion. I'm not a professional editor, critic, or anything else. I'm just another writer reading the entries.

So, let's get started, shall we? There will be a flurry at the beginning, because I've been typing these up since the contest started. Others will appear as I finish them.

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Daughter's Gift by HeyAll (Incest/Taboo) 1 Page

This is a Daddy/Daughter story, in case that might cause you to squick.

Technical

Nothing really jumped out at me as far as grammar, spelling, or formatting.

Plot&Characters

There's no build-up here. Right from the beginning, you're hit with what the story is. To me, it was shocking, as I don't know much about either character, and it just drops out of the blue. It makes both characters feel flat to me. This one dances on the line of of stroke vs. story, and to me, it breaks up the heat too much for stroke, and doesn't give enough build-up for story.

Stroke

The heat is there, but it's divided up by a brief story section between scenes. Both parts of the scene are a little brief, and the cool down in the middle is likely to frustrate stroke readers. It's also a first time/defloration story, and the only mention of discomfort is a squint, stretching the suspension of disbelief. Those who like a little food play may get extra mileage out of the first half of the scene.

Theme

It's set in the season, so that's sufficiently on theme.

Overall

I feel like this one is reaching for both primary groupings of readers, and not really hitting either of them. If Daddy/Daughter is your kink, you may get more mileage than me, and it's a quick read that won't distract you with a bunch of technical errors.

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Santa Takes Back What Is His by RedHairedandFriendly ( Sci-Fi&Fantasy ) 1 Page

Full disclosure: I'm fond of Red's writing, and have participated in two of her chain stories.

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

This one stands your standard expectations on ear right from the beginning. The plot is clever. You know who Rebecca is from a few observations Santa makes as he enters the house, and just a few brief lines she delivers. Santa likewise comes across well in the narrative and his words without a lot of exposition, and he's not what you expect.

Stroke

First off, if reluctance turns you off, you're probably not going to like this one. Oddly enough, considering some of my writing, it's not really my thing, so that kept me from really enjoying the story. There's also concentration on bondage, and the sex is on the rough side. If that's within your preferences, there's plenty of heat here for you.

Theme

Hard not to be on theme when Santa is a main character *laugh*

Overall

This one's a departure from the norm, and variety is a good thing. Red tweaks the story with descriptive phrases that show her vocabulary and creativity, without seeming as if she's throwing it in your face. I'm going to have a hard time not appropriating 'liquid silk' into my own lexicon *laugh* If the sexual kinks don't turn you off, then this is a well-written, hot little tale that will probably push your buttons.

 

[Darkniciad]

Mall Santa by wantsomefun1951 ( Erotic Couplings ) 3 Pages

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me as being off from a technical or style standpoint.

Plot&Characters

The characters are vibrant, and the plotline flows naturally.

Stroke

There's plenty of heat here.

Theme

Again, hard to be off theme with Santa ( sorta ) as a main character.

Overall

I'm not going to go into too much detail here, other than to say that this is a heartwarming story that has plenty going for it to warm up other places as well. I really enjoyed this one.

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Last Present by sr71plt ( Loving Wives ) 3 Pages

Full disclosure: I've always been fond of SRs writing, even back in the day when his posting style on the forum made me want to cyber-strangle him on a regular basis.

Technical

Nothing jumps out at me.

Plot&Characters

He comes across strong with bits of background and witty turns of phrase in the narrative drawing a picture of him right from the start. He shouldn't be likeable, but he is. The remainder of the characters are equally vivid and painted into the story with carefully chosen words and minimal exposition. I'll warn that there are portions of the story that are Gay Male, which might cause some to squick.

Stroke

There's plenty of heat here. The GM content, if that isn't your thing, should be easy enough to skim, as they aren't a dominant part of the sex in the story.

Theme

On theme to me.

Overall

This is another one that turns the standard expectations of a holiday story on its ear. As I said, the main character is someone who shouldn't be likeable, but he is. The ending comes out nicely, without going too sweet, which would contrast sharply with the rest of the story. It's a nice contrast to the warm and fuzzy stories that are likely to dominate the contest, but not without its own holiday spirit.

 

[Darkniciad]

A Merry Christmas by BeachBaby82 ( Romance ) 1+ Pages

Technical

Noticed one spot of two characters speaking in the same paragraph and one spot where there were some missing words, but nothing overly distracting.

Plot&Characters

The plot isn't that heavy, but enough to carry what the story is aiming for. The characters come across well to me.

Stroke

The scene is a bit brief, but there's plenty of heat there -- especially if romantic sex is your thing.

Theme

Very much on theme.

Overall

This is another one with warmth in the characters and heat in the sex. It's a quick, sweet read.

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Cured for Christmas by scouries ( Incest ) 5 Pages

Right out of the gate, in the interest of full disclosure: I don't like scouries, to put it mildly, and I have yet to find anything he's written that I liked.

Technical

The grammar errors and stylistic faux paus begin as soon as the story. You'll know within a couple of paragraphs whether you can tolerate the lack of attention to the technical issues present throughout.

Plot&Characters

This story has a high probability of offending a lot of people. First, the plot is "curing lesbianism". Second, almost all the characters are supposed to have ethnic backgrounds, but the only real indication of this are the narraration telling you so, and a few stereotypical mentions. The characters feel flat to me, and the dialogue comes across as something I would expect out of a teenager, regardless of the stated age of the various characters. If you can accept this as tongue-in-cheek, you may be able to get past it.

Stroke

If you can get past the numerous other issues, incest is your kink, and the main character having superhero stamina doesn't make you roll your eyes, then you may get more mileage than I did. There are quite a few scenes.

Theme

The story takes place between Thanksgiving and New Years, so it barely squeaks by on theme.

Overall

I think the other sections cover it. There are a lot of things working against this one. You're going to have to be into incest that pushes suspension of disbelief to the absolute breaking point, or you'll have a hard time getting through a story this long.

 

[Darkniciad]

Blame it on the Mistletoe by Ignoble ( Incest ) 1+ Pages

Technical

Other than a few too many exclamation points for my tastes, nothing really jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

This one doesn't apologize for what it is, and comes out strong right from the get-go. There's not much to the plot or characters, but I classify this as a stroke story, so that's not nearly as important.

Stroke

This is what this story is about. If family orgies are your thing, you'll probably get a lot of mileage out of this one.

Theme

On theme.

Overall

The sex is what this one is about, and it doesn't waste any time getting to it. A short tale that's almost all heat.

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Degrees of Affection by ClaireRose ( Lesbian ) 1 Page

Technical

A few too many exclamation points for my tastes. I noticed a missing closing quote. There are a few formatting errors where paragraph breaks happen in the middle of sentences, which is probably caused by a format conflict between Lit's text processor and the program the author uses to write. Other than the formatting errors -- which I give the author a pass on -- nothing too jarring.

Plot&Characters

I classify this one as set-up and stroke, so judged by those standards, I believe there's enough to the characters and set-up to carry it.

Stroke

If girl on girl is your thing, there's plenty of heat for you here.

Theme

Winter is the theme connection here, which is within the bounds.

Overall

There are touches of sweetness to go with the heat, so if you can get past a few errors ( the worst of which I chalk up to Lit's tempermental text processor ) then this is a quick read that has the potential to warm you up.

 

[Darkniciad]

The Devil and Mrs. Claus by CharlesMarkwell ( Non-Consent ) 2 Pages

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

There's the potential for offense here if your religious sensibilities are too strong. Overall, this one has a lot of tongue-in-cheek to it, bordering on humor. To me, that helps alleviate the porn-movie, stereotype feeling of the characters. There's a little twist at the end, as well.

Stroke

If non-con is your thing, then this may have what it takes to heat you up. One little bit of ass to mouth with a candy cane at the end may still squick even non-con fans.

Theme

Hard not to be on theme with Santa, elves, and the North Pole as a setting.

Overall

While this is undoubtedly non-con, the humor edge may be enough to get some who aren't fond of the category over the hump. The twist at the end is pretty clever, to me. I had to look up 'inure' and I'm always happy when a story points me to a new word to add to my vocabulary.

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What Bad Boys Get for Christmas by manyeyedhydra ( Erotic Horror ) 2 Pages

Full disclosure: I'm a fan of Erotic Horror, and of the author.

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

The characters are exactly what you'd expect from M.E.H. and erotic horror -- unlikeable scum. They're well-rounded and three-dimensional, though. The plot is clever, and delivered at a perfect pace.

Stroke

Plenty of heat in here.

Theme

Right on theme, if a twisted version.

