Wife not interested, I want her back. - Need advice

[bubbatxman]

My wife isn't interested in sex/me anymore. That's why I'm even here. We were both raised conservative Christian. She had always been limited to what "we could do". Hand jobs, missionary, her on top. Hand jobs are me getting her off only. My wife doesn't want oral. She wants to be kissed during sex and if I give her oral, I kiss a "bad taste in her mouth". She doesn't like how she tastes, thinks it's gross, etc. I screwed up when we were engaged because I told her that "prostitutes suck dick, wives don't." That didn't matter in our 20's and 30's when I didn't really watch porn, we had sex frequently, and I was ready and hard on a moment's notice. It's a problem in our late 40's. Her preferred sex is me fingering her to orgasm, then we fuck, but lately, I'm not even hard. If I think about the porn, I get hard but then she thinks I thinking of sex with someone else. She thinks I've cheated on her, and perhaps I have mentally. I have never had sex with another woman since we've been married. She has always been turned off by porn, as she was raised with somewhat prudish standards. In our 30's, she caught me watching porn after a kid was born and almost left me. She has caught me several times recently and is detached and never wants sex. I've talked about going to a marriage counselor as well, because we're arguing about how to discipline two teens and a preteen, and we have disagreements on money as well.
She doesn't want to go to a marriage counselor, because she says we can work things out on our own. (Yeah with no sex, her getting her way with the kids, and her hoarding money.)

I really do love her, I just want us both to be happy and we're not. When we get time alone, we're friends, we talk, we make plans, but she's just not into sex anymore. She went through early menopause about 44-45, as did all the members of her family. There's no passion anymore, and with her more prudish background, I'm not sure how to get a spark back. She's as good looking in her late 40's as any women, probably an 8-9 in women in their 40's. I only know of a handful of our friends I would "hit it" with, as my kids say.

Do I force the marriage counselor? She doesn't even want to admit anything is wrong.

 

[WetBiMoose]

Okay....

Here's the thing.... If you say you love her you shouldn't have to try and pry sex out of her. If she isn't interested, then don't push it. Instant brick wall. You need to show her that she means more to you than just a sex object. At the same time you have to make her feel like she is appreciated for her sexiness as well as her mind and personality. Talking is listening as well. If you have a true give and take she has to be open to your suggestions as well and not rule your relationship with an iron hand. Concede to a few of her points when discussing things, be it finances or child rearing or even cooking. Don't back down, just don't resist it like she resists you. If things are smoother in other parts of your life, they'll become smoother in the bedroom as well. Last advice, romance her. Treat her to a dinner, cook it yourself, put in a solid effort to show you still enjoy her company and want to spend your free time with her. It will pay off.

 

[WetBiMoose]

Oh yeah...

And after the dinner thing.... don't try to get her in bed. Maybe get close to her, caress her a bit, even kiss her, but don't try to fuck her. Just take it slow and let her simmer. It takes some women longer to get warmed up than men and if you get her all hot and bothered as well as you get, she will come to you when the time is right. Stay away from the porn and let it build up inside you to the point where juat seeing her bend over drives you crazy, and tell her so. But leave it upm to her for when the deed goes down. You make her hot and back off and SHE will jump YOU when it's time.

 

[o_so_wet]

Get a new wife ?

 

[heusesme]

And after the dinner thing.... don't try to get her in bed. Maybe get close to her, caress her a bit, even kiss her, but don't try to fuck her. Just take it slow and let her simmer. It takes some women longer to get warmed up than men and if you get her all hot and bothered as well as you get, she will come to you when the time is right. Stay away from the porn and let it build up inside you to the point where juat seeing her bend over drives you crazy, and tell her so. But leave it upm to her for when the deed goes down. You make her hot and back off and SHE will jump YOU when it's time.

You have this absolutely correct. As a woman around the same age, this would be heaven for most wifes. Those of us that grew up in strict christian homes have trouble feeling good about any kind of sex that is not intercourse. My name 'heusesme' is how many wives feel - our husbands only appreciate us when we are having sex. I am on this board because my husband told me that I am not sexual enough for him....
I want to save my marriage so I a trying to understand him but it is very difficult to adjust. She needs to realize that she may lose you if she cannot make you happy but you need to make she feel loved and desired in places other than the bedroom. Take the advise of WetBiMoose and try to give attention to her in places other than the bed room and be so attentive that she want you. Good Luck, I will say a prayer.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

If she doesn't want sex/you and you still love her your options appear to be either learn to live w/ the situation or be the change you desire.

