When rejection comes, but with good Feedback...

[Maria2394]

If I can manage to keep from freezing up long enough to post this, I have an example to show and a plea for help

 

[WickedEve]

If I can manage to keep from freezing up long enough to post this, I have an example to show and a plea for help

I'm waiting.

 

[Maria2394]

Thank you for your submission to the Dead Mule School of Southern Literature. Unfortunately, we cannot accept your work at this time.

Actually your poem is quite lovely in places and we deliberated over this submission. However, I might recommend that the Lite-brite blanket piece be revised as this image just doesn't seem to match the other images in the poem.

We are sorry this took so long to get to. Helen Losses and myself are brand new to the Mule and are getting everything organized. We hope responses to submissions do not take as long in the future.

Sincerely,
Kevin Blankenship


~~

her little glass bird

She tries to remember
to move the porcelain owl
to various locations
in and around
the house and grounds
several times a week
so the spirit of her father
( who lives in the owl)
can have a change of scenery

Kitchen window view
always especially pleasing
watching birds eating,
brown squirrels thieving
azalea leaves drinking in
the blood red sap of summer

October sun angles in,
burning tender skin
and light gently fades,
blending bright into night
till afternoons feel just like mornings

Winter approaches
with slivers of platinum
star-scrawled messages
whispered then scattered across
an indigo felt forever-ness

Like a Lite- Brite (c) blanket
capturing star-shine
and holding twinkles hostage
a few seconds longer
so he can un-paint his eyelids
and see them,

if only he could
un-paint his eyelids and see them

~~~~

thanks for waiting, Eve

 

[WickedEve]

Kevin Blankenship. I don't know this name. I usually hear from Valerie MacEwan. I like the lite-brite line. The poem is good.

 

[wildsweetone]

Just out of curiosity what does it mean:

Like a Lite- Brite (c) blanket

Is Lite Brite a proper noun for something I've not heard of? and
Why the hyphen? and
why the (c)?

I'm guessing it's a copyright sign which means Lite Brite is a proper noun, but what is the product?

 

[sandj]

Just out of curiosity what does it mean:



Is Lite Brite a proper noun for something I've not heard of? and
Why the hyphen? and
why the (c)?

I'm guessing it's a copyright sign which means Lite Brite is a proper noun, but what is the product?

wildsweetone,

Lite-Brite is an American toy, a plastic box with a light bulb inside, and the face of the box has holes for small colored pegs which light up in bright colors when you turn it on. It comes with patterns that you place over the face and poke through with the colored pegs to create pictures. Here's a link: http://www.sfpg.com/animation/liteBrite.html

Also, on the same title thread, Lincoln logs are little toy logs that fit together and you can use them to build things (like log cabins; President Lincoln was born in a log cabin, and I think that's where the name comes from).

Maria,

It seems promising that they sent you actual comments. Usually, I get form rejection notices, which is so much more disheartening for me. If you want to revise it as they suggest, you could probably resubmit it to them with a good chance of acceptance. However, as Eve points out, it's a good poem already, so you could just leave it as is and submit it elsewhere.

Was that the kind of help you were hoping for? If not, what specifically would you like help with?

 

[wildsweetone]

wildsweetone,

Lite-Brite is an American toy, a plastic box with a light bulb inside, and the face of the box has holes for small colored pegs which light up in bright colors when you turn it on. It comes with patterns that you place over the face and poke through with the colored pegs to create pictures. Here's a link: http://www.sfpg.com/animation/liteBrite.html

Also, on the same title thread, Lincoln logs are little toy logs that fit together and you can use them to build things (like log cabins; President Lincoln was born in a log cabin, and I think that's where the name comes from).

...

Thanks sandj, I appreciate your help.

I loved the link too, it gave me an excellent idea as to how the phrase fits within the poem. Thanks.

 

[annaswirls]

Maria,

Congratulations on getting such a personalized letter! I am not being sarcastic, I am serious. It is a very good message. Most all of mine come with a fill in the blank for my name. It is a good poem, it was just not what they were looking for. (I am quoting a friend who uses this to soothe my rejection blues)

My suggestion: send them something else right away with a personalized letter referring to their letter, and if you dont have one ready, send them something right away thanking them for considering etc. so they better remember you and know you are serious about this poetry stuff

I do not think the (c) next to lite brite is necessary unless you were using it for poetic effect.

I don't know if you were looking for feedback on the poem, if so, use the thin skinned thread! It has been really helpful to me!

I am so happy you are sharing your poetry with a wider audience!


~J

(jd told me to do that and I have found it to be a very positive experience)

Thank you for your submission to the Dead Mule School of Southern Literature. Unfortunately, we cannot accept your work at this time.

Actually your poem is quite lovely in places and we deliberated over this submission. However, I might recommend that the Lite-brite blanket piece be revised as this image just doesn't seem to match the other images in the poem.

We are sorry this took so long to get to. Helen Losses and myself are brand new to the Mule and are getting everything organized. We hope responses to submissions do not take as long in the future.

Sincerely,
Kevin Blankenship


~~

her little glass bird

She tries to remember
to move the porcelain owl
to various locations
in and around
the house and grounds
several times a week
so the spirit of her father
( who lives in the owl)
can have a change of scenery

Kitchen window view
always especially pleasing
watching birds eating,
brown squirrels thieving
azalea leaves drinking in
the blood red sap of summer

October sun angles in,
burning tender skin
and light gently fades,
blending bright into night
till afternoons feel just like mornings

Winter approaches
with slivers of platinum
star-scrawled messages
whispered then scattered across
an indigo felt forever-ness

Like a Lite- Brite (c) blanket
capturing star-shine
and holding twinkles hostage
a few seconds longer
so he can un-paint his eyelids
and see them,

if only he could
un-paint his eyelids and see them

