Who Disciplines the kid(s) at your house?

[MidnightAngel]

This is inspired by Cath!'s thread about her kids not doing their chores. So, I was wondering, who is the disciplinarian at your house?

My son has never been hit/spanked, we correct him by taking away his TV, phone, computer, video games, or withholding allowance....things like that. When your children need "dealt with" regardless of the specifics, who does it?

At my house, it's my husband (his step-father). I can ask the child to do something 10 times, and he ignores me. But let my husband say it just once, and the child is up like he's been launched from a cannon! Hubby says it's cause the kid knows I'm a pushover. (who, me??? ).

Also, if there is a step-parent, does the child's other parent have a problem with the step-parent administering punishments to the child?

 

[SINthysist]

The closest parent. My wife does time-out. Rarely works without repeated applications and a lot of yelling, "get back in our chair."

I spank. Always works, but you get a lot of blubbering.

All too often though, we bribe...

 

[BuzzDupp]

at our house, both of us do. and a spanking only reinforces violent behavior. The THREAT of a spanking on the other hand will work wonders , until they call your bluff...

 

[SINthysist]

That's why I spank once every morning whether she needs it or not . The threat is then a valid one for the rest of the day!

 

[lobito]

The rare time out, and the occasional talking to, are all we need. Unlike my younger siblings some of whom I spoiled, and still do, OUR daughter does not get spoiled. She doesn't want for things, but she learns that you can not have everything taht you want, nor your way all the time.

She's not old enough to do most chores around the house, but she helps with things that she is able to do.

Lo

 

[Calamity Jane]

We both do, and the method varies. I don't 'spank'... like an over the knee beat the kid thing... I DO 'swat' to stop the activity, get their attention, keep them from sticking their hand into a burning candle....

Time outs work for a very specific age range. Until they're old enough, they're pointless, and once they're too old, you're wasting your time.

My husband yells. Which makes me crazy. I hate raised voices. My kids actually listen better if my voice gets quieter (more menacing?)... I think they tune out yells.

 

[tn_8tiv]

What, kids need discipline?

Seriously, we played "good cop" - "bad cop". I was always the "bad" one and would just have to raise my voice or frown real big and the kids would fall in line.

 

[SINthysist]

I hate the yelling too. I swat in a calm, detatched manner, then tell her how much I love her, but that she has to obey mommy and daddy. It's pretty effective. In a year or two, I would think I should just be able to talk to her. But at three, coherent conversation is often a one-sided affair.

 

[lovetoread]

At the moment I am doing all myself,as my ex has decided he no longer has to be in their lives much anymore.

Its harder than I thought doing it alone,but here lately taking away privaleges hasnt been working. I have resorted to not letting them do extra curricular activites along with the extras.

I do spank them if they need it. I have no problem doing it,but 2 of my kids are almost as tall as me and I cant do it anymore. Its been awhile since I swatted their behinds.

At the moment they are doing everything possible to make life rough. I just hope the phase passes quickly.

As far as step parents? When I do go and be with my guy in June,he will have the same responsiblity of disciplining the kids as I have.

 

[SINthysist]

Remeber the old Carlos Castenada, The Yaqui Sorcerer stories (anthropology or whatever, a lot of that going on in the 60's and 70's). His advice was along the lines of hiring some big ugly thug to scare the kids straight.

Also depending on the age, a good martial arts program can often help.

 

[MidnightAngel]

I know what you mean, LTR. My son is *way* too big to spank...he's about 6 inches taller than me. LOL.

He's driving me crazy, too. I was a single parent to him, also. It will get better when you have someone to share it with you. It very nice to be able to ask my hubby to deal with it when the kid frustrates me so bad I wanna scream.

 

[Southern37]

But at three, coherent conversation is often a one-sided affair.

I smack my 3 yo too, but it does no good at all. He's too young he just smacks me back and tells me not to do that. Now my 12yo on the other hand...when nothing else works..talking ..punishment..the whole enchilada...i go off on her like a drill sargent ...and you can bet at that point it stops!

As far as who disciplines..my wife a little more than me...but i agree with the above post..its however can reach them!

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

I believe that the adult who witnesses the behavior should be the one to discipline the child. Discipline should be immediate (although the child should be given a chance to explain, no shoot first ask questions later in my house).

That said, it has been a long time since I had to discipline a child. My daughter is 27 years old, and even when young I rarely had to discipline her. When I did it was almost never physical as a stern word from me was always enough to make her behave, and even that wasn't necessary most of the time.

