Where Should I Look?

[phoenix1105]

I'm a average looking guy that is really into cross dressing/fetish type stuff. Where in the world do I look for a person to be in a relationship with? I tried alt.com and that was a cluster fuck. I'd really like to find a woman or couple and explore my sexuality more. I thought about swingers clubs, but they don't really like single guys. I looked in the Lit personals, and nobody was in my area. I was thinking about AFF and seeing if I can find anyone. I am guessing eharmony and that sort don't attract the same type of people that are into the kinkier lifestyle. Any suggestion, or encouragement?

 

[iswallowloads]

You're not the first person I've heard say that alt.com didn't work out. My experience with the swingers scene was mostly finding straight couples where the guys want an excuse to fuck around and/or watch their wife get fucked. The only bi action is usually FF. Though I'm sure others have had more luck.

Do you have any alternative papers in your area? When I lived in Seattle, they had a paper called The Stranger with personal ads in the back. It was mostly for fetish/alt lifestyle people looking for others. You could also check around to see if their are any clubs nearby that cater to what you're looking for.

I wish I had more words of encouragement other than 'keep looking', but unfortunately that's about all you can do. You'll find what you're looking for, you just have to be patient.

 

[webshooter69]

You might try "Craigs List" or "squirt.org".

 

[alaskabibear]

I'm a average looking guy that is really into cross dressing/fetish type stuff. Where in the world do I look for a person to be in a relationship with? I tried alt.com and that was a cluster fuck. I'd really like to find a woman or couple and explore my sexuality more. I thought about swingers clubs, but they don't really like single guys. I looked in the Lit personals, and nobody was in my area. I was thinking about AFF and seeing if I can find anyone. I am guessing eharmony and that sort don't attract the same type of people that are into the kinkier lifestyle. Any suggestion, or encouragement?

I'm going to add this other post you did in here too;
*************************************************************************

"Yeah, so I feel that I pretty much fall into this thread because it is clear I need some help. It seems I have so much shit in my life that causes me emotional and physical pain I don't know where to start to "fix" things to a manageable level. I have gotten some great ideas from people PMing me that helps. I know I have really low self-esteem, and my self image sucks. I am on a bunch of meds that really don't help, but God forbid I tell the doctors what I think would work. I only have a Masters in social work, about 15 credits short of a Masters in Pharmacology, and was pre-med.

I actually went to my shrink to my shrink on Friday and he told me he wants me to see a therapist in his office. I said sure, maybe they can help. One of my problems is that I am extremely intelligent(though my spelling sucks). I can basically out think the therapists to the point where I have a good idea what they are going to say one or two statements down the line. It doesn't help that before my life went to hell I was a damn good therapist with hardcore patients. One of the neat things I picked up when working with people was the Federal FACE system. Basically if you can observe the person very carefully and carry on an appropriate conversation, you can basically be a human lie detector. It all deals with eye and body movements. But I digress.

The new therapist my shrink wants me to see is probably 26 or 27, although she looks about 20-22. It takes 3 or 4 years for a BSW, 1 year for a MSW, and about 2 and a half years to become licensed in FL. But she is so hot and no wedding ring. Incidentally they tell therapists in school to wear a wedding band to help stem clients from hitting on them So she cant be that old. Seriously, how in the blue hell am I going to explain my confusion about the whole CD thing with a beautiful women that is basically my age and type? Although as I think about it as I type it would be easier to tell a woman than a guy for me. Then again the oxys, ambien and grey goose seem to be starting to work because I'm getting tired, so I will end my endless rambling...until the next time."
**************************************************************************


So, you have a Master's in Social Work and some training in pharmacology too. I also took the time to read through all of your posts in which the basic theme is how confused you are about your sexuality. Forgive my bluntness, but you really should be smart enough to do enough basic research on human sexuality to resolve any confusion about your own sexuality. I'm sorry, but you're not the only one who ever had the urge to cross-dress, and most don't have as much "guilt" as you exhibit nor do they need a confessor/therapist to put it all into place for them. One would normally think that the level of specialized education that you have would pretty much give you the tools necessary to properly deal with your sexuality.

I'm no "therapist" but here's what I'd tell you if I were;
1)Put the cross-dressing thing aside for awhile (by that I mean don't allow yourself to be so consumed with it for awhile - pursue some other activities, etc.). From you past posts you indicate that this is a relatively new fetish and it is clearly complicating your ability to deal with your life.
2)Try to remember what you learned about substance abuse and the addictive brain from your college studies. Try also to remember that there is only one person who can get you off the pills and alcohol (hint: you know him real well).
3)Ask yourself; If these med's aren't doing me any good, why am I taking them and why am I afraid to tell my doctor what I think?
4)Forget about finding the "perfect" person to have a relationship with. Again, reach back to your basic Psychology classes and ask yourself; If a person like me came and asked how to "fix" his life, would I advise them to rush out and enter into a new relationship revolving around cross-dressing? In other words, you don't sound emotionally stable enough to take on the arduous task of developing any new relationship at this time - much less one that involves anything out of the plain vanilla variety.
5) And last but not least; Son, you need to wake up and get a grip. If you think wallowing in self pity and trying to drown reality with a bottle of booze and some pills is the answer, then I have to question your assertion that you were a "damn good therapist". I can't think of anything that could be solved by this approach except to perhaps ease the pain of a terminally ill person (but I assume that you are not such a person since you are actively searching for bras, breast forms and a woman). In short, you need to find yourself in this world and I can say with certainty that you will never find the peace you seek on the path you are now walking.

