Wheres the courtesy

[harry Harper]

Deleted

 

[KinkyBoyUK]

I takes a few seconds to respond to an IM.

I can understand that people will recieve IM's for others that that do no want to persue, but a quick..."Thanks but no thanks " is all that is required

Please people be considerate of others and if you dont want to play just say no and lets all move on

Harry

i belive that the men on this board can send so many im's to our female members that it is hard for them to reply to them all.

but i do understand what you mean.

 

[Incandesce]

I agree and I think most here try very hard to answer most pm.

 

[Eilan]

Interesting. I've seen this question show up on AdultFriendFinder every so often, but not here (that I can recall).

I try to respond to all the PM's that I get. Fortunately, I'm bitchy enough on the boards that I don't get that many PM's from people other than my Lit friends, and I like it that way.

The problem is that people use the anonymity of the Internet as an excuse for behavior that they'd never engage in in public. Ladies who don't respond positively to crude RL come-ons probably won't respond positively to crude cyber come-ons. You stand a better chance of getting a response around here if you're polite and if you make an effort to contribute to the boards. I find PM's from people who have been registered for a while but have made very few posts creepy and stalkerish.

Why should a I reply to a PM asking me if I want to cyber, exchange naughty pics/emails, or have phone sex if I've already stated in my profile that I'm not at Lit to do these things? Those messages get deleted instantly. People who can't be bothered to read my profile and find out more about me aren't worth a response. Lit means different things to different people, and even though it's an adult site, we're not all here for the fuckfest.

If a lady places a personal ad, why should she waste time responding to people who obviously don't meet her criteria? Again, read the profile/ad.

Sometimes it's pretty obvious that men go down through the list of ladies (or so they think) who are online and send them the same PM. Why should the ladies respond to someone who can't be bothered to individualize his PM's?

Keep in mind that previous "thanks-but-no-thanks" exchanges can leave a bitter tastes in the ladies' mouths, so they prefer not to respond at all. I've heard of women who politely decline their PM/IM suitors only to receive the response, "Fuck you. You're an ugly slut, anyway."

Bottom line--Don't blame the ladies for not responding. Blame the few guys who give all of you a bad name.

 

[Lily]

Tone

For me it depends on the tone of the IM and the contents...if it is politely worded I will respond even if I am not interested. If it is rude (and some can be really icky) I will not respond...unless Im having a bad day and someone has already hurt my feelings, then I might be thoughtless and fire back a rude response.

All in all, I try to treat everyone like I want to be treated.

hmmm does that make me old fashioned? oh well

 

[ccnyman]

I can understand not replying. There are a lot more guys searching out there then girls (which is strange considering the population is supposed to be around 51% female). The women must get a lot of offensive IM which shouldn't get the dignity of a reply.

I hope I haven't/never will send any. But if I do, please give me a second chance.

 

[Eilan]

There are a lot more guys searching out there then girls (which is strange considering the population is supposed to be around 51% female).

Not so strange, really, considering that this is an adult site. I wouldn't necessarily expect Lit to reflect the male-female ratio any more than I'd expect to believe that Litsters' attitudes when it comes to things like anal, shaving, threesomes, etc. are indicative of what the general population thinks about these things.

On AFF, the ratio of men to women is considered to be anywhere from 7:1 to 10:1, particularly once the spammers, bots, fakes, and men posing as women are factored out of the equation. I'm not sure about Lit.

What it amounts to is that the men have to compete just to get a response and the women can afford to be picky. Sad but true, though there are always exceptions to this rule.

 

[ccnyman]

Not so strange, really, considering that this is an adult site. I wouldn't necessarily expect Lit to reflect the male-female ratio any more than I'd expect to believe that Litsters' attitudes when it comes to things like anal, shaving, threesomes, etc. are indicative of what the general population thinks about these things.

On AFF, the ratio of men to women is considered to be anywhere from 7:1 to 10:1, particularly once the spammers, bots, fakes, and men posing as women are factored out of the equation. I'm not sure about Lit.

Do you think in the general population women have less of a sex drive and are not always looking for encounters/adventure as men are? Or perhaps they've been culturally conditioned not to do so?

