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Why Am I Here?

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UnderTheStairs

Experienced
Joined
Sep 26, 2010
Posts
62
Right now, millions of young men like myself are scouring the web, seeking the elusive woman who will -- upon poorly-written request or sighting of grainy photograph of a stubby cock -- lavish upon them a stream of erotic, virtual bliss.

Moved to action by lust and a lack of motivation or ability to develop a real-life connection, they lose themselves in the web -- its chat rooms, its message boards, its videos of women subjecting themselves to the darkest fantasies developed by the male mind.

I wrote "young men like myself," but hope that I can prove to be different.

Let me take a step back. I am a 25/m from the northeast U.S. I'm college-educated and have a good job (well, it's not perfect, but I can't complain in these times). It may not matter, but I am attractive: six feet tall; an athletic physique; short, thick brown hair; bluish-green eyes; an a face that gives me the appearance of a teenager rather than a 25-year-old. I have a healthy social life -- good friends and, although I'm no casanova, opportunities to date desirable women.

So, why am I here?

I'm happy being single and am not at a point in my life where I want to enter a long-term relationship. I'd like to consider opportunities that arise. I'd like to continue school. I'd like to advance my career. I'd like to move around a little bit. In short, I don't want to be tied down.

While I've decided to live the life of a bachelor for the time being, it is not without drawbacks. I miss the sexual intimacy that develops in long-term relationships. It is difficult, on a second date over glasses of wine, to inquire about a potential sex partner's stance on assplay or name-calling.

I don't expect to meet someone here and develop the kind of bond shared by two people in a monogamous, long-term relationship. The web allows for a degree of anonymity that protects its users from the judging eye, but that doesn't mean its users can't develop an intimate connection, even if it is somewhat ethereal.

All of that being said, I am here to find friends with whom I can develop intimate relationships and engage in online sexual adventure, even if the relationships I develop are relegated to secrecy or diminished priority.

I hope to hear from you soon.
 
UnderTheStairs said:
Right now, millions of young men like myself are scouring the web, seeking the elusive woman who will -- upon poorly-written request or sighting of grainy photograph of a stubby cock -- lavish upon them a stream of erotic, virtual bliss.

Moved to action by lust and a lack of motivation or ability to develop a real-life connection, they lose themselves in the web -- its chat rooms, its message boards, its videos of women subjecting themselves to the darkest fantasies developed by the male mind.

I wrote "young men like myself," but hope that I can prove to be different.

Let me take a step back. I am a 25/m from the northeast U.S. I'm college-educated and have a good job (well, it's not perfect, but I can't complain in these times). It may not matter, but I am attractive: six feet tall; an athletic physique; short, thick brown hair; bluish-green eyes; an a face that gives me the appearance of a teenager rather than a 25-year-old. I have a healthy social life -- good friends and, although I'm no casanova, opportunities to date desirable women.

So, why am I here?

I'm happy being single and am not at a point in my life where I want to enter a long-term relationship. I'd like to consider opportunities that arise. I'd like to continue school. I'd like to advance my career. I'd like to move around a little bit. In short, I don't want to be tied down.

While I've decided to live the life of a bachelor for the time being, it is not without drawbacks. I miss the sexual intimacy that develops in long-term relationships. It is difficult, on a second date over glasses of wine, to inquire about a potential sex partner's stance on assplay or name-calling.

I don't expect to meet someone here and develop the kind of bond shared by two people in a monogamous, long-term relationship. The web allows for a degree of anonymity that protects its users from the judging eye, but that doesn't mean its users can't develop an intimate connection, even if it is somewhat ethereal.

All of that being said, I am here to find friends with whom I can develop intimate relationships and engage in online sexual adventure, even if the relationships I develop are relegated to secrecy or diminished priority.

I hope to hear from you soon.
Click to expand...

I'm bumping this because I love your writing and you deserve to be heard. Good luck!
 
More then likely she will have the same inhibitions about bringing up the subject as well
 
Why I Am Here

I didn't mean to get involved. Really, I didn't. I was just standing by the door. It was dark, I was looking down, but I couldn't see anything. Someone pushed me. I was weightless. Then I felt air rushing past my face and I knew I was falling. In my other life I was very good at school. In science class, there was this formula. It told you how long you could fall before you hit something. I could probably remember the formula, but I'm not good at math.

Then I hit something.

I thought I was dead. I couldn't breathe. Then I realized I wasn't dead at all. The wind was just knocked out of me. When I could breathe again, I could still feel the wind on my face. I was still falling, just not as fast. I looked up and saw the canopy. I felt the straps under my shoulders. I realized I was wearing some kind of parachute.

I broke out of the clouds. It was suddenly bright and it hurt my eyes. I didn't know where I was. I was still coming down pretty fast. I was wondering what it would be like when I hit the ground.

“Thump!”

It was about like when I jumped off the top of mom's minivan when I was six. I fell backwards over my heels. I wriggled to my feet and looked around.

