Who Wrote This?

[annaswirls]

How well do you know your literotica poets??

I did this a while back, and was re-inspired by wildsweetone's question thread---

So it is basic, just for FUN!

Try to guess who wrote this one: no google cheating. No peeking. This one should be easy.

Free bottle of tums to the person who get it right first. I have a case in the closet.

Maybe you fly with needles,
eyes rolling mad, your ax blown
in frenzied staccato fantasies
or dripped moan-smooth in ballads.

It's all blues.

 

[Guest]

I think that sounds like Angeline.

 

[LeBroz]

agree2 — if only because blues are Ange's turf. Thankfully Lauren isn't a choice; I seem to remember she had at least one blues piece. Then the choice might be really tough.

 

[Liar]

Gonna go out on a limb here and say WSO. Just because.

 

[Angeline]

I'm pretty sure I recall this one so I'll stay out of it.

 

[WickedEve]

I'm pretty sure I recall this one so I'll stay out of it.

I don't know if it's yours, but it doesn't quite sound like you. The blues things makes me think Ange, but...

It could be me and I forgot.

 

[annaswirls]

Answer: Angeline

from her poem Birdman one I had not read before last week-- definately worth the click and read...

 

[Angeline]

Answer: Angeline

from her poem Birdman one I had not read before last week-- definately worth the click and read...

When I first read the lines yesterday, I forgot I wrote it lol. But the "fly with needles" line made me remember. I have Charlie Parker references scattered through some jazz poems, but I remembered that needles line was in Birdman.

(I did recall before I posted my "guess" in the thread though. )

Thanks for using it. You're a sweetie.

(I just reread it. It needs an edit. Everything needs an edit. That's my new mantra.)

 

[anonamouse]

frenzied staccato fantasies

is so unlike you - works well though

 

[Angeline]

frenzied staccato fantasies

is so unlike you - works well though

It works, to me anyway, because it's an apt description of Charlie Parker's sound.

But later in the poem I wrote:

It's all blues. You get blown
every which way, but some people
just don't seem to comprehend
that even this desecration
is spirit, produces infinite beauty.

"but some people just don't seem to comprehend" is an excellent example of why explaining is the number one sin in a poem. It's wordy and not a word of it helps the poem. Also it's an idea that is irrelevent to what the poem is about.

I may change it this way:

It's all blues,
desecration of spirit rapt
in infinite beauty

which I think is closer to what I really meant, and I like the wordplay of "rapt." It suggests "wrapped" but works either way. I could change "infinite beauty," which sounds tell-ish or maybe cliche-ish at first read, but I don't think it is. To me, Parker's music is about beautiful self-destructiveness.

 

[twelveoone]

It works, to me anyway, because it's an apt description of Charlie Parker's sound.

But later in the poem I wrote:

It's all blues. You get blown
every which way, but some people
just don't seem to comprehend
that even this desecration
is spirit, produces infinite beauty.

"but some people just don't seem to comprehend" is an excellent example of why explaining is the number one sin in a poem. It's wordy and not a word of it helps the poem. Also it's an idea that is irrelevent to what the poem is about.

I may change it this way:

It's all blues,
desecration of spirit rapt
in infinite beauty

which I think is closer to what I really meant, and I like the wordplay of "rapt." It suggests "wrapped" but works either way. I could change "infinite beauty," which sounds tell-ish or maybe cliche-ish at first read, but I don't think it is. To me, Parker's music is about beautiful self-destructiveness.

playing with: I'd keep "infinite beauty" unless of course you come up with something better may be a small problem with the the two in's

It's all the blues
desecration of spirit
rapt in infinite beauty

tossing out for your perusal "indefinite" but mostly because of the D sound echo of desecration and the D stop

1. not definite; without fixed or specified limit; unlimited: an indefinite number.
2. not clearly defined or determined; not precise or exact: an indefinite boundary; an indefinite date in the future
def 1 works, but I'm not sure you want def 2

 

[Angeline]

playing with: I'd keep "infinite beauty" unless of course you come up with something better may be a small problem with the the two in's

It's all the blues
desecration of spirit
rapt in infinite beauty

tossing out for your perusal "indefinite" but mostly because of the D sound echo of desecration and the D stop

1. not definite; without fixed or specified limit; unlimited: an indefinite number.
2. not clearly defined or determined; not precise or exact: an indefinite boundary; an indefinite date in the future
def 1 works, but I'm not sure you want def 2

I like "indefinite." It takes the line in an unexpected direction. Def 2 doesn't work as well as 1, agreed, but most readers would assume Def 1 anyway.