~~~~

thanks for waiting, Eve

 

[WickedEve]

Maria, I read your poem again. Keep that lite brite line for another poem. Drop it from this one. This poem is all about nature and maybe lite brite is out of place. I'm not sure.
The first stanza may need some line break editing. I'd lengthen the lines a little more.
Other than that, it's very good! I'd think they'd hop all over it. It's as good or better than the poems I sent them.

 

[Lauren Hynde]

Lite-Brite © should be Lite-Brite ®

 

[normal jean]

i cant sign into the forum as maria anyway, thanks to EVERYONE who has responded. Excellent ideas, suggestions. Thank you. I had a prob with Lite brite when I wrote it, it bugged me. I took some of your suggestions and did a quickie rewrite. oh, anna, ( i know YOU would never <WEG> be sarcastic and I will MOST definitely respond to then tonight.

I read something jd wrote to that effect a while back ( about responding and thanking editors for their time) and kept it in mind and I do it. When I submitted to thieves, matt wrote me back and said, got anymore? I ( basically) didnt like the subject matter of your others... This stuff doesnt hurt me!! I came here to learn and when i pitched my winter depression childish fit, and pulled my stuff, i felt so stuck, quagmire stuck, size 9 foot in a size 5 shoe, stuck


I truly appreciate how fortunate I am to get a personal reply. Thats why I posted this here..to share and selfishly, to pick ya'lls talented brains
~~

her little glass bird

She tries to remember to move the porcelain owl,
around the house and grounds several times a week,
so the spirit of her father, who lives in the owl,
can have a change of scenery.

Kitchen window view, always especially pleasing-
watching birds eating, brown squirrels thieving,
azalea leaves drinking in the blood red sap of summer.

October sun angles in, burning tender skin
and light gently fades, blending bright into night
till afternoons feel just like mornings.

Then winter approaches, with slivers of platinum
star-scrawled message scattered across
an indigo felt forever-ness,

Like a firefly blanket capturing star-shine,
twinkles are held a few seconds longer
so he can un-paint his eyelids and see them,

If only he would un-paint his eyelids and see them.

