Why?

[Momma of Fire]

Everytime I tell a female friend I am Bi she starts to ignore me. I have only been attracted to one or two of them and they have said they weren't upset by it. I'm just so frustrated with loosing friends that I want to scream.

I have had one girl who has been very cool with it. Hell she says she might even want to join hubby and I one day but again she hasn't been talking to me in a few weeks.

I don't want to hide who I am but I don't want to loose anymore friends.

Thanks all for listening to my rant. Any suggestions?

 

[human_male]

I'd just not tell anyone. I do the same thing with online friends. I'm just a really open person and don't censor myself when I'm talking, but I've got to remember not everyone's gonna be cool with it. Not everyone is as cool as the women on Lit.

Try just hinting at it, and if they hint back then take it a bit further. I don't know why anyone would care, unless they think you're coming on to them. But it's just one of those things.

 

[fingermagic]

Everytime I tell a female friend I am Bi she starts to ignore me. I have only been attracted to one or two of them and they have said they weren't upset by it. I'm just so frustrated with loosing friends that I want to scream.

I have had one girl who has been very cool with it. Hell she says she might even want to join hubby and I one day but again she hasn't been talking to me in a few weeks.

I don't want to hide who I am but I don't want to loose anymore friends.

Thanks all for listening to my rant. Any suggestions?

Well, I really do not know what their problems are except that they are most likely very closed minded and threatened by your open minded sexuality and honesty and openess about it. I would probably not discuss it until the time is right. I really do not understand their problem, you are really quite lovely and very desirable and sexy. It is their problem, not yours my dear.

 

[dizzylia]

Everytime I tell a female friend I am Bi she starts to ignore me. I have only been attracted to one or two of them and they have said they weren't upset by it. I'm just so frustrated with loosing friends that I want to scream.

I have had one girl who has been very cool with it. Hell she says she might even want to join hubby and I one day but again she hasn't been talking to me in a few weeks.

I don't want to hide who I am but I don't want to loose anymore friends.

Thanks all for listening to my rant. Any suggestions?

Nine times out of ten, from what I've experienced, this stems from the other person's own insecurities, either about their sexuality, or about themselves in general. Unfortunately, there isn't a whole lot you can do about that, most of the time. They need to come to terms with it on their own path.

The approach I've adopted over time is not to hide... but not to share, either. If they ask, I tell them truthfully, but otherwise, it's just none of their business. The only time I've ever told someone outright was with my best friend, and that turned out... um. Very well. But by the time I told her, I'd known her extremely well for years, and I knew she was far from homophobic, and definitely not insecure about herself. (Man, I love those older women. )

As fingermagic suggested, I would probably just hint at things first. THen, if they take the bait, give them the fish. Good luck!

 

[hilltopper69]

I agree its not your problem its theres,whats wrong with being truthful.

 

[Roxanne Appleby]

A good friend just shared this with me. It's the script from a scene in the movie "Chasing Amy." :

BOB
(to Holden)
So there's me an Amy, and we're all
inseparable, right? Just big time in
love. And then about four months in,
I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Dumb
move, I know, but you know how it is -
you don't really want to know, but you
just have to... stupid guy bullshit.
Anyway she starts telling me all about
him - how they dated for years, lived
together, her mother likes me better,
blah, blah, blah - and I'm okay. But
then she tells me that a couple times,
he brought other people to bed with
them - menage a tois, I believe it's
called. Now this just blows my mind.
I mean, I'm not used to that sort of
thing, right? I was raised Catholic.

JAY
Saint Shithead.

Silent Bob backhands him. Jay raises his fist as if to
strike.

BOB
Do something.
(to Holden)
So I get weirded out, and just start
blasting her, right? This is the only
way I can deal with it - by calling
her a slut, and telling her that she
was used - I mean, I'm out for blood I
want to hurt her - because I don't
know how to deal with what I'm
feeling. And I'm like "What the fuck
is wrong with you?" and she's telling
me that it was that time, in that
place, and she didn't do anything
wrong, so she's not gonna apologize.
So I tell her it's over, and I walk.

JAY
Fucking a.

BOB
No, idiot. It was a mistake. I
wasn't disgusted with her, I was
afraid. At that moment, I felt small -
like I'd lacked experience, like I'd
never be on her level or never be
enough for her or something.
And what I didn't get was that she
didn't care. She wasn't looking for
that guy anymore. She was looking for
me. But by the time I realized this,
it was too late, you know. She'd
moved on, and all I had to show for it
was some foolish pride, which then
gave way to regret. She was the girl,
I know that now. But I pushed her
away...

