Who says men…

[rgraham666]

Don't enjoy shopping?

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares... and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

 

[Guest]

Don't enjoy shopping?

Mr. and Mrs. Fenton are retired. Mrs. Fenton insists that he go with her to Walmart. He gets bored with all the shopping. He prefers to get in and get out, but Mrs. Fenton loves to browse. Here's a letter sent to her from the store.

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may ban both of you from our stores.

We have documented all incidents on our video surveillance equipment. All complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the restrooms.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official tone, 'Code 3' in housewares... and watched what happened.

5. Aug 4: Went to the Service Desk and asked to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. Sept 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. Sept 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

8. Sept 23: When a clerk asks if they can help him him, he begins to cry and asks, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?'

9. Oct 4: Looked right into the security camera; used it as a mirror, and picked his nose.

10. Nov 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, asked the clerk if he knows where to find the antidepressants.

11. Dec 3: Darted around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. Dec 6: In the auto department, practiced his "Madonna look" using different size funnels.

13. Dec 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browse through, yelled "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

14. Dec 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumes the fetal position and screams "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!!!"

And last, but not least ....

15. Dec 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

I've seen something similar to this before - too funny, Rob.

Don't tell me - you've done the tent thing before, haven't you?

 

[SeaCat]

LOLOLOL

Did the one with the Alarm Clocks in a store once. Set them all to roughly five minutes after closing time.

My father was known in one store. He would take the arms off of dummies and exchange them so each dummie had either two left arms or two right arms.

I at one time did my fathers trick one better. I on one day, during a very busy shopping day, did move multiple dummies from other departments and place them in the beds, in what appeared to be rather suggestive poses, then covered them with blankets.

Caused quite a stir.

Cat

 

[Explaura]

LOLOLOL

Did the one with the Alarm Clocks in a store once. Set them all to roughly five minutes after closing time.

My father was known in one store. He would take the arms off of dummies and exchange them so each dummie had either two left arms or two right arms.

I at one time did my fathers trick one better. I on one day, during a very busy shopping day, did move multiple dummies from other departments and place them in the beds, in what appeared to be rather suggestive poses, then covered them with blankets.

Caused quite a stir.

Cat

You may be my new hero..

The worst I've ever done is go to Fred Meyers all Tipsy and lay on the floor with a friend reading romance novels outloud for 20 minutes.. Noone bothered us actually, we got bored and left on our own..

 

[bronzeage]

Every year just before Halloween, I wind up all the chattering false teeth and jam them into the sales bin, so that when somebody pulls one out, they all go off at once.

You can do the same thing with the hopping penises at the porn store.

 

[Aurora Black]

Too funny. Today should be interesting.

 

[kendo1]

I've always enjoyed rearranging the soft toys in show houses.
Doggy style works well, I think.

 

[Trombonus]

My friends and I used to go to the local Toys R Us and wreak havoc. We'd go to the "Bob the Builder" section, and push the button on all the Jackhammer Bob dolls, then my friend Whom I shall call Mr. T got on a childs Tricycle and rode it around the store. Have you ever seen a 6'2" man riding around on a tiny tricycle? Priceless.

Then there were the construction cones. They've done alot of building the last few years in our area, and we were going to the new In 'n Out. On the way they were doing roadwork, and of course had all those orange cones out. My friend Mr. G leans halfway out the window and proceeds to knock them all down with his hand. He retracts his hand eventually after it turns bright red, and grabs an empty water bottle, and knocks over the remaining cones with that.

Ah memories.

 

[Aurora Black]

My friends and I used to go to the local Toys R Us and wreak havoc. We'd go to the "Bob the Builder" section, and push the button on all the Jackhammer Bob dolls, then my friend Whom I shall call Mr. T got on a childs Tricycle and rode it around the store. Have you ever seen a 6'2" man riding around on a tiny tricycle? Priceless.

Then there were the construction cones. They've done alot of building the last few years in our area, and we were going to the new In 'n Out. On the way they were doing roadwork, and of course had all those orange cones out. My friend Mr. G leans halfway out the window and proceeds to knock them all down with his hand. He retracts his hand eventually after it turns bright red, and grabs an empty water bottle, and knocks over the remaining cones with that.

Ah memories.

*snicker*

 

[rgraham666]

I've seen something similar to this before - too funny, Rob.

Don't tell me - you've done the tent thing before, haven't you?

(Looks innocent) Moi?

 

[TheEarl]

I've done the lift things (elevator to the septics).

