Found Mine. 
*** Did you ever happen to stumble across someone and things just 'clicked'? Well, that happened to me and I'm traveling down that path to places unknown. So, considering I have no to desire to mess up the potential there, I'm not looking.
***
********************
Hee hee hee. He did not see that I edited this, so I'm doing so with a bit more flourish.
I have gladly, willingly, and excitedly handed over myself to My One. I really feel as though this is the start of something totally and completely wonderful. It is different in all the right ways and right in all ways.
I think he was a bit upset because he noticed this were still up here, but didn't see that I edited them. I honestly have no clue if it is possible to take them down though... Sooo... I'm making the edit bigger.
PST ~ Hey Mine ~ You have nothing to worry about. You know you've got me. If not for privacy issues everyone on here would know who the 'you' is. Soooo. Yea. You know.
***********
Yes, this posting is about me.
Let me first say, that after going back and actually looking at my post, I am doing something that I don't normally do. I'm self-editing. But not the actual writing, so I'm good. LOL I've taken away the pink font color. I am a 'pink' girl. My cell phone case is pink, my messenger bag is pink, same goes for my nail polish, lip gloss, and many of my clothes... So, with that said, on to the actual post.
One more thing I'm adding - keep scrolling through the postings under this one as I keep adding more, building on what I've said here and added new based on pm's I get.
And what I want/need. As well as what I do -not- want or need. This will be as complete as I can bring myself to write. Unfortunately, this will probably also bounce around as I will not self-edit this otherwise I may change my mind and erase something important (something I learned in the past not to do).
I am a lost slave. Yes, I use capital I's as I am important. I do not freely give my submission. It is earned after I trust you. The trust has to be there in order for me to become your slave. I LIVE my life. I do not pretend things - nor do I seek an "online" relationship. I am a real person with real feelings who wants to feel real things. I seek love. I seek my Master/Owner/Daddy. Yes, I want it all. I deserve it all. We all do.
Limits... The hard line on those, well, they have yet to be discovered. In my last M/s relationship (with my Master of 3yrs who collared me, proposed to me, then left me in the middle of planning our wedding) I discovered many things about myself which led to even more questions, hopes and thoughts. I enjoy pain - whips, crops, canes, paddles, leather belts, clamps, biting, hair pulling, slapping, smacking, and on, and on. I enjoy pleasing - it excites me but more importantly, it gives me a feeling of pride and purpose. I enjoy humiliation - being called names, crawling, being used as an object, doing things I don't want to, etc. Bondage = <3. Oooh, to be tied and free to lose myself under control of my Master into subspace when allowed to.
Orgasm control is a BIG issue for me. If you are not capable or have the desire to control them for me, then please go on to the next posting, Thank you. I was trained. It seems like forever ago. But it was complete. When the trust is there, voice/word/look control is easy. In my previous relationship ship, all three was used constantly. Voice - when his voice took on a certain tone, I was to cum as much as possible until his tone changed. Word - a single word, regardless of when it was said or under what circumstances. Yes, even in public places when nothing sexual was going on. Look - when I was told to watch him, if I saw a specific look, I was to cum. Living like that, free in myself to know that I am being cared for and to allow myself to feel and experience, it comes to be something that is needed. This is something I need. I've had vanilla relationships since and do not find myself enjoying myself because I am not being 'given' permission to enjoy myself. When I am alone, in my head, I "hear" someone "telling" me to cum. Otherwise, it is extremely hard for me to do so... Yes, I'm multi-orgasmic. Extremely.
To be on my knees, looking up, knowing that severe punishment is coming, seeing the stern look on your face, the angry set to your lips, yet at the same time, the love in your eyes - I am yours.
Wrapping your arms around me while I'm standing there preparing dinner. That spot on my neck, your teeth sink into, hard. That spot that makes me cum so hard. Yet, I hold back, biting my lip, tasting the blood in my mouth because you did not give me permission. Tears are forming now, that spot is the worst. I am beyond self control, the tears start falling. I don't want to displease you by cumming without permission. Finally you remove your teeth and mouth from my neck and I forceful sigh of relief escapes my mouth. I return to dinner preparations as you start to leave the kitchen. One single word escapes your lips - cum - I do, so violently that I almost fall to the floor.
Being led around on a leash on all fours. Being made to "walk" myself - end of the leash in my mouth.
