Why Craig Kilborne is an asshole

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Last night during his monologue he began a joke with, "The FBI says that 40 Al Queda operatives are now in Los Angeles...", and then finished with the old punch line, "...but what they really want to do is direct", which is about as tired a punchline as you can deliver.

He's an asshole because he just told millions (well, okay, a few thousand) Los Angelinos that there are terrorists living in their city. The FBI says so.

The FBI actually said that they info that 40 Al Queda members may be on a ship heading to L.A., and that the Coast Guard was checking all incoming vessels.

But that's not as funny as saying those wacky terrorists are already here, and hope to get into show biz.

BELIEVE me I know that political correctness has no place in a comedy bit. But, the "comedy" part, about directing, which everyone knows is a joke, came after the "premise" part, about the FBI announcement that 40 terrorists are living in Los Angeles, which most people will assume is true.

That's how most bits like this work. You start with something true, then make a joke about it. The true part of his bit was altered to make the joke fly better, and I'm willing to bet a lot of people went to be freaking out last night.

He's an asshole.

 

[scylis]

He's an asshole.

*in my Dark Helmet costume*

i know that, but what's his name?

 

[riff]

Well, everybody is an asshole. In a way.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Sure, he may be.......

probably is - an asshole. Even worse but........

Didn't he just tell a joke delivered to him from his writers? His comedic writers?

Comedic writers, just like you?

Hmmmmmm?

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

No comic hosting a show doesn't tweak, edit, or toss out any of the jokes that his writers hand him. That's how it works.

It was a conscious decision to say that the FBI SAYS the Terrorists are already here, because it uses less words, which is how you write a premise. You write a premise as short as possible, otherwise your timing is fucked. And, of course, the whole "What they really wanna do is direct" thing doesn't make sense if they're sitting in a boat somewhere in the Pacific. It only works if they're actually here in Hollywood. So, Craig Kilborn, comic, who's been around, knew what he was doing when he started the bit off with "The FBI says 40 Al Queda are here in L.A." He worked the joke, he knew how to deliver it, and what it needed to fly, to make it funny (sorta).

Never mind that people will hear the premise part and think it's come from an actual news report.

He's an asshole.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

he was much better on The Daily Show (at least the viewers there knew it was a farce)...or ESPN for that matter.

 

[Starfish]

Hasn't he always been an asshole?

How does this sound?


"The FBI says there may be 40 terrorists trying to get into LA...

But what they really want to do when they get here....

is direct."


It sounds fine to me. It would have worked.

He is an asshole.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Exactly. What you just wrote was more succinct than what he delivered, which means it's funnier.

And you didn't have to imply that Abdul Killemall is living in 3G.

 

[miles]

I think the better joke is that anybody woould fucking move to LA.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Tell me about it. Every morning I wake up and say,"Thank God that dream is over. Wait a minute. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

 

[Siren]

 

[TubbyTrouble]

Craig is funnyier than Jon Stewart.

 

[Spinaroonie]

One of his former daily show coherts came on the air on a radio station a few years back and described Craig as "A man who can read cue cards well, but he then thinks he deserves all the credit in the world for the joke". He then later spelled out even more that Craig's a prick.

So a few points:

1. DCL, switch to Conan. You might already be there, Monday's a rerun, but it is better.

2. Mr Tubby, Jon rules.

 

[Shaq]

Who cares if he's an asshole...the real rub is that Conan is 7.9 times funnier than Kilborn...

 

[Guru]

 

[InnocentAngel81]

Re: Re: Why Craig Kilborne is an asshole

*in my Dark Helmet costume*

i know that, but what's his name?

i see you used the pic i sent you

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

I think yer giving him too much credit.....

sure he tweaks it up a bit - edits a bit - but he's a rube, a puppet - he doesn't edit to the extent that Starfish has taken it.

You are right. Starfish is right.

But he's a puppet. My bet is that if he caught any flack on this particular joke - the writer, or writers are the ones who took in on the chin.

And it (the negative oral diatribe) was probably not delivered by Kilborn himself - he had the Producer do it.