Men don't go after the junk food if they've had a full course meal - translation most men won't cheat if they have a wife who is putting out sexually. I'm not suggesting you cheat on her, but will suggest she's giving the proper breeding ground for it to happen -and she's clueless if she thinks otherwise...further she's also selfish in the sense that she's expecting you to deal w/ no sex b/c she doesn't want sex.

Harsh reality is that you're expecting her to change...good luck on that happening. You knew she was a frigid prude when you married her so if you didn't want a frigid prude you shouldn't have married a frigid prude.

 

[heusesme]

If she doesn't want sex/you and you still love her your options appear to be either learn to live w/ the situation or be the change you desire.

Men don't go after the junk food if they've had a full course meal - translation most men won't cheat if they have a wife who is putting out sexually. I'm not suggesting you cheat on her, but will suggest she's giving the proper breeding ground for it to happen -and she's clueless if she thinks otherwise...further she's also selfish in the sense that she's expecting you to deal w/ no sex b/c she doesn't want sex.

Harsh reality is that you're expecting her to change...good luck on that happening. You knew she was a frigid prude when you married her so if you didn't want a frigid prude you shouldn't have married a frigid prude.

Well maybe that is true of some but as he didnot say she was a 'frigid prude' I would not judge what is in her head or why she has backed off. I have many female friends in this age group and they either have no interest in sex or crave it more often. My guess is that hormones do have a part in both.

Please don't take this as anything more than a guess but she could also be uninterested because she is only reaching orgasm when you use your hands and her needs are not as strong as yours. EVERYONE is hardwired differently and many woman find it VERY difficult to discuss what would or wouldn't make them feel good because that subject has always been taboo. Try the romance and after you do have sex again - try talking to her and gently asking her what would make her feel good.

We have recently 'tried' a few new things and although I am not 'adventurous' that also does not make me a 'fridgid prude' when I am not at all interested in sex. BTW, don't ever forget that a lady prefers to 'make love' and would think that SEX is not how she thinks of it. Just sayin.

 

[bubbatxman]

Some more details. Some of her lack of drive may be due to low estrogen. She got the prescription, but doesn't take it, afraid Of side effects. She said she was using the natural cream, but I think she doesn't take it often because it's expensive and money is a big worry of hers, even though we have plenty. I need to follow up with her on that, encourage her. Second, I do masturbate to porn pretty much every day. once a day. I thought she had accepted this, but my 15 year old daughter found it on a computer, and she cried in front of my daughter, saying I don't love her anymore. The boy she likes got caught masturbating at school, and he is in "treatment", so the daughter says I should be in treatment, too. Problem is, I'm not 16, I can answer pretty much every argument a counselor can put in front of me, save one or two. Like "do you want to be divorced"? After this incident, I've agreed to go to counseling, but I'm not turning into a celibate either. So, we'll see where this goes My wife is asleep at 9pm every night, I am up until 11, 12, or 1. She says "she's exhausted" all the time, and I have no idea if that is no hormones, too much work, or depression/anger/withdrawal. We'll try the counseling and see if it gets better.

 

[box13]

Do I force the marriage counselor? She doesn't even want to admit anything is wrong.

I'm not going to sound positive. Apologies in advance.

The marriage counselor might help. It's not something I've tried, but I'm sure that a line of people and couples of all shapes and sizes walk in their door each day with the same set of 3 basic problems. Although I've often wondered if it isn't just part of that natural transition from "young" to "old" -- and we all know that "old" people don't have sex anymore...it just wouldn't be attractive...at least from what I see on TV (sarcasm). You're also struggling with other issues as well and I suppose counseling might help in those areas, even if you just did it on your own. I'm sure we all know by now that men and women communicate differently, and you might get just as much or more help from reading a book. Unfortunately, you'll have to change your way of thinking, the way you react to stressful situations, how you word your thoughts, and that won't be easy. We're just poor mirrors of ourselves and personal change -- which is the only kind of change you can expect here -- is difficult.

I doubt that being conservative has much to do with her sex drive. People don't just not have those feelings because they're "wrong" or something, because if anything that seems to push them out farther when they try to suppress them. Women think differently about sex than men do for various reasons, and I think that has more of an affect in what you're experiencing. Porn isn't really made for women, so I wouldn't expect your spouse, who isn't having feelings about sex to get much out of something that wasn't produced for her in the first place. If anything, she's going to look at you like you're weird and get turned off even more. And that is a much more likely reaction to sexual advances than any other. She might have some issues because of past abuse or even as a result of a friends experience. The big "Christian" issues like adultery or fornication aren't a factor here...any "this is wrong" feeling that she might be having is something that she's made up in her own head.