I am a strong believer in consistent and early discipline. A child should know where their limits are and should know when they have crossed over the line. I almost never yell at children, I try to explain why I believe they are doing something wrong and what I expect of them. I will talk to them and listen to their side, but I am firm and do not let them weasel their way out of behaving properly.

That works well if you start from the beginning and are consistent, but I have also had to deal with children who are not well behaved because discipline was not consistently applied from the beginning. Those children can be very difficult to deal with, and I usually let their parents deal with them unless I am left alone with them and I am in charge of them, then I am firm but fair, and I try not to be left alone with them again (I hate taking care of brats).

Teenagers can be difficult even if well behaved, but the same principles apply.

As far as I can remember, I only ever had to spank my daughter once, when she was about 7 years old, and that was when I discovered her doing something dangerous that I had warned her about - and it was only a few quick swats. It obviously didn't scar her for life as I mentioned the incident during Xmas and she could not remember it.

It is not that I don't believe in spanking, but I think that if a child is loved, but the discipline is firm, fair and consistent, then spanking probably will not be necessary, and at most a spanking would probably consist of a few swats. When I spanked my daughter I remember that it wasn't very hard, just a couple 2-3 swats hard enough to sting for a second - but it was enough to make her cry a little. I think she cried because it was so unexpected and unusual.

I remember my father would spank us kids rather harshly and for a length of time when we misbehaved, and it made an impression, but I think we would have been better behaved had our parents spent some quality time with us instead, and had taken the time to do some verbal discipline (talking, not yelling and not arguing) instead.

 

[Andreina]

I got spanked once (I cant remember but my parents told me) when I was 4 years old and went all creative with nailpolish, lipstick and make-up on our walls in the house. My dad spanked me but as they kept telling me.... dad was crying more and longer afterwards then I did.

I have never really been disciplined, of course my parents sometimes shouted with me but we resolved our differences by talking and discussing things, not by disciplinary actions like spanking or taking away things or not allowing to go out with friends. I still turned out pretty nicely, I would say.

But then, I wasnt really a bratty child, although I wasnt exactely an angel either .

 

[Summery]

I'm a single mom. I do the disciplining in this house. Though it would seem like at times my 4 year old son runs the household.
He is a pretty good kid though. He is usually mommy's little helper. Most of the time he picks his toys up when asked, and when he doesn't, he does the time out thing. So far, it works pretty well.

 

[Andreina]

SummerRose, regarding my <still> lost remote control... could you MAYBE ask him where he would hide it ?
Tell him that under the bed, next to the bed and in the secret pantie and toy drawer is not an option anymore.

 

[seXieleXie]

in my house both of my parents disciplined us, sometimes at the same time. they punish in different ways. my dad gets angry, yells, and physically intimidates. my mom get quiet, nasty, will slap when pushed too far, and always pulls a guit trip.

discipline in my house was always an ugly thing, so i went to great lengths to avoid it.

 

[Chuckus]

I am the punisher.

I am the child.

I punish the children. It is terrible when I have to force myself to goto my room and lay in bed and think about the err of my ways whilst watching television. I punish myself for not eating enough by forcing myself to eat junk food and pizza.

LOL..............now on a more serious note, I believe that when I have children of my own, I will be the disciplinarian (sp?) and the one who punishes the children. I am a good disher outer of punishment and discipline. I was quite the disciplined young boy once and know how to have a steady, firm and reasonable approach......from past experience and first hand knowledge of what worked on me and what did not.

That's my .02 worth anyways.........

 

[reelme]

well in my house it is thae fact that your consistent. then you never discuss or differ in opion about the form of discipline to each other in front of the kids. lets them see weekness and undecidedness. you must allready be of one mind when disciplining them.

I know what she is thinking on this and she knows what I am thinking.

 

[kiwiwolf]

Both my ex and I deal with the discipline in our house. Whoever witnesses the offence deals the punishment, and with four kids ranging from 4-9 this can be anything from a timeout to a smacked butt.

We don't do timeouts in their rooms any more. They love the time with their toys, so timeouts now involve sitting on the kitchen floor. No talking or moving is allowed. They aren't allowed to play while in a time out. Timeouts can last from 30 minutes to 4 hours... my personal record. Usually a timeout is all that is required.

A smacked butt only happens after 2 warnings about a repeated infringement of the "no trying to kill your siblings" rule.

All in all my munchkins are pretty well behaved.