Why are gf's/wives jealous of exes?

[Grrrn38]

Please 'splain this to me.

I have a habit of remaining friendly with old lovers. It has to do with liking people before hopping into bed, I think. But love fades, friendship remains, lives go on.

Often, when you run into an old bf the wife or gf is incredibly jealous of any conversation. Believe me, I'm no Elle MacPherson (in fact, more often than not the newer model is both younger and prettier than yours truly). Don't these women get it -- if this guy wanted to be with his ex, he would be?

What's with this insecurity? And should I have it, too? Maybe I need to be more suspicious...

 

[CreamyLady]

Because sometimes the ex isn't ex enough.

Because sometimes comparisons pop up, and the new girlfriend/wife is on the losing side.

Because sometimes people feel insecure and have trouble with relationships, and having someone greet their lover/husband like an old friend and talk over old times (excluding them) is just too much to handle.

Because sometimes closure on the past is absolutely necessary for someone's peace of mind, however insane it seems.

 

[jcgirl]

some ex's dont stay ex's

 

[Nicole]

Because sometimes the ex isn't ex enough.

Because sometimes comparisons pop up, and the new girlfriend/wife is on the losing side.

Because sometimes people feel insecure and have trouble with relationships, and having someone greet their lover/husband like an old friend and talk over old times (excluding them) is just too much to handle.

Because sometimes closure on the past is absolutely necessary for someone's peace of mind, however insane it seems.

What she said (well Done CL) and the fact that they have fucked you doesn't exactly help either.

 

[Chuckus]

I for one have not understood it. I don't get it, though it is a womans perogative to do so and be jealous, etc.... but for me when someone is MY EX, they remain so. I have not ever gone back to an EX (be it a g/f or my ex wife) other than to simply be civil. There are special occasions where I am friends with an ex, but it is not the same nor will it ever be the same as it was before she was an ex. I may be the exception and not the rule but that is my two cents worth.
I think also it is nature working. I agree with CL's statement
"Because sometimes people feel insecure and have trouble with relationships, and having someone greet their lover/husband like an old friend and talk over old times (excluding them) is just too much to handle.

Because sometimes closure on the past is absolutely necessary for someone's peace of mind, however insane it seems."

I think that can be the case and often is the case, but coming from me, If I am talking to an ex, there are no feelings there other than me being a distant friend. I mean there is no point in not being a decent person, unless of course they tried to burn down your house or something like that........

 

[sqweek21]

Girls are naturally jealous of other girls (at least I think) because we view other girls as competition. My boyfriend has an ex that he is really close with and it drives me crazy and he knows it, he needs to constantly remind me that if he wanted to be with her then he would be. I still get insecure though about them talking all the time and her still being a part of his life...he's mine now!

 

[Angel]

I am still jealous of my bf's ex, even though she looks like an inverted camel.

Mainly it's because they were together on and off for two years, she cheated on him repeatedly, gave him a (curable thank the powers that be) *social* disease, treated him like shit, and still he kept going back to her. So even though I treat him like a king, there is still that niggling fear that he's just a glutton for punishment and will someday go back again.

 

[Lady Macbeth]

women are vicious tigers!

Women are jealous of ex's or old girlfriends for 2 reasons. 1. It is because they are not secure enough in their own relationship and with themselves as a person to trust their significant other enough to be anywhere near the other woman for fear of losing him.
2. It's not him she distrusts; it's the other woman! Woman are manipulating and conniving and will do or say anything sometimes to get what they want no matter who they hurt in the process!!!! now Ladies, I am not saying we are all that way, but. . . . . . No one should ever underestimate the power of a woman!

 

[bulld]

Re: women are vicious tigers!

No one should ever underestimate the power of a woman!

Amen to that!! I remember a time....and now the scars barely show.

Women are not the only ones who are insecure. Men are just as bad if not worse. The reason that women are jealous of the ex is because men are weak, show them a little leg and cleavage and it's off to the races. We (men) have to start showing a little more self-control and treat that special woman in our lives with the love and affecton that she needs and deserves. I know it sounds a little schmaltzy but it's true, Guys just keep the significant other in mind and your dick in your pants.

 

[Guest]

I used to be a very jealous person. But I guess I learned to deal with it. My husband talks to his ex every other weekend... and at first it really really bothered me. But after I got to know her, I realized that he would be REALLY stupid to go back to her and leave me

 

[bulld]

When the wife and I started dating I was still close to my ex girl friend. I introduced them and they became fast friends and never had a pbm. It all comes down to who I was with since we were dating and the ex and I mostly yacked on the phone it was no pbm for the wife to become her friend. We still go and see her when we go north to see the wifes sister.

 

[Grrrn38]

Girls are naturally jealous of other girls (at least I think) because we view other girls as competition...

This is where I think we my problem is. The competition thing doesn't seem to be gender-specific. It seems to be an equal-opportunity issue. I guess that since I have a past peopled with all sorts of characters I expect that anyone that comes into my life will, too. I wouldn't entertain a request to exclude anyone from my life and certainly wouldn't make that request of someone else.

But I can see where the points which have been made could make people think that way. I imagine there have been some "once bitten, twice shy" lessons learned along the way that have helped people form those opinions.

 

[dancinvixen]

Please 'splain this to me.

I have a habit of remaining friendly with old lovers. It has to do with liking people before hopping into bed, I think. But love fades, friendship remains, lives go on.

Often, when you run into an old bf the wife or gf is incredibly jealous of any conversation. Believe me, I'm no Elle MacPherson (in fact, more often than not the newer model is both younger and prettier than yours truly). Don't these women get it -- if this guy wanted to be with his ex, he would be?

What's with this insecurity? And should I have it, too? Maybe I need to be more suspicious...

Grrn, I think a lot of it has to do with competition. Whether we women admit it or not, we compete very fiercely. It's not always something we do on a conscious level. It all has to do with the cave man days, and the winner takes all, including the man and his sperm. Procreation of the race. I know it sounds bad, but that's just the way it is.