Why can't i be good?

[speedy tortoise]

Just recently i've tried to behave myself as much as possible, but i keep wanting to be bad. Whenever i have a new partner, i try not to give them cause to be rough with me, i try to please them, but I always end up displeasing them in some way and having to be punished. So now i need to know, is it because it's good to be bad or bad to be good?

 

[LadyAndrivete]

Deleted.

 

[Kajira Callista]

How about asking for pain instead of misbehaving to get it? Btw i dont really think Masters LIKE to punish their slave...if you need to act poorly to get his attention i would say you need to re-evaluate the person you are with.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

IMNSHO, there are two different issues involved here.

Speedy tortoise says, "i try not to give them cause to be rough with me, i try to please them, but I always end up displeasing them in some way and having to be punished."

The first question that arises is, does st "end up displeasing them" because she's not capable of performing at an acceptable level, because she chooses not to perform at an acceptable level, or because the Dominant involved refuses to be pleased? If she's not capable of performing the required task(s), then her Dominant needs to reduce the level of performance required, or teach her to perform adequately. This is not a punishment issue; it's a training issue.

If she chooses not to perform appropriately, it becomes a punishment issue, but perhaps the discipline is being inadequately considered. See the notes below regarding LadyA's post.

If it's because the Dominant refuses to be pleased, then it's not really a matter of her pleasing him, but his wanting to "punish" her for a non-existent fault - something I consider wrong.

LadyA says, "My previous master got bored with me because I ALWAYS did EVERYTHING just perfect. I gave him no cause to punish me. I know there's no such thing as the perfect slave... but if there were, I would've been a model for the position. I did things so well that he would begin legitimately start doing things and blaming them on me just so he would get to punish me. Even when that wasn't as effective anymore... I starting acting out just because I knew it gave him pleasure to punish me.

In my opinion not all masters want a "perfect slave", otherwise they'd just hire a maid and tie her up every once in awhile...and where's the fun in that?"

Yikes! Issue one: "he would ... start doing things and blaming them on me just so he would get to punish me." Sorry. That's not punishment. It's straight-out dishonesty to try to justify a sadistic desire as an undeserved punishment.

Issue two: "I started acting out just because I knew it gave him pleasure to punish me." So you played into his dishonesty, by being untrue to yourself. You wanted to do everything perfectly, by your own admission, and say that you did so. Therefore, to deliberately "act out" so he could indulge his sadistic desire without guilt (because you did do something wrong in order to "let" him punish you) is to violate your own standards of conduct to give him an illicit pleasure.

Issue three: "...not all masters want a "perfect slave", otherwise they'd just hire a maid and tie her up every once in awhile...and where's the fun in that?"

Ummm... I've been "doing this" - living the lifestyle - for most of the last 30 years. I want a perfect slave, or as close to it as she can be. I do not want to ever feel it necessary to discipline her. I am a sadist. I want to create pain - physical and emotional (e.g. public humiliation, etc.) - and I want that pain to be what she desires as well.

If I discipline her, it will not be with pain of the type we both crave as part of our psychosexual relationship - it will be a pain of the spirit, letting her know that she has failed, in some regard, in being who and what she is, and failed me.

I have to agree with Kajira Callista, and expand to some degree: if you (the submissive/slave) desire pain, ask for it. If he (the Dominant/Master) desires to give pain (be sadistic), he needs to find someone for whom the desire for pain (physical and/or emotional) is a part of her makeup - not make dishonesty a central part of their relationship, by pairing with someone who considers pain a punishment.


edited to correct typo.

 

[WriterDom]

Reminds me of the secretary movie. Where she wants the punishment so bad she mails him a worm.

My punishment is something she won't enjoy. Not something we both enjoy.

 

[Netzach]

This is why I like being asked for the pain scene.

God, it takes the guesswork out of this.

That said, I like to sometimes paint my slaves into corners, I don't like anyone getting the idea that they are perfect or if I sense them getting too perfectionistic and hung up on their own ego-based notion of "good slave" I will sometimes give them a task I know they will fail.