This demonstrates why it's never too late to edit. I wrote Birdman at least two years ago and haven't reread it in a year or so. I didn't think about things like economy of language or the need to show rather than tell as I do now. There are other changes I'll make that will improve the poem that never would have occurred to me when I first wrote it.

 

[twelveoone]

I like "indefinite." It takes the line in an unexpected direction. Def 2 doesn't work as well as 1, agreed, but most readers would assume Def 1 anyway.

This demonstrates why it's never too late to edit. I wrote Birdman at least two years ago and haven't reread it in a year or so. I didn't think about things like economy of language or the need to show rather than tell as I do now. There are other changes I'll make that will improve the poem that never would have occurred to me when I first wrote it.

catch this?
rapt indefinite beauty (printed)
wrapped in definite beauty (heard)
despite being a pun, I feel it strenghens the message, sort of like Eliot's use of hollow stuffed
take that jd4geoge where ever you are

 

[Angeline]

catch this?
rapt indefinite beauty (printed)
wrapped in definite beauty (heard)
despite being a pun, I feel it strenghens the message, sort of like Eliot's use of hollow stuffed
take that jd4geoge where ever you are

I didn't catch it until you pointed it out. This sort of thing has happened enough to me though to make me believe that the subconscious of one (or more) poets can come up with amazing wordplay in spite of the conscious mind's best efforts to undermine them.

 

[annaswirls]

It works, to me anyway, because it's an apt description of Charlie Parker's sound.

But later in the poem I wrote:

It's all blues. You get blown
every which way, but some people
just don't seem to comprehend
that even this desecration
is spirit, produces infinite beauty.

"but some people just don't seem to comprehend" is an excellent example of why explaining is the number one sin in a poem. It's wordy and not a word of it helps the poem. Also it's an idea that is irrelevent to what the poem is about.

I may change it this way:

It's all blues,
desecration of spirit rapt
in infinite beauty

which I think is closer to what I really meant, and I like the wordplay of "rapt." It suggests "wrapped" but works either way. I could change "infinite beauty," which sounds tell-ish or maybe cliche-ish at first read, but I don't think it is. To me, Parker's music is about beautiful self-destructiveness.

I like the wordplay of rapt / wrapped as well.... makes it feel kind of like a Mobius stip to me, the two running around an infinate loop....

I agree with your wanting to change the "but some people just don't seem to comprehend" line-- but not as much for the rule of not explaining, more of the rule of not going there with the assumption that other people do not understand. I guess that has always been a pet peeve of mine in poetry, tee-shirts and elsewhere. Not sure why it annoys me so much. It actually did not bother me in this poem, but I like it better without.

I am glad you went back and put some work into this poem! It really is a gem. Isn't editing older stuff fun?

 

[annaswirls]

This sort of thing has happened enough to me though to make me believe that the subconscious of one (or more) poets can come up with amazing wordplay in spite of the conscious mind's best efforts to undermine them.

Amen!!! Damn that conscious mind, really messes things up if you don't keep it under wraps. or is that rapts?

 

[Angeline]

I like the wordplay of rapt / wrapped as well.... makes it feel kind of like a Mobius stip to me, the two running around an infinate loop....

I agree with your wanting to change the "but some people just don't seem to comprehend" line-- but not as much for the rule of not explaining, more of the rule of not going there with the assumption that other people do not understand. I guess that has always been a pet peeve of mine in poetry, tee-shirts and elsewhere. Not sure why it annoys me so much. It actually did not bother me in this poem, but I like it better without.

I am glad you went back and put some work into this poem! It really is a gem. Isn't editing older stuff fun?

I save almost everything I write because I don't trust my appraisal of a poem immediately after I've written it. I either think it's wonderful (in which case readers seem to have a "blah" reaction to it) or mediocre (in which case my readers think it's wonderful lol). Go figure.

I like to rework my old stuff. It gets me through the slow times, like now, and I get to see what I've learned since I first wrote it.

And I always figure either everyone or no one will understand what I mean. I'm working on embracing my shades of gray.