Overall

This story does exactly what I feel Erotic Horror should do. There's plenty of heat here, but it makes you feel squeamish for reacting to it, and that grows steadily as the story progresses. A black twist is always a nice contrast to the warm and fuzzy stories that dominate the contest, and few do that as well as manyeyedhydra. Especially fond of the end, explaining Santa's suit.

 

[Darkniciad]

A Proper Send-off by SweetestThing ( Lesbian ) 7 Pages

Technical

Nothing jumps out at me.

Plot&Characters

I get a good sense of everyone, even peripheral characters. Sarah is especially vivid. Plenty of build-up, though the plot may stretch suspension of disbelief a little. Not difficult to get past, for me.

Stroke

It takes a couple of pages to get there, but once it does, the burner is lit and stays on high.

Theme

Vetran's day is within the scope, if not directly mentioned in the contest description. Good enough for me.

Overall

The build-up, setting, and characters captured me right from the beginning. There's a sexual undercurrent running through the whole story. As I said, there was a bit of stretch with the straight-as-an-arrow June coming around, but not enough to pull me out of the story. Once the heat starts, if lesbian sex is your thing, you're likely to get plenty of mileage. This one has a nice mix of sexy, sweet, and steps outside the normal themes of the the contest. Really enjoyed it.

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First Snow of the Season by lioness71( Erotic Couplings ) 1 Page

Technical

Nothing really jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

I get a good sense of her, and enough of him to carry the story. I put this one in the set-up and stroke category, and I think the plot lives up to that bar.

Stroke

It's a little brief, but there's heat here.

Theme

Winter, which is within the scope of the theme.

Overall

I think this one does the job, although the sex content may be a little light for stroke readers. I also think the story would have performed better in Mature, considering the age difference in the coupling. If you have a kink for age difference, you'll probably get more mileage from this one, because there's a lot of realism to it. The only thing that pushes my suspension of disbelief is in the lead-up with the snow angel. Some serious cold tolerance there *laugh*

 

[Darkniciad]

A Rose for Christmas by YDB95( Romance ) 3 Pages

Technical

Nothing really jumped out at me other than a lot of exclamation points.

Plot&Characters

I get a fair sense of the characters, and the narrative putting them both in place works pretty well.

Stroke

There's a good amount of heat here, although some may find the adultery a turn-off, despite the reasoning behind it given in the story.

Theme

Christmas and Winter, so this one is on theme to me.

Overall

His inner monologue does the job of painting a picture of him, but sometimes, I feel like it went a bit too far with him warring against the bitterness he felt. The transition from the beginning to where he is after meeting Rose is also a bit abrupt. Rose's husband felt like a plot device as much as a character, and I think that having him make a speaking appearance in the story bumped a little. If he'd remained a background character brought up in conversation, it probably wouldn't have bumped as much. Not quite as sweet as what you might expect from a romance, but having more feeling than a one-nighter, with the promise of more to come in the ending.

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One Last Hurrah! by scottstories ( Group Sex ) 3 Pages

Technical

Quite a few capitalization, punctuation, and homophone errors. Some of the paragraphs are a little long for online reading. If you're a grammar stickler or your eyes easily get lost on a computer screen, you may have a bit of trouble with this one.

Plot&Characters

You need a bit of suspension of disbelief, but I don't feel it's an unreasonable amount, considering the category. I consider this primarily a stroke story, but despite that, there's enough there to give the characters some dimension. I feel like that makes the heat even hotter.

Stroke

Plenty of it. If public group sex is your kink, you'll get a lot of mileage.

Theme

New Years covers the theme.

Overall

As I mentioned, you'll probably need to cast aside some "that could never happen", but once you do, this is a hot tale of group kink.

 

[HeyAll]

Nice thread and honest reviews. That's a lot of reading you're doing. Let's hope no one submits any 10 page stories for this contest...lol

 

[Darkniciad]

It was a Stormy Eve by Series 6 ( Incest ) 2 Pages

Technical

Nothing really jumps out at me.

Plot&Characters

The characters feel pretty flat. The open discussion of all the problems between the siblings, which had apparently started very early in their lives, just jumps in there out of the blue. If feel like that if it was that easy, it would have happened long before. He certainly gives no indication earlier in the story that his thoughts have changed. The transition to the sex is equally abrupt.

Stroke

There's plenty of heat here, if you can suspend your disbelief of how the pair get into the situation. Note that some 'pure' incest fans may not like the fact that there's no blood relation between the pair. She's an adopted sister.

Theme

A Christmas trip home is what brings them together, so it's on theme.

Overall

If you're only here for the sex, you may get more mileage than me. I just couldn't get past the abruptness and high bar for suspension of disbelief in the opening.

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A Hannukkah Gift by PrivateRickmers ( Non-Erotic ) 1 Page

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

There are some hints of dimension, but I feel like it's more the seeds of it than anything tangible.

Stroke

It's in the non-erotic category, so none expected.

Theme

This one pushes it a little, but the genesis is somewhat around the holiday season.

Overall

This one just didn't capture me. I feel as if the interaction between the two main characters had been expanded, rather than glossed over, there could be a good forbidden love story here. As it is, the ending just doesn't have the weight it otherwise could have. You don't know either of them or their relationship well enough to root for them, or to feel sad about his likely fate on the beaches of Normandy.

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Santa's Milk and Cookies by PerilEyes ( Erotic Couplings ) 1 Page

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

This one I believe is meant as farce. From that perspective, the characters make sense.

Stroke

Not much, and some of it is a bit eye-rolling. I don't feel as if the stroke readers will get much from this one.

Theme

Santa puts it on theme.

Overall

I can see where this one is coming from, but it just didn't do it for me. The opening to me is making fun of themed porn movies, but then there's not enough payoff of heat at the end. I think she needed to work him -- and the reader -- up a little more before leaving him high and dry. If you enjoy the farce, then you may get more mileage from it than I did.

 

[Darkniciad]

Only Wednesday Night by WFEATHER ( Incest ) 1 Page

Technical

There are a lot of passive sentences in this one.

Plot&Characters

This is just a short stroker, so there's not really much of either.

Stroke

I think this one is too short to satisfy the stroke readers, and the passive sentences tend to pull me out of the brief scene. You may get more mileage if brother/sister is your kink.

Theme

The holiday season is the genesis, so it works for me.

Overall

This feels very much like the opening of a story, rather than a story. Even judging it as pure stroke, I don't think it has a long enough scene to satisfy, and the ending absolutely screams for a few astrisks marking a scene switch for the next several days, which aren't there.

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Winter Nights by PSYCHESUMMER ( BDSM ) 2 Pages

Technical

Some missing punctuation at the end of quotes, a formatting error or two where paragraphs break in mid-sentence ( again, I blame this on Lit's text processor as much as anything ). A little heavy on the ellipses for my taste. One all-caps word that seemed out of place. Some paragraphs are a little long for online reading.

Plot&Characters

I get a pretty good sense of her, and his mystery comes across pretty well. The plot has some nice turns to it.

Stroke

There's plenty here for you, if D/s lights your fire. If you're not into the rougher stuff, you may shy away a little.

Theme

Winter is the connection to the theme.

Overall

The prose is heavy on descriptors, so some may have a bit of trouble with that. I feel as if it set a nice rhythm that matches with the storyline. This one could have fit into the Sci-Fi&Fantasy or NonHuman categories, and I suspect the author would have enjoyed a far stronger response in the latter. I'm not sure how the BDSM readers receive this type of story, but I know that the NonHuman readers wouldn't have had any problem with it. I liked this one, and that helped me get past quite a few errors that jumped out at me along the way.

 

[Darkniciad]

Home for the Holidays by honey28 ( Romance ) 2+ Pages

Technical

There was one sentence that had me scratching my head about a dog named McGruff. It looks as if it may be an artifact from a rewrite that got missed during editing. A dialogue tag or two used improperly.

Plot&Characters

I get a good sense of the characters. The plot has a couple of sticky points that I'll get to in the overall.

Stroke

There's some heat here for you - sweet and passionate.

Theme

Winter and the holidays is the theme connection.

Overall

The opening is well done. It paints a picture of the characters, what brought them to where they are, and who they are today. The build-up to the relationship is good, but the declaration of love is the first sticking point for me. I don't feel like we saw quite enough of them rekindling old feelings. 'Quite' is the operative word, though. It was something I could get past. The big one for me was when the character from the beginning of the story shows up, the relationship hits a snag, and almost as quickly resolves itself. To me, it felt like either his reaction was too strong, or his coming to grips with it too quick. That part of the story feels rushed. Still a sweet tale.