I glanced at an article not too long ago which reported on a theory that men had greater sex drives because of something to do with natural selection. Didn't read so I can't say any more about it.

 

[DirtyKitten]

I am only speaking from experience as a long-time lurker and sometimes poster....I get alot of PM's that are just "creepy" or are just so "not thought out" that they don't deserve a response. I think it all boils down to, you get out of it what you put into it.

If all you can put into your PM is..."Whats your Yahoo ID" or "I have something over here for you" you shouldn't expect much in return.

 

[Eilan]

Do you think in the general population women have less of a sex drive and are not always looking for encounters/adventure as men are? Or perhaps they've been culturally conditioned not to do so?

I don't know, really.

I have a pretty active sex drive. I didn't during my first marriage, but that had more to do with other issues in our marriage than it did with any repression on my part. I also know that I can't have no-strings-attached sexual encounters because it's not in my nature to separate sex and love. I've tried it and failed miserably. Other people, male and female, can do that, though.

One thing I like about Lit is the honest talk/witty banter about sex--not the overtly crude stuff. I obviously can't speak for all ladies, but there's no way I could have the discussions that I've had on Lit with my RL friends. That probably says more about my friends than it does about women in general, though.

I think that one of the biggest problems that women have to overcome when it comes to "cultural" conditioning is the double standards that are still pretty prevalent.

 

[Brandy1969]

Amen!!

Interesting. I've seen this question show up on AdultFriendFinder every so often, but not here (that I can recall).

I try to respond to all the PM's that I get. Fortunately, I'm bitchy enough on the boards that I don't get that many PM's from people other than my Lit friends, and I like it that way.

The problem is that people use the anonymity of the Internet as an excuse for behavior that they'd never engage in in public. Ladies who don't respond positively to crude RL come-ons probably won't respond positively to crude cyber come-ons. You stand a better chance of getting a response around here if you're polite and if you make an effort to contribute to the boards. I find PM's from people who have been registered for a while but have made very few posts creepy and stalkerish.

Why should a I reply to a PM asking me if I want to cyber, exchange naughty pics/emails, or have phone sex if I've already stated in my profile that I'm not at Lit to do these things? Those messages get deleted instantly. People who can't be bothered to read my profile and find out more about me aren't worth a response. Lit means different things to different people, and even though it's an adult site, we're not all here for the fuckfest.

If a lady places a personal ad, why should she waste time responding to people who obviously don't meet her criteria? Again, read the profile/ad.

Sometimes it's pretty obvious that men go down through the list of ladies (or so they think) who are online and send them the same PM. Why should the ladies respond to someone who can't be bothered to individualize his PM's?

Keep in mind that previous "thanks-but-no-thanks" exchanges can leave a bitter tastes in the ladies' mouths, so they prefer not to respond at all. I've heard of women who politely decline their PM/IM suitors only to receive the response, "Fuck you. You're an ugly slut, anyway."

Bottom line--Don't blame the ladies for not responding. Blame the few guys who give all of you a bad name.

AMEN to that!!

Have to chime in on this one as I have a personal ad up myself. And not surprisingly, for about every legitimate private message or post I get responding to it, I get one or two also saying something along the lines of "too far away to help you out but would love to take part in some naughty e-mail, chats, or phone sex....how about it?" *scratches head* I'm kind of left chuckling and thinking to myself, "Can't you read at all??"

Then there are the few who bypass the private messaging on Lit. altogether and message you directly on Yahoo or wherever you are....some even take it upon themselves to request adding you to their friends list immediately without even chatting with you first. Sorry, I don't know about the rest of you but I do not add people to my friends list that I do not know nor do I add them if I don't think we are compatible or if there's a chance of us ever being able to hook up. Then they message you after you turn their friends request down politely and they act as if you've killed their favorite dog or something and won't let it go until you're finally left with no alternative but blatant rudeness and sometimes having to block them altogether. (Go ahead and laugh but it's true.)

So.....yes, it takes only a moment to say "thanks but no thanks" but if some people would accept that and move on, it would make life so much easier for us women.