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Where Do Lit Stories Fail?

NOIRTRASH

NOIRTRASH

Literotica Guru
Joined
Aug 22, 2015
Posts
10,580
I notice a difference. Most open with the Brady Bunch theme song.

James M Cain's last book, THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS

Joan Medford is a hooker.

I first met Tom Barclay at my husband’s funeral, as he recalled to me later, though he made so little impression on me at the time that I had no recollection of ever having seen him before.

Cain, James M. (2012-09-18). The Cocktail Waitress (Hard Case Crime Book 109) . Titan. Kindle Edition.

SERENADE by James M.Cain from1937 I think

I was in the Tupinamba, having a bizcocho and coffee, when this girl came in. Everything about her said Indian, from the maroon rebozo to the black dress with purple flowers on it, to the swaying way she walked, that no woman ever got without carrying pots, bundles, and baskets on her head from the time she could crawl.

Cain, James M. (2011-04-27). Three by Cain: Serenade, Love's Lovely Counterfeit, The Butterfly (Kindle Locations 57-59). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
 
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Not being familiar with the Brady Bunch or the Brady Bunch theme song, I might need some help here, James.
 
NOIRTRASH said:
I notice a difference. Most open with the Brady Bunch theme song.

James M Cain's last book, THE COCKTAIL WAITRESS

Joan Medford is a hooker.

I first met Tom Barclay at my husband’s funeral, as he recalled to me later, though he made so little impression on me at the time that I had no recollection of ever having seen him before.

Cain, James M. (2012-09-18). The Cocktail Waitress (Hard Case Crime Book 109) . Titan. Kindle Edition.

SERENADE by James M.Cain from1937 I think

I was in the Tupinamba, having a bizcocho and coffee, when this girl came in. Everything about her said Indian, from the maroon rebozo to the black dress with purple flowers on it, to the swaying way she walked, that no woman ever got without carrying pots, bundles, and baskets on her head from the time she could crawl.

Cain, James M. (2011-04-27). Three by Cain: Serenade, Love's Lovely Counterfeit, The Butterfly (Kindle Locations 57-59). Knopf Doubleday Publishing Group. Kindle Edition.
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I would say they fail when they start with...."It was a sizzling hot day in the city where only cold hearts walk the streets."

LOL!!

Literature is entirely subjective and if we spent more time teaching our kids firearm safety then the amount of time we spend teaching them old and no longer relevant declared works of art....we would be better off.

Predominant
 
The second one sucks to me, too long and too much info right away. I also don;t think most men think in that detailed of a manner when checking out a woman "screamed Indian to me" screams either ignorant because the race has to be identified or screams I'm twelve, look, an Indian.

I'd call out the long dark hair, large eyes and mocha skin tone...let the ethnically obsessed figure it out. I would divulge her country of origin at the point where she first speaks and let the narrator use her accent to do it.

That's just me, what do I know?
 
Confused after the first line of the first post. Tried reading it all but got totally confused. What has the post to do with the thread title?
Have you taken something before posting? Or do you need to take something?
 
The first one is more direct. The second, if it were written today rather than 80 years ago, would make me think that the author is trying too hard to sound "writerly," and I would probably stop reading.
 
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