Why do parents make their kids feel like shit? MAJOR rant ahead.

Ms_Lilith

Retired
Joined
Mar 12, 2002
Posts
44,387
Okay, so I'm sure this is just my family, but I have to rant, cus I'm ready to fucking break something. I've been out of school for a month. I am still unemployed. Not through lack of effort, however. I've been sending out applications and resume's, I'm on every jobfind website I can think of, I've applied for scholarships (to help pay for school, the whole point of me working), I go to the youth employment centres, I go to student employment centres, I'm going out of my mind trying to find work. But the job market where I live is INCREDIBLY competitive. So while I don't work, I do my artwork, some of which I sell. My mother decided that, while I was being so 'lazy' about finding a job, I could at least do allt he cleaning around the house (which I have been doing without being asked, for the last month), and that I should do a better job of it, spending at least 2 hours a day doing it. Fine. Then she proceeded to tell me that I'm a waste if I don't make myself useful. Like I don't feel shitty enough about not being able to find work. I feel useless enough already without her telling me that I'm a waste. My brain is screaming for some kind of task to perform, so I've been reading more than I've ever read before. I'm doing the artwork. I don't have money, so I'm creating gifts for people (I have 3 major birthdays that I have to make gifts for coming up). I'm teaching myself how to cook. And every time that I do cook, my parents bitch at me for not waiting for them to get home, even though they've told me they'll be home by a certain time, and then they show up late. I get no thanks for all the work I put in around the house. THEN, my parents decided that, despite the fact that I work out 5 days a week, they should start criticizing my weight. I'm fat. I'm ugly. I have a large, ugly ass. They don't understand why the love of my life loves me. They completely understand why my beautiful best friend gets all the attention. I should be ashamed of my large breasts, cus they're ugly and unattractive. I should do more to make myself look attractive. I should never wear sweatpants (even at home) cus they make me look fatter. I've been listening to this shit for a month now, and I'm at my breaking point. Why the fuck do parents do this shit? Aret hey trying to motivate me to do something, through their criticism? And I can't yell at them, and I can't just move out, cus they're helping to pay for my education, and if I don't behave, they stop paying, and I get educationally fucked.
I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT. Goddammit...
 
Cause many parents are dumb. Nothing more simple then that. Sorry babe.

*hug Snuggle*
 
Remember this feeling and in 20ish years time, don't repeat their mistakes - one day the cycle will be broken if enough people follow that advice.
 
:(

Don't worry about what they think darlin'.. you're a beautiful person, and you're trying your best. That's all that matters.
 
It's just the extreme of the "my way or the highway" bullshit parents pull on people they know can't do a damn thing about it.
 
It's called abuse, darlin.

Maybe you feel like you have to take it to get your education financed, and that's your perogative. I'd move out, and find a way to finance my education on my own.

If you let them control you so that they'll pay for school, they get to control you after, because you 'owe' them. "What do you mean you're working THERE??? After we paid for your education???"

There's no easy answer, but you're not in a healthy situation, and it's not going to get better with time.
 
*I'm actually fucking crying*

Trying my best ISN"T what matters. Not to them. Nor has it ever BEEN what matters. I'm not good enough. In any way. My brother is the thin one, the goodlooking one, the smarter one, the one who makes lots of money.

I'm the bad kid. And they don't hide that fact.
 
Well, if thin and money are what they equate with 'good' then they're the screwed up ones. I kinda feel sorry for people like that. Then I remember they're hurting someone I care about and value as a person and I want to strangle them. (metaphorically speaking--of course)

No matter what you do, to any extreme...ALWAYS remember you aren't all those things they say. Even if you choose the things they provicde are worth this abuse...and it is abuse, or even if you decide to just walk out of their lives, or (my favourite) somewhere in between. You know better, we know better, your bf knows better, your friends know better, and on and on and on. Someday when you aren't as close to them emotionally as they want you to be when they need you it'll hit them and they'll realize just how horrible they acted.

Hang in there and if there is anything I can do feel free to drop me a note anytime.

((hugs))
 
I gotta run, people.. I have a list of chores I have to do:

1)dust upstairs
2) vaccuum upstairs
3) wash all the upstairs windows
4) do all the washes
5) do all the ironing
6) do the dishes
7) weed the backyard gardens


tomorrow, I get to do all the downstairs stuff, and the bathrooms, and then weed the front gardens.
 
Looks like you are "the other kid" in their eyes. There will never be anything you can say or do to make them see this...if they care to begin with.

go see if you can bunk with a friend for a while til you get a place and can reimburse them for things or something and try summer school or something and get a little part time job to help pay for expenses.

And then when you get out of school and get a career going you can walk out and leave your "parents" behind.
 
vixenshe said:
*I'm actually fucking crying*

Trying my best ISN"T what matters. Not to them. Nor has it ever BEEN what matters. I'm not good enough. In any way. My brother is the thin one, the goodlooking one, the smarter one, the one who makes lots of money.

