why is love so messed up? Please ladies.

[shimmey]

I did what they all say not to do. I dated my best friend. Someone I knew so well, love so much, had so much fun with. Things were great at first, but now they seem more of a hassle to both of us than they should be. I make a big deal of some things and so does she. Each seems the opposite of what the other would do. I know I'm not being very specific, but there is a lot to it and this thread would be about three pages long just to get to the jist of it. I'm pretty sure now that there is no salvaging this relationship, more her words than mine, but we both pretty much know this. I'd just like a little advice to ease the pain, someone elses words. Ya know? Cause this sucks!

 

[MissTaken]

I wish I had the answers. I guess look forward.

Of course, I am in a muddle myself and probably not much good.

sorry, but I do feel for you.

take care
Miss T

 

[shimmey]

thanks. It just makes you feel so damn down. And I'm not a person who is dragged down very often, but when I am, I'm there.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

Its always messed up... just work through it

 

[Moridin187]

You gave it a try shimmey, you probably had a lot of good times together before things started getting weird.. Look back on those things.. Hopefully you'll be able to salvage the friendship, do your best to do so. Remember, she was your friend first, and try to make it so she still will be afterwards. This is obviously neither of your faults, sometimes things just don't work out man.

 

[shimmey]

I know that almost everyone has been through this very same, or at least a similar time, but you all know how it feels at that moment you feel like you are the only one. All of the people I have to talk to are biased. I thought people close to us would help but they didn't. I think a little advice from elsewhere would help, so give it to me straight. I want to hear it.

 

[SempreAngela]

Love isn't messed up, the expectations in love is what is messed up. These quotes have helped me through some difficult times lately and I hope they will you also:

"Two souls meet and discover they were not meant to be, hence, they part. Yet, unconditional love is found when the two spirits meet again, and now become friends."
Source Unknown

"If two souls were meant to be then God would never let that love perish. Even if they separate the love between them will unite them once more."
Source Unknown


"The best thing about loving and being hurt is that you get to know what true love really is. For as gold is tested in fire, and so will love be perfected in pain."
Marvin Jay M. Torres


*hugs* Hang in there. Sometimes the best answered prayers are the ones that are not answered.

 

[shimmey]

No way in hell that I'm not going to be her friend. I promised her that when before things started getting weird and I'll keep my promise. That's a fear but nor a problem. It's us that's driving me crazy. I just want to be hers and her mine. I've been accused of jealousy and I don't feel like it is really like that for me.

 

[LukkyKnight]

I know that almost everyone has been through this very same, or at least a similar time, but you all know how it feels at that moment you feel like you are the only one. All of the people I have to talk to are biased. I thought people close to us would help but they didn't. I think a little advice from elsewhere would help, so give it to me straight. I want to hear it.

Actually, nobody has been through this before. You are unique, so is she, and hence what connects you may look and feel familiar to some, as each snowflake looks something like the others...

What I counsel is time. Do what you can to agree, for now, to disagree agreeably (what a sentence.) Call a hiatus, declare a holiday, the perspective will come from within even if some illumination is shed on the topic from outside. Move foward, as MissT said, see if you can find some hope in Sempre's quotes, and allow yourself to be disappointed.

People grow, and change, constantly. Life is utterly boring without some ups and downs. Think about something else awhile...

...then, in due time, communicate some more and see if you can find the right balance for the two of you.

 

[SempreAngela]

No way in hell that I'm not going to be her friend. I promised her that when before things started getting weird and I'll keep my promise. That's a fear but nor a problem. It's us that's driving me crazy. I just want to be hers and her mine. I've been accused of jealousy and I don't feel like it is really like that for me.

Yep, the best way to end a friendship is to love a friend. Ok then, go to my last item in my previous post and hold onto that, at least it may keep your mind off of your troubles trying to figure out what it means.

Sometimes the best answered prayers are the ones that are not answered.

 

[shimmey]

thanks Angela, I will keep those quotes close to heart. Just reading them made me feel a little better. Thanks everyone for you advice, I really need it. Ya'll are great. Hopefully I'll talk to ya'll tommorrow.

 

[LukkyKnight]

O! many a shaft, at random sent,
Finds mark the archer little meant!
And many a word, at random spoken,
May soothe or wound a heart that's broken.

Sir Walter Scott
The Lord of the Isles (1813)

 

[Silverluna]

What Lukky said was true about your situation being different and unique from everyone else's....and you and her being unique yourselves...but at the same time...(just to confuse you even more...) This happens to a lot of people...my first and only boyfriend...was my best friend....oy vey...let me tell ya...it was hell when it ended...
I guess what I mean to say is this:
Shit happens....to everyone...you're not alone and you are in good company ....

 

[cymbidia]

It hurts.
It sucks the breath from your body and makes you think you'd rather be dead than go on wondering and hoping and aching.
Confusion clouds your brain and leaks out into your day...
and you hurt.

There's nothing you can do about it, either.

Nothing.

No way to think yourself out of it.
No way to run past than it.
No way to drown it or drug or cry it out of existence.

So you hurt and ache and feel terrible.
Day after day after day after day is the same.

You stop talking to your friends about it because they just can't hear it or help you or hurt with you anymore.

And one day, out of the blue, you realize that you just smiled at some lady in store and meant it.

A couple of days later you find that you're honestly interested in going to the movies with friends.

Then the depression hits again and you go down.

