whiney thread

[Nimbikarana]

(posted on GB, was advised to repost here)

Yes, i'm aware this will attract trolls. good, i'm new here and it will help me grow my ignore list.

I'm 20 years old but i might as well be 15 because I am very insecure. One of the reasons is, I have a small penis, i've also never been kissed or had a sexual experience of any kind. My lack of confidence got to the point where I can't even masturbate properly.

Please no cliches of "it's all about how you use it'', believe me I've heard them before, they're not what I need. kthx.

 

[EJFan]

i don't know, nimbi... we all have insecurity issues from time to time. i'm more neurotic than i should be at 34 so try not to associate it with age.

you may not want to hear "it's all about how you use it" but maybe you hear it so much because it's true. in this particular case, the only way to get passed the emotional hang-up is to jump in and swim. don't think for a moment that you'll swim without taking in a mouthful of water every now and again though. relationships have challenges and rejection... there's no way around it. i just think you have to try to not boil it down to one thing you did or one part of your anatomy.

i like to think of relationships like i think of baseball (because, let's face it, what CAN'T be associated with baseball???). hall of fame batters have averages of .333 or less in many cases. that means they've NOT gotten hits two-thirds of the time. imagine only succeeding one-third of the time at something (or less) and still being one of the greats. sex/dating/relationships are the same way... more often than not, there's gonna be failure. it's just part of life. i think it's just a matter of moving beyond the failures and living your life without hanging yourself out to dry when something unfulfilling happens.

 

[Quoll]

Welcome to lit.
What is it you need, just saying, there is no point asking for help, opinions whatever if you are going to say "that is not what I need', let us know what you are loking for and we will do what we can. And mate unless it`s a micro penis it aint as bad as you think, just have a read of some of the size (sheesh there are soo many) threads, it actually isn`t that important.

 

[ca||um]

Well it's not going to get any bigger now so you've gotta learn to live with it, as alot of guys do. I understand that people watch porn and see these 8"+ cocks all the time but they're really the excpetion, most women are pleased with more than just penis size, it's all the other things, as guys should be, I know I try to be like that.

I'm sure one day you'll meet a woman and the insecurity will go away, to some extent. As EJFan pointed out, everyone has insecurities, you're not alone at all.

 

[Eilan]

I'm just curious--if you don't have any sexual experience, then how do you know your penis size is inadequate? From the locker room? From porn? If you're getting your ideas of what sex (and penises) are supposed to be like from porn, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Those people make movies for a reason.

And just how small is small, if you don't mind my asking? Lots of the guys who start woe-is-me penis size threads fall well within that average range. Average isn't small, but for some reason, men think it is. Is that part of the porn mentality?

You know what? You're not the only 20 year old virgin out there, but if you continue to harbor the "poor me" attitude, you're gonna stay that way for a long time. I know what it's like to lack self-confidence, but I found out years ago that feeling sorry for myself wasn't going to help me win any popularity contests. The fake-it-till-you-make-it approach works wonders if you can pull it off.

If your self esteem issues are crippling you to the point that you can't function (i.e. masturbate), then maybe you need to consider counseling.

Sorry to be so blunt, but you said you didn't want cliches and, to be honest, penis size threads are a dime a dozen (oops! a cliche!) around here. Stroking people's egos (so to speak) gets old in a hurry.

 

[EJFan]

I'm just curious--if you don't have any sexual experience, then how do you know your penis size is inadequate? From the locker room? From porn? If you're getting your ideas of what sex (and penises) are supposed to be like from porn, then you're setting yourself up for disappointment. Those people make movies for a reason.

ya know, this is an interesting point. people (guys, particularly) sometimes get their ideas about sex from porn and wind up with the result you described. we forget it's a movie. we don't watch "rambo" and wonder why we can't kick ass that well. a movie's a movie... it's not a standard to judge real life by, whether it's porn or "mainstream cinema."

now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna watch a jackie chan movie and wonder why i can't slip through a teller window.

 

[Cathleen]

Nimbikarana, welcome to Lit.

I'm not sure what you are looking for here but one thing that struck me was how you speak of yourself. I know we are our own worst critics but we can change that, we can gain confidence.

Learning is one of the best ways to gain confidence. If we have an interest in something we take actions to learn more about it. If you wanted to learn another language you would find resources and begin to study. We are not born with a brain full of information - we gain knowledge. We all don't have the same interests either, we also choose to learn new things at different times too.

