When your babies start school.

[intrigued]

This thread is being posted for all of us about to face change. Please feel free to bump it in the next few weeks as the new school year begins. Maybe its a way we can offer support to one another....

I suppose if you know me well, you know what a day I am having today. I'm not new to this "my baby started school" thing, but I am new to it being my youngest. We have never been apart since the day she was born, and today is hitting me hard. I have tried to brace myself for weeks, but nothing prepared me for sitting in the lobby waiting to be allowed to walk her to class, and losing it in front of everyone, repeatedly. I stayed calm, kept dabbing my eyes, and trying to smile. But it wasn't until we stood in the doorway of her class and I met with the sudden and awkward silence that comes when you know...you just know its time to gather your courage and turn around and go...that every moment of the last 5.5 years hit me. I looked down at that precious little face and without breathing one single breath, I said to her "are you ready for mommy to go now?" and she said "yes".
Damn.
My ex had to hold me up and almost carried me out of that school.

So, in an effort to completely finish of my burning, swelling eyes and this aching heart, I went in search of something to help me just get it all out, just go ahead and do my crying so that when I pick her up today, I can put myself aside, and be the mommy she will need me to be.
What I found actually made me feel better, so I thought I would post a little inspiration for those of you in my shoes, be it starting school, or some other change that hurts your heart.
This first poem is mine, and the only one I ever wrote for her. Still brings me joy to realize this little girl dug through a ton of flowers in my utility room, to find just the perfect ones for me, and I never once told her daisies were it...

So young so true
is my baby in blue

Its not been my day
in the worst of ways
all I wanted was to drift away
can't I just take
a 'Mommy Day'??
I do what I must
clean, feed, dust
make it look right
get through the night.
I give her a bath
listen to her laugh
same old same old
but, no....no,
not tonight~
I get her out, dry her off
lotion and brush and
......try to rush......
never seeing the look thats there
and then out of nowhere....
from her little place
'It's Ok Mommy,
I will take care of you'
I tell her 'don't worry baby,
Mommy's not feeling good
but she loves you baby,
she loves you true'
I go to my room
and lie in my bed
listening to you
going out of my head
and then she knocks,
and I pretend to sleep
softly she comes in, and goes out
over and over
through the night
When I can't take anymore~
and I'm ready to scream
'please baby, please
let mommy be...'
...instead.........
I turn and I see
what she left
for me...
milk glass vases
from high on the shelf
filled with daisies......
.....daisies for me???
Simple white daisies
she left for me.....
How could she know
this baby so young,
how could she know....
know her mommy so true?

She's my baby,
so young and true
She knows her mommy,
my baby in blue.
Bless you baby,
baby angel
You're mommys angel~
an angel so true,
an angel baby,
all dressed in blue


CD 2002
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This next piece I found at bedtime.com and I'm not sure if I can or should post the name of the author, so just know that it came from that site.



Before you were born
Before you were born...How could I see?
That God would send a beautiful baby to me.
I guess He knew that right from the start,
that your life here with me would have opened my heart.
I have to admit the day that you first walked
My throat didn't hurt, I just couldn't talk.
And then it just happened, I felt like a fool
your first day away and I followed you to school.
Sometimes in life there are tests we must take
I'll try to be perfect, but I make mistakes.
Thru all of your tears,Thru all of your smiles
Thru all of your joys,Thru all of your trials.
Ever since you were born..
I've prayed to God every night
For all of Heaven to protect you
and guide you thru life.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

There's something in a simple hug,
That always warms the heart.
It welcomes back home,
And makes it easier to part.

A hug is a way to share the joy
And sad times we go through,
Or just a way for friends to say
They like you 'cause you're you.

Hugs are meant for anyone
For whom we really care,
From your grandma to your neighbor,
Or a cuddly teddy bear.

A hug is an amazing thing--
Its just the perfect way
To show the love we're feeling
But can't find the words to say.

It's how a little hug
Makes everyone feel good;
In every place and language,
It's always understood.