I think it's important to be reminded that your minor failure is noticed, corrected, and you're still worthy and lovable in spite of it.

 

[InnerDarkness]

Reminds me of the secretary movie. Where she wants the punishment so bad she mails him a worm.

My punishment is something she won't enjoy. Not something we both enjoy.

I liked it at the end when she made the bed and then pulled the bug out of her pocket and put it on the bedspread and just smiiiiiiiiled....

 

[LadyAndrivete]

Deleted.

 

[RJMasters]

I liked it at the end when she made the bed and then pulled the bug out of her pocket and put it on the bedspread and just smiiiiiiiiled....

It all fun and games till you have to eat the bug for dinner...just remember that

 

[RJMasters]

I'm with Winston.

I just think it would be better for all involved just to admit he liked to give out pain, and you to some degree enjoyed receiving it from him. Just saves so many mis-understandings, and it makes for a much more solid and honest built relationship.

 

[speedy tortoise]

It is my nature to try as hard as possible to please. Yes, i enjoy pain, but i would never fail my master or mistress just to experience pain. When i am given a task, i will try my hardest to accomplish it in a satisfactory way. If i fail it is because i am inadequate, not because i have not tried.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Your raise some excellent points Sir Winston... however, while I am still young at only being in service for only a year. My master was himself, very experienced but I believe very unsure of what he wanted out of his slaves. Not only did he take on multiple servants, but sometimes neglected their health, well-being, and at times-sanity. While I know some masters might exhibit some of those same things... it violated the contract that was set forth in the beginning and in my opinion was void within about the first three months of the term of service.

Just my humble opinions. Feel free to string me up a tree for being an inexperiences slave.

LadyA, I understood from context that you were young and had not been in service for a long period of time. My objections were first, that your Master was being dishonest and/or deceitful; second, that you were being untrue to yourself by allowing him to be so; and third, that giving pain simply because one wants to is a normal part of sadism, just as accepting pain simply because one wants to and one's partner is willing (or eager, lol) to provide it is a normal part of masochism. Why not simply acknowledge that, instead of hiding it behind spurious "punishment?"

Your further description of your erstwhile Master also concerns me.

A "very experienced" Master does not, to my mind, balance with "being unsure of what he wants" or "neglecting the health, well-being and sanity" of his slaves. I'm glad you apparently got out of that situation with your health, well-being and sanity in good repair.

As far as stringing you up a tree for being an inexperienced slave - nah... while I would probably enjoy stringing a slave up to a tree, it would be for the pleasure of watching her struggle... seeing her toes scrabble for some point of support as they hung just above the ground... watching the tears flow as she accepted that she was completely at my mercy (which she always is/was) and could not alter my intentions by tears, pleas or argument.

But for being inexperienced? Nope. That just requires proper training.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

It is my nature to try as hard as possible to please. Yes, i enjoy pain, but i would never fail my master or mistress just to experience pain. When i am given a task, i will try my hardest to accomplish it in a satisfactory way. If i fail it is because i am inadequate, not because i have not tried.

st, the part of my prior post that addressed your situation specified three possibilities, the first of which (inability to perform to specification) you "admit." My comment, if that were the case, was that this was not an issue for "punishment," but for teaching, or reduction in the level of performance required. If I were to require a slave to bench-press 80 pounds, knowing that she is physically incapable of pressing more than 50, should I then discipline her for failing to meet unrealistic expectations? No. Should I place her on a weight-training regimen that will increase her capability until she is able to meet that expectation, or reduce the requirement? Yes.

How many times do I have to say it, in how many threads? I am a sadist. I enjoy giving pain to someone I care for, who enjoys accepting the pain I provide. I don't need to set her up for failure, so I can use disciplining her as an excuse to give her pain. I simply tell her to bend over (or whatever) and I make that pain happen, and we both get pleasure from it.

Making excuses to provide pain to one's sub/slave is weak; it's hiding from one's own reality; it's lying. How much easier it would be, for one to simply say, "I am a sadist," and the other, "I am a masochist," and both enjoy what they share.

 

[LadyAndrivete]

Deleted.