Everyone's silent Silent Bob lights a cigarette.

BOB
So I've spent every day since then
chasing Amy...
(takes a drag from his smoke)
So to speak.

 

[Tymeless]

chasing amy is a great movie written and directed by Kevin Smith (aka bob)

 

[BitterIchor]

chasing amy is a great movie written and directed by Kevin Smith (aka bob)

Calling Chasing Amy "great" is like calling Gary Coleman "tall".

 

[Wolfman1982]

Calling Chasing Amy "great" is like calling Gary Coleman "tall".

Perhaps you aren´t fond of it.

But I think it is a sweet movie

I don´t know why, but I think I have been "chasing Amy" a couple of times.. but enough of that

Peace

 

[Nirvanadragones]

Chasing Amy

Sorry to highjack your thread. I have a very long email discussion going with a friend about the movie "Chasing Amy"

During our discussion we found some interesting info on the web. The sources have gone missing, so i quote without source. (it makes for interesting reading... although i am not saying this is my opinion. )

Quote from the movie:

"I feel justified Lying in your arms, because I got here on my own
terms and I have no question that there was someplace I didn’t
look. For me, that makes all the difference."

Smith’s basic premise is that love is metaphysical between
two people, that it should be the person or personality that we fall
in love with, regardless of the body that houses it. He talks of
Alyssa’s experimentation, that she was not ‘given a map at birth’,
so she tried everything, and settled for lesbianism.

Alyssa made the choice to be a lesbian. She went on a conscious
search for her sexuality, found what she felt most comfortable with
and chose to be a lesbian.

Holden: Because girls feel right.
Alyssa: Well that’s the way I feel.

The issue of choice that is raised in the film is interesting, as
it suggests that for Alyssa, lesbianism was not a given, it was a
social rather than biological/genetic construction. Claudia Card
(1992), provides insight into the ‘choice’ of lesbianism. She defines
the term "lesbians" (the adjective as it applies to women, desires,
fantasies, relationships) as defined to a great extent by interaction
between individuals and institutions’ . But she does not ‘hold
lesbians (referent of the noun "lesbian") to be entirely constructed
by social interaction. The concept of oppression seems to ...
presuppose beings who are not totally constructed by the
institutions that nurture or oppress them.’

Card’s article is expressively about the choice of lesbianism
as a lifestyle. Card positions the term ‘choice’ to mean ‘option’ and
the ‘(intentional) act of choosing. She politicizes the choosing of
lesbianism as it frees woman from potential masochism that is
involved in heterosexual bonding. Card maintains that having
lesbian options is important to women as ‘they promise a certain
integrity of emotional response with political belief and thus
facilitate political comment.’ She rationalizes that the integrity
involved depends on a feeling of liberation in making the choice.
She maintains that although the choice of lesbianism can free
women from domination, in order to feel liberated they must
develop potentialities that enable positive possible choices that
extend the range of freedom and compensating privileges.

Applying this idea to the film, Alyssa had experienced all
the choices available to her (or at least all the choices that she was
aware of). She experienced all she could in order to explore
possibilities and discover new choices. She eventually found what
is described in the film as lesbianism. It felt right, she made a moral
and political (as all our actions have political repercussions) choice
to inhabit that option, however according to Card it eliminated
other options. Once the choice was made, Card maintains that it is
morally and politically difficult to return to heterosexuality due to
the costs involved, such as estrangement.

In the film however, Alyssa does seem to return to
heterosexuality. Granted, it is with difficulty and soul searching.
The relationship with Holden does not work however, as he can
not reconcile her past with his experience. Holden says that he
wants them to be something they can’t be, a normal couple. In his
opinion, his relationship is not ideal, he is after his conception of
normality. Alyssa returns to a female partner.

Card points out that choices made are often negatively
defined, what a person doesn’t do. Alyssa as a lesbian doesn’t sleep
with men. The power of the availability of choice resides in their potential positive meanings, which are realizable through innovative social practice in a
community with others.

Bisexuality challenges the binary nature of Western ideals of
sex/gender/sexuality; of either/or paradigms. Straight or gay, gay
or lesbian, male or woman. It constitutes a social category that
depends upon the contestation between the dominant and
marginalized for its own existence, while it is populated by social
actors who eschew the binary systems of categorization. The
category of bisexuality exists outside the limiting confines of the
structures of sexuality we are familiar with. Does it then subvert or
transcend these structures?