And hugs don't need new equipment,
Special batteries or parts-
Just open your arms
And open your hearts.


*Written by a 12 year old.

Thank you for allowing me to get this out. I hope others will share, or find support...and just accept that we have to let those little butterflies fly....

 

[Purrde Flower]

I remeber last year when my daughter went to school for the very first time. She was very excited. I wasn't. I stopped myself several times from going up there just to look in the classroom door window just so I could know for myself she was alright with out me. I never once went up there to eat lunch with her mostly because I had 3 other kids at home but I wanted her to have her school time away from home.

 

[weed]

Nice thought, Intrigued.

I remember the heartache watching them go off for the first time.

Now I look forward to their return.

Aaah, not only for my own bit of peace that comes with it but for the time they get with their friends and the stimulation their classes (hopefully) provide.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

it seems mom and dad suffer more seperation anxiety than our kids do

 

[intrigued]

I remeber last year when my daughter went to school for the very first time. She was very excited. I wasn't. I stopped myself several times from going up there just to look in the classroom door window just so I could know for myself she was alright with out me. I never once went up there to eat lunch with her mostly because I had 3 other kids at home but I wanted her to have her school time away from home.

Yes, it seems they handle it so much better than we do, and that does help me, but still.....I just miss her, and all thats been.

Thank you, Purrde Flower. Does school begin soon for your children? I imagine with 4, you might be looking forward to it, a bit?

 

[SexyWench]

I know the feeling all too well. When my son started school, he clung to me and said he didn't want to go despite the fact we had spent the previous weeks preparing him for the start of school. My lil girl started last year, she stopped, waved a good bye and was off, no hesitations at all - my independent little girl!

Come February, I must register my last child to start in September 2003. I think I'll send my husband as I know I will lose it if I go.


SW

 

[intrigued]

Nice thought, Intrigued.

I remember the heartache watching them go off for the first time.

Now I look forward to their return.

Aaah, not only for my own bit of peace that comes with it but for the time they get with their friends and the stimulation their classes (hopefully) provide.

Yes, and she certainly needs school and all that it offers. Because of where we live, she has never really had friends, only one in all her life. She will be tremendously blessed.
Her brother is 12, so her world so far has been that of trying to be like him...trying to fit into his world, so it will be especially beneficial for her to be around other 5 year olds.
Thanks dear, I hope all is well with you.

brokenbrainwave...yes, so very true. We nurture and provide, watch over and worry. Now someone else is nurturing and providing, and the parents are a bit at a loss....

Thanks for replying.

 

[Rubyfruit]

There is something about sending our kids off to kindergarten that is so bittersweet.

Your poem is beautiful, Intrigued. I hope you put a copy in her baby book.

 

[intrigued]

I know the feeling all too well. When my son started school, he clung to me and said he didn't want to go despite the fact we had spent the previous weeks preparing him for the start of school. My lil girl started last year, she stopped, waved a good bye and was off, no hesitations at all - my independent little girl!

Come February, I must register my last child to start in September 2003. I think I'll send my husband as I know I will lose it if I go.


SW

Oh yes, I know that feeling well. My ex is the "Immunization Dad", lol...in that he always takes her to get her shots. There is no way...
I had to deal with all that by myself with my son, as I was a single parent with him, and I will never forget that agony, it was horible. I figure, she has a Dad, and he is a big strong man...he can handle it. Nah. He doesn't fare much better than I. And all she does is cry for Mommy....

What you said about the differences in your childrens response to school is interesting. They all react so differently. My daughter has been all over the place about it, back and forth. The little girl I saw this morning made me proud....ripped my heart to bits, but still, I was so very proud. Her little face was beaming as she so softly said 'yes".

Damn it.

 

[Purrde Flower]

School begins on the 20th this year for my kids. Three of my babies will be going this year. 2 of them to pre-k and one to the first. I am looking forward to it but then again I'm not. It's a love hate thing hehe

 

[intrigued]

There is something about sending our kids off to kindergarten that is so bittersweet.