Some of the other posters mentioned something about not pushing her and being positive and waiting. I'm going to venture to guess that there is some skepticism on her part that will get in the way of that strategy. Sincerity of heart (or penis) doesn't quite measure up to badly worded expression of need (or love). And "badly worded" often feels like a game of "pick a number between 1 and 10..." I'm afraid.

You've fought some, she's said some things that didn't set well, and now when the opportunity is there you can't "perform" (such a lovely word for that situation). Yup. You're not alone. More than one book I've skimmed talks about the concept of "love tanks" or "love accounts" (Covey being the most recent) and yours is empty. Has been empty for a long time. To be fair, her's is probably empty as well.

I don't think you have very many options, none of which are "quick fix" easy or preferable. Sorry for not being very helpful.

 

[NorthRockJohnson]

My wife isn't interested in sex/me anymore. That's why I'm even here. We were both raised conservative Christian. She had always been limited to what "we could do". Hand jobs, missionary, her on top. Hand jobs are me getting her off only. My wife doesn't want oral. She wants to be kissed during sex and if I give her oral, I kiss a "bad taste in her mouth". She doesn't like how she tastes, thinks it's gross, etc. I screwed up when we were engaged because I told her that "prostitutes suck dick, wives don't." That didn't matter in our 20's and 30's when I didn't really watch porn, we had sex frequently, and I was ready and hard on a moment's notice. It's a problem in our late 40's. Her preferred sex is me fingering her to orgasm, then we fuck, but lately, I'm not even hard. If I think about the porn, I get hard but then she thinks I thinking of sex with someone else. She thinks I've cheated on her, and perhaps I have mentally. I have never had sex with another woman since we've been married. She has always been turned off by porn, as she was raised with somewhat prudish standards. In our 30's, she caught me watching porn after a kid was born and almost left me. She has caught me several times recently and is detached and never wants sex. I've talked about going to a marriage counselor as well, because we're arguing about how to discipline two teens and a preteen, and we have disagreements on money as well.
She doesn't want to go to a marriage counselor, because she says we can work things out on our own. (Yeah with no sex, her getting her way with the kids, and her hoarding money.)

I really do love her, I just want us both to be happy and we're not. When we get time alone, we're friends, we talk, we make plans, but she's just not into sex anymore. She went through early menopause about 44-45, as did all the members of her family. There's no passion anymore, and with her more prudish background, I'm not sure how to get a spark back. She's as good looking in her late 40's as any women, probably an 8-9 in women in their 40's. I only know of a handful of our friends I would "hit it" with, as my kids say.

Do I force the marriage counselor? She doesn't even want to admit anything is wrong.

A few thoughts...

She's caught you multiple times with porn? I'd say in this case you should make an effort to cut back a little. Sure, porn is awesome, a good wank is fun and satisfying, but if you're serious about fixing your sex life AND you know she doesn't like it, AND your kid caught you with it, it could be that it's a problem at this point. So, ya know, maybe ration it back and save it for just those "my balls are about to burst" magic moments.

Getting the spark back is tricky but not impossible. You say that you're friends and enjoy each others company. That's certainly something to build off of. Start small, though, maybe. Simply make an effort to spend more time together. Go out on a date, just the two of you. Leave whatever other bullshit you have going on at home.

While I do think marriage counseling is a good idea it's only going to work if you're BOTH on board with it. Forcing it, as you put it, is just going to drive her away. And that's what you DON'T want.

My uncle told me something incredibly profound about long-term relationships. He said that can't just fall in love with someone ONCE. You have to KEEP falling in love with someone over and over. It sounds like it's a matter of relighting that fire. It may work or it may not work. The best you guys can do is to TRY.

I have no idea if any of this is helpful at all, but I do hope things work for the best for you guys.