Other, ummm, Things... Experienced, enjoyed. Bathroom play. Worship. Pins & needles. Electro-play. Slapping - hitting. More. Things that I fear bringing up because most consider it edge play and many fear going there. I believe in safe/sane/consensual totally and completely. Do not even think about picking up a whip unless you understand places you cannot hit and why.
I am not a teacher. Aside from not having the patience, I want someone who knows how to push me beyond my limits that I have yet to find. I need someone strong - mind, body and soul. A physical handful of hair; a mental hold on my mind and body. Making me hold still without the use of restraints. Holding me down just because. Knowing that if I do not do something even though you tell me to, you can make me do so physically. Not abuse - loving discipline.
My mind is open. I do not judge. Nor do I wish to be judged unless you are my one. Everything I try, I do so twice before making a decision on if I like it or not. Why twice? The first time you try something, most people going into it with preconceived ideas/thoughts/emotions. The second time you are more open to the actual experience. Part of my training was a deep exploration of my thoughts/feelings/emotions. Something that started as training turned into a wonderful, insightful habit. After every experience, erotic dream or naughty thought, it is typed up along with my feelings and thoughts about it. It is then shared with Him when he has time and discussed if he wants. I enjoy reviewing, even though it is very humbling and sometimes humiliating to put it out there to be critiqued by the one I adore. I enjoy it, but not as much as I enjoy looking in the mirror first thing in the morning as I explore, looking and touching the bruises left by the paddle the night before.
While I am open to occasional other females playing with us who are submissive, I will be your 'one'. There will no playing without me. Ever. Nor will another female come into my relationship and 'top' me. That is -only- His job. That is a hard limit with me. Nor will there be another female in the picture if I am not being fulfilled. I strive and push myself to do things that my Master/Owner/Dom enjoys and takes pleasure in. There is no one harder on myself than I am. A born perfectionist, I have overcome it enough to enjoy life, but it is still there - nagging at me when I do something half-assed until I do it correctly. Making me "tell" on myself when it involves others. Considering my complete devotion to my one, I expect the same courtesy. In other words, I expect to be satisfied and not always wishing to have more myself. When I have enough to keep me smiling, I am more than happy to share.
In the past, I've also had a live-in "maid/housekeeper/slave" who enjoyed occasional (1-ish times a week) play-time and had her own room. I was in charge of keeping the house up to standards through cleaning some things myself as well as through the 'use' of the live-in. She was my 'responsibility' under His guidance for day-to-day life. There were also others who occasionally spent time with us. Always female subs/slaves. Some who wished to have better manners/training and came to us for 'help'.
I will be the first to say it: I -am- needy. Emotionally I strive for your acceptance and approval. Oooh, how I miss sitting on the floor next to you, having my hair 'pet' and being told what a 'good girl' I am... Physically, well, there's nothing like going for hours, falling asleep and awaking to more a few hours later. The more I enjoy what is happening, the more I want it. And more. And more.
Professional life, while deeply intertwined with personal life due to the nature of working 90% of the time from home, is separate and kept completely away from personal life. IE: those who I deal with on a professional level is not to have any clue of things that happen behind closed doors. No demanding play time while I'm in the middle of a phone conversation with a customer and things of that nature. In the business world I am nothing like I am in my personal life. In fact, I'm the complete opposite, very strong willed & independent, which leads to some very wrong type of males that I've dated.
I know who I am. NEVER will there be a time when I want to top or control you. I may act out in a playful way, but will never seriously have any desire to do so. So, thank you, but no switches. I love physical playing / horsing around. Wrestling, even if I know there is no way in the world I could ever "win". Running through the house, giggling and screeching, away from you after I crept up behind you and flicked your butt with a wet hand towel.
I have been through a lot in life - physically, mentally and emotionally. However, I realize that in order to enjoy life and live it to its fullest, you have to let go. If you can change it then do it! If you can't, get over it or get away from it. Period. The only baggage I carry with me is fear of being dropped and left alone with no warning, no hint, nothing. Just one day all alone when the night before I was supposedly your everything. That fear runs deep. Please understand, I was a 24/7 slave who was just left with no place to go, no money, no vehicle, nothing but a suitcase. Everything was stolen from me, even my kids photos and school awards. Everything. We made a detour on our way home from a trip to a old friend of his. He disappeared. Poof. Gone. Oh, except I had his 5yr old son with me for the next 4 months raising him as a single parent with zero contact from his father. One day while I was at work, his grandmother picked him up and -poof- the baby was gone from my life too. So yes, I fear being left.