Your poem is beautiful, Intrigued. I hope you put a copy in her baby book.

Oh yes...and really, I think she will be very happy in school, and do quite well, its just the looking back that is making it so hard to experience all that I should be feeling right now, and am having to force myself to think of. I just keep remembering that little baby, you know??? I couldn't be with my son the way I was able to with her, and she is quite simply my heart. We were together day and night, from the day she was born...damn it, I have to stop this now.

Thank you, I read it to her alot, and she has never been able to say anything more to me than "I love you, mommy", when she hears it. I could just eat her alive!!!!!

 

[Calamity Jane]

My oldest starts in a couple of weeks. She's so excited about going to the 'big school', and she's been in preschool with a lot of the children that will be in her class. We've already visited the school, she's seen the library and classrooms and cafeteria, so it won't be a strange and scary place. We'll do kindergarten round up soon, and she'll meet her teacher and practice getting on and off the bus.

I know it's going to be a lot harder for me than it is for her.

Do times like this make anyone else want to call their mom and thank her for just everything?

 

[SexyWench]

I think it all depends on the child's personality.

My son was the first born and in many ways spoiled as he was an only child for years before my next was born.

My girl was strong willed from the moment she was conceived and still is! She's 5 going on 25!

My baby has had her mommy home with her from the day she was born. The bond there is very strong and I know in my heart that I must let her be more independent.

I guess it just comes down to the fact that we long for when our kids become independent little people, we still want to hold on to our baby just a little longer.


SW

 

[intrigued]

School begins on the 20th this year for my kids. Three of my babies will be going this year. 2 of them to pre-k and one to the first. I am looking forward to it but then again I'm not. It's a love hate thing hehe

Oh dear!! Pre~K and the first grade???? Woman, you will be needing valiums, huh??? I will be thinking of you, and sending you the very best I can muster, OK??? Maybe I'll nab you and sit you in the eye candy thread, it seems to work wonders for me and the other ladies when things just aren't quite right.

 

[Tantanah]

~big hug~ for you Intrigued.

The poems were beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

I'm usually resistant to change at first but now I've come to accept that it can be a good thing.

 

[PepperminTrish]

Do times like this make anyone else want to call their mom and thank her for just everything?

Yes, I've called her many times to say 'thank you' and also 'I'm sorry' when my kids do to me what I know my sister and I did to her.

 

[Purrde Flower]

Almost all my kids are 2 years apart with the exception of my middle 2. They are like a year and half apart. If they didn't have the stupid Sepetember rule my oldest boy would be in Kindergarden and the only reason my 3 year old gets to attend is because he is disabled.

Having 4 kids is really no different than having 2. Take it in stride. They know how far they can push me and they don't do it often, anymore hehe.

 

[russell]

Connie...that was a lovely poem....I know that you have been working up to this day and your story gave me a warm fuzzy feeling....My son goes off to college next year and I'm sure I will be feeling some of the same things that you did....

 

[intrigued]

My oldest starts in a couple of weeks. She's so excited about going to the 'big school', and she's been in preschool with a lot of the children that will be in her class. We've already visited the school, she's seen the library and classrooms and cafeteria, so it won't be a strange and scary place. We'll do kindergarten round up soon, and she'll meet her teacher and practice getting on and off the bus.

I know it's going to be a lot harder for me than it is for her.

Do times like this make anyone else want to call their mom and thank her for just everything?

Wow! See, thats the way it should happen, but that was not the case for her. We didnt visit the school until yesterday, and they never took us beyond the office. Thank goodness, with children this age, they still assist them with every single act they perform, for the most part.
Is this all day kindergarten? With my son, it was only 2.5 hours, for her, its all day.

I would call my mom and thank her, had she ever done anything other than giving birth to me.
I often thank my Grandmother in my mind, as she is no longer here...she was a beautiful and inspirational woman.

I'm glad your daughter is handling this so well, and seems so eager and prepared. How very cool.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Is this all day kindergarten?