“Hey! This is pretty cool!” I said. Then the 'chute landed on me.

So, that's sort of a word picture, but maybe you don't like word pictures. Anyway, I was tired of telling how I got mouth-raped when I was [censored]. The experience hyper-sexualized me, my shrink said. He said I needed to suck his cock to get better. (Just kidding) I did suck a lot of cock, though. At first, I was a slut. Then I learned you were supposed to kiss and stuff first. So then I became a hott grrl. My tits weren't big enough to be a cheerleader, but I was a Glitter Grrl. I was everyone's sweetheart. I was the little blond on the top of the pyramid. My legs were a little too long, my hair a little too blond, my ass a little too tight.

I was really pretty afraid of sex. Oh, not of diseases, or getting pregnant. It's just like there is no “safe sex” for girls. Sex is very dangerous for girls. Guys, they can dip it, shake it off, and they're gone. Girls, we take a guy inside us. I've learned to my sorrow, they never really come back out. Oh, it's not the cum. Cum comes out eventually, but I carry around pieces of every guy I have been with. They're somewhere in my memory. Well, not exactly my memory, maybe my mind. When I was Catholic, I had a soul to carry things like that around in. When I needed to, I could go to confession and get my soul emptied out. Now? I'm not so sure. I don't believe in souls any more. The guy-pieces are still in there somewhere. I used to know where the pieces were. I don't any more.

Most guys are not nearly as good at fucking as they THINK they are. I mean, one of the first things a girl learns is to say, “Oh my god, it's HUGE! I've never HAD one that big!” The SECOND thing a girl learns is how to fake an orgasm. Guys? Well, they either get hard, or they don't. They either cum, or they don't. Kind of hard to fake it.

Guys have to be brave to have sex. I admire them for that. I can be a chicken-shit and no one can tell. Guys have to let it all hang out. (so to speak) Anyway, I really like guys, but I got tired of all the pieces I was carrying around, and the fucking wasn't all that great, and there WERE diseases and shit, so finally I decided I'd maybe lay back a little on the genital sex.

The guys hardly noticed. Most guys would WAY rather get sucked off than have to navigate their way through her verbal haze and gyno-maze only to be confronted by the “G-spot,” I mean I read this “Cosmo” article and I was like, “God! He'd have to have a Charmin' Garmin to get there!" So I developed my famous crotch-dive. When things start to get serious, I go for his cock. It's a matter of control. When I'm sucking a guy, he thinks he's “getting some,” but baby, it's really me. It's all me, sweetheart!

Guys! Look at it this way: If my mouth is full of cock, you know you won't have to listen to me vent.

So all that sex and screwing around didn't help at all. I even tried to act out some of my rape fantasies. That sounds so great, and there will be fifteen posts after this one about how “I met this guy on the internet and it was the best yada yada yada,” and it will be TRUE! But that stuff never happens to me.

So what DOES help is writing about what happened to me, what COULD have happened to me, what SHOULD have happened to me, and sometimes what DIDN'T happen to me. In other words, I'm here for therapy. My therapists are “the rapists” on the board. I don't mean, “Tell me about your childhood, Jamie.” I mean just the ordinary sharing of fantasies, sometimes some role playing. Posting and telling “my story” over and over helps me “own” what happened to me.

It's all mine now, it's not about them. It's not about what happened to me then, it's about now. Unfortunately, most of what happened to me was way before I was eighteen. After that, I really cleaned up my act. Kinda-sorta. So I go on here to replace some of what I was trying to get in what used to pass for my “real life.”

I was like, "Hey! This is pretty cool!" Then the 'chute landed on me.

Love,

Jamie

PS: The REAL reason I'm here is that quantum mechanics teaches that it is impossible to know exactly where anything is at exactly the same time as you know exactly what it is doing. In other words, everything made itself, but not on purpose. One part of the universe made itself while the other part wasn't looking.

I'm a fluke of that universe. I have no right to be here. And whenever I try to ignore it, I can hear the universe laughing behind my back. But when I look, I can't hear the laughing any more, because quantum mechanics teaches that it is impossible to know exactly where anything is at exactly the same time as you know exactly what it is doing.
 
Hello Under, you have a wonderful way with words and so does mcevin. Love both posts. I hope you find what you're looking for soon. :)
 
UnderTheStairs said:
It is difficult, on a second date over glasses of wine, to inquire about a potential sex partner's stance on assplay or name-calling.
Click to expand...

Yes, it is. But this time I met this guy on a first date at Stromboli's, before it closed for serving wine to minors, which I was at the time. So anyway, my back pack tumped over and my handcuffs fell out. After that, ass-play and name-calling were pretty tame.

Love,

Jamie
 
mcevin said:
Yes, it is. But this time I met this guy on a first date at Stromboli's, before it closed for serving wine to minors, which I was at the time. So anyway, my back pack tumped over and my handcuffs fell out. After that, ass-play and name-calling were pretty tame.

Love,

Jamie
Click to expand...

Love it!
 
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