When you have come to live life where your every decision is handled for you, in and out of the bedroom, such as what to wear, asking for permission to use the bathroom, what to make for dinner, etc, when that suddenly disappears along with the person who you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, it is extremely difficult to readjust and move on. That was around 4 1/2 years ago. I have readjusted to life without a Master and decided that it is not for me. I am not happy. Not fulfilled. Empty. Alone even with people around. Alone especially when there are people around. I am so empty without a Master. My previous M/s relationship was not the first. That happened when I was 16 after years of thoughts and daydreams that were "not normal". Throughout my life, I've been submissive within my relationships for a total of somewhere near 9 years.
I explained that so that my fear would be understood. I have moved on long ago. I carry no ill-will. Nor love. It just is. It is my past and my explanation for my fear that I felt the need to explain. I am not afraid to try. Rather, I give it my all and generally end up falling hard and fast. I'm not one to sit back and wait and see. I believe in going after what I want 110%.
Daily life is not taken seriously unless the situation is serious. Happy-go-lucky. Playful. Willing to play on the playground at McDonalds with the kids. The more I feel secure in my relationship and life, the more "free," playful and open I become. On a side note, I have two teenagers who are more grown-up than I am and off to college too soon for my liking. Personally, I will not give birth to any more children for health/medical reasons along with not wanting to parent a teenagers when I'm in my 50's. Nope, not me. However, I love children and if you have any, will treat them as I do my own and love them all the same.
That is the short version of me.
If you cannot bother to come up with a few paragraphs about yourself, please don't bother.
If you expect me to instantly listen to you, really don't bother.
If you are not interested in a real life, in person, relationship, don't even ask.
I am not against friendship either. I will gladly talk to -almost- anyone as long as they are real and respectful. That includes others females who are like myself and enjoy similar likes.
This has taken me close to 2 hours because I kept pausing, coming back to it, rereading it and questioning if I really wanted this out there for the world to read.
Do I want the world to read it and judge me? No. So please, if you do not have anything nice to say, please do not respond or reply and make me regret that I spent this time and opened up my secret world in hopes of finding something special.
Do I want to find my One? Yes, therefore with that said, I will now swallow my fear to the best of my ability and hit the submit button.
*** Did you ever happen to stumble across someone and things just 'clicked'? Well, that happened to me and I'm traveling down that path to places unknown. So, considering I have no to desire to mess up the potential there, I'm not looking.
***********************
Hee hee hee. He did not see that I edited this, so I'm doing so with a bit more flourish.
I have gladly, willingly, and excitedly handed over myself to My One. I really feel as though this is the start of something totally and completely wonderful. It is different in all the right ways and right in all ways.
I think he was a bit upset because he noticed this were still up here, but didn't see that I edited them. I honestly have no clue if it is possible to take them down though... Sooo... I'm making the edit bigger.
PST ~ Hey Mine ~ You have nothing to worry about. You know you've got me. If not for privacy issues everyone on here would know who the 'you' is. Soooo. Yea. You know.
***********
Yes, this posting is about me.
Let me first say, that after going back and actually looking at my post, I am doing something that I don't normally do. I'm self-editing. But not the actual writing, so I'm good.
LOL I've taken away the pink font color. I am a 'pink' girl. My cell phone case is pink, my messenger bag is pink, same goes for my nail polish, lip gloss, and many of my clothes... So, with that said, on to the actual post.One more thing I'm adding - keep scrolling through the postings under this one as I keep adding more, building on what I've said here and added new based on pm's I get.
And what I want/need. As well as what I do -not- want or need. This will be as complete as I can bring myself to write. Unfortunately, this will probably also bounce around as I will not self-edit this otherwise I may change my mind and erase something important (something I learned in the past not to do).
I am a lost slave. Yes, I use capital I's as I am important. I do not freely give my submission. It is earned after I trust you. The trust has to be there in order for me to become your slave. I LIVE my life. I do not pretend things - nor do I seek an "online" relationship. I am a real person with real feelings who wants to feel real things. I seek love. I seek my Master/Owner/Daddy. Yes, I want it all. I deserve it all. We all do.
