Why I Keep Coming Back

This sounds like something to find out with a coach or therapist. Make sure they are kink friendly, or you'll end up in a situation where someone will try to cure your sexual orientation in stead of get you to a healthy place in the way you deal with sex/relationships. Masochism in itself is just that, a desire. It can land you in healthy or unhealthy relationships as much as a conventional desire for sex can.

Good luck!
 
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