17. Stand right in front of the doors and wait until the lift opens out on a floor where people want to get on. Spread your arms and say, "Sorry, we're full." Stay in this position until the lift starts moving.
22. Place a holdall in the corner of the lift and then ask a random newcomer to the lift, "Do you hear a ticking noise?"
26. Grin broadly at someone for a minute before announcing, "I'm wearing clean socks today!"
32. Get a table and chair into the lift and ask people if they have an appointment.
33. Make explosion noises every time someone presses a button. Alternatively, scream when they hit a button and then ask them if they've heard of the Milgram experiment.
34 (and my personal favourite): Drop a pen or coin on the floor. As soon as someone bends down to pick it up for you, scream "THAT'S MINE!!" at the top of your voice. Attempt to keep a straight face.

The Earl

 

[Dragonteeth]

*Laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face...*

I've rearanged soft toys and dolls into suggestive poses...

A "friend" did the allarm clock trick for a couple on their wedding night...

Dont think they got much sleep, he collected allarm clocks from all his friends neighbours and charity shops and hid them all round the room.

Occurs to me that some fun could be had using an intercome or something...

Saves hiding in the clothes rack.

I'm a little surprised no one has mentioned the "Pagin fictional people" thing either.

"[Bing - Bong] Customer anouncement... Mike Hunt is waiting at the service desk"

You know the kind of thing...

 

[SeaCat]

Oh I have done much worse. Then again I have never claimed to be nice.

Drill a hole in a dry piece of wood and place a smoke bomb or a screamer in it, then add it to a local restaraunts wood pile.

Rewire a laugh box so the pressure switch is on several foot long wires, then place it under a toilet seat.

Inject some numbing agent, (Lidocaine works well,) in a newlywed couples Lubricant.

Spray a bit of Doe in Heat or Buck Rut on your hated neighbors clothes while they are on the clothesline.

Glue a coin or a bill to the floor and watch the mayhem. (I did this with a $20.00 one time.)

Cat

 

[Guest]

Oh I have done much worse. Then again I have never claimed to be nice.

Drill a hole in a dry piece of wood and place a smoke bomb or a screamer in it, then add it to a local restaraunts wood pile.

Rewire a laugh box so the pressure switch is on several foot long wires, then place it under a toilet seat.

Inject some numbing agent, (Lidocaine works well,) in a newlywed couples Lubricant.

Spray a bit of Doe in Heat or Buck Rut on your hated neighbors clothes while they are on the clothesline.

Glue a coin or a bill to the floor and watch the mayhem. (I did this with a $20.00 one time.)

Cat

Oh, my.

You are pure evil!

I wanna party with you, Cat!

 

[SeaCat]

Oh, my.

You are pure evil!

I wanna party with you, Cat!

I tend to have fun with people. Especially if they annoy me, or I'm bored.

When I was living in New England one of my neighbors decided he and his wife just had to give my wife and I their undivided attention. For some reason they didn't like the idea that my wife and I had been married for several years and still didn't have children. In their eyes we had to be sinners and we had to be forced into their mindset. Their actions just got me going, I started thinking evil thoughts.

A bit of Buck Lure on their clothing and their Dog made them very popular.

A small hole cut in the chicken wire around their crawlspace, as well as the remains of a chicken enticed a family of Skunks to move in.

Some fresh Clams in their flower beds made their place aromatic.

Some additions to their firewood made their lives interesting.

They irritated me.

Cat

 

[rgraham666]

To paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson, "Remind me never to get you irritated with me, man."

 

[blackhaus7]

I'm shocked. Shocked I tell you.











(Bunch of damn choir boys. This is not the proper confessional to describe what I've been a party to.................... )

 

[Guest]

To paraphrase Samuel L. Jackson, "Remind me never to get you irritated with me, man."

Kewl.

 

[Guest]

I tend to have fun with people. Especially if they annoy me, or I'm bored.

When I was living in New England one of my neighbors decided he and his wife just had to give my wife and I their undivided attention. For some reason they didn't like the idea that my wife and I had been married for several years and still didn't have children. In their eyes we had to be sinners and we had to be forced into their mindset. Their actions just got me going, I started thinking evil thoughts.

A bit of Buck Lure on their clothing and their Dog made them very popular.

A small hole cut in the chicken wire around their crawlspace, as well as the remains of a chicken enticed a family of Skunks to move in.

Some fresh Clams in their flower beds made their place aromatic.

Some additions to their firewood made their lives interesting.

They irritated me.

Cat

Excellent.

Oh - what did ya put in the firewood?