A few days later, you notice the glory of the sun on the new leaves of the tree outside your window.

And then you sink again.

Up and down.
Down and up.

That's how these things go, shimmey.
And there are no shortcuts.

I'm sorry for your pain and confusion.

 

[SempreAngela]

O! many a shaft, at random sent,
Finds mark the archer little meant!
And many a word, at random spoken,
May soothe or wound a heart that's broken.

Sir Walter Scott
The Lord of the Isles (1813)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wanting a particular shaft is what got me to looking for things like those quotes I posted.

 

[shimmey]

it's hard to imagine a site as most people would view this beautiful one, well, as beautiful. I feel much better already. Thank you LukkyKnight. That one will stick.

 

[shimmey]

All of you are so right, I guess I just have to hear if from some where else. You have all helped me tonight and I am grateful. I am about to be gratefully, dead asleep. Long day tommorrow. Thanks everyone. Hugs for everyone.

 

[shimmey]

suprisingly,

there are no new replies. I spent last night holding my forever love, and thinking about what I needed to do. I didn't sleep last night. I looked into her eyes until the early morning, and saw what used to be. That look, you know, when you're lost in each others souls and so deeply in love, willing to forget all that has been a step out of the ordinary lately. We talked about situations past, which I'd love to explain, but I'm kind of slow at typing. And it is a long story. AUUGHHHH!!!!!! I don't feel like I make much sense. Do I? Confusion, Confusion.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Ah, shimmey

In the end it's the kindness you have visited on others that matters.

None of us know the cure for a broken heart, most if not all of us know the soul-rending ache when you realize the loss. You're on a rollercoaster, but I'm willing to bet you will look back - some day - and be glad you took the ride.

Meantime, look in your heart, trust your vision, get up again each morning and set out to do one - just one - nice thing before you let your day end. For somebody, no matter who, set a goal of doing one good deed. Sounds trite, but it is a laudable interim purpose until you're better.

 

[shimmey]

good deeds done,,

Last night, on the way home from work, I stopped on the side of the road to help a stranded driver. I took them to the parts store and helped them fix the car. They tried to give me some money for helping, and I wouldn't take it. I have been on the side of the road when no one would stop. It sucks a fatty.
Meanwhile, my dog, EB, took the liberty of dosing himself with twelve months worth of Heartgard chewables (beef flavored). The vet said it wouldn't hurt him, but his puking, and laziness told me different. While they were pumping his stomach, I tried to call the one person who could tell me that everything will be OK. She was not home. Two of her friends who I called, said "She left hours ago with Brian." All I know about this cat is that he slept next to the woman I love in front of the camp fire two weeks ago. A camp out which I was not invited too. Any way, I don't like this dude. To make a long story short, everyone thinks that I'm a jealous asshole because I needed her last night. Needless too say we are not calling each other for a little while so we can stay friends. Ya'll haven't even heard all of it, but it's fucked up ain't it? I don't regret helping someone who is stranded by any means, but DAMN!! I take one step forward, and I get put flat on my ass. The only thing to do is get back up and take another step. Sure, I feel a bit jealous, but last night, I needed her, not another damn situation.

 

[Caria Knight]

It may sound sappy but the old saying is true.

"If you love someone, set them free. If they return it was meant to be." (Or any other variation of this saying)

About 7 years ago I was with a man, I was young (only 20) and had to "find myself". After we split was when I realize the depth of my love for him. I never lost sight of that love, I couldn't that's how much I loved him. I compaired all other men to him and of course none of them measured up. Luckily for me, his love was just as deep. It's been rough, VERY rough but today we are together and have a beautiful 2 year old son.

All you can do is give it and her the time that's needed. If it's meant to be, it will be. If not you'll remember the good times but you'll make better times with someone new.

 

[Jacqline]

Shimmey,

I know how hard it is to need someone at a particular time. There is a fine line between burdening the other because we are too dependent on them and being there for each other because that is what you both want.

Right now, it feels like she is going in another direction and I feel how that is impacting you. As much as we'd like to, we can't make anyone be there for us......please don't go to the point of forcing her to walk away totally because you are needing her so much.

You have done a very good thing for yourself by reaching out to people here. There are so many genuine people who care and, maybe your need of support can be satisfied here. Don't forget that the person most in need of your support, as well as being supportive of you is YOU. The more you honor yourself, the more others will............people are attracted to that.

I will hold you in my prayers and send you healing energy as well as positive thoughts.............Please take good care of yourself.

Jacqline

 

[cellis]

What can I say that hasn't already been said, except it takes time... time to heal and regain your sense of oneness with yourself... Look to others to be there in crisis situations... this is a hard thing to do... I can promise that after a time you will be stronger and better for knowing and having this person in your life and moving on...

 

[shimmey]

She has already walked away. Unfortunately, it was right into that other guys arms. We have not talked in weeks. She told me she would call me when she could be my friend. Last night when I got home, caller Id showed that fella's number. I don't know which one tried to call me, and to be completely honest, I'm not so sure I want to. I know how I feel about her, but I'd rather just stay her friend. I'm sure we won't be as close as we were before dating, but just her friend. I've been taking those steps to make my life better, and it takes all of my time. The pain is not as bad already.

Thanks everyone. It really feels good to hear what I have. Peace.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Sucky time of year to be dwelling on such transitions. Move forward, but don't try to keep yourself from grieving over what you've lost.
Often in explaining the hurt to somebody else one comes to understand it better oneself.