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Amy by geronimo_appleby ( Romance ) 3+ Pages

Technical

Nothing really jumped out at me. I should probably note that if you're not familiar with British English, the local phrases, and Scotts dialect, you're probably going to have some trouble with this one. Some of the vocabulary is a little on the high end as well.

Plot&Characters

I'll get to the plot in the overall. The characters come across well, and the dialect was part of that, for me. They're a couple of odd ones, right enough, but you know who they are.

Stroke

While much of it is related in the form of one of the characters telling a story, there's a lot of heat here.

Theme

Winter and holidays is the theme connection.

Overall

The beginning of the story had me thinking one thing, in conjunction with the category, but once she starts telling her story, it goes a completely different direction. To me, Romance may not have been the right category for it. Then again, considering the characters, maybe it was. I'm up in the air on that one. The ending was a bit too much of a downer to me. I'd rather have seen his #3 ( purposely vague to avoid spoilers ) erased, and the two of them actually get together. As it is, I understand why it had to end the way it did, but it was still a major downer.

 

[Darkniciad]

A Wartime Christmas Wish by LorileiGrey ( Erotic Couplings ) 1 Page

Technical

Nothing really jumped out at me except that there are a lot of descriptors.

Plot&Characters

This is primarily stroke, but I think she comes across well. More in overall.

Stroke

This is what the story's about. It's heat almost from the get-go.

Theme

Winter and Christmas put it on theme.

Overall

There's plenty to warm you up here. My only real complaint is that I don't get any sense of the era, as this is supposed to take place in '43. The phrasing in the dialogue feels too modern. If it weren't for pinning down when it was supposed to happen, it could be applied to a lover coming home from Iraq or Afganistan, and it wouldn't have bumped for me quite as much.

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Just Jump by Rob_mDear ( Incest ) 9 Pages

Technical

I caught one too/to, but otherwise, nothing jumped out at me. The format of going back and forth between the present and two different past flashbacks may be difficult for some to follow.

Plot&Characters

The characters come across well. Even though the end is fairly obvious right from the get-go, I think it works.

Stroke

It takes a while to get started, and the flashbacks intruding may irritate some, but there's plenty of heat here if bro/sis is your kink. You'll get even more mileage if you have a pregnancy and/or impregnation fetish. A possible downside is that it hints toward something sweeter, but turns a lot more primal and dirty during the sex.

Theme

On theme, as the bulk of the story and the heart of the plot are centered around the holidays.

Overall

As I mentioned earlier, the three timelines may be difficult to follow for some, and frustrating for others when they interrupt the heat. You more or less know how the story is going to come out, but the author does a good job of making you doubt it at various times. If the sex content is your thing, you can handle the triple timeline, and you can invest the time for a 9 page story, then there's good chance this one is going to push your buttons.

 

[Darkniciad]

Mommy Isn't Kissing Santa This Year by sexiskye ( Group Sex ) 1 Page

Technical

Claus is spelled 'Clause' throughout. Quite a few instances of incorrect or missing punctuation. There's some tense shifting as well. There also seem to be a few words missing here and there.

Plot&Characters

It's a different take on Mrs. Claus, and I think the idea has some potential. As this is primarily a stroker, I'm not putting too much weight on this.

Stroke

This is most of the story, and the sex is varied. Some may be turned off by the non-con and blackmail aspects. If you can get past the technical issues, you may get more mileage than me.

Theme

One theme with Christmas and Mrs. Claus.

Overall

I just couldn't get past the technical problems and the non-con elements. I do believe the idea has potential, but the story just didn't capture me because of the other problems.

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Best Present Ever: Bitch Sister by silkstockinglover ( Incest ) 3 Pages

Technical

Some of the paragraphs are a little long for online reading. Cock length is stated, and there are phonetic cries of passion, which may irk some. At least one typo and a couple of capitalization problems caught my eye.

Plot&Characters

I can't stand the sister, so I guess that automatically qualifies as her coming across well *laugh* Though the characters all come across as a little cliche to me, and the dialogue is on the unnatural side, I feel as if they fit in the overall feeling of the story.

Stroke

It starts off right from the beginning, though the first scene is just a tease. After that, it kicks into high gear, and there's a lot of variety. There's a heavy D/s theme running through the story, so if that's a kink, you'll probably get more mileage. If it's a turn-off, probably less so. The title should strongly hint at this, but I figured I'd point it out anyway.

Theme

It takes place over the Christmas Holiday, so that's on theme to me.

Overall

To me, the brother's plan and the way he implemented it contrasted too sharply with how he's otherwise portrayed and described. When combined with the porn-movie feel and the D/s, that was enough to keep it from capturing me. If the sex is your thing, and you don't mind the style of the characters/narration, then this one may do the trick for you, because there's a lot of heat, and a lot of kinks that aren't too far on the squicky side.

===============

NOTE: I've skipped one story, because I'm surprised it even got approved due to quite a bit of blatant under 18 content. I can't imagine that it will be available for much longer.

 

[Darkniciad]

Holiday Homebound by HeaterMarie23 ( Romance ) 1 Page

Technical

Nothing jumped out at me.

Plot&Characters

I think the characters come across fairly well, and interact with each other naturally. The plot, though a simple one, does the job.

Stroke

The scene is a little short, but it's a short story, so there's a fair amount of heat for the length.

Theme

Over the holidays, so on theme.

Overall

The only thing that pulled me out of this one was the open declarations of love at the end. It felt a little quick, but I could accept it if I leaned a little toward fairy tale romance. This is a quick one with some heat, and a touch of sweet.

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Mary's Christmas by ejls ( Romance ) 2+ Pages

Technical

The narrative head-hops a little, but it wasn't overly confusing to me.

Plot&Characters

I like all the primary characters, and they're three-dimensional to me. I enjoyed the plot, though there is one little snag I'll get to in the overall.

Stroke

There are two scenes with plenty of heat.

Theme

Very much on theme.

Overall

The only thing that pulled me out was the transition into the first sex scene. Though necessary to move through the plot, it just felt too quick to me. There wasn't enough build up of physical attraction between the two. That being said, this is a heartwarming story with characters I liked, and the last few lines are a nice bow of Christmas magic that made me smile.

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Resolution Loophole by Jemma_Jane ( Lesbian ) 2 Pages

Technical

A couple of sentence fragments pulled me out of the story for a moment. Caught one instance of two people speaking in the same paragraph, and one spelling mistake. Some of the euphemisms have the potential for eye-rolling if you're not into that, but I felt they fit the tone and the characters.

Plot&Characters

I liked the characters in this one -- even the throwaway guy Snake Oil with his one witty line. I feel like the lead-in of the story does a good job of establishing motivation and inclination for a first time girl/girl encounter.

Stroke

There's plenty of heat here. It does feel to me as if the build-up to each little segment of sex is out of balance with the culmination. The orgasms don't get enough screen time to me.

Theme

New Year's is on theme.

Overall

The other sections pretty much cover it. I liked this story primarily for the characters, and that helped me get past the little speed bumps here and there.

 

[Darkniciad]

I Didn't Know She Was a Vampire by superheroralph ( Erotic Horror ) 2 Pages

Full disclosure: I don't like Ralph ( Freddie ), to say the least.

Technical

A couple of sentences with construction that had me scratching my head, but otherwise, nothing too distracting.

Plot&Characters

Well, he comes across pretty well -- and I can't stand him. Everyone else in the story is more or less a supporting character, without much dimension. I'll get to the plot in overall.

Stroke

There's stroke potential here. The narrative kept jumping away from the sex for a moment here and there, keeping the heat from ever hitting its potential for me, but your mileage may vary.

Theme

The genesis of this one is Christmas day, so it squeaks by on theme.

Overall

You'll know within a couple of paragraphs whether Ralph's narrative style is to your liking. To me, he meanders off on tangents too much, and his characters often come off as arrogant, unlikeable jerks. In this case, I believe his portrayal of the main character was meant to be unlikeable. I don't know how to describe the plot of this one. The whole plot is given away in the title, again within a few paragraphs, and several times throughout. There's no mystery, so I almost have to put this one in the stroke category. Judged that way, the heat didn't do enough for me. If you like his stream of consciousness style writing, you'll certainly get far more out of this one than I did.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

I Didn't Know She Was a Vampire by superheroralph ( Erotic Horror ) 2 Pages

Full disclosure: I don't like Ralph ( Freddie ), to say the least.

Technical

A couple of sentences with construction that had me scratching my head, but otherwise, nothing too distracting.

