Win back my girlfriend

[Poker Player]

Hi all, this is my first post although I have been reading posts on here for a long time now. A lot of my browsing has been very helpfull at times but I now find myself in need of some specific advice.
I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years, we do not live together and have not yet split up. Things used to be really good between us but for various reasons I have been a bit depressed this year, because of this I became withdrawn from the relationship to the point that although we would still see each other sometimes I would barely speak.
Having now realised the error of my ways and discovered that I am still very much in love with her, I have been trying to get the relationship back on track. During a conversation tonight she told me that she still loves me but is not currently in love with me, she would like to feel that way again but is not sure she can. She has got over the hurt of my lack of interest (in the same way as if we had split,) and at the moment she really sees me as more of a friend and is not comfortable with me touching or kissing her. She has agreed to give us a chance but I am not sure she sees a future.
Sorry its a bit long winded but my questions are
1: Is there any hope or is it over?
2: What is the best way to win back her love?
3: Is the "in love" feeling something that should always be there or does it come and go in all relationships?

Would be grateful for any advice or comments.

 

[LeahLo519]

Well I think that since she has agreed to give the relationship another go that there is still hope for you guys. Where there's a will, there's a way, ya know? As for making her fall in love with you again, really the only thing you can do is tell her what was going on and then what you realized about how much you still care about her. The rest is up to her. Good luck!

 

[MiamiFrosty]

1: Is there any hope or is it over?
2: What is the best way to win back her love?
3: Is the "in love" feeling something that should always be there or does it come and go in all relationships?

Would be grateful for any advice or comments.

1. It's over.
2. Move on.
3. Always there.

 

[Eilan]

Is the "in love" feeling something that should always be there or does it come and go in all relationships?

I think the "in love" feeling is something that's always there, but sometimes it's more intense, like when the relationship's new.

 

[oxphocker]

I was with a girl for almost 5 years...over time we started to move apart and she moved on to date someone else. It is probably the only regret I carry with me in my life and to this day I love the girl dearly, but as much as it hurts I know for certain that it is over. The story might not apply to you, but take heart...your not the only one with a similar problem. Good luck.

 

[SweetErika]

Hi all, this is my first post although I have been reading posts on here for a long time now. A lot of my browsing has been very helpfull at times but I now find myself in need of some specific advice.
I have been with my girlfriend for 6 years, we do not live together and have not yet split up. Things used to be really good between us but for various reasons I have been a bit depressed this year, because of this I became withdrawn from the relationship to the point that although we would still see each other sometimes I would barely speak.
Having now realised the error of my ways and discovered that I am still very much in love with her, I have been trying to get the relationship back on track. During a conversation tonight she told me that she still loves me but is not currently in love with me, she would like to feel that way again but is not sure she can. She has got over the hurt of my lack of interest (in the same way as if we had split,) and at the moment she really sees me as more of a friend and is not comfortable with me touching or kissing her. She has agreed to give us a chance but I am not sure she sees a future.
Sorry its a bit long winded but my questions are
1: Is there any hope or is it over?
2: What is the best way to win back her love?
3: Is the "in love" feeling something that should always be there or does it come and go in all relationships?

Would be grateful for any advice or comments.

Welcome out of lurkdom.

It sounds like you both have some hope for it to work, but only you two can determine whether or not that's enough. How much does she want to re-establish a relationship with you? What will you do if you fall into depression or some other difficult situation again? Are you really that great as a team to make it through something like this in the future? What was really the state of your relationship when you started to withdraw? Perhaps it'd be best to give yourselves some more time, stay friends, be open to seeing other people, and decide to reevaluate it in six months or a year. You may both decide you really want to be together, be able to make a fresh start, and fall back in love.

You can be kind, thoughtful, caring, and give it everything you have, but that's about it. I don't know that you can win back someone's love...they have to be willing to give it freely, focus on the present and future, and work really hard too. Time and effort are likely the best solution.

I don't think the in love feeling comes and goes in all relationships. I do believe you can fall back in love in certain circumstances...couples who have become friends will sometimes rekindle the passion and romance they once had.

 

[silverwhisper]

poker player: if there's hope (and really, if you didn't think there was any, would you even ask?), then i say do the things that made her fall for you in the first place. you have to woo her. whether or not you're successful of course, well, that will tell you whether there's a way to push the clock back, IMHO.

ed

 

[SueJ]

I think ed has hit the nail on the head. What are the things you used to enjoy doing together, when you fell in love in the first place? I'd suggest you revisit those areas of the relationship and see if the feelings follow suit, then take it from there. Good luck! And be sure to keep us posted....

 

[phoenix1224]

1: Is there any hope or is it over?
2: What is the best way to win back her love?
3: Is the "in love" feeling something that should always be there or does it come and go in all relationships?

1. Although she's agreed to give it another chance, it sounds to me as if your relationship is pretty much over with.

2. There is no way to "win" someone's love... Either they love you or they don't... And there's absolutely NOTHING that you can do about it.

3. In a healthy realationship, that feeling should ALWAYS be there... If one of the people in the relationship isn't feeling it, or has doubts about it, chances of the relationship continuing are small.

 

[Koroshinobi]

man cut your losses and move on it is already over. at this point if her physical desire is gone then if you start becoming hyper romantic you are just going to come off needy and dependant. If you really want her back you are going to have to wait a while, sperate but keep contact. then after a while if you can maintain a solid friendship then start doing the things you did when you started dating again, bit realize for even the smallest chance to get her back you are going to have to wait over a year.

sorry
best of luck

 

[Poker Player]

Would like to thank everyone for their replies and opinions, almost 50-50 as to people saying its worth a try or give it up.
As my name suggests I like a gamble and realise that the odds against it working out are high but even the smallest chance that things could work out are worth the effort in my eyes. She knows how I feel and while she feels there is a chance I will give her what ever time or space she needs as well as continuing to do the things we enjoy together when she wants to.

Thanks again, will let you know the outcome,
Poker Player.

 

[Lyrical Fool]

My two pence of advice:

Go for it. The only thing you have to lose is what you'd lose anyway if you simply gave up.

It may very well be over, but then again, I know it IS possible to fall in love with the same person all over again.

 

[Succulent-one]

You have to get her over the fear that you are going to do it again. Can you reasure her? Did you get help? You have to work twice as hard as before to win her back. Be happy around her and show your devotion to your relationship. Give her more attention.

 

[silverwhisper]

sue: thanks! :>

poker player: good luck!

ed

 

[Rueben80]

You have stung her and there are a million other fish in the sea. She'll move on.

 

[biker75]

Like ed and sue said. Figure out what she needs and give it to her ... for most women conversation and affection are up at the top of the list.

Don't be weak or needy.

You did fulfill her needs once -- that's why she fell in love with you. You just have to go back to that place and hopefully things will work.

 

[Poker Player]

Hi all, well I said I would keep you updated and as of yesturday its over. Seems she has more issues than what I wrote in my first post but had never told me about them (and still hasn't.) I think some go back to a previous relationship.
How we went from discussing which of us would stay home and look after the children when we eventually had them 3 weeks ago to nothing now is beyond my comprehension. Not much makes sense right now.

Thanks to all for their words of encouragement, shame it didnt work out.

 

[Râleclins]

That's too bad to read. At least, the painful time when you were wondering what the next day would be made of is over. I know it can be terribly painful to live in doubt like you've been living for the latest weeks.

And thank you for keeping us updated. I now realize that I forgot to keep anybody updated two months ago when I asked everybody "How to dump your girlfriend" in my first post here, despite the helpful advice I received. *blushes*