Wife becoming bi-curious?

[cheekyjames]

I've dated my wife since we were 20, wich was 10 years ago. During all this time we've always been very open with each other in regards to our sexuality. She's always known that one of my greatest fantasies has been having sex with two women at the same time and has always been straightforward with me in saying that she is not attracted to women, wich is perfectly fine and I never had any issues accepting.

We've always tried new things but recently she has become much more receptive to different things... She'd always refused to watch porn with me but we've now come to include it into our sex life and are really enjoying it. What I didn't expect is just how much girl on girl would turn her on... I can easily tell it's by far what she enjoys the most. She loves to masturbate to it and when I eat her while she's watching she's like a totaly different woman and the kind of pleasure she has is simply through the roof.

I absolutely love this new side to her and it really turns me on. However, I'm wondering if she is becoming bi-curious and would be willing to find a partner to join us in a threesome. But I honestly don't know how we can have this talk without me offending her(in case she isn't interested) or cause her to shy off(in case she is).

I guess a few people here might have gone through this same dilemma, some of you even women. Do you have any advice for me?

 

[AdjectiveNounVerb]

EDITED away at noon because SweetErika said what I was trying to, but more eloquently and in greater detail.

 

[Connubium]

Can't you just let your wife enjoy this new thing she's getting into without ruining it for her by making it about threesomes and bisexuality? Not wanting a threesome doesn't necessarily have to be about whether she's bi or not as well. How open are you about sharing her with another man?

If I was you I would just leave it and I'm sure she will talk to you about it if she wants to, it seems clear that you are keen enough.

This is coming from a bisexual woman who has had FFM threesomes.

 

[SweetErika]

Slow down there, cowboy!

Enjoying f/f porn does not necessarily mean your wife is bicurious or bisexual.
Being bi-whatever does not automatically mean your wife wants to have sex with another woman.
Wanting to have sex with another women does not necessarily mean your wife is comfortable with YOU being involved or having sex with that woman yourself.

In other words, you're making a gigantic leap from porn to potential sexuality, and then yet another great jump from there to your desired threesome.

In very general terms, your best bet is likely telling your wife her enjoyment of f/f porn in particular is a huge turn-on for you and then seeing where the conversation leads. You could, for instance, ask gently what's changed between when she didn't enjoy porn and now and what it might be that makes f/f porn more exciting than m/f scenes. At some point, you might also discuss how sexuality can be fluid - maybe talk about how your own has changed over the years and ask her how she feels hers has changed. Maybe even ask where she'd put herself on a scale of 0 to 10 in terms of attraction to women, certain parts of women, f/f sex, etc. vs. where she would have put herself 5 or 10 years ago.

I'd strongly suggest making any conversations fun, light and curiosity/discovery-based instead of setting a goal to find out if your wife is curious about women in reality and/or open to any sort of threesome. In fact, take the threesome idea off the table entirely so there's not even a whiff of manipulation or pressure. She already knows where you stand on that particular fantasy/issue, so you'll have to assume she'll approach you about it IF it's something she ever truly desires.

Some other thoughts that could be applicable (or not!):
- It's possible she's always had some attraction to some women, or at least the female body or f/f sex, but she's only becoming somewhat comfortable with it now.

- It's possible she's always been attracted to women in some way, but she felt telling you about it would lead to you pushing to have your threesome fantasy fulfilled.

- It's possible she'd prefer to explore any attraction she has toward women/a certain woman on her own. I had very strong feelings about this because I'd had m/f/m threesomes in the past and knew there was a huge shift in the dynamic when that third person entered the sexual picture. Actually, I'd still want to establish my own relationship and dynamic with another woman before she and I even considered inviting a man to watch or participate in any way.

-It's likely she knows damn well threesomes and the like are fucking minefields that can seriously damage or kill even good relationships. Therefore, even if she is curious or bisexual, she may not fee it's worth it to try to navigate the dangers and consequences of your fantasy.

 

[cheekyjames]

Erika, that's exactly the kind of answer I was looking for!

When a man mentions an FFM threesome, all of a sudden everyone assumes he's going to push for it. That's exactly why I was worried she would assume a conversation about this new found turn on would actually be about making it come true.

You made some very good points and I will most definitely take your suggestion about how to approach the subject with her.

Thank you

 

[njlauren]

Nicely written, Erica, well said....and if you wife has bi feelings, she may very well not want to explore them because she might feel she would need to do it alone but also understands that could hurt your marriage if she did (yeah, I know guys fantasize about two women, etc, but same sex flings outside the marriage hold the same kind of issues in reality that opposite sex ones do).

One other point I think needs to be made about erotic images is that erotic images sometimes are hot without them reflecting personal interest. What do I mean? A woman can watch two gay men have sex and be turned on by it, a gay women can watch two gay men and get turned on, a women can watch two women get sex and be turned on by the eroticism itself without wanting to do it. Someone can look at a picture of a leather clad mistress with a tied up slave and get turned on but not care about bd/sm in the least bit, it is the erotic image or film that is hot.

In this case, your wife could be getting turned on by the hot sex between two attractive people who happen to be women...(or she of course could be fantasizing she is one of them......when straight women get turned on by gay make porn, it is often the woman projecting herself into the scene...)

I agree with Erica, let your wife talk about it if she wants to. If you do want to talk about it, instead of jumping into talk about a threesome, I agree with Erika, talk about feelings about watching things together, note she got hot and say it made you hot, etc, will work better, especially if she is hesitant about talking about things, make it as stress free as possible..or simply let it play out as it may. Sometimes a fantasy is just that, better left like that, and quite honestly, when it comes to bi exploration, it could turn out the wrong way, if a FFM threesome or if your wife actually did it.....