 

[twelveoone]

Lite-Brite © should be Lite-Brite ®

Lauren is right, the r ina circle is a registered Trademark, as soon as you see that, you should also see a legal statement at the bottom, something like Lite-Brite is a r...m.. in this case of Hasbro...blah, blah. no attempt or anything like that is being made to infringe on blah, blah a Major Multi-National Corporation's right to rule the world.
Unless absolutely necessary in the context, it is best to avoid them.
Never know when some IP lawyer feels the need to justify his existence, and they DO have a duty to prevent registered trademarks from becoming common usuage.
Hasbro is a big one with a vested interest....would not put it past them, unless the i's where dotted, etc.
The law is what it is perceived to be.
The focus of the letter:
"Actually your poem is quite lovely in places and we deliberated over this submission. However, I might recommend that the Lite-brite blanket piece be revised as this image just doesn't seem to match the other images in the poem."
Poetically I tend to agree with his assessment, however the c ina circle mistake was probably the killer they needed.
"quite lovely in places" - watch this phrase
"we deliberated over this submission"
Anna's suggestion to submit again, is a good one, not this one without a major revision as you do not know "the places" where it was not "quite lovely". If you can read some of his writing, to get a feel for what he thinks is good.

About the revision, why the hyphen's? justify in your mind.
"an indigo felt forever-ness," an indigo felt forever is a great image; -ness? on the end, what does that do to you, what is your reason for it, to make it go on, it already does "forever"
Dam, that is a great line "indigo felt" ooo, like the feel, "forever" I like the play in felt. A visual with texture. The componet words in "indigo", I have always wondered how to describe that..
Damn, that's close to a whole god-damn poem.

Glad to see this, glad to see you, have to go...
look at the night sky

 

[Maria2394]

I'll Be a Dead Mule in October!!

thanks to all who helped me I sent the rewrite and the nice note and got word a while ago I will be a Dead Mule in October!! Its the one I wanted sooo bad, me and eve are sisters for real now

 

[*Catbabe*]

Cool!! That's great news Maria!


Although, it does seem odd to congratulate you on becoming a dead mule

 

[Maria2394]

Cool!! That's great news Maria!


Although, it does seem odd to congratulate you on becoming a dead mule

Thank you Catbabe I'll gladly admitto being a dead mule, anyday

it is a funny name though, isnt it? well, now theres 2 dead mules and at least one exquisite corpse here that I know of..seems like it it outta be smelling pretty funky pretty soon lol

 

[WickedEve]

thanks to all who helped me I sent the rewrite and the nice note and got word a while ago I will be a Dead Mule in October!! Its the one I wanted sooo bad, me and eve are sisters for real now

Are they not updating the site again until oct? I was going to send them bullwhip rose. I think I'll send it and see if we can both get in for oct.

 

[annaswirls]

thanks to all who helped me I sent the rewrite and the nice note and got word a while ago I will be a Dead Mule in October!! Its the one I wanted sooo bad, me and eve are sisters for real now

So happy for you Maria!So happy the move to publish out there is rolling...

damn it I have to spend less time on remodeling my site and more time writing and submitting

or maybe not, the site is fun

and thanks for the comment in my lj by the way, been meaning to say that

main thing,

Congratulations on not taking rejection personally, for believing in yourself and for getting what you want!

 

[Maria2394]

So happy for you Maria!So happy the move to publish out there is rolling...

damn it I have to spend less time on remodeling my site and more time writing and submitting

or maybe not, the site is fun

and thanks for the comment in my lj by the way, been meaning to say that

main thing,

Congratulations on not taking rejection personally, for believing in yourself and for getting what you want!

Thanks Anna you encouraged me, and I know the rejection is not personal, but sometimes the notes are not nice and they make you feel kinda bad. I got a rejection from Literary Mama this morning. They were nice too, but not nearly the FB that mule sent;. She just said it didnt fit with what they needed to please submit again in the future and look for their upcoming special issues and maybe submit for those.

I know this is a vanity thread, hell, i can be narcissistic too, but I get so many notes saying Im so good, Im not good, Im lucky and persistant. I cant stand failure and not trying is worse than failure, in my book. Your site rocks, Im proud to have apoem on there.

Eve, they didnt say exactly when teh next issue is upcoming, just that mine will be in October. It would be great to be sister mules in the same issue though.