Plot&Characters

Well, he comes across pretty well -- and I can't stand him. Everyone else in the story is more or less a supporting character, without much dimension. I'll get to the plot in overall.

Stroke

There's stroke potential here. The narrative kept jumping away from the sex for a moment here and there, keeping the heat from ever hitting its potential for me, but your mileage may vary.

Theme

The genesis of this one is Christmas day, so it squeaks by on theme.

Overall

You'll know within a couple of paragraphs whether Ralph's narrative style is to your liking. To me, he meanders off on tangents too much, and his characters often come off as arrogant, unlikeable jerks. In this case, I believe his portrayal of the main character was meant to be unlikeable. I don't know how to describe the plot of this one. The whole plot is given away in the title, again within a few paragraphs, and several times throughout. There's no mystery, so I almost have to put this one in the stroke category. Judged that way, the heat didn't do enough for me. If you like his stream of consciousness style writing, you'll certainly get far more out of this one than I did.

In defense of my story, in defense as my ability and talent as a writer, what can I say about your slanted review?

You made yourself look small, Dark. All you do and continue to do is to attack me. I don't bother you. I just write stories. Yet, here you are attacking me, yet again, under the false pretense of an unsolicited story review.

The last time you attacked was to start a poll to ban me from writing so many contest stories. Now that I only enter a few contest stories, here you are again taking cheap shots at me.

You begin by telling the readers that you don't like me. Then, why even bother reading and reviewing my story? Only someone with another agenda would go through the trouble of doing that. What's your agenda, Dark?

The main character in my story, I Didn't Know She Was A Vampire, isn't the likeable sort. I tell the story from his point of view. He's a drunk with issues that relate back to the time, when he was abandoned as a child. He's an orphan. He hate Christmas. He misplaces love for sex.

To me, it's a story with humor. It has some funny lines, if you took the time to point those out, instead of glossing them over, because you don't like me, you'd see that it's a quality story. Truth be told, Dark, I don't like you much either.

Nonetheless, from the time that you sent me a PM years ago, back to 2008, when you told me that you wished you were half the writer I am, here you are bashing me. Why? I don't get it. I don't understand. What changed to make you stand on the band wagon with everyone else to bash BostonFictionWriter. Even when I don't post anything to the board there you are with your two gay friends, TxRad and Sr71plt, poking a stick at me through the cage.

Well, you know what Dark, truth be told, I'm one of the better writers on the site and, guess what, you're not. Sorry, but the truth hurts. You'll never be half the writer that I am. Never. You don't have the commitment and the talent that I do.

Even with all your phony red H's, even with all your contest wins, if we were to hold your stories up to the light of inspection, they don't compare to my stories. Sorry to burst your bubble, pal, but you suck as a writer. Yet, here you are taking pot shots at me.

Well, go ahead. I should have another story posting today and another story posting next week.

I quit. I give up. I'm done. This is my last year writing here for free. I'm only writing my last few stories for the sake of the Survivor contest, the only contest that I'm able to win around here.

It's people like you, TxRad, and Sr71plt that ruin this site for everyone else. This could be the greatest writers' site. Yet, here you are bringing us all down to your level. Here you are playing your silly games of favoritism. Well, I've always refused to play. I've always been the one to show you phony bastards for who you are.

This site is loaded with plants and with people who pretend to be writers, when they, no doubt, have some connection to Literotica that the rest of us don't have. None of these contests are fair. We just have to compare the losing stories to the winning stories to know that. We just have to look at your page with a red H on every story and look at TxRad's page with 11 contest wins and Sr71plt with a dozen green E's to know that there is something else going on here, other than good writing.

Have your fun at my expense. You have my permission to review everyone of my more than 900 stories, if that makes you happy, because you have no life, other than Literotica 24/7. I have stories to write.

Good-bye. Good luck. Happy Thanksgiving. May you choke on a turkey bone, you asshole.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Oh look. A story review thread, where they honestly and unbiasly review stories. How nice?

Oh look, my story, I Didn't Know She Was A Vampire has been reviewes. Wow.

Wait one minute, I was given not just a bad review but an unfair review.

"Allow me to retort."

Pardon me, I'll return in just a moment. Thank you for your indulgence.

 

[Darkniciad]

You're certainly welcome to review mine when it comes out ( if Lit posts it when expected according to the planned submission time ) the Thursday following Thanksgiving. It should be only a little over 2 Lit pages, and won't take much time out of your writing schedule.

You're likewise welcome to defend your story, as I said at the beginning of the thread

As to why I reviewed it: I'm trying to catch every entry.

I probably should have mentioned that the story would have fit better in Humor & Satire than Erotic Horror, even though the humor didn't really do the trick for me. As always, reader experience may vary, and humor is subjective, so others may get more mileage than me on that account. That was indeed an oversight on my part.

I'm not going to get caught up in the rest. Sorry.

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Ah, this is better. Now that I have a bit of elbow room, let's go through my unfairly judged contest story, together, shall we?

This is a Winter Holiday contest story. Too many readers don't vote. Please vote. I need the support of your vote.

I Didn't Know She Was A Vampire

A man picks up a woman in a bar who turns out to be a vampire.

Because I live alone and, usually, am so sexually frustratingly lonely, the period from Thanksgiving through to the New Year's holidays are always more problematic for me. To be honest, torturously depressing and aggravatingly annoying are more the descriptive words for how I feel during those six weeks. I avoid the bustling crowds, shopping malls, and supermarkets by buying whatever I can ahead of time and freezing it. Instead of having to put up with long lines of people, who are just as impatient and frazzled as I am, I'd rather run out to a convenience store for whatever I need.

"Right from the start, instead of hitting the reader over the head with sex from two nameless talking heads, I begin by setting the mood and developing the characters, Dark."

Having grown up in an orphanage, I never believed in Santa Claus. The way that I figured it was, if there was a Santa Claus, he would have gotten me out of that Hell hole by finding someone to adopt me, but he didn't and no one did. Having never known my parents, I've spent my whole life looking for love and only finding sex. Now, unfortunately, unable to tell the difference between good sex and true love, nonetheless, having sex with an endless procession of women has served me well.

"Don't you feel for this poor man, Dark, having grown up in an orphanage? How sad? So sad."

Never having received any toys for Christmas as a child, other than the few trinkets that they gave us at the orphanage, and never having had children of my own, as an adult, I've grown to hate kids. I hate hearing Christmas music. I hate the cold, the ice, and the wind. I hate snow. I swear, if I hear Jose Feliciano sing Feliz Navidad, one more time, I'll kill someone. And don't get me started on Burl Ives singing Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer.

"Oh, my God. He never received any toys as a child. He hates children. He hates Christmas. He hates Christmas music. He hates snow. He hates (gulp) Jose Feliciano and Burl Ives? Surely, there is something wrong with this man."

Not having anyone special in my life, because I'm so depressed anyway, I usually drink more during that time. Other than to watch sports on television, what else is there to do but to drink? Actually, now that I think more about it, I don't need a reason to drink. I'm a drunk and drinking is what I do from the time that I wake up to the time that I go to bed. Nonetheless, unless I get lucky with some woman, having no one to celebrate the Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Year holidays with, I usually hang out at the bar and celebrate the holidays with my drinking buddies.

"Bingo! He's a drunk, Dark. Did you know that he was a drunk, Dark? Had you taken the time to actually read my story, you would have found that little character gem, but you didn't read this story, did you, Dark?"

Being that we're just drinking buddies, we don't buy one another gifts, per se, we buy one another drinks. Even though we're all in the same boat, alone and lonely, we still manage to have a good time talking, laughing, and drinking. Only, as soon as I entered the place, Christmas music hit me in the face like a cold shower. Then, when Jose Feliciano came on the radio and started singing, Feliz Navidad, I was about to yell to Dave, the bartender, to turn that shit off and put on the football game, when I noticed her. There sitting alone at the end of the bar was an unfamiliar face, a beautiful face, if ever I saw one. Someone new, it's always exciting to find fresh meat to hopefully hit on and to make a love connection. Only...

"Okay, here comes the good part. This is where my story immediately ties into the title, I Didn't Know She Was A Vampire."

I didn't know she was a vampire. C'mon, seriously, how was I to know she's a vampire? I didn't even know that vampires existed. Even if vampires exist, which I know now that they exist, I'd never think that a vampire looked anything like her. Besides, what are the odds of a vampire coming to my small town and hanging out at my drinking hole? Except for the cape that she wasn't wearing, the huge fangs she didn't have, and the pallor of her skin, she was tanned, what does a vampire even look like? Other than on TV or in the movies, I've never seen one to know.

