When religion conflicts with desires . . .

[CharmingVixen]

So, I have predicament, and it has never been a problem until the last two months. The situation is this. Three years ago I had sex with my first and only lover. I fancied myself in love and thought we were going to get married and it just didn't happen. I am a very religious person, so this whole episode has been devastating. I prayed and tried to put the whole issue behind me, but I find that I can't and I have been doing crazy things in the ensuing years to make everything okay and to reduce the cognitive dissonance of the situation.

Two months ago I was overcome by this insane desire to have sex all the time. I did what any reasonable person would do; I bought sex toys to assauge these feelings due mainly to the fact that I don't feel premarital sex is right and in this way I could control the burning desire and still maintain physical intergrity. If you've ever masterbated with toys, you know that they only hit the spot for so long before they become a bore in and of themselves. Meanwhile, my old lover was in town a few days ago and he generally stays at his old girlfreind's apartment. So I lured him away from her and slept with him (no sex, just sleep) just to get back at the other girl, to show her that I could have him back anytime I want, and in fact he admitted he did wish to have sex with me again and I can't deny I feel desire for him, but only a fool would consider it, considering our past.

Anyways, he left. I'm horny as hell. I am actually considering having sex with a stranger so great is my desire. I just don't know what to do with myself right now. Please respond and let me know what you think is the right move to make. And please don't respond by telling me to forget God, follow my body or anything along that vein. It just isn't in my nature to do something like that. I would rather die than betray my Lord again. The first time was a mistake, I was naive and stupid. I know better now, and I could never intentionally stab him in the heart with such a hypocritcal display of my so called love. God has made it obvious what he expects from me in this vein, but I just feel like it's only a matter of time before I slip up.

Those of you who know what I am talking about and have been in this situation, please give me wise counsel.

Thank you,

 

[linuxgeek]

From what I've observed, First's have a tendency to mess with people's heads--especially when expectations aren't met and regardless of any religious entanglements.

Sex is a natural biological function. Wanting to have it is just part of natures attempt at perpetuating the species.

As long as your religious beliefs entangled with your sexual desires, I would recommend against hunting up any Tom, Dick, or Harry in attempt to quell your desires. The aftermath will likely leave you more torn and likely guilt ridden.

You will need to find a balance between religious convictions and carnal wants & needs. Speak with religious leaders you trust. Speak with non-religious bound counselors. As a student, college I assume since with your registration here, I’d expect you would find both on campus. They may not give you the answers you want to hear. They likely will end up asking you more questions than providing any answers. Both sides need to be addressed.

For some people prayer alone can be sufficient counseling for problem solving. Many people work through issues easier with one-on-one immediate interaction.

 

[phoenix1224]

Wow... you Do realize that Christian religions didn't really have an official stance on sex, marriage, birth control, ect. until the current Pope (then only a bishop) wrote one for the Roman Catholic Church in the late 40's, right?

I, personally, left Christianity a long time ago... Too many rules...

In my opinion, any time a religion starts putting restrictions on it's initiates (diet, mode of dress, sex), it's over stepped it's bounds... The whole purpose of religion is supposed to be to help us find a balance beween our two selves (the Physical and the Spiritual) so that we can better live in THIS world...

Now, it seems like you are a devote Christian, so remember what Jesus taught... To love and respect one another... To treat others with kindness and charity... He never said anything about sex... ever...

So long as you respect yourself and those that you are with... and no one will be hurt by your actions, you're not being a bad Christian, and you aren't going to go to hell (if THAT'S what you're worried about)... Besides, it's YOUR body, not the Church's...

 

[Disciple]

Actually Judaism and christianity have always had so called rules about sex and marriage. I myself am a christian and as far as dieting, we aren't under the mosaic law any more just the 10 comandments. I don't believe in sex before marriage. But also sexuallity within the boundries of marriage is not a sin. God has given a set of rule to live by and it isn't to be a tyrant, but to guide us away from trouble and hassles of many kinds in life. Before I do anything of a serious nature I ask myself what would Jesus think and also does it conflict wit Jesus' word in scripture.

 

[Kadiddlehopper]

My two cents...

Wish I could vote for two choices in your poll-first would be pray until you overcome,because there is no denying the power of prayer,But close on it's heels would have to be to forgive yourself if you fall...after all,there has only one true pure human being,and He was also God as well.Believe me,I know of which you speak-I struggle with this area of my faith daily.Satan realizes everyone's weakest points and attacks them with everything he has;be it alchohol,drugs,sex...he uses that to try to separate you from God.And if we let him,he wins but just the round-not the war!Christ has already paid the price for the sins we have committed,are commiting,and will commit in our lifetimes.Know that for a fact!!!It is not an easy thing to deal with,but give it over to Him to help you with.I could go on for a while here but I'm sure there are some who wish I would shut up so-pm me if you want and I will definately lift you in prayer....

 

[phoenix1224]

One more thing...

Thou stalt not commit adultery...

Adultery: Violation of the marriage bed; sexual commerce by a married person with one who is not his or her wife or husband. - Webster's Dictionary

So, where did you get that sex before marriage is WRONG?... It's NOT in The Ten Commandments... 'God's Laws'... So, WHY is it wrong?

Hhhmmm... Could it be because religious leaders (men) said so in order to further subjugate women?... Or to further subjugate EVERYONE?...

Remember... Historically, religion (especially Christianity) has been used to control people... And those who would NOT be controlled, payed the ultimate price... (The Crusades, The Inqusitions, 'The Burning Times')

And even today, those that disagree with them (gays, lesbians, anyone NOT of the Judeo/Christian faiths, etc.), are told that they are going to 'go to hell'... Just for disagreeing with THEIR beliefs?

 

[English Lady]

I do not think this is the thread for people to go into a debate about their beliefs and what the believe about other peoples beliefs. This post is a genuine plea from someone who is at the end of her tether...I am pretty sure the last thing she wants to see is a whole religious debate being carried on. Go Make your own debating thread to do that.


CharmingVixen...God is gracious and he knows how you feel. Don't be ashamed because it is a natural urge and God understands we are all human. Let him know how this sexual need is driving you bonkers and let him deal with it. He will you know.

It's not going to be easy and I doubt your need for sexual gratification will just disappear but if you let God into the situation he might eliviate some of the discomfort for you..helping you to work through it and not to suffer so much.


Indecision,hurt and frustration are not what God wants for his children..he wants to help so let him

I am only ever a PM away if you want to chat things over or anything. Don't worry..you're just human and we all get tempted..its how we deal with that temptation that counts!

 

[phoenix1224]

I do not think this is the thread for people to go into a debate about their beliefs and what the believe about other peoples beliefs. This post is a genuine plea from someone who is at the end of her tether...I am pretty sure the last thing she wants to see is a whole religious debate being carried on. Go Make your own debating thread to do that.

My whole point was that what 'GOD' requires of you and what RELIGION requires of you, many times, are two different things...

'God's Laws' say absolutely nothing about premarital sex being wrong... MEN have said that...

I'm sure her 'God' wants her to be happy... Well, obviously, she's not... Because she's listening to the laws of MEN, not the Laws of 'God'...

I'm not suggesting that she give up her 'God'... But, I am suggesting that, maybe, she re-think following organized religion... Especially if that religion has her torn and is making her miserable...

You CAN be a SPIRITUAL person... a GOOD person... without being a RELIGIOUS person... (unfortunately, too many people confuse the two)... 'GOD' created Spirituality, MEN created RELIGION...

But, if she wants to stick to her RELIGION, then all I can suggest is... Maybe find a religious bulletine board to hang out on, instead of THIS one... Too much temptation HERE...