Why can't I stop....

[~melia~]

being so shy?


It really is starting to bother me.

The object of my desire came over the other night, and as usual, I turned into a bumbling idiot. When he walked in, I couldnt say anything so i just hugged him and we stood there for what seemed like an hour. He must have sensed what I was feeling because he just held me and told me it was ok. I wanted to cry.

Usually I can talk to him with no problem, but when it comes to romantic stuff, I freeze up. He asked me what I was thinking but I couldnt give him an answer because so many things were going through my head at the time and I couldnt think straight.

He knows I have this problem, so I think he knew I wasnt going to participate much. He told me to relax and just enjoy myself. Woohoo! Of course, he would never go farther than I wanted, so I wasnt scared at all. But he made me feel good, and I wanted to do the same for him, but I dont have the guts. The only thing I did do was kiss him before he left...baby steps I guess.

So, does anyone have any suggestions to help me open up with him and tell him how I feel. Or how I can be more confident with myself and make a move on him? He really is a wonderful guy and very patient with me, but I'm getting impatient with myself.

Thanks

 

[Weird Harold]

being so shy?


It really is starting to bother me.
...
So, does anyone have any suggestions to help me open up with him and tell him how I feel. Or how I can be more confident with myself and make a move on him? He really is a wonderful guy and very patient with me, but I'm getting impatient with myself.

A little "Chemical Assistance" perhaps? A drink or two to reduce your inhibitions might help you break through that first time barrier.

I'm not saying that you need to get drunk or stoned to be less shy -- just that sometimes social/romantic situations require a little lubrication to get unstuck. Alcohol has served to lubricate such situations for centuries.

I suspect, from other things you've posted, that this may not be a viable solution for you. The only alternative is to decide before he comes over that you're going to take one step closer to being bold instead of shy -- "Today I'm going to grope his butt when we hug." -- "Next time I see him I'm going to kiss his neck." -- "I'm going to caress his arms when he sits next to me." -- Etc.

Your comment about "baby steps" might be the key to your problem. Take things slow and gentle, but progress a bit each day.

There are two story series at ASSTR.org -- Karen Naked At School, and Karen Naked Outdoors -- that are about a young girl who goes naked in public as a way to overcome shyness. I don't think that it's a godd script for you to follow, but some of the characters thoughts and motivations seem very close to what you're going through. Those stories may give some ideas about prograssing in baby steps.

 

[Merelan]

Write a letter, go into detail about how you feel. Even if he never reads it, it will help you understand yourself better.

Baby steps is a super way to put that. Little steps at a time. No rush....

 

[~melia~]

Thanks everybody.
I'm trying to get him to come over again so I can work on it. I don't think it will be so bad the second time I see him.

 

[JUDO]

Release!

M -

Whatever thoughts, things to say, insights are roaming that mind of yours...release them. Let them come out.

If the guy can't handle the truth that is you, then he is not the man for you.

What are you worried about? That you will say the "wrong thing?" That you will do the "wrong thing?"

The only "right things" to say and do are those which come to you in your mind. Let it out. I think you will be surprised how your "heart's desire" will react to finally seeing the real you.

- Judo

 

[*Lazer*]

What you feel for him is geniune and sincere. I was in a position with someone just last year similar to yours. I knew I loved him but was afraid he would think I was nuts if I said it. I was afraid of the rejection. One night I just slipped and said it aloud (I had thought it for so long). He was silent for a minute and I thought I was going to die and yet I felt so relieved because I wasn't hiding my feelings anymore. I think you might be surprized by what he has already picked up guys are pretty smart that way. Take a chance and say how you feel. Believe me no one ever regrets saying "I love you" only by not saying it will you have regrets. Good Luck to you.

 

[Julian]

The Price You Pay

Do you like taking risk, chances? Have you ever been in a physical confrontation, be it a flight or fight moment? Do you bungee jump, climb rocks, or drink milk past the expiration date? Honestly, you're the only one who knows, and can decised whether the risk is worth the humiliation or the pain.

Some of the others here have pointed out how to get closer or why, but I am going to only remind you of the risk. What you need to find is a moment, one fraction of a second when you both align emotionally, trust has made itself known, and you can abandon your fears.

Despite my words, I believe in love: Love At First Sight, True Love, Agape Love, Unconditional Love, or whatever manner we will have to emotionally express ourselves to another person. But I've also been crushed, at the end of my spiritual ropes and probably on one end of a physical one. I just didn't have the guts to do anything about it...thus I live.

Magic is part of Love. You're going to find a second when you're going to feel despondent, frightened and upset for opening up. But at times you can also feel this about yourself when you don't open up or reveal yourself to the one you have feelings for. Thus, wait for a moment, a kiss, a touch, a glance, something that tells you "this is magical", not in words, but in your heart.

If the Love isn't reciprocated or equal, don't give up. Never do, please, always continue your search. Cry, wail, scream, shout, e-mail, call or whatever you must do, but don't give up. I can't give a judgment as to why you're shy, or tell yo how to attain someone. Be You...be the Lady you are...nothing less. No Mask, cleavage, sexual prowess, money, threat or rash decision will make anyone love you more. If they can't handle that, say "Good riddance" & be done with them.

These are the last parting words I can give you in the idea of not losing hope. Be You...if not..."Their loss is someone elses' gain; your loss is someone elses' pain."

Good luck...no bribes!

"It can't rain all the time..."




Julian

 

[Searching]

Love .. what is it and how do you find true love... a love that touches you so deep in soul,, touches you in places that you thought never existed. I have been in so called love for many years and have to wonder how in just a few kind words a few lines on a screen someone can stur in you emotions you thought were dead and gone. How does one deal with this . It scares me so much. Nothing good ever comes of love only pain. I search for someone who can teach me how to love and to let me love them. Until I find them.. I will keep searching ....... and in the words of Julian the artist..thus I live.

Searching for love

 

[orgasmatron]

hey there melia . . .
i know exactly how you feel . . . in this situation, and about being shy in general.
i, too, was once very shy . . . i had all the same feelings i have now, the same attitudes, beliefs, etc., inside-but they wouldn't come out. Over the years, as i've gotten to know myself better, to trust my instincts, and to feel very good about myself, all of that has melted away.
I truly know that the key to this and practically every 'problem' in life is to look inward, ask yourself what you really want and really need, and trust the first honest answer you get back. I know this sounds simple in theory, but it takes time to learn to trust-yourself first. After that, you can trust anyone and will always feel comfortable with yourself and others, in every situation, sexually and otherwise.
I hope this helps you a bit-there's a lot more i could talk about to you.
best of luck~

O