Best of wishes young friend, and please take what may seem like harsh words in the spirit in which they are offered - which is to shake you from your self indulgent pity and try to stir you to more productive action toward finding your peace.

 

[phoenix1105]

In the spirit in which they were offered, thanks for your harsh words. What I find amazing is that you can deduce so much about me based on what I have posted here.

Thanks for the thread bump

I'm going to add this other post you did in here too;
*************************************************************************

"Yeah, so I feel that I pretty much fall into this thread because it is clear I need some help. It seems I have so much shit in my life that causes me emotional and physical pain I don't know where to start to "fix" things to a manageable level. I have gotten some great ideas from people PMing me that helps. I know I have really low self-esteem, and my self image sucks. I am on a bunch of meds that really don't help, but God forbid I tell the doctors what I think would work. I only have a Masters in social work, about 15 credits short of a Masters in Pharmacology, and was pre-med.

I actually went to my shrink to my shrink on Friday and he told me he wants me to see a therapist in his office. I said sure, maybe they can help. One of my problems is that I am extremely intelligent(though my spelling sucks). I can basically out think the therapists to the point where I have a good idea what they are going to say one or two statements down the line. It doesn't help that before my life went to hell I was a damn good therapist with hardcore patients. One of the neat things I picked up when working with people was the Federal FACE system. Basically if you can observe the person very carefully and carry on an appropriate conversation, you can basically be a human lie detector. It all deals with eye and body movements. But I digress.

The new therapist my shrink wants me to see is probably 26 or 27, although she looks about 20-22. It takes 3 or 4 years for a BSW, 1 year for a MSW, and about 2 and a half years to become licensed in FL. But she is so hot and no wedding ring. Incidentally they tell therapists in school to wear a wedding band to help stem clients from hitting on them So she cant be that old. Seriously, how in the blue hell am I going to explain my confusion about the whole CD thing with a beautiful women that is basically my age and type? Although as I think about it as I type it would be easier to tell a woman than a guy for me. Then again the oxys, ambien and grey goose seem to be starting to work because I'm getting tired, so I will end my endless rambling...until the next time."
**************************************************************************


So, you have a Master's in Social Work and some training in pharmacology too. I also took the time to read through all of your posts in which the basic theme is how confused you are about your sexuality. Forgive my bluntness, but you really should be smart enough to do enough basic research on human sexuality to resolve any confusion about your own sexuality. I'm sorry, but you're not the only one who ever had the urge to cross-dress, and most don't have as much "guilt" as you exhibit nor do they need a confessor/therapist to put it all into place for them. One would normally think that the level of specialized education that you have would pretty much give you the tools necessary to properly deal with your sexuality.

I'm no "therapist" but here's what I'd tell you if I were;
1)Put the cross-dressing thing aside for awhile (by that I mean don't allow yourself to be so consumed with it for awhile - pursue some other activities, etc.). From you past posts you indicate that this is a relatively new fetish and it is clearly complicating your ability to deal with your life.
2)Try to remember what you learned about substance abuse and the addictive brain from your college studies. Try also to remember that there is only one person who can get you off the pills and alcohol (hint: you know him real well).
3)Ask yourself; If these med's aren't doing me any good, why am I taking them and why am I afraid to tell my doctor what I think?
4)Forget about finding the "perfect" person to have a relationship with. Again, reach back to your basic Psychology classes and ask yourself; If a person like me came and asked how to "fix" his life, would I advise them to rush out and enter into a new relationship revolving around cross-dressing? In other words, you don't sound emotionally stable enough to take on the arduous task of developing any new relationship at this time - much less one that involves anything out of the plain vanilla variety.
5) And last but not least; Son, you need to wake up and get a grip. If you think wallowing in self pity and trying to drown reality with a bottle of booze and some pills is the answer, then I have to question your assertion that you were a "damn good therapist". I can't think of anything that could be solved by this approach except to perhaps ease the pain of a terminally ill person (but I assume that you are not such a person since you are actively searching for bras, breast forms and a woman). In short, you need to find yourself in this world and I can say with certainty that you will never find the peace you seek on the path you are now walking.

Best of wishes young friend, and please take what may seem like harsh words in the spirit in which they are offered - which is to shake you from your self indulgent pity and try to stir you to more productive action toward finding your peace.

 

[texharley]

I'm a average looking guy that is really into cross dressing/fetish type stuff. Where in the world do I look for a person to be in a relationship with? I tried alt.com and that was a cluster fuck. I'd really like to find a woman or couple and explore my sexuality more. I thought about swingers clubs, but they don't really like single guys. I looked in the Lit personals, and nobody was in my area. I was thinking about AFF and seeing if I can find anyone. I am guessing eharmony and that sort don't attract the same type of people that are into the kinkier lifestyle. Any suggestion, or encouragement?

Just stay away from Craigs list because I heard on the news they are being investigated due to their adult personals.