Limits... The hard line on those, well, they have yet to be discovered. In my last M/s relationship (with my Master of 3yrs who collared me, proposed to me, then left me in the middle of planning our wedding) I discovered many things about myself which led to even more questions, hopes and thoughts. I enjoy pain - whips, crops, canes, paddles, leather belts, clamps, biting, hair pulling, slapping, smacking, and on, and on. I enjoy pleasing - it excites me but more importantly, it gives me a feeling of pride and purpose. I enjoy humiliation - being called names, crawling, being used as an object, doing things I don't want to, etc. Bondage = <3. Oooh, to be tied and free to lose myself under control of my Master into subspace when allowed to.
Orgasm control is a BIG issue for me. If you are not capable or have the desire to control them for me, then please go on to the next posting, Thank you. I was trained. It seems like forever ago. But it was complete. When the trust is there, voice/word/look control is easy. In my previous relationship ship, all three was used constantly. Voice - when his voice took on a certain tone, I was to cum as much as possible until his tone changed. Word - a single word, regardless of when it was said or under what circumstances. Yes, even in public places when nothing sexual was going on. Look - when I was told to watch him, if I saw a specific look, I was to cum. Living like that, free in myself to know that I am being cared for and to allow myself to feel and experience, it comes to be something that is needed. This is something I need. I've had vanilla relationships since and do not find myself enjoying myself because I am not being 'given' permission to enjoy myself. When I am alone, in my head, I "hear" someone "telling" me to cum. Otherwise, it is extremely hard for me to do so... Yes, I'm multi-orgasmic. Extremely.
To be on my knees, looking up, knowing that severe punishment is coming, seeing the stern look on your face, the angry set to your lips, yet at the same time, the love in your eyes - I am yours.
Wrapping your arms around me while I'm standing there preparing dinner. That spot on my neck, your teeth sink into, hard. That spot that makes me cum so hard. Yet, I hold back, biting my lip, tasting the blood in my mouth because you did not give me permission. Tears are forming now, that spot is the worst. I am beyond self control, the tears start falling. I don't want to displease you by cumming without permission. Finally you remove your teeth and mouth from my neck and I forceful sigh of relief escapes my mouth. I return to dinner preparations as you start to leave the kitchen. One single word escapes your lips - cum - I do, so violently that I almost fall to the floor.
Being led around on a leash on all fours. Being made to "walk" myself - end of the leash in my mouth.
Other, ummm, Things... Experienced, enjoyed. Bathroom play. Worship. Pins & needles. Electro-play. Slapping - hitting. More. Things that I fear bringing up because most consider it edge play and many fear going there. I believe in safe/sane/consensual totally and completely. Do not even think about picking up a whip unless you understand places you cannot hit and why.
I am not a teacher. Aside from not having the patience, I want someone who knows how to push me beyond my limits that I have yet to find. I need someone strong - mind, body and soul. A physical handful of hair; a mental hold on my mind and body. Making me hold still without the use of restraints. Holding me down just because. Knowing that if I do not do something even though you tell me to, you can make me do so physically. Not abuse - loving discipline.
My mind is open. I do not judge. Nor do I wish to be judged unless you are my one. Everything I try, I do so twice before making a decision on if I like it or not. Why twice? The first time you try something, most people going into it with preconceived ideas/thoughts/emotions. The second time you are more open to the actual experience. Part of my training was a deep exploration of my thoughts/feelings/emotions. Something that started as training turned into a wonderful, insightful habit. After every experience, erotic dream or naughty thought, it is typed up along with my feelings and thoughts about it. It is then shared with Him when he has time and discussed if he wants. I enjoy reviewing, even though it is very humbling and sometimes humiliating to put it out there to be critiqued by the one I adore. I enjoy it, but not as much as I enjoy looking in the mirror first thing in the morning as I explore, looking and touching the bruises left by the paddle the night before.
While I am open to occasional other females playing with us who are submissive, I will be your 'one'. There will no playing without me. Ever. Nor will another female come into my relationship and 'top' me. That is -only- His job. That is a hard limit with me. Nor will there be another female in the picture if I am not being fulfilled. I strive and push myself to do things that my Master/Owner/Dom enjoys and takes pleasure in. There is no one harder on myself than I am. A born perfectionist, I have overcome it enough to enjoy life, but it is still there - nagging at me when I do something half-assed until I do it correctly. Making me "tell" on myself when it involves others. Considering my complete devotion to my one, I expect the same courtesy. In other words, I expect to be satisfied and not always wishing to have more myself. When I have enough to keep me smiling, I am more than happy to share.