Kilborn's an ass - but not for having so much control that he edits to the extent you think. He's an ass because he doesn't edit to the extent you think - he can't - he does not have the talent.

 

[Starfish]

Re: I think yer giving him too much credit.....

He's an ass because he doesn't edit to the extent you think - he can't - he does not have the talent.

Right. This is true. He is too busy combing his hair in the mirror to practice improv.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I'm telling you, no comic hosting his own show is walking out there without going over the material, working it, changing it to fit his speech patterns, editing out the little works that will fuck up his timing. He chose to say the terrorists were here, instead of on their way here, because it helped the joke.

Gury, really, I don't need to lighten up. I'm a stand-up comic. I know how the whole game works. This has nothing to do with laughing at our troubles. This has to do with the difference between a premise and a punchline. The audience recognizes a punchline. But they also recognize a set-up that comes from truth.

It's like if Leno said "The White House reported today that the President once paid a hooker for sex. It's our own fault -- we voted for Bush." Terrible joke, the audience will groan at the punchline, but many of them will assume that the White House actually did report that Bush fucked a hooker. It's different, of course, if the Hooker part were the punchline, and not the premise. Like this: "The White House reported today that Bush is an honorable man who has never cheated on his wife, but that he also did a Hooker in college." This one's not even a joke, but you get my point? It's easy to tell what the White House "reported", and what Leno's making up.

All the jokes on SNL'S "Weekend Update" start with real stories. You start with what's true ("Congres today passed a gas bill...") with what's fake ("But it was passed in an elevator, and no one would admit it.").

Kilborne started with the very real sounding report that the FBI says that 40 Al Queda terrorists are living in Los Angeles, THEN came the joke.

Kilborne the comic needed the timing to work for the punchline, so he altered the "real" part of the bit. Not such a bad thing, but when the real part is an FBI report about enemy terrorists living in your city, you just gotta say, "Um, you were an asshole right there, Craig."

 

[Starfish]

I have to agree with Dixon, for the most part, on this matter. He shouldn't have done it, and he did have control to not do that, but I agree with Sparks comment about him having a lack of talent and not being smart or talented enough to make the change. This is not the first time he's delievered a very tastless joke that mislead people. He's had to apologise for that shit before. His writers are usually busy writing to feed meat headed college party people who might actually think that '...is direct' was hilariously witty and funny, so they really don't have to put much talent into their work either.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Okay, let me explain how the whole "joke" thing works. No comic just gets up and reads what his writers came up with. He practices. Even Craig Kilborne (is there an "e" at the end of his fucking name, or not?). Craig isn't untalented. He gets laughs. If he didn't he wouldn't have a show. So, let's not pretened he's some monkey puppet on a string reading a teleprompter. He practices. He takes the material, and works it. His delivery is smarmy, and a little snotty, and that doesn't just come, you have to work at it. You have to make sure the jokes aren't too wordy, or that the premises aren't too expository, and that the punchlines go through a thesaurus test to find just the right variation on the word "stupid" to fit the hippier-than-thou zeitgest of the late night crowd. Craig Kilborn ("e" or no "e"?) works on every word coming out his mouth.

Craig wasn't being malicious, and wasn't trying to scare anyone, he was just a dick for phrasing the joke like he did. And don't kid yourself, HE phrased it that way.

 

[Marxist]

Craig wasn't being malicious, and wasn't trying to scare anyone, he was just a dick for phrasing the joke like he did. And don't kid yourself, HE phrased it that way.

So you're in tiff because Craigers scared you? He'd be amused and offer you hair gel.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Do you just pretend to misinterpret things so you can use words like "hair gel"?

If you pointed all this out to Kilborn(e) he'd probably say, "Yeah, you're right, that sounded off. I should have changed it." Any comic would have said that. There are too many ways to write that premise. No one's married to material that arbitrary.

 

[Starfish]

Okay, I dig it, but they are still meat head feeders.

 

[Marxist]

Do you just pretend to misinterpret things so you can use words like "hair gel"?

I was wondering the same about you. The guy simply screwed up the wording on a lame joke that aired at 12:30 EST and you're tittering on edge.

Calm down and spend more time pretending to be Ricky Jay.