I'm the bad kid. And they don't hide that fact.

Sweetheart, you are a brilliant girl. You are smart and talented and strong willed. You are going to be someone very special in this life, and this is an unhappy but unavoidable time you have to get through. Be strong, and keep your eyes on the prize. The world will be yours someday, and sooner than you think.:heart:
 
Last edited:
Just to update everyoe on the chore situation (like you care)... I've got everything done except the vaccuuming, which I'm doing in about 5 mins, and the weeding, which will have to wait. I spent about an hour cleaning out my closet.

Thank you, Caroline...
 
So, my big confession, I clicked on here to plead the parents case because I have two adult kids and it was hell on earth when they were growing up. I would have killed to have a kid like you back then. My girls grew up to be awesome women, don't get me wrong, but it was really really hard.


Fact is, your folks have serious probems Hon. I do not doubt there is LOTS we don't know about the whole story but of all of the jobs parents have, trying to maintain our children's self esteem is the most important. You are resourceful, thoughtful, talented and you care about your future. Use those talents to help you get outta there.

If most of this is coming from your mom there is a whole ugly dynamic there that someday I hope to research. There is something about some mothers that make them compete with and tear down their female children. I broke that cycle in my family and am so greatful. I see my daughter parent her strong willed child and smile because there is never that horrible emotional abuse that some use to blackmail children into compliance.


Hang in there. Soon you will be able to get out of there. Oh and by the way, having student loans and leading the bohemian college life is not the end of the world.
 
The answer is simle: Because parents cant except the fact that their kids are growing up to be smarter, more independent, more computer literate (lol-that is sooo true), and more successful than they ever were.
 
I better learn to be pascifist, or there are going to be an awful lot of dead people on my hands one day.
 
Vixen, I swear it's like you're almost living my life. Anyway, you are not alone in this.

I moved back in with my folks for the summer. I do everything and they still complain. The only difference is that I'm working and so they want me to pay for everything too, I don't mind chiping in but they are way demanding. Still, I can't tell them to fuck off cause they're paying the college bills and use it as leverage all the time. The, "we don't have any money because of your bills", yada yada yada.

I always think about getting a loan and moving out of here, but it's tough finding a place and a job that will pay enough to cover the expenses. Job hunting sucks, I know.

Just remember, you're a great gal. Stop crying and keep searching. If you want to talk, e-mail me. (I'm also using their 'net, so being on Literotica alone is a miracle, til I get caught, but I'll take my chances.:) )

I'd say to talk to them (especially your mum, cause she's really stressing you out), and tell them how depressed they're making you feel coupled with the tough job search, which is not helping. Hopefully, they'll ease up, but then again, my folks didn't. Vent to them though, things may change.

Good luck, looks like we both need it.:kiss: :heart: :kiss:
 
Last edited:
Did my parents adopt you after I moved out?

Hang in there girl, I know what your going through..one day you will look back on this and not laugh but accept.....

Hell girl crying is alright.....my mother can still make me cry with her barbed comments...
 
Do all that Your Parents Say

When you are 30, you'll see they were trying to help you...Your parents' fault iz that they aren't cool

You'll be out of there soon

Then you'll see wut they mean, The world iz full of truly ugly and evil people

Stay home and obey the Rules...This iz how you rise above it all

Someday, you'll be in a Position to change the Rules...and you'll be surprised at how much you leave them the Same az they always were

The Same az it Always Wuz...Talking Heads

Demian

I'd like to see your Artist side:kiss:
 
worldz

The Sun in your Eyes is so Bright

But they Shouldn't Peer into the Shadows
Here iz my Heart

Days turn into Years
Smiles and Smiles

I'll be Gone before You really Find
Wut you think you Know:kiss:
 
update, at least about dad.

Okay, so when dad came home tonight, i told him that I needed to talk to him... I told him what my mom had said earlier in the day, and I nearly got to tears telling him how hard I'm working, and how much I do worry about money, and how I know what all the bills are like, and all that... I basically tried to make him see that I'm not expecting a free ride, and that I put myself under enough pressure to find work without him and mom adding more, and I asked him to, rather than criticize me, support me. He told me that he would have a talk with mom, and that he was sorry for being a jerk.
And then I added that I liked my ass just the way that it was, and he doesn't agree, but then I said, well.. if you did, I'd wonder. Which shut him up REAL fast. And then he mentioned that I should adjust the neckline of my shirt (I was showing cleavage), and I said no. I like my chest. They're my girls, and they're lovely. And he said I was sick, but I won the argument.

So one parent is taken care of. Now it's just mom. And that got more difficult when she got home, because we just found out that her mother is REALLY sick. Just found out after she got home, which made things worse... so... yeah... keep praying.

Thank you all for your thoughts.

And Demian? Fuck the rules.
 
Back
Top