In the past, I've also had a live-in "maid/housekeeper/slave" who enjoyed occasional (1-ish times a week) play-time and had her own room. I was in charge of keeping the house up to standards through cleaning some things myself as well as through the 'use' of the live-in. She was my 'responsibility' under His guidance for day-to-day life. There were also others who occasionally spent time with us. Always female subs/slaves. Some who wished to have better manners/training and came to us for 'help'.
I will be the first to say it: I -am- needy. Emotionally I strive for your acceptance and approval. Oooh, how I miss sitting on the floor next to you, having my hair 'pet' and being told what a 'good girl' I am... Physically, well, there's nothing like going for hours, falling asleep and awaking to more a few hours later. The more I enjoy what is happening, the more I want it. And more. And more.
Professional life, while deeply intertwined with personal life due to the nature of working 90% of the time from home, is separate and kept completely away from personal life. IE: those who I deal with on a professional level is not to have any clue of things that happen behind closed doors. No demanding play time while I'm in the middle of a phone conversation with a customer and things of that nature. In the business world I am nothing like I am in my personal life. In fact, I'm the complete opposite, very strong willed & independent, which leads to some very wrong type of males that I've dated.
I know who I am. NEVER will there be a time when I want to top or control you. I may act out in a playful way, but will never seriously have any desire to do so. So, thank you, but no switches. I love physical playing / horsing around. Wrestling, even if I know there is no way in the world I could ever "win". Running through the house, giggling and screeching, away from you after I crept up behind you and flicked your butt with a wet hand towel.
I have been through a lot in life - physically, mentally and emotionally. However, I realize that in order to enjoy life and live it to its fullest, you have to let go. If you can change it then do it! If you can't, get over it or get away from it. Period. The only baggage I carry with me is fear of being dropped and left alone with no warning, no hint, nothing. Just one day all alone when the night before I was supposedly your everything. That fear runs deep. Please understand, I was a 24/7 slave who was just left with no place to go, no money, no vehicle, nothing but a suitcase. Everything was stolen from me, even my kids photos and school awards. Everything. We made a detour on our way home from a trip to a old friend of his. He disappeared. Poof. Gone. Oh, except I had his 5yr old son with me for the next 4 months raising him as a single parent with zero contact from his father. One day while I was at work, his grandmother picked him up and -poof- the baby was gone from my life too. So yes, I fear being left.
When you have come to live life where your every decision is handled for you, in and out of the bedroom, such as what to wear, asking for permission to use the bathroom, what to make for dinner, etc, when that suddenly disappears along with the person who you thought you were going to spend the rest of your life with, it is extremely difficult to readjust and move on. That was around 4 1/2 years ago. I have readjusted to life without a Master and decided that it is not for me. I am not happy. Not fulfilled. Empty. Alone even with people around. Alone especially when there are people around. I am so empty without a Master. My previous M/s relationship was not the first. That happened when I was 16 after years of thoughts and daydreams that were "not normal". Throughout my life, I've been submissive within my relationships for a total of somewhere near 9 years.
I explained that so that my fear would be understood. I have moved on long ago. I carry no ill-will. Nor love. It just is. It is my past and my explanation for my fear that I felt the need to explain. I am not afraid to try. Rather, I give it my all and generally end up falling hard and fast. I'm not one to sit back and wait and see. I believe in going after what I want 110%.
Daily life is not taken seriously unless the situation is serious. Happy-go-lucky. Playful. Willing to play on the playground at McDonalds with the kids. The more I feel secure in my relationship and life, the more "free," playful and open I become. On a side note, I have two teenagers who are more grown-up than I am and off to college too soon for my liking. Personally, I will not give birth to any more children for health/medical reasons along with not wanting to parent a teenagers when I'm in my 50's. Nope, not me. However, I love children and if you have any, will treat them as I do my own and love them all the same.
That is the short version of me.
If you cannot bother to come up with a few paragraphs about yourself, please don't bother.
If you expect me to instantly listen to you, really don't bother.
If you are not interested in a real life, in person, relationship, don't even ask.
I am not against friendship either. I will gladly talk to -almost- anyone as long as they are real and respectful. That includes others females who are like myself and enjoy similar likes.
This has taken me close to 2 hours because I kept pausing, coming back to it, rereading it and questioning if I really wanted this out there for the world to read.
Do I want the world to read it and judge me? No. So please, if you do not have anything nice to say, please do not respond or reply and make me regret that I spent this time and opened up my secret world in hopes of finding something special.
Do I want to find my One? Yes, therefore with that said, I will now swallow my fear to the best of my ability and hit the submit button.
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