She looked like a normal, albeit beautiful woman to me. In hindsight, except for the tattoo on her leg, her arm, and her shoulder, and except for the big colorful tattoo above her butt crack, she looked like the typical woman hanging around a bar, while waiting for an interested and interesting man to buy her a drink. Yet, a lot of women are tattooed today, albeit admittedly not with tattoos of the Devil. Moreover, most tattooed women aren't vampires.

"How's that for a character description? Can you see her sitting there at the bar, Dark? I can. Have I not done my job as a writer? I think that I have."

To be honest, as if she was a shining star, mesmerized by the pretty sight of her, I didn't even notice her tattoos, that is, until I started talking to her and until I thought I was going to get lucky. Before I even had a drink and before I was even tipsy, then when every women suddenly becomes the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, she was the most beautiful woman I ever saw in my life. Once I noticed her tattoos, I used them as a lead in and asked her about them to make conversation.

I figured for her to have so many tattoos that tattoos were important to her. Maybe she's a tattoo artist. I never had sex with an artist before, a tattoo artist or any artist at all. Oh, yeah, in the way that I'd love to tattoo her, if you know what I mean, I'd let her tattoo me.

"Merry Christmas," I said. "Nice tats."

"Merry Christmas to you, too. Thank you," she said looking down at the tattoo on her arm, before looking up at me, while I looked at the exposed cleavage of her abundant breasts. "I just love this song. I love Jose Feliciano."

"Me too," I said cracking a smile to lie through my teeth. "I love Christmas music. The only way today could be any more perfect is if Santa was to make an appearance and if it started snowing."

"Yeah, Santa's a cool dude," she said. "I love kids, but I could never have any."

"I don't have any kids either," I said. "I was an orphan."

Yet, as soon as I told her that I was an orphan, I wondered why I said that. Perhaps, because she admitted that she loved kids and confessed that she couldn't have any. Yet, what does being an orphan have to do with not having kids. Whatever was the connection, it eluded me.

"Me, too. I was an orphan, too," she said with a sad smile.

Bingo! That's a real connection. I was in now. She sized me up with a curious look, before giving me a go ahead smile. Merry Christmas to me. Oh, boy, this could be my lucky day.

"I'm Henry, Hank," I said offering her my hand, when I really wanted to skip all the introductions and just offer her my cock.

"Susan," she said shaking my hand and pumping it, in the way that I imagined her pumping my cock.

I couldn't help but stare at her jiggling breasts, while she shook my hand. Oh, my God. It wasn't much of a stretch for me to imagine her bouncing those boobs, while sitting on my cock, and me fondling those boobs, while she sucked my cock.

"What do you think, Dark? Don't you just love my dialogue? I do. I think my I have a talent for dialogue, don't you think that I have a talent for writing dialogue, Dark?"

Accustomed to the crusty, barnacle like, any port in a storm, used and abused, kind of women, who generally hang around the bar looking for free drinks, while hoping to get lucky, she had a soft and smooth hand, as soft and as smooth as I imagined was the rest of her shapely body. Thinking better of asking her why she was alone, figuring she had a fight with her boyfriend or husband to be here drinking alone on Christmas Day, of all days, I didn't want to go down that sad story road. Instead, hoping to keep a positive tone, I made my question more general and asked one that included me in her answer.

"Wow, Dark, did you actually read the first line of the above paragraph? If I didn't know better, I think you didn't read that line. Accustomed to the crusty, barnacle like, any port in a storm, used and abused, kind of women, who generally hang around the bar looking for free drinks, while hoping to get lucky, she had a soft and smooth hand, as soft and as smooth as I imagined was the rest of her shapely body. That's a great line, isn't it? If that doesn't say it all, if that doesn't tell the reader the type of woman who usually frequents that bar, then I don't know what does?""

Are you alone on Christmas, too?"

"Yep," she said suddenly loosing herself in her drink with a look of sadness.

Ah, a sad woman, my kind of women. Maybe she was dumped. Maybe she was pushed out in the street and needs a place to stay. Maybe she'll want to use me as her old to new relationship rebound lover. I can be that for her. Rebound sex is always good. Maybe she'll think of me as her therapist, albeit her sexual therapist.

There's nothing like injecting a bit of holiday joy and Yule time spirit in a depressed woman on Christmas, if you know what I mean. Ho! Ho! Ho! With all of those tattoos, I wondered if she had pieced nipples, too. Being that her tongue was pierced, I wondered if her clit was pierced, too. Imagining her tits bouncing up and down and side to side, so much like Santa's belly, when laughing, I couldn't help myself from imagining hanging ornaments on her nipples, before banging her, while singing Jingle Bells. Oh, yeah, Merry fucking Christmas to me. Suddenly, filled with the holiday spirit, I'm liking Christmas.

"Hey, Dave! Turn up the volume on the radio. We can barely hear Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer. I love Burl Ives," I said. "Would you like some company?"

"Sure, why not," she said giving me a thoughtful look, along with a sexy smile. "It's always nice to make a new friend."

Friend? Is that how she thinks of me, as a new friend, instead of as a potential fuck buddy? Yet, with that sexy look she flashed me, there was more to her choice of word, when she said the word friend, instead of lover. Wanting to be her sweaty Christmastime lover, I couldn't help myself from imagining that I'd be more than her friend. I bellied up to the bar to sit on the stool next to her.

"What are you drinking?"

"Beer," she said.

Now normally, being a big beer drinker myself, had she been drinking beer from the bottle, I immediately would have known she was drinking beer but, judging her by her colorful tattoos, she was, no doubt, a lady of class and distinction and was drinking her beer from a glass. In the way that the light overhead lit up her face and her body, especially her abundant cleavage and partially exposed breasts, as if the bar light were high beamed headlights on those big tits, she could have been drinking a champagne cocktail for all that I paid attention to her drink in deference to her breasts.

"Two beers," I said waving up two fingers, while being a bit disconcerted by the theme of her tattoos. "Are all your tattoos of the Devil?" I asked, while imagining her having tattoos of Satan on her tits, her ass, and her pussy.

Hoping she'd show me those tattoos that I imagined were hidden beneath her clothes, I was still thinking about her ornament adorned breasts bouncing up and down and side to side, while fucking me. Now there's one Christmas bush that I'd love to light up and decorate with white frosting, if you know what I mean.

"Yeah, I have a thing for the Fallen Angel," she said with a wise girl smile.

Fallen Angel? A coincidental, perfect description of her, she was my Fallen Angel. Truth be told I didn't care if she had tattoos or not. Truth be told, never suspecting she was a vampire, I didn't care if she was the Devil reincarnated. She was hot and I was attracted to her. I have a thing for wise girls and was even more attracted to her, after she flashed me that sexy smile. Then, when she turned to face me and uncrossed and crossed her legs, while flashing me her bright, white panties in her feeble attempt to pull down her short skirt, she had the devil not only on the outside of her body but also inside of her, too.

A big fan of a woman who purposely flashes me her bright, white panties, while making it appear accidental, this woman was so naughty that she was bad, but a good bad. Saving me from having to act like a gentleman, I love women who have been around the block a few times. The best sex I ever had was with a women who had just been released from prison. She fucked me, as if she was a sailor on shore leave, after being away at sea for too long. It's not my fault that I'm attracted to bleached blondes with big tits, but who isn't? No wonder why he's so jolly, even blonde, old Mrs. Claus is busty.

Besides, she didn't reveal that she was a vampire to me, until months later, when she was leaving me for someone else. Pegging her correctly, I thought she was just a gold digging whore and I was right. Fortunately, but for a place for her to put her head, not having much more than fool's gold and a few sparkling nuggets, it was a good thing that I didn't have all that much gold for her to dig.

I mean, I knew she was the type of woman who'd do anything for money, even pretend to love me. Being that it was obvious that she was, I knew she was a whore, but I didn't care. Actually, I preferred her being a whore than being a good Christian woman, not that a good Christian woman can't be a whore and vice versa. There are a lot of women who don't let their sexual appetites interfere with their love of God and the Bible.

My kind of woman, holding a Bible in one hand and a cock in the other, look at all those parochial school girls who grow up to be sluts. While pretending that their still innocent virgins and nonconsensual and reluctant victims, many of those sexy, little bitches still save their parochial school uniforms to wear to the swingers' Halloween party. Many of those parochial school women still fall to their knees not only to pray but also to suck cock. Oh, yeah, a true believer in faith in that all of my prayers will, one day, be answered by getting lucky tonight, I love women of all religions.