I'm glad your daughter is handling this so well, and seems so eager and prepared. How very cool.

Yup, all day. She'll get on the bus at 730 and off at 330.

She's VERY eager. We'll see how prepared she is after the first week when it all sinks in.

 

[intrigued]

~big hug~ for you Intrigued.

The poems were beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

I'm usually resistant to change at first but now I've come to accept that it can be a good thing.

Thanks dear...I hope you're having a better day today.

I'm not really resistant to change, heck, I probably wouldnt still be breathing as nicely as I do if that were the case But, I do tend to take it a bit slow.....

PS....hope to see you there, soon. I need it in a BIG way.

SW...your daughter sounds just like mine. She acts just like me...I mean, she is me to a tee! She has no concept of the fact that she is only 5, and coupled with the fact that she was held back a year because of her birthday being in January (we are 4 days apart!) and her size, she is very tall like her Dad, well, she just doesn't look like a 5 year old, and people treat her as though she is much older. Thats something both good and bad...

Hi russell, thank you. Change is hard when it comes to our children, no matter what their ages, or their circumstance. I appreciate your words, and I hope this thread helps you, and all the rest of us, too.

 

[intrigued]

Yup, all day. She'll get on the bus at 730 and off at 330.

She's VERY eager. We'll see how prepared she is after the first week when it all sinks in.

Oh dear....kindergarten is a joy!! I remember it so well with my son, and it is a happy time. Reality doesn't hit until about 2nd grade, thats when they start to complain a bit.
In kindergarten, they are so full of wonder, and so curious and eager. That little precious face still sends me soaring in my mind as I recall it, how excited he was, and how he would get this look on his face when that little light when off, and I realized, yep, he "got" it. Ahh...those were some wonderful times.
Remember "show and tell"??? And cupcakes parties, and being invited to read to the class? Wow...I do have alot to look forward to, huh??

Thank you very much....

 

[enjoyingitall]

Your poem was so very touching.

I read through it a couple of times and both times I was teary eyed. Thank you for a beautiful reminder or how special the innocence and beauty of little acts from our children are.

My children are older than many of you that are posting here. Despite their ages, each time I look at them, I am awed by them.

All the milestones, first day of school, first touchdown scored, first cheer led, first crush, first award earned, first graduation, and first good-byes should all be treasured.

I've watched as my oldest son has matured into a wonderful young man. He's 22 now, but reading through this thread, I was reminded of his very first day of school. Thank you for brightening my day by helping me to recall some precious memories.

I wish you all well as your children grow and thrive through your love.

 

[intrigued]

Your poem was so very touching.

I read through it a couple of times and both times I was teary eyed. Thank you for a beautiful reminder or how special the innocence and beauty of little acts from our children are.

My children are older than many of you that are posting here. Despite their ages, each time I look at them, I am awed by them.

All the milestones, first day of school, first touchdown scored, first cheer led, first crush, first award earned, first graduation, and first good-byes should all be treasured.

I've watched as my oldest son has matured into a wonderful young man. He's 22 now, but reading through this thread, I was reminded of his very first day of school. Thank you for brightening my day by helping me to recall some precious memories.

I wish you all well as your children grow and thrive through your love.

What a beautiful and very kind reply! Thank you for your words of inspiration.

I totally enjoy my children, even when they've ripped my house from one end to the other....the simple act of how they can do it so thoroughly and creatively cracks me up!

Wow...its nice to be moved by anothers words, and you just moved me quite nicely.

Thank you.

 

[enjoyingitall]

What a beautiful and very kind reply! Thank you for your words of inspiration.

I totally enjoy my children, even when they've ripped my house from one end to the other....the simple act of how they can do it so thoroughly and creatively cracks me up!

Wow...its nice to be moved by anothers words, and you just moved me quite nicely.

Thank you.

Well, I'm happy to have moved you with my words. I'm such a softie when it comes to children.

Your threads never fail to get my attention. Your warmth is evident through them.