Why do we hurt those we love?

[Carl East]

I like to think I'm a sensative guy, with genuine feelings and respect for all my friends and loved ones. Yet just recently I hurt someone I love, unintentionally, but I hurt them none the less.

I just wondered how and why we can be so cruel sometimes, needless to say I have apologized many times for my treatment of this loved one, but the damage was done.

Have any of you gone through this type of thing, or am I alone in this.

I kinda hope the answer to that is yes, simply because I don't believe all men are jerks, even if I did act like one.

As to the person I hurt, I am truly sorry, and hope in my heart that you can forgive me.

Carl.

 

[*Eve*]

I'm sure that the person that you hurt will forgive you. We all have off days and unfortunately it's human nature to take our problems out on other people. I have hurt and been hurt unintentionally so it's not so rare.

 

[Ted]

Dont worry Carl. Life is a stage and we all take turns playing the town idiot at one time or another. Itll pass, just chalk it up to another of lifes hard lessons.

 

[CreamyLady]

If I had a dollar for every time I choked on my own big foot, I could finance a shuttle launch and have enough left to study drought relief.

However, you have apologized, you are sincerely sorry, and all you have to do is let time pass and the hurt heal.

 

[Beebeeblue]

Honestly Carl...

I think its just because we are human. None of us are perfect, even thought we wish to be. We all have bad days, and sometimes say things we shouldnt.

I hope this person accepts your apology...I know what its like to have guilt hanging around.

 

[Siren]

 

[SierraSky]

Carl,


As stated above we are not perfect and we do make mistakes.
If you are truely sorry. Send her flowers, and let her know how much she means to you. Do the little things that make her feel special. You have a lifetime to work on the imperfections of a relationship and honestly I feel thats what makes the relationship unique in its own way. I wish you the best and hope she forgives you.

 

[Fallen Angel]

Why do we hurt the ones we love so deeply?
Partly because we know just where to stick the knife in.
Partly because they are handy when we are hurting.
The last part is stupidity, we react before we think.

 

[Enigma777]

There are times in everyone's lives when the proctologist calls to report they have found your head. Lord knows it has happened to me.

The pain a relationship endures and survives makes it stronger.

Good luck to you.

 

[Gingersnap]

There are many reasons why we hurt the ones we love. I think with those we love we tend to believe they will understand almost anything you do good or bad. We don't always remember what those we love give to us and how very precious are those gifts of love. I certainly have been on both sides and either way it hurt deeply. Sometimes there is forgiveness and sometime it ends the relationship. I hurt a very dear friend and he forgave me. It did however leave a tinge on our relationship that will not quickly leave it. For me it was done out of fear and a feeling of being unworthy. Regardless of the reasons unrecognized or not we need to admit it and apologize. I remember what a shrink once told me. He told me the depth of pain I felt was the depth of my ability to love.


...

 

[Sammyjo]

On Monday, I had the opportunity to pretty much kill everything I had ever wanted with my guy in Toronto.

Sometimes I wonder what I am thinking.

I know he is hurt every time I ask him to reaffirm his feelings for me. I am sort of insecure with the long-distance relationship aspect. If he were nearer to me, I think I wouldn't be so apt to wonder.

At any rate, most of you know that I went to Toronto for a visit at the end of May. I came home and noticed my body was not it's normal self. About three weeks went by and I took a pregnancy test. It came back positive. *I can envision the jaws dropping right now*

So, I'm sitting here, trying to figure out a way to tell this man, who I adore, that I am pregnant with his child. I knew he wouldn't want to raise it. I knew he would push for an abortion. I had to weigh all my options carefully.

Three weeks passed...which brings us to last week. I still had not told him. I begged him to allow me to come see him that weekend. He nixed the idea, saying that it wasn't a good time.

Friday, I started spotting and cramping. I was instructed to lay down and rest for the weekend. I did as I was told. Monday came and I went back to work. The bleeding and the cramping resumed. I was told to stay home for the rest of the week, in bed.

I miscarried our child on Monday.

The child he knew nothing about. The one that I couldn't tell him about because I didn't know how. At this point, I had the option to not tell him anything, or to tell him exactly what had happened.

I chose to tell him. I figured he had a right to know.

He accused me of many things...sleeping around, who was the father, why didn't you tell me, how could you do this, etc. I know that by not telling him to begin with, I made a big mistake. I've apologized profusely, citing that it wouldn't have mattered or not...it wouldn't have changed his mind. I guess that wasn't the point. And I couldn't see it. But I see it now...too little, too late.

I am sad to say that I may not be able to fix this one. And I probably deserve to not get another chance.

I tried to do "what I thought was best" by waiting for the perfect moment...instead of "what WAS best" and just telling him. Damn, this hurts. And maybe it should. Maybe this is what I need to get it through my head that I am not the only one affected by my actions.

*eeeeeek...sorry I sort of went off on a tangent here, I apologize*

Sammy

 

[SierraSky]

Sammyjo,

You have had a tough life haven't you, the last thread I read by you indicated you were leaving because of a disease, now you just had a miscarriage (I am sorry to hear that), you seem not to have the best luck lately. I hope things change for you soon. I hate to see a woman go through so many things in just a short time.

So all who read this after me, please lets pray for our dear Sammyjo and hope her life turns around for her.

Sierra

 

[Sammyjo]

Thank you SierraSky...it means a lot to know I have some really great cyber-friends, who care about my well-being.

It has been a difficult week. But I believe all things happen for a reason. What the reason for all this pain is, I do not know. Maybe it is to make me stronger.

 

[Carl East]

Love you all

Just thought I'd let you all know that she forgave me, thank you all for those kind words. It feels great to know that your friends will have a comforting word or two, and that those we love can forgive. That's just one of many reasons why I love this board, friends are made on a daily basis.

Carl.