(gosh.. starting is always the most difficult thing to do..)
ok.. maybe just a short intro.. I've been married for abt 4.5 years and it hasn't been smooth sailing. Anyone who has read "Dear Husband" would know what happened. To cut the story short, my husband and I came into our marriage based on two fundamental requirements out of each other... honesty and faithfulness. I never found that to be a problem and have, remained so.... unfortunately, my husband has not.
I've recently come to a breakpoint where I find that I can no longer stay married... god knows, we've not been intimate for what seem to me, a lifetime. A week ago, I asked him for a break.. I feel that I need to move on with my life and am so used to being on my own with my daughter (he's abroad rather frequently). He asked for time to think about it and in the end, the practicality of staying married outweighs everything else... I told him that I might eventually grow to hate him (as it is now, I don't even know if I still love him as much as I did.. or even at all).
He said that even if that happens, he'll never leave me... that there's only one condition by which he will leave me... if I find another man who is willing to marry me and proves to be able to take care of both myself and our daughter... And, that man will have to present himself to my husband with his wish to marry me and take care of my daughter and I (or rather.. this new man will need to convince my husband that he will do a better job of making me happy if I were to leave my husband and marry this new man) I was so mad at him... he knows perfectly well that that would never happen! He's like dangling a carrot to me knowing that I can never get it. He even said that in all fairness, since he broke his promise, he gives me leave to be unfaithful.
Sure, I've done cyber since I found out that he was still keeping contact with the second one (even after he promised that he won't!)... that's when I discovered Lit... but I don't know if I can actually go out there and find someone new. Besides... I know myself... like a male colleague told me once, "You're a woman that a man goes for when looking for a wife... but not a woman that a man would go for when looking for a girlfriend." (unfortunately, or not, I asked another male colleague, and he also agrees to that insight!) Insult or compliment? I don't know.. but right now... I think that that's probably more of a disadvantage than advantage.
So, my question.. or dilemma is.... where do I go from here?
ok.. maybe just a short intro.. I've been married for abt 4.5 years and it hasn't been smooth sailing. Anyone who has read "Dear Husband" would know what happened. To cut the story short, my husband and I came into our marriage based on two fundamental requirements out of each other... honesty and faithfulness. I never found that to be a problem and have, remained so.... unfortunately, my husband has not.
I've recently come to a breakpoint where I find that I can no longer stay married... god knows, we've not been intimate for what seem to me, a lifetime. A week ago, I asked him for a break.. I feel that I need to move on with my life and am so used to being on my own with my daughter (he's abroad rather frequently). He asked for time to think about it and in the end, the practicality of staying married outweighs everything else... I told him that I might eventually grow to hate him (as it is now, I don't even know if I still love him as much as I did.. or even at all).
He said that even if that happens, he'll never leave me... that there's only one condition by which he will leave me... if I find another man who is willing to marry me and proves to be able to take care of both myself and our daughter... And, that man will have to present himself to my husband with his wish to marry me and take care of my daughter and I (or rather.. this new man will need to convince my husband that he will do a better job of making me happy if I were to leave my husband and marry this new man) I was so mad at him... he knows perfectly well that that would never happen! He's like dangling a carrot to me knowing that I can never get it. He even said that in all fairness, since he broke his promise, he gives me leave to be unfaithful.
Sure, I've done cyber since I found out that he was still keeping contact with the second one (even after he promised that he won't!)... that's when I discovered Lit... but I don't know if I can actually go out there and find someone new. Besides... I know myself... like a male colleague told me once, "You're a woman that a man goes for when looking for a wife... but not a woman that a man would go for when looking for a girlfriend." (unfortunately, or not, I asked another male colleague, and he also agrees to that insight!) Insult or compliment? I don't know.. but right now... I think that that's probably more of a disadvantage than advantage.
So, my question.. or dilemma is.... where do I go from here?
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