Okay, so I'm sure this is just my family, but I have to rant, cus I'm ready to fucking break something. I've been out of school for a month. I am still unemployed. Not through lack of effort, however. I've been sending out applications and resume's, I'm on every jobfind website I can think of, I've applied for scholarships (to help pay for school, the whole point of me working), I go to the youth employment centres, I go to student employment centres, I'm going out of my mind trying to find work. But the job market where I live is INCREDIBLY competitive. So while I don't work, I do my artwork, some of which I sell. My mother decided that, while I was being so 'lazy' about finding a job, I could at least do allt he cleaning around the house (which I have been doing without being asked, for the last month), and that I should do a better job of it, spending at least 2 hours a day doing it. Fine. Then she proceeded to tell me that I'm a waste if I don't make myself useful. Like I don't feel shitty enough about not being able to find work. I feel useless enough already without her telling me that I'm a waste. My brain is screaming for some kind of task to perform, so I've been reading more than I've ever read before. I'm doing the artwork. I don't have money, so I'm creating gifts for people (I have 3 major birthdays that I have to make gifts for coming up). I'm teaching myself how to cook. And every time that I do cook, my parents bitch at me for not waiting for them to get home, even though they've told me they'll be home by a certain time, and then they show up late. I get no thanks for all the work I put in around the house. THEN, my parents decided that, despite the fact that I work out 5 days a week, they should start criticizing my weight. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I have a large, ugly ass. They don't understand why the love of my life loves me. They completely understand why my beautiful best friend gets all the attention. I should be ashamed of my large breasts, cus they're ugly and unattractive. I should do more to make myself look attractive. I should never wear sweatpants (even at home) cus they make me look fatter. I've been listening to this shit for a month now, and I'm at my breaking point. Why the fuck do parents do this shit? Aret hey trying to motivate me to do something, through their criticism? And I can't yell at them, and I can't just move out, cus they're helping to pay for my education, and if I don't behave, they stop paying, and I get educationally fucked.
I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT. Goddammit...
I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT. Goddammit...