When the sub gets lippy

[Keroin]

I haven't posted here in quite some time because my relationship with my sub has been growing. However, last night when he suddenly became so morose and irritable had me wondering if as a PYL I'm supposed to be responding to this in a way other than I had. I had to cut him off mid-whine, kick him out of my bed and put him out of my sight.

If I were posting here weekly or even daily I'd agree that maybe I'm looking for some kind of attention. I'm not. Just some answers. So, catalina, in this instance you are quite wrong about me.

For those who are interested, my sub apologized for his poor behavior. We haven't had the time yet to sit down for a good talk, and that will come this evening or tomorrow. I care a great deal about this man, but we are still becoming familiar with each other. I just don't want familiarity to breed contempt.

So are you living together now Bette? I know you had mentioned this in an another thread at some point.

 

[Bette_coquette]

So are you living together now Bette? I know you had mentioned this in an another thread at some point.

No. We maintain separate households. He stays with me overnight once in a while. I enjoy waking up with him warming my backside, sharing coffee in the morning, greeting the day together. That and one of my cats has completely fallen in love with him.

 

[Keroin]

No. We maintain separate households. He stays with me overnight once in a while. I enjoy waking up with him warming my backside, sharing coffee in the morning, greeting the day together. That and one of my cats has completely fallen in love with him.

Oh, the cat thing is a good sign!

Hm, well I was going to say that if you had started living together that might be part of it. But...no.

Anyway, sounds like you are dealing with it. Good luck!

 

[sb2009]

Well, i'm pretty much a pyl in my marriage. And i do tend to get lippy/mouthy/or sigh really loud in earshot of him when something is bothering me.

Now, this has decreased over the years as i've learned better ways to communicate my needs/desires, however, changes in routine, life, etc can set me back a bit ;-)

 

[Bette_coquette]

Well, i'm pretty much a pyl in my marriage. And i do tend to get lippy/mouthy/or sigh really loud in earshot of him when something is bothering me.

Now, this has decreased over the years as i've learned better ways to communicate my needs/desires, however, changes in routine, life, etc can set me back a bit ;-)

There are some things going on career-wise that will mean we'll see much less of each other. Even if I don't get this particular job I'm interviewing for, I'll still be transferring to a site that will mean I'm not available like I used to be. I've thought perhaps he's reacting to this, but hasn't wanted to tell me right out he doesn't like it. Instead, he's acting very supportive of me, but has gotten snippy. I think if we talk about this it will all come out.

I do care about this man very much and his happiness is important to me. Is that very un-PYL-ish of me? I don't know.

 

[lovebound]

I do care about this man very much and his happiness is important to me. Is that very un-PYL-ish of me? I don't know.

I thought that was exactly supposed to be a PYL's main concern

 

[Bette_coquette]

I thought that was exactly supposed to be a PYL's main concern

That's good to know. I read some Doms' posts on here and think I'm supposed to be all bitchified and demanding. I don't see it that way. I "own" my sub and care for him like I would a precious pet. I make sure he's fed properly (before me he lived on junk food), that he takes time to exercise, that he has interests outside of "us" and that we have plenty of time spent on fun things that get us around other people. It's not all about the sex and the kink.

There are some things he does for me that I use as a reminder of his place. Most of the time we act like a regular vanilla couple because of time and the pressures of work.

I do fear that he'll get bored and want someone more demanding. I may not have the ability to fulfill those needs.

 

[lovebound]

That's good to know. I read some Doms' posts on here and think I'm supposed to be all bitchified and demanding. I don't see it that way. I "own" my sub and care for him like I would a precious pet. I make sure he's fed properly (before me he lived on junk food), that he takes time to exercise, that he has interests outside of "us" and that we have plenty of time spent on fun things that get us around other people. It's not all about the sex and the kink.

There are some things he does for me that I use as a reminder of his place. Most of the time we act like a regular vanilla couple because of time and the pressures of work.

I do fear that he'll get bored and want someone more demanding. I may not have the ability to fulfill those needs.

From my limited outside perspective, the treatment you give your sub is something I would be lucky to experience. I think you have a really healthy view on it.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

Am I the only one with dirty thoughts every time I read the word "lippy" in this thread title?

 

[lovebound]

Am I the only one with dirty thoughts every time I read the word "lippy" in this thread title?

Nope!

 

[Stella_Omega]

I have been impressed with your accounts, Bette. I think you are an excellent owner!

 

[Stella_Omega]

That's good to know. I read some Doms' posts on here and think I'm supposed to be all bitchified and demanding. I don't see it that way. I "own" my sub and care for him like I would a precious pet. I make sure he's fed properly (before me he lived on junk food), that he takes time to exercise, that he has interests outside of "us" and that we have plenty of time spent on fun things that get us around other people. It's not all about the sex and the kink.

There are some things he does for me that I use as a reminder of his place. Most of the time we act like a regular vanilla couple because of time and the pressures of work.

I do fear that he'll get bored and want someone more demanding. I may not have the ability to fulfill those needs.

You might want to address those issues. Set him to write out his most honest fantasies. I remember you've made him write things... the you'll have a measure of how far he wants to go and you can match it against how far you want to go. Then you set him at your feet and draw up your contract...

 

[Bette_coquette]

You might want to address those issues. Set him to write out his most honest fantasies. I remember you've made him write things... the you'll have a measure of how far he wants to go and you can match it against how far you want to go. Then you set him at your feet and draw up your contract...

Funny you should say this. Sometimes he'll come over to visit and I'll be in my recliner. He'll head for the couch and I'll detour him to sit on the floor next to me. I wish you could see the look of happiness on his face when he's settling onto that cold ceramic tile.

I like the idea of having him write out his fantasies. I'll have him do that this weekend.

 

[sb2009]

Job changes suck. Seriously. We are in the middle of a HUGE change - military retirement and he's started a civilian job, but in a different state. Both of us were huge bundles of stress, emotions and all kinds of crap.

Nothing is ever perfect. And the stress is still here, it's just a huge change in our lives. Now though that he's not physically here, i HAVE to give voice to my annoyance/concern/anxiety.

The writing idea sounds wonderful. If my husband didn't look at reading as some sort of torture, i would do that myself.

And as for the caring part, how could anything go long term is there wasn't some sort of concern for the pyl (or the PYL, too) for how the person was feeling, etc?

I mean, that may be fun in theory, but I imagine it takes a specific kind of person to want to be treated like shit 100% of the time.

 

[Bette_coquette]

He gave me 4 fantasies. The first was he and I in a mountain cottage in front of a fire with snow outside. Such a romantic! The second was me filling his mouth with my piss. Now that's more like it.

We did talk about the stress in his life and how that manifests itself. This guy is a keeper.

 

[Netzach]

He gave me 4 fantasies. The first was he and I in a mountain cottage in front of a fire with snow outside. Such a romantic! The second was me filling his mouth with my piss. Now that's more like it.

We did talk about the stress in his life and how that manifests itself. This guy is a keeper.

I really recommend communication and barring that working more of same. There's no sin in asking the question directly - having to play "disobedience I Ching" isn't worth the headache.

 

[lovebound]

He gave me 4 fantasies. The first was he and I in a mountain cottage in front of a fire with snow outside. Such a romantic! The second was me filling his mouth with my piss. Now that's more like it.

We did talk about the stress in his life and how that manifests itself. This guy is a keeper.

Congrats