Bisexual women are stigmatized by heterosexual society and
the feminist lesbian community. They are seen to be lesbians who
are unaware of their lesbian identities (Card would maintain that
they are unaware of the choice that is available, hence rendering it
a ‘dead’ option), or women on a "bi now, pay later scheme" . They
are thought to be unauthentic in their sexuality, that someone
cannot feel like sleeping with men for one half of the week, and
women the other half. Arguments such as this are obviously naïve
and intolerant.

As a response, many bisexual women use assimilation to
reduce social difference between homosexual and bisexual
sexuality positions. Many bisexual women use labels that position
their sexuality into an ambiguous position, such as ‘dyke’ or
‘queer’, allowing them to move in lesbian and gay circles without
being stigmatized or being seen to promote a ‘bi agenda’. This
suppression of features of bisexual identity reinforce the visibility
and viability of the heterosexual/homosexual binary.

This may provide us with a reason as to why Alyssa
identifies as lesbian and gay in the film, but is sufficiently attracted
to Holden to risk ostracization from her friends and the lesbian
community. It seems more likely that Alyssa is in fact bisexual and
identifies as lesbian is order for her to participate in the lesbian
community. Stigmatized by both the straight and homosexual
community, she faces the choice of repositioning herself so that she
may gain acceptance in one or the other, or proclaiming her
bisexuality with pride and closing the door on many future
‘choices’. In fact, her explanation for her love of Holden, and the
methods she used in order to reach the understanding of this
explanation suggest that she is indeed positioned as other in
relation to the gay/straight binary. The initial quote in this essay
suggests that Alyssa was not contented to be constricted by
Western binaries in the search for love, that for her these binaries
were not applicable.

There are talks about the positioning of bisexual women as ‘other’
by both lesbians and heterosexuals. Since 1990, however, a term
that has gained in popularity, ‘queer’, is increasingly being used to
describe all those who are not heterosexual. This construct enables
all ‘not-heterosexuals’ to band together as a group, without
identities such as bisexuality and transgendered being
marginalized and become invisible, lending credence to the
hetero/homo divide. Bisexual visibility as a group that is not just
‘other’, and is rather a group that cannot be adequately positioned
on traditional structures, promotes a new dualism of queer/non-
queer. While we have been having trouble understanding Alyssa’s
sexuality using traditional frameworks, we have no such trouble
here. She is clearly positioned as queer in this new binary.

Bisexual discourse has attempted reverse categorization of
bisexuals and transforms both groups guilty of stigmatization into
positions of other. To this end, another new binary,
monosexual/bisexual exists. Bisexuals are those who do not limit
themselves to one sex or gender and one only, they are open to all
possibilities offered. Monosexuals are seen as those who make a
conscious choice to limit themselves to the prospect of fulfillment
with only one gender. This binary also allows Alyssa to be
accounted for. She is clearly bisexual in relation to Holden, who is
monosexual.

How do these new paradigms relate to ‘real life’
however? Film is a representation of ideas and values held by a
society or a portion of society. Even at an implicit level, this film
makes some impact onto the way people think about gender and
sexuality. As gender and sexuality begin to shift away from
traditional roles, doesn’t it also make sense that our descriptions
and conceptions of sex and gender should similarly evolve?

 

[BitterIchor]

Yes, interesting bisexual propaganda indeed.

 

[mansome]

Everytime I tell a female friend I am Bi she starts to ignore me. I have only been attracted to one or two of them and they have said they weren't upset by it. I'm just so frustrated with loosing friends that I want to scream.

I have had one girl who has been very cool with it. Hell she says she might even want to join hubby and I one day but again she hasn't been talking to me in a few weeks.

I don't want to hide who I am but I don't want to loose anymore friends.

Thanks all for listening to my rant. Any suggestions?

none of my friends or co-workers have any idea about my adventurous bi~side or my swinging lifestyle....

so you are one step ahead of me.... I know I'll definitely end up with a woman to share the rest of my life with by right now I'm loving trying both sides.. hopefully at the same time....

losing friends is tough.. you've got to weigh what's more important.. them, staying true to yourself, or keeping a fine balance..

In a non-homophobic world you should be able to have it all....
good luck to you.....

 

[Guest]

Yes, interesting bisexual propaganda indeed.

After all, is this not the GLBT part of Lit?

 

[BitterIchor]

After all, is this not the GLBT part of Lit?