 

[Dagwood_B]

My wife isn't interested in sex/me anymore. That's why I'm even here. We were both raised conservative Christian. She had always been limited to what "we could do". Hand jobs, missionary, her on top. Hand jobs are me getting her off only. My wife doesn't want oral. She wants to be kissed during sex and if I give her oral, I kiss a "bad taste in her mouth". She doesn't like how she tastes, thinks it's gross, etc. I screwed up when we were engaged because I told her that "prostitutes suck dick, wives don't." That didn't matter in our 20's and 30's when I didn't really watch porn, we had sex frequently, and I was ready and hard on a moment's notice. It's a problem in our late 40's. Her preferred sex is me fingering her to orgasm, then we fuck, but lately, I'm not even hard. If I think about the porn, I get hard but then she thinks I thinking of sex with someone else. She thinks I've cheated on her, and perhaps I have mentally. I have never had sex with another woman since we've been married. She has always been turned off by porn, as she was raised with somewhat prudish standards. In our 30's, she caught me watching porn after a kid was born and almost left me. She has caught me several times recently and is detached and never wants sex. I've talked about going to a marriage counselor as well, because we're arguing about how to discipline two teens and a preteen, and we have disagreements on money as well.
She doesn't want to go to a marriage counselor, because she says we can work things out on our own. (Yeah with no sex, her getting her way with the kids, and her hoarding money.)

I really do love her, I just want us both to be happy and we're not. When we get time alone, we're friends, we talk, we make plans, but she's just not into sex anymore. She went through early menopause about 44-45, as did all the members of her family. There's no passion anymore, and with her more prudish background, I'm not sure how to get a spark back. She's as good looking in her late 40's as any women, probably an 8-9 in women in their 40's. I only know of a handful of our friends I would "hit it" with, as my kids say.

Do I force the marriage counselor? She doesn't even want to admit anything is wrong.

Hmmmm, let me understand what you are saying. When you were young, you told her that prostitutes suck dick, wives don’t and now she finds it gross. She was raised conservative Christian and you can’t understand why she gets so upset when she finds you watching porn, and lately you can’t get hard unless you think of porn, and when you have sex with her, she thinks you are thinking of someone else. Hmmmm, let me see, where might the problem be? She hoards money? We are in a rough economic period and keeping a close watch on one’s finances is a wise idea. She gets her way with the kids. Considering the social problems kids have to face today, who would you want looking after your kids, a conservative Christian woman, or a man who watches porn? And oh yes, no sex; gee, I wonder why? I think you know where the problem is. Just because you have changed your views on sex and marriage doesn’t mean she has or even should. Perhaps *you* need to see a marriage counselor!

 

[heartoftexasgrl]

I'm certainly not a prude, and I have no problem with porn, but your teenage daughter finding your porn is a problem. A big one, if you ask me. You're old enough to know better than to leave your browser history there for a teenager to find. Of course your wife is pissed. And pissed off women don't want to fuck.

You say you "want her back," and from the sounds of it you're referring to your sex life, but if I'm being frank, it doesn't sound as though you ever had her.

I'd work on the family and money issues first. If the rest of your relationship improves, then the sex life should, theoretically.

And yes, I would insist on the counseling. If the problems are as bothersome as you make them out to be, then I absolutely think one partner has the right to insist on such a thing. Don't be surprised, though, if what comes up in counseling is that the two of you are just flat out incompatible, and that your differences are irreconcilable.

Good luck.

 

[Sensualdreamer]

Some more details. Some of her lack of drive may be due to low estrogen. She got the prescription, but doesn't take it, afraid Of side effects. She said she was using the natural cream, but I think she doesn't take it often because it's expensive and money is a big worry of hers, even though we have plenty. I need to follow up with her on that, encourage her. Second, I do masturbate to porn pretty much every day. once a day. I thought she had accepted this, but my 15 year old daughter found it on a computer, and she cried in front of my daughter, saying I don't love her anymore. The boy she likes got caught masturbating at school, and he is in "treatment", so the daughter says I should be in treatment, too. Problem is, I'm not 16, I can answer pretty much every argument a counselor can put in front of me, save one or two. Like "do you want to be divorced"? After this incident, I've agreed to go to counseling, but I'm not turning into a celibate either. So, we'll see where this goes My wife is asleep at 9pm every night, I am up until 11, 12, or 1. She says "she's exhausted" all the time, and I have no idea if that is no hormones, too much work, or depression/anger/withdrawal. We'll try the counseling and see if it gets better.

If it was your encouraging that caused her to go to the doctor and get the prescription or buy the cream, do you really think encouraging her to use the products will work? She likely will see the encouragement as you trying to "fix" her.

The issue about the porn and your wife's view on it shouldn't have been discussed in front of your daughter b/c your daughter isn't capable of understanding the dynamics of a marriage that at best seems sexually dysfunctional.

Why are you agreeing to go to counselling but not the wife?

 

[Natasha007]

more to the story

Sometimes it takes more then creams and pills. There are other options and once she feels the difference in herself then she will feel better all the way around which may impact your sex life in a positive way.

