Who needs Ann Landers when you've got Rubyfruit?

[Calamity Jane]

Seriously. I'm constantly amazed by this woman's patience and willingness to help people out.

I can almost hear her dishing out advice in this totally mom voice. The tone is saying "Now, you know what you need to do, but I'm going to tell you anyway, and help you see that you've been on the right track all along."

Practical, honest, caring, intelligent and beautiful. What more do you need in an advice columnist? I smell a new career coming on.

*edited because I forgot what I was going to say.*

 

[Guest]

Dear Ruby,

I’m a horny 21 year old lesbian who’s only had sex once. If I don’t get any by the end of next month I’ll explode and my religious advisor tells me the crops will fail in my area. I’ve thought about jumping Mischka or lavy but they could both hurt me and I think it might hurt our friendship. Grabbing an attractive girl at school and having my way with her is likewise difficult because these PC lawmakers in Texas have made it ‘illegal’.

What should I do? People terrify me but if I don’t get some soon they’ll be scrapping my bits off of my dorm walls. I think that would really hurt my GPA.

Signed,
No one you know.

 

[Rambling Rose]

Never post as Unregistered. LoL!

 

[Saytur]

Not to get off subject but that damn upside down tree AV is fucking with my reality cowchick.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Aww c'mon... it's one of my favorites!

It's going away soon though. Now, stop hijacking my love letter to Ruby!

 

[lavender]

 

[Never]

I have no idea what you're talking about.
There's always been plenty of beaver at college, it just refuses to become friendly with me!

 

[Rubyfruit]

Advice columnist, eh? I think that's a career I could get behind.

Thank you birthday girl. *smiles*

_________

Dear Neve....um, No One You Know,

It's apparent to me that you must act quickly to resolve this issue. If the crops fail, entire micro-economies could collapse. You don't want that over your head, now do you?

You need skin-to-skin contact. Sure, you can masturbate ten times a day, but it won't really quench your thirst in the same way. I think a trip to Reno is your best bet. I hear that there is a girl there who could light your fire and keep it burning for days on end.

 

[lavender]

 

[Rambling Rose]

Re: There's always been plenty of beaver, it just refuses to become friendly with me!

Maybe you should try pinching it's tail.

 

[Never]

Don't I wish.

lavender, do you know my college mail box? I wouldn't want it delivered to someone else on accident.

 

[LukkyKnight]

Happy Birthday, pcg!

Seriously. I'm constantly amazed by this woman's patience and willingness to help people out.

I...
*edited because I forgot what I was going to say.*

Who ever needed Ann Landers in the first place? That said, Ruby is more than just icing on the "forgetting Ann" cake. She's the icing, the cake and... um...

Can I have some cake and eat you too, Ruby?

 

[Rubyfruit]

Sure Lukky, but be warned, just like sugar, I can become addicting.