Now that I think more about it, a lot of the whores that I met, strippers, porn stars, and prostitutes are the nicest of women, whether they fall to their knees to pray or fall to their knees to suck my cock, I don't care which, so long as they always and eventually do the latter, after they're done doing the former. My only complaint with the woman, not that she was a gold digging whore, but that she was a vampire. With vampires being right up there with werewolves, zombies, and monsters, I never knew that vampires really existed, until that day she left me.

I didn't know she had another agenda and that being to drink all my blood, after she took all my money. Truth be told, I thought she just wanted my money and not my blood, too. Truth be told, glad to be alive albeit broke, now that I know she wanted to suck me dry by sucking all my blood after stealing all my money, I'm glad to be rid of her. Now that I think more about it, in hindsight, I should have known she was a vampire from that time when I cut my thumb and she sucked the blood right out of my finger longer and harder than need be.

After she sucked me dry, I didn't even need a bandage. Yet, in the way she sucked my finger, watching her take my thumb in her mouth and suck it, really suck it with her eyes rolling back in her head, if she was that enthusiastic about sucking my thumb, I figured she'd be even more enthusiastic sucking my cock. Boy was I right. For a gold digging, vampire, whore of a woman, she was the greatest cocksucker I ever met. Wow could she suck cock.

"Now, Dark, I thought that this was a good touch, her sucking the blood out of his thumb so well and so hard that he didn't even need a bandage."

From that first night, Christmas night, that I took her home, she was, bar none, the best lay that I ever had. Only, in hindsight, if I didn't know from the amazing sex we had, I should have known from the music she selected to play from my iTunes. Only Women Bleed, by Alice Cooper, If You Want Blood You Got It, by AC/DC, Hot Blooded, by Foreigner, Sabbath Bloody Sabbath, by Black Sabbath, Flesh and Blood, by Johnny Cash, and (gulp) Drain the Blood by The Rural Alberta Advantage, every song had blood in the title. Still, even then, I was more interested in her hot body than in her weird song selection.

"Now, Dark, seriously, did you ever wonder the music selection of a vampire? Well, here it is. Now, you need not wonder any more, my friend."

Even after we had sex, when we were holding one another and learning more about one another, too enamored with her big tits, I still didn't make the connection that she was a vampire. We discussed everything from politics to religion. Then, when I asked her what her favorite books and movies were, while playing with her big tits and fingering her erect nipples, I was too focused on watching her fondling my cock than listening to what she was saying.

"My favorite books are Blood Diamonds, In Cold Blood, and Book of Blood. My favorite movies are There Will Be Blood, Blood Done Sign My Name, and First Blood."

"Huh? Not only do I tell you the music that she listens to but also the books that she reads and the movie she watches. It's called character development, Dark. And you said that just the main character was developed. Sometimes, you're such a silly fool or maybe, you never read my story. Is that it, Dark, or are you just fucking stupid not to notice my developed characters?"

Now that I know she's a vampire, it makes sense. Blood, blood, blood, everything was about blood. I should have known she was a vampire, but in the sexy way she looked and how much she loved sex, how could I know she was a vampire? Even if she told me that she was a vampire, in the way she sucked my cock, I truly wouldn't care. Truth be told, I didn't stand a chance against her. I was doomed right from that first, deep, wet kiss.

As soon as I closed the door to my apartment, she attacked me, not with bites but with kisses. Never have I kissed a woman who was so willing, so ready, and so passionate. Never has a woman returned my kisses in the way that Susan kissed me. As if she had died and returned to life, never have I felt such purely grateful, erotic, sexual emotion. There was no question about her wanting sex. There was no question about her wanting me. The only question was, a question that I didn't even know to ask at the time, that is, if I'd survive having sex with her.

"Are you a vampire?" That's the only question that I should have asked her.

Wow, sex with a vampire, who knew what a wild ride that would be? What a way to go? After having sex with a vampire, if I was to die, while having sex with Susan, I'd die a happy man. I'd die with a smile on my face.

Accustomed to taking home a drunken broad and accustomed to having a wrestling match with her, before having my wicked way with her and then just receiving a lousy blowjob, I didn't have to do that with Susan. Never slapping my hand away, never pushing me back and threatening to yell rape, she welcomed my advances as much as she did my gropes and touches. As soon as we were alone in my apartment, she allowed me to touch her anywhere and everywhere.

"I thought the above paragraph was pretty good and necessary to show you the kind of woman he's accustomed to having sex with and the kind of woman that he has now. What do you think, Dark, or did you just gloss over that, as you did with the rest of the story?"

I kissed her while feeling her big breasts through her low cut blouse and bra. I kissed her, while sticking my hand down her top and fondling her big tits and fingering her hard nipples. I kissed her, while reaching beneath her skirt and feeling her panty clad ass and pussy. I kissed her, while pushing her panty aside and fingering her pussy.

She kissed me, while feeling my cock through my pants. She kissed me, while unzipping me and reaching her hand inside. She kissed me, while pulling out my cock and stroking me. The only time she stopped kissing me was when she fell to her knees to take me in her mouth to suck my cock.

"Oh, my God!"

Normally, I'd have to ply my impromptu pick up dates with more alcohol to get them drunk and in the mood for them to kiss me, while I groped them. Normally, I'd have to wait until the drunken women passed out, before removing their clothes. Normally, the women would have to be sleeping, before I could strip them naked and have sex with their unconscious bodies. Only, this time, Susan was the one who stripped herself naked.

"Wow!"

From the time she was naked, it was all her show. Then, she stripped me naked, too. As if she was a wild animal, as if she was a testosterone charged man, never have I had a woman strip off my clothes, after stripping off her clothes. Then, once I was naked, she kissed and kissed me, while reaching down to fondle me with her hand. She was just as excited by my nakedness as I was excited by her nakedness.

"Wow!"

Then, once I had an erection, which was nearly immediate, she fell to her knees and took me in her mouth. Oh, my God, right from the first suck, I knew this was going to be a blowjob of a lifetime. Never have I been with a woman so skilled at cock sucking.

"Suck me, Susan. Suck my cock. Blow me, baby. Oh, yeah, that's it. Oh, my God! Wow!"

As if she had a mouthful of tongues, a powerful propeller, I could feel her tongue swirl around my cock. As if her tongue was supercharged and battery powered, she excited me with her cock sucking skills. She possessed so much control over her tongue that forget about tying cherry stems, she could tie my shoelaces with her tongue. The feel of her mouth was like nothing I have ever experienced before. Warm, wet, and electric, she was a cock sucking machine.

"Don't cum yet," she said removing my cock from her mouth and standing to meet my lips. "I'll suck you again later, after you please me first," she said sticking her tongue in my ear.

Now, most times, I'd want to get off first, before pleasing a woman, before pushing her out the door. Yet, this time, with Susan, knowing that she'd give me the blowjob of my life, wanting to sexually satisfy her, I wanted to please her first. I wanted to lick her pussy. I wanted to make love to her. I wanted to fuck her.

She pushed me back on the bed, mounted me, and sat on my face, as if my head was a horse, my face her personal saddle, and my tongue her saddle horn. Never have I wanted to lick a woman, as much as I wanted to lick her. Only, as soon as my tongue made contact with her pussy, she grabbed me by my hair moved my head around, as if it was a kitchen blender. I didn't know my neck could do the things that it was doing without my head falling off.

Generally, grabbing a woman by her hair is something that I've always done and love doing, while forcing my cock in her mouth and down her throat. What's good for the goose was certainly fun for the gander and never have I ate the pussy of a woman where she had an orgasm so fast. What usually takes twenty long, agonizing, and jaw numbing minutes took mere seconds.

"Don't stop. Yeah, right there. Don't stop! Oh, yeah, baby, I'm cumming. I'm cumming. I'm cumming," she said nearly as soon as I started licking her.

Damn, she moved my tongue around her pussy so fast that I had a friction burn on my lips. If I didn't know any better, I'd think my tongue was smoking.

"Wow!"

Without taking the time to have an afterglow, a cigarette, or even a drink, I could have at least used some water, before she moved from my head, got off my face, and got on my cock. This woman was sexually possessed. If the Devil is a woman, then I just had sex with the Devil. If what I just experienced was Hell on Earth, then I plan on being bad the rest of my life because that kind of Hell is my kind of Heaven.

"Wow!"

I felt her hand reach down and direct my engorged prick in her warm, soft pussy. Once inside, she rode me, as if I was an interactive amusement ride. Always one to take charge, never have I been with a woman who so knew what she wanted and what she wanted was for me to give her orgasms, lots and lots of orgasms. I tried to roll her over and mount her, but she'd have none of that. With her tits flying high, she was humping me, jumping up and down on me, and fucking me at supersonic speed.