 

[billrichards41]

Wow... does sound like a shitty situation.
What I would tell you is to go to counseling on your own. Get advice and other professional opinions.

 

[heusesme]

Hey there, was thinking about what you said and today this article came into my email - would have sent it privately but couldn't - maybe this is how she feels -maybe she thinks of your porn habit as cheating on her. Sorry about it being so long. Just a thought.......


Infidelity and Emotional Sex: How to Tell if You're Chatting or Cheating
Posted: 04/18/2012 10:31 am
It all starts innocently enough.
You become friends with the sexy co-worker and decide to carpool to work together. You become "friends" with an ex on Facebook and reminisce about the past. Pretty soon, you find yourself glowing every time you spend time with this person. They totally "get" you. You can talk about anything. You spend hours thinking about them and your heart races whenever you see a text from them. You feel more alive than you have in a long time.
There's just one small problem. You're married, or engaged, or you're in a committed relationship. You tell yourself it's ok because you're not really cheating, you're just chatting. You're not having sex, you're just friends. Right?
Not really. Okay, so you haven't had sex. At least not yet. But you are having emotional sex, and that can be even more intense, sensual and all-consuming than physical sex.

What is emotional sex?
Emotional sex is a friendship that escalates into something that feels the same as romantic love and can manifest itself in numerous ways -- physically, romantically, emotionally, lustfully, verbally, or virtually.
Friendship becomes emotional sex when the feel-good brain chemicals and hormones that are released when even thinking about that person take over. Any contact with the person becomes as potent as a drug addiction.
All those tingly feelings and the fantasies that perhaps a "perfect love" can really exist isn't destiny knocking -- they're caused by "love chemicals" in your brain. Biochemical research has shown that the effect of these love chemicals is twofold: they are released in response to your friend, and they bond you to him or her. This is especially true of women who produce higher levels of oxytocin -- the bonding hormone that enhances the feeling of having found your "soul mate" connection.
These addictive love chemicals feel so good that it's difficult for you to even imagine ending contact with your friend. Your connection feels genuine and even life-sustaining. Letting go of such intoxicating nourishment seems unimaginable.
Before you are tempted to do something risky -- like leave your stable, good relationship for your exciting emotional lover -- it's important to examine what's really going on.

Has Your Platonic Friendship Crossed the Line?
There's a huge difference between a platonic friendship and a friendship that has crossed the line into the emotional sex danger zone.
A platonic friendship doesn't have elements of sexual chemistry or attraction. You may love your friend, but you don't fantasize or daydream about him or her. Everything is out in the open. Your partner can join in at any time.
In contrast, emotional sex is much more secretive and it drains energy from your primary relationship. If you're having intimate talks and sharing things you should only be sharing with your primary partner, or you're sending late night 'just thinking of you' flirty texts, you're not having just an innocent friendship. If you find yourself having sexual or romantic fantasies about your friend, you've crossed the line into emotional sex. You may argue you're just Facebook friends, or you're just innocently flirting and it means nothing. But no matter how you may rationalize it, these are huge trumpet blaring warning signs that your friendship is crossing the line into emotional sex, and therefore cheating.

The 5 Warning Signs That You're Vulnerable to Cheating
Infidelity is as old as civilization. But in today's technology-driven world, meeting, staying connected, and getting intimate has never been easier or more dangerous. Thanks to smartphones and the Internet, your love "fix" is never far away.
In truth, most infidelity occurs not because it is planned, but because people find themselves in situations where their emotions completely overwhelm (and even surprise) them. While people trapped in troubled marriages are more vulnerable to infidelity, I've discovered that a surprising number of people in seemingly solid relationships also respond to the novelty of new love and end up getting swept away by an affair.
Having an affair is usually a symptom of an underlying problem in your life and in your relationship. Something is missing, and that missing element makes you vulnerable to temptation. You may turn to emotional intimacy with another to fill in the missing piece.

