where do i find the results on the voting of my poem in non erotic

[white_lace]

poll

who has the best poems on lit?

 

[Angeline]

Hi white_lace

and welcome to the poetry forum. Go to your submissions page (same place you went, under your login, to submit the poem). Click on "Submissions" and then "View Submissions." You'll see the number of views and votes there.

If you want feedback here in the forum post the poem (we tend to give very specific critique though, so it's not what everyone wants). Otherwise post your poem's title and/or the date you submitted it here (a link is even better). If you do that, I'll read it and send feedback--I'm sure at least a few others will, too.



Angeline

 

[Nick Urfe]

virgin to virgin feedback

Here's your poem so everyone can see it:

Dawn of a New Day

I lay in bed watching you sleep
as I watch you breathe deep
I notice the light of a new day from afar.
I know our time has come to an end. You will awake and then be gone from my life forever just like the dawn. I will lay in bed after you depart and wonder where we went wrong all of this happens in the light of a new dawn.
--------------
This poem is really emotional, its about yearning, what-ifs, transience, its a really terrifying idea. I think you can get that accross a lot better if you take out some of the unneccesary repeated words, puncutation etc. Cut away the meaningless things to make the meaningful things more powerful, perhaps this-

Dawn Again

watching you sleep,
breathe,
faint sunlight rises to take you away forever.
no
please
wait dawn
just a few more breaths.
---------

infact it could just be a really tiny haikuish thing:

I clutch at your breaths
greedy sunrise slides in bed
snatching you from me
______
good luck, nice to see another virgin.
-Nick
poetry on lit