Quite right. Bisexuals are as big a part of the GLBT world as lesbians, gay men, transexuals, etc. But some bisexuals seem to think that because they had a personal revelation about how they are attracted (sexually and romantically) to both genders, somehow everyone should have such a revelation. Those who haven't had one are simply deluding themselves or aren't prepared to make the "moral or political" choice to "return to heterosexuality". It's like it isn't enough for them to be bisexual, they have to drop little insinuations and theories about how EVERYONE should be.

I'm not saying all bisexuals are this way, but some are. It's arrogant and self-important and it annoys me greatly.

 

[mansome]

Quite right. Bisexuals are as big a part of the GLBT world as lesbians, gay men, transexuals, etc. But some bisexuals seem to think that because they had a personal revelation about how they are attracted (sexually and romantically) to both genders, somehow everyone should have such a revelation. Those who haven't had one are simply deluding themselves or aren't prepared to make the "moral or political" choice to "return to heterosexuality". It's like it isn't enough for them to be bisexual, they have to drop little insinuations and theories about how EVERYONE should be.

I'm not saying all bisexuals are this way, but some are. It's arrogant and self-important and it annoys me greatly.

for me.. I could care less about what i'm labeled in the "community" you can call me a gay man who loves to fuck women or a straight man who likes to suck cock if you don't like the term bisexual... I certainly don't condemn women for just liking men ... I find that to be a wonderful quality in women.. also *laughs* ....

I do know that I will never love a man romantically... That's reserved just for women.... Men are fun to play with though.....

 

[BitterIchor]

for me.. I could care less about what i'm labeled in the "community" you can call me a gay man who loves to fuck women or a straight man who likes to suck cock if you don't like the term bisexual... I certainly don't condemn women for just liking men ... I find that to be a wonderful quality in women.. also *laughs* ....

I NEVER said I didn't like the term "bisexual". Read my post properly, please.

 

[mansome]

I NEVER said I didn't like the term "bisexual". Read my post properly, please.

oh I know.. I just bounced my own feelings using your post... sorry....

I really don't care if people go between sexes or what they label themselves as long as they aren't ruining other relationships and are upfront from the begining...

 

[Guest]

Quite right. Bisexuals are as big a part of the GLBT world as lesbians, gay men, transexuals, etc. But some bisexuals seem to think that because they had a personal revelation about how they are attracted (sexually and romantically) to both genders, somehow everyone should have such a revelation. Those who haven't had one are simply deluding themselves or aren't prepared to make the "moral or political" choice to "return to heterosexuality". It's like it isn't enough for them to be bisexual, they have to drop little insinuations and theories about how EVERYONE should be.

I'm not saying all bisexuals are this way, but some are. It's arrogant and self-important and it annoys me greatly.

Fair enough. I think that annoys as much as self-righteous lesbians who can be just as arrogant at times. Not all dykes. Not all the time.

I am a dyke, and I do not see Nirvana's post as bisexual propaganda In fact i think it was a very interesting topic related post. There was nothing biased or of a misleading nature about it.

 

[BitterIchor]

Fair enough. I think that annoys as much as self-righteous lesbians who can be just as arrogant at times. Not all dykes. Not all the time.

I am a dyke, and I do not see Nirvana's post as bisexual propaganda In fact i think it was a very interesting topic related post. There was nothing biased or of a misleading nature about it.

There are annoying elements in every group of people, yes. I suspect your jab about self-righteous lesbians was directed at me, and you are probably right. That doesn't negate the point I made, though.

Oh, by the way;

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=propaganda

"The systematic propagation of a doctrine or cause or of information reflecting the views and interests of those advocating such a doctrine or cause."

Propaganda doesn't have to be misleading. The use of the word was appropriate in this context.

 

[hilltopper69]

Quite right. Bisexuals are as big a part of the GLBT world as lesbians, gay men, transexuals, etc. But some bisexuals seem to think that because they had a personal revelation about how they are attracted (sexually and romantically) to both genders, somehow everyone should have such a revelation. Those who haven't had one are simply deluding themselves or aren't prepared to make the "moral or political" choice to "return to heterosexuality". It's like it isn't enough for them to be bisexual, they have to drop little insinuations and theories about how EVERYONE should be.

I'm not saying all bisexuals are this way, but some are. It's arrogant and self-important and it annoys me greatly.

Great post we as a bi couple,having two gay sons understand we to dont like straight, bi,or gay, people thinking they are better than any body else.We wish you all the happiness in life.