These are the five warning signs that your relationship is vulnerable to cheating:
1. You feel lonely. You may share the same address but live in two different worlds. You're spending less time together due to work, the children, or separate interests.
2. Lack of communication. Small issues turn into disagreements and power struggles. You give each other the silent treatment. You may feel under-appreciated, bottled up, or like you're walking on tiptoes not to rattle any cages.
3. Lack of love, affection and intimacy. Things are feeling pretty dead at home and you find yourself resorting to some stimulation outside your relationship to shake things up.
4. Boredom, complacency and emotional distance. Your relationship has become routine. You long for more emotional or sexual attention from your partner, but it feels like a wall exists between you.
5. A sexual disconnect. You feel more like roommates than lovers. The attention and affection has dwindled, and you no longer see each other through the eyes of desire.
Affairs don't have to be sexual to be destructive to your existing relationship. Emotional sex can be even more enthralling than physical sex, and it can cause the same havoc, mistrust and betrayal in a relationship as sexual infidelity, often leading to a break-up.
The first step to healing is completely disengaging from your emotional lover, then recognizing the weaknesses in your primary relationship and addressing them immediately. Only then can you bring stable footing to your relationship and start infusing it with the love, attention, appreciation, and affection you and your partner both deserve.

 

[Que]

Youre too beta. Get athol kaye's book. It will change your life.

Basics are: work on you. Make yourself as attractive to woman in general as possible. do things that you would do if you would just met her and were trying to be attractive. don't ask for sex and for god's sake don't beg.

it's going to take a while if it's not too late already.

Married man's sex life is based on game theory.....

the ideas of the same techniques that would work on a woman in a bar is are going to work on your wife and she is after all a woman... and believe me these techniques are going to work on her with someone else if you don't step up your game.

believe me I know what I'm talking about... I found out about this way too late. my wife went from sunday school teacher a 5 year olds, to living in open adultery in a small town with a known domestic abuser. all of the things that I ever did to try to build comfort in her life and to be a good husband didn't mean a thing, when she had her mid life crisis.

His game was basically crap and it was STILL good enough to work... all you had to do is not agreeably when she complained about me.strut.. around as a wanna be bad ass... vaguely imply that you had loads of money....

she's now married to him and lives in poverty. Went from stay at home mom to working full time.

I am no better looking, taller, or charming than I was while married. Im definately not richer.

Now that im single it is surpringly easy to attract women 1/2 my age like every man's porno fantasy....so rules of attraction work.... I was always this person and unable to seduce my wife.


I'd still trade in a couple of 23 year olds for having my family
intact again and having my wife back assuming she was behaving herself mind you

 

[Que]

You say you "want her back," and from the sounds of it you're referring to your sex life, but if I'm being frank, it doesn't sound as though you ever had her.

I'd work on the family and money issues first. If the rest of your relationship improves, then the sex life should, theoretically.

HofTX girl has this right I should mention the part of being the best you since you are in fact married with the family is being a great family man.

the being a husband are you currently suck at the work on being the best father you can be that'll help a lot.

plus being on great terms with your kids will help with your loneliness when and if this marriage dissolves.

plus kids are excellent chick magnets. if cute as mine are better than puppies

 

[Greypowerful]

Wrong frikking thread...

 

[Tatzelwurm]

So yeah…

Actually, you're kind of in a fucked up Situation.

I noticed a few things in this entire Thing, so let me get that Straight:

You're Wife is somewhat egocentric. Maybe because shes grown up with a Mother that would rather Fuck Jesus than her Husband, but also maybe because shes self-centered.
Because, honestly, as stated before in this Post, if she expects you dont have Sex - and not even Mindsex - with anyone but her… well than there are several gigantic Holes in her "Handbook of understanding Men" xD
Also, if you cant get her to want it anyway - and if you really care as much as you say - than i suppose, she just likes herself being the One Part that Makes the Rules constantly.
I mean, she wants the Money and the Kids. She wants to possess you, not live with you as her Husband.
Because - you cant show someone the Most Beautiful Place on this Earth and then Point into a Cold, dark, ugly cave and State that he actually has to live there.
But thats what she does.

If you want to change something, i suppose there are only a few options:

Let her go or
Try to make Sex great again - yet this could only be achieved by stating how YOU FEEL WITH THE SITUATION!
So she realises, that she has a Part of it also.
And if she really doesnt give to shits about your Feelings, and you're somewhat reduced sexual Ego, than - Sorry - shes not loving you.
Shes using you.

Then Again, thats what i see in this. Maybe i'm thinking to short, or something.

 

[jbonbelair]

Nothing personal but.....this sounds like it is all about you and no regard for your wife's feelings.
Years back I was pushing the sex part with my wife. At 55 a mans drive is limited in duration unless your banging Viagra down like ju ju bees. She just wasn't interested in it anymore. So I fought her and she got mad and words were tossed out......after my kids are out of collage and on their own she...and I are moving on separately. If in you love her as you say....understand and make her breakfast on the weekends. Like you used to do when you were trying to get it the first time.