"Hold on, baby," she said. "Mommy's gonna take you for a ride."

I tried holding back as long as I could, I tried thinking of the Red Sox, the Yankees, the Phillies, and the Tigers not making the World Series, and but all to no avail. As soon as I thought of Laura Bush sitting front row center with Ruth Ryan during a Texas Rangers game, as soon as I imagined myself having sex with the both of them, I exploded all the lust that I had for Susan in her pussy within a minute or two.

"Oh, my God. I tried holding back longer, Susan, as long as I could, but I've never been fucked by anyone so hard and so fast."

"Shh, lover. You were wonderful lover," she said giving me a long, wet kiss. "Most of the men I've had sex with over the years only last a few seconds. You lasted a few minutes. Thank you. I had three orgasms."

"Three orgasms? You did?" I looked at her, as if she was drunk, crazy, or drunk and crazy, but when she nodded her head to show me a satisfied smile, I knew she enjoyed the sexual ride as much as I did.

"Who's the man? Who's the man?"

"Hey, Dark! Hello? What did you think of that sex scene? Was that hot? What? You never read that far down in the story? What the Hell? Tell me, then, how can you possibly review a story without even reading the story? Are you psychic or did you just want to bash me and my story? That's it, huh? You just wanted to bash me and my story, while under the pretense that it was being reviewed. Sadly, I get it now. Unfortunately, it makes no sense for me to continue my retort of your bashing story review when you didn't even take the time to read my story."

Never have I satisfied a woman so completely in such a short time. Wow! Only, after that, every night, sometimes multiple times a day, she wanted sex, sex, and more sex. Just as I never came across a vampire before, never have I come across a nymphomaniac either. I'd sooner believe that she was a nympho before believing than she was a vampire. To be honest, tired of sex and tired of her, too tired to even have a drink, I was tired. After having so much sex, sex, and sex, no longer having the time to have a drink, I just wanted to sleep.

Even then with her sucking the blood out of my thumb, the hot sex, and the blood laden titles of all the songs she played, the books she read, and the movies she watched, I still didn't know she was a vampire, until that day she was leaving me for my best friend, Dwayne. That two timing, back stabbing bastard stole my woman right behind my back. Actually, he stole her in front of my face, when he asked her if she'd rather be with him than with me. The next day, she walked over to me with suitcase in hand. She didn't have much to pack, other than my money.

"It's been fun, Hank, but I have to go. I'll never forget you," she said. "You're a special man."

When she leaned into me, I thought she was going to kiss me good-bye, so I got ready by reaching around her to grab a handful of her ass in one hand and an abundant breast in the other. Ready now to be kissed, I closed my eyes and puckered up my lips. Then, when she ducked her head down towards my neck, I figured she was going to snuggle in for a hug in the way she does, when we spoon and sleep together. A hug, I thought, is that it? All that I'd get is a hug, after all that I did for her by giving her a place to live and food to eat and after all the superhuman sex we had every day, multiple times a day?

In the way that my dog sometimes nibbles at my earlobe, she shocked me, when she bit my neck. At first it tickled. Stupidly, I thought she was making up to me and wanted to make out with me. Stupidly, I thought she wanted to get back together. Stupidly, I thought she was horny and wanted to have sex. Then, when she bit down harder, my neck hurt. I tried to push her away but she was too strong for me. Within a few seconds, she drank enough of my blood to make me woozy and I had to sit down. Even then, after she bit me, I still didn't believe that she was a vampire, that is, until I saw her bloody fangs and her blood red eyes. Wow, that was scary.

Now, a month later, after being bitten by a vampire, I don't feel any different. I feel fine. I feel the same as I've always felt before she bit my neck and drank my blood. I mean, I don't want to bite anyone, in the way that she bit me. I don't think she turned me into a vampire in the way that I've seen others turned into a vampire by just one bite in the movies and on television.

Maybe some folks are immune to being turned into a vampire when bitten. Maybe she was just feeding on me and not trying to turn me into a vampire. Perhaps, with all the excess alcohol that I've consumed throughout my life, I may be one of those people who are immune to being turned into a vampire. With the alcoholic content of my blood, I imagine that I must have a lot of iron running through my veins that may prevent me from becoming a vampire.

To be honest, I don't care to know why she didn't turn me into a vampire. I don't want to push my luck and find out if I'm immune or not immune to becoming a vampire. I hope to God that I never meet another vampire. I mean, what are the odds of being bitten by a vampire again? That day was the last day that I saw Susan, when she pulled away seated next to my friend, Dwayne, in his Ford pickup truck.

"Good-bye, Susan," I said waving my condolences to my vampire lover. "Good-bye my beautiful, vampire. Sorry, Dwayne," I said, once they rounded the corner and were out of earshot.

Good luck to him. Not much of the drinker that I am, I'm sure that Dwayne is not immune from becoming a vampire. After she turns him into a vampire, I just hope he doesn't blame me. I hope he doesn't return to town to bite me. He was the one who stole my girlfriend, after all. If it's anyone's fault that Susan turns him into a vampire, it's his.

Besides, for sure, she's better off with Dwayne than with me. He's a big beef eater. He loves bloody rare meat. He loves barbeque and with barely any iron in his blood, he doesn't drink. I'm sure with all that bloody red beef surging through his veins, without all the alcohol to interfere, he'd make her a much better victim. Just as I didn't know she was a vampire, poor Dwayne doesn't know she's a vampire.

If you enjoyed the story, please vote. I need the support of your vote. So very many readers don't vote. Please don't forget to vote, make a comment, and/or add me and this story to your favorite lists. Thank you for reading, voting for, and/or making a comment on my story.

"Maybe next time, Dark, if you are intent on reviewing the stories of others, you'll read them first."

 

[BOSTONFICTIONWRITER]

Let's make a deal, Dark. Okay?

You stop bashing my stories, sorry, I meant to write, reviewing my stories, while pretending that you read my stories, and I'll stay off you're thread.

Otherwise, every time you pull my chain, I'm going to kick you in the balls.

 

[Darkniciad]

Ryan & Michelle - The Good Elf by Chiara23 ( Romance ) 2 Pages

Technical

I noticed a couple of places where there should have been commas. One compound word written as two words. Some out of place quote marks. A few too many exclamation points. Nothing that really pulled me out of the story.

Plot&Characters

The characters come across well to me. I can relate to them, and they're likeable. The plotline is a common Christmas theme, but that's not such a bad thing.

Stroke

The heat works for me. It may be vanilla, but it fits the tone of the story.

Theme

Very much on theme.

Overall

The only thing that threw me a little was how she accepted the offer to come to his house so easily, and the first kiss coming a little easily. Something small woven into the story ( trying not to spoil here ) gives it a bit of fairy tale feeling, which pushed it into a different range for suspension of disbelief, dulling 'too quick' feeling, at least as far as I'm concerned. If the technical quirks don't bother you, this one is another heartwarmer with a touch of heat.

=================

Grand New Beginnings by SweetMia ( Erotic Couplings ) 1 Page

Technical

Some paragraphs are a little long for online reading. Caught one homophone error.

Plot&Characters

I get a good enough sense of her. I lean toward the set-up and stroke category on this one, so that takes some weight off this part, but more in the overall.

Stroke

The heat in this one is concentrated on a D/s orgasm denial. If that pushes your buttons, then the scene is probably going to heat you up. Bonus points if you like hot tubs in your naughty scenes.

Theme

The connection is New Year's Day. It feels a little weak to me, but good enough.

Overall

The transition into the sex feels a bit abrupt and pushes suspension of disbelief, but I give it a pass, as the story is more or less stroke. It really tips over the line in the beginning with enough story to make me want more than a quickie, which probably contributed to the abrupt feeling. I think I'd much rather have seen this one expanded into a longer piece, building things up a bit more before the hot tub, and then continuing past where the story ends.

 

[Darkniciad]

Mom's Incest Fantasy by HeyAll ( Incest ) 1+ Pages

Technical

Caught one typo.

Plot&Characters

I have some sense of both of them. As I consider this set-up and stroke, I don't put as much weight on this.

Stroke

There's infidelity here. That can be a turn off/on, depending upon the reader. The story also has anal, which is the same situation. Otherwise, there's plenty of heat in here, if mother/son is your thing.

Theme

The connection is Christmas and winter. They both feel a little weak, but sufficient.