I see that you want to learn more about sex. Lit can help a lot. There are lots of ways to learn. Read some of the stories, many of them can give you a lesson of sorts. Kind of like, what might go here or what might go there. What is pleasurable to one person can be different for all of us. While you read, pay attention to your body - physically you may react to them (which is what the author is hoping).

Learn about your body, learn about what feels good to you as a start. Knowing your resources is sometimes more important then knowing everything. No one can hold all information, but knowing where to go for that information is so valuable.

So, let Lit be one resource for you. Read other books, watch movies etc. Use as many resources as you can or feel you need. Learning will help you gain confidence. Give yourself some time to learn... be nice to yourself, you're doing better then you're giving yourself credit for. Never stop being curious.

 

[LadyJeanne]

Go to the AmPic forum and check out some of the real-life penises there. They come in all sizes - even the smaller ones.

A girl who likes you, who laughs at your stupid jokes, who loves it when you stroke her soft skin is not going to care what size your penis is. Really.

 

[silverwhisper]

dude, seriously: of the many things that will doom a relationship, that is not even near the list.

ed

 

[oddity83]

How many fingers you got? and how about your tongue? Besides you can please the ladies with a decent personality.

 

[MintSoda]

(posted on GB, was advised to repost here)

Yes, i'm aware this will attract trolls. good, i'm new here and it will help me grow my ignore list.

I'm 20 years old but i might as well be 15 because I am very insecure. One of the reasons is, I have a small penis, i've also never been kissed or had a sexual experience of any kind. My lack of confidence got to the point where I can't even masturbate properly.

Please no cliches of "it's all about how you use it'', believe me I've heard them before, they're not what I need. kthx.

You need to build your confidence before you go around doing anything involving sex. There must be something you're actually good at that you can use to make yourself feel better. If nothing immediately comes to mind I would recommend you try working out, a lot. Jogging, weight lifting, doing tons and tons of sit ups. You might wonder how that's going to help you, exercise raises dopamine levels and if you do it really really right you can get an endorphine rush. Basically it'll make you feel better mentally and every so often reward you with a really really good feeling. What's more if you start looking better you'll start feeling better about yourself.

I won't tell you "it's all in how you use it" because right now what you need to do is change your outlook on yourself, not your outlook on sex. Try focusing on bettering yourself first, do things that you're good at and enjoy, then exercise a lot. Confidence is waaaaaay more important than penis size.

 

[longtimerod]

It isn't true that what you do with it is the important thing. For women, the important thing is how much she likes you.

Somehow, learn to be likable. Actually, I bet you already are. The most encouraging thing someone said to me is "show them your best qualities" and he was speaking of people, not just women. That led me to look into my existing good qualities, which was great.

And that will lead you to like yourself.

Meanwhile, pursue your hobbies, and do your work or your schoolwork as well as you can. You will like yourself as a result.

And that will make you likable. In fact, it will make you irresistable.

And make a gentle advance on a woman. She will thank you for it. If she doesn't, she won't bite your head off. I promise.

 

[Cathleen]

How many fingers you got? and how about your tongue? Besides you can please the ladies with a decent personality.

Really? Hmm, not this lady. How would you get your foot in the door with a crappy personality? Sex begins in the mind!

 

[Eilan]

Sex begins in the mind!

Yup--it's all about that big sex organ between the ears!

 

[Cathleen]

Yup--it's all about that big sex organ between the ears!

Now that is where size does matter! lol

 

[Nimbikarana]

To summarize what's been said so far:

1) move beyond failures, don't be tough on yourself
2) you're not alone
3) learn more
4) grow a heart/ be a nice person

...i think

 

[Cathleen]

To summarize what's been said so far:

1) move beyond failures, don't be tough on yourself
2) you're not alone
3) learn more
4) grow a heart/ be a nice person

...i think

You know what? Those sound like a good way to live.

 

[Eilan]

You know what? Those sound like a good way to live.

And they apply to everyone--penis or not!

 

[miss_kate]

If you want to start experiencing sex- then it is all about breaking the ice. FInd someone that you trust and have an affection for... build a relationship with her and BREAK THE LEARN!

If you are self concious, then make sure it is someone you trust and not a 'temporary fuck'. And whatever you do, do not mention or talk about your insecurities, because from a female perspective- dwelling on your insecurities is unattractive.

Good luck sweety