Overall

Even though the mix is about the same as the first story I reviewed by this author, I don't feel as if this one goes too heavy into story. It may be that the sex is more detailed, and not interrupted in the middle. Stroke readers will probably prefer this one over the other, as there's a sexual current running through the story sections. Some of the dialogue seems unnatural to me, and the suspension of disbelief bar is up there, but I feel it's within reason for the story. If mother/son is your kink, this one may very well push your buttons, and as before, it's a quick read that won't distract you with a lot of technical errors.

=================

Mommy's Best Friends are Witches by superheroralph ( Incest ) 4+ Pages

See the rest of the thread for disclaimer.

Technical

Part of page 4 is an exact repeat of the first scene of the story, picking up where it left off. I'm not sure whether this was intentional, or the result of a mistake in editing, but it really threw me for a loop.

Plot&Characters

The suspension of disbelief bar is high if you take it as a serious story. If you can look at it as humor, it probably won't jar you as much as it did me.

Stroke

The sex content doesn't really start until page 4. It's brief, and condensed.

Theme

The connection is Christmas, and I feel it successfully comes out in comparing the Northern vs. Southern hemisphere aspects.

Overall

As a holiday story, this one takes some risks. Mixing in the summer weather of Australia and Hollywood style wicked witches is a twist that breaks the norm of the contest, and that's always a good thing. As before, you'll know whether you're going to like ralph's style within a few paragraphs. There's a lot of repetition, and the first transition could have benefitted a lot from some indication that it was a flashback. There's not much payoff of heat at the end for a story of this length, so your enjoyment of this tale is likely going to be entirely dependant upon whether his style of humor and meandering, stream-of-consciousness narrative style works for you.

 

[SuperHeroRalph]

Mom's Incest Fantasy by HeyAll ( Incest ) 1+ Pages

Technical

Caught one typo.

Plot&Characters

I have some sense of both of them. As I consider this set-up and stroke, I don't put as much weight on this.

Stroke

There's infidelity here. That can be a turn off/on, depending upon the reader. The story also has anal, which is the same situation. Otherwise, there's plenty of heat in here, if mother/son is your thing.

Theme

The connection is Christmas and winter. They both feel a little weak, but sufficient.

Overall

Even though the mix is about the same as the first story I reviewed by this author, I don't feel as if this one goes too heavy into story. It may be that the sex is more detailed, and not interrupted in the middle. Stroke readers will probably prefer this one over the other, as there's a sexual current running through the story sections. Some of the dialogue seems unnatural to me, and the suspension of disbelief bar is up there, but I feel it's within reason for the story. If mother/son is your kink, this one may very well push your buttons, and as before, it's a quick read that won't distract you with a lot of technical errors.

=================

Mommy's Best Friends are Witches by superheroralph ( Incest ) 4+ Pages

See the rest of the thread for disclaimer.

Technical

Part of page 4 is an exact repeat of the first scene of the story, picking up where it left off. I'm not sure whether this was intentional, or the result of a mistake in editing, but it really threw me for a loop.

Plot&Characters

The suspension of disbelief bar is high if you take it as a serious story. If you can look at it as humor, it probably won't jar you as much as it did me.

Stroke

The sex content doesn't really start until page 4. It's brief, and condensed.

Theme

The connection is Christmas, and I feel it successfully comes out in comparing the Northern vs. Southern hemisphere aspects.

Overall

As a holiday story, this one takes some risks. Mixing in the summer weather of Australia and Hollywood style wicked witches is a twist that breaks the norm of the contest, and that's always a good thing. As before, you'll know whether you're going to like ralph's style within a few paragraphs. There's a lot of repetition, and the first transition could have benefitted a lot from some indication that it was a flashback. There's not much payoff of heat at the end for a story of this length, so your enjoyment of this tale is likely going to be entirely dependant upon whether his style of humor and meandering, stream-of-consciousness narrative style works for you.

Well, at least, you didn't bash my story...too much.

Only, had you read the story...

* * * * *

You would have known that, once I built up the sexual tension, I purposely stopped the story to give the background of why his mother's best friends are witches. Duh, Dark, duh!?

* * * * *

Had you read the story, you would have noticed the stop in the story is where I started the story again. Hello? Have you leaned nothing in the one creative writing class you took in junior college in bump fuck Indiana?

You're not a stupid man, Dark. Once you scrap away all of those phony red H's you put on your stories, you're even a decent writer. For you not to know what I did stylistically screams at me that you didn't read my story. You didn't read the story.

Just as you didn't read my first story, you didn't read my second story. Yet, here you are with the annoying arrogance to review stories that you haven't read and have no intention of reading.

What is wrong with you? Why are you reviewing stories that you don't read? How dare you? No one needs feedback from someone who doesn't even take the time to read their stories, before pretending to review them. Either read the story and give honest feedback or stop this non review of a nonsensical thread.

It's obvious to everyone, by writing your phony reviews, hoping others will return the quasi favor you paid them that you're pandering for votes and for reads of your story. Unfortunately, all you're doing is embarrassing yourself. By not reading stories before reviewing them, you're not helping the reader or the writer. Everyone knows by the uninformed and undetailed feedback you give that you're not taking the time to read the stories.

Please stop. Just go away. I can't stand looking at you and reading your thread. It's a waste of everyone's time. You have singlehandedly ruined this contest. You did it. You are responsible for doing that. You always interfere and interject favoritism if not by your statistical information, then by your twisted opinions, and now by phony reviews.

Do as all a favor and move down to Florida to get a job counting chads in the next presidential election. We're all tired of participating in fake and phony contests, only to have someone like you hold up a carnival mirror to our faces and tell us that we're not very good writers. We all know the writers that we are. We don't need you or your fake reviews to burst our bubbles. You're causing more harm than good.

Please just write your own story, instead of pretending to read the stories of others.

I'm so very embarrassed for you. Shame on you, Dark. Shame on you.

 

[SuperHeroRalph]

"Part of page 4 is an exact repeat of the first scene of the story, picking up where it left off. I'm not sure whether this was intentional, or the result of a mistake in editing, but it really threw me for a loop."

Part of page 4 is an exact repeat of the first scene of the story. You above statement is proof that you didn't read my story that you reviewed (lol).

Duh?

Had you read my story, you would have noticed that the first 30 or so paragraphs were a cut and paste copy of what I wrote towards the end of the story.

* * * * *

I used the stars to stop the action and restart the action. Had you read the story, you may have learned how to write a better story and how to be a better writer, Dark.

If only you read these stories that you pretend to review, perhaps, you're realized your foolishness.

This is why I'm leaving. I'm tired of not only writing for free but also writing for a site that is littered with people like you who ruin this site for everyone.

This could be a great site for writers, but as long as you run helter skelter to interfere and inject your favoritism, this site will never be an erotic, literary site. This site is a fake, a phony, and a fraud.

This site is filled with people who have their own agendas other than writing stories. I'm here to write stories, Dark. Why are you here? What's your real agenda?

You complain about Scouries having so many votes and comments on his stories. You seem to know an awful lot about how to go about doing that. Tell me, how does nearly everyone of your stories have a red H? How is that possible, Dark?

There are a lot of great writers writing great stories and they don't have red H's on everyone of their stories. I've read some of your stories and truth be told, they aren't red H worthy.

Something smells here and it's not me. I'm an honest man. I'm here to write stories. Yet, I've never been allowed to do that.

From Danillekitten to SelenaKitten to you to TxRad to Sr71plt, there have been a host of alternate characters that have cast dispersions upon me and upon my stories. Why is that, Dark?

Is it because I write too many stories? Are you all jealous that I'm so prolific? Are my stories too good? What?

Maybe you all should just leave me the fuck alone to write my stories. Maybe just fucking once I can have just one story posted that isn't bashed by you and by your cohorts.

IF YOU'RE NOT GOING TO EVEN READ THE STORIES, DARK, DON'T REVIEW THE STORIES.

You insult the intelligence of your audience. I hope that others can see all that I've seen that goes on here behind the scenes.

Just once, I'd love for Literotica to have a fair contest. Just once, I'd love for you to put your hands in your pockets and allow we writers to write without having to put up with the secret agendas of all these Literotica plants who work for Literotica.

 

[SuperHeroRalph]

I warned you.

I told you that if you pull my chain, I'm going to kick you in the balls.

I've been writing here long enough to know what goes on here behind the scenes.

Having written more stories than most, I'm privy to some of the secrets of the site.

I only wish that everyone was as angry as I am that we cannot have a fair contest without people like you twisting information and pushing favoritism.

Every time you bash one of my stories on the pretense of reviewing my story, a story that you haven't even read, I'll be here to give you a kick in the balls and I'll be here to expose you for the fraud that you are.

"You dig?"