 

[twelveoone]

Thanks Anna you encouraged me, and I know the rejection is not personal, but sometimes the notes are not nice and they make you feel kinda bad. I got a rejection from Literary Mama this morning. They were nice too, but not nearly the FB that mule sent;. She just said it didnt fit with what they needed to please submit again in the future and look for their upcoming special issues and maybe submit for those.

I know this is a vanity thread, hell, i can be narcissistic too, but I get so many notes saying Im so good, Im not good, Im lucky and persistant. I cant stand failure and not trying is worse than failure, in my book. Your site rocks, Im proud to have apoem on there.

Eve, they didnt say exactly when teh next issue is upcoming, just that mine will be in October. It would be great to be sister mules in the same issue though.

Way to go, Maria. You have the right thoughts.
Your poem is good, it has flaws. The world is full of good poets. Persistence pays off. That said; these are elements in your writing that go beyond good, reachs for greatness, in certain parts, grabs it, opens the hands and displays it. I was not joking about those three words. The general tone of this poem...You have begone to lay the foundation here for something great. Deft avaoidence of "slivers of silver" cliche .I wish I could advise, I see but cannot do.
I feel you are on to something here:
especially pleasing
platinum
un-paint
Forcing the reader to stop at parts, that are important.
I am impressed.

 

[Maria2394]

hey 1201

thanks for the kind words and the advice. Heres the revision I sent them. the editor said that if I need to make any more changes, well, I have plenty of time, but not to change it too much

her little glass bird ( revised)

She tries to remember to move the porcelain owl,
around the house and grounds, so the spirit of her father,
who lives in the owl, can have a change of scenery.

Kitchen window view, always especially pleasing-
watching birds eating, brown squirrels thieving,
azalea leaves drinking in the blood red sap of summer.

October sun angles in, burning tender skin
and light gently fades, blending bright into night
till afternoons feel just like mornings.

Then winter approaches, with slivers of platinum
star-scrawled message scattered across
an indigo felt foreverness,

Like midnight's blanket, dotted with fireflies,
twinkles are held a few seconds longer
so he can un-paint his eyelids and see them,

If only he would un-paint his eyelids and see them.

~~

This one is about a little porcelain owl I had to steal from my sister just to have a something of my dads ( long, nasty story). I guess thats why it made me so happy that they took it. The poem actually means something to me.

 

[annaswirls]

Thanks Anna you encouraged me, and I know the rejection is not personal, but sometimes the notes are not nice and they make you feel kinda bad. I got a rejection from Literary Mama this morning. They were nice too, but not nearly the FB that mule sent;. She just said it didnt fit with what they needed to please submit again in the future and look for their upcoming special issues and maybe submit for those.

I know this is a vanity thread, hell, i can be narcissistic too, but I get so many notes saying Im so good, Im not good, Im lucky and persistant. I cant stand failure and not trying is worse than failure, in my book. Your site rocks, Im proud to have apoem on there.

Eve, they didnt say exactly when teh next issue is upcoming, just that mine will be in October. It would be great to be sister mules in the same issue though.

I got a rejection from a print journal and it was nice, handwritten, personal notes, noting of things I had in common with the editor etc....


AND then written so nicely was a plea to look at her new book that just came out..... written right in there with the rejection along with a business card
advertising her book.
eh hem.

I might write a poem about it and submit it to her.

hehe

More likely scenerio, I go to her reading and buy the damn book

wus
anna

 

[flyguy69]

I got a rejection from a print journal and it was nice, handwritten, personal notes, noting of things I had in common with the editor etc....


AND then written so nicely was a plea to look at her new book that just came out..... written right in there with the rejection along with a business card
advertising her book.
eh hem.

I might write a poem about it and submit it to her.

hehe

More likely scenerio, I go to her reading and buy the damn book

wus
anna

Staple a poem to your check!

tit for tat

 

[WickedEve]

Eve, they didnt say exactly when teh next issue is upcoming, just that mine will be in October. It would be great to be sister mules in the same issue though.

I submitted bullwhip rose last night. I hope they take it for oct. Though, they're using some of my poems for April and they may be sick of me now. But where else can I take all my southern poetry?! We need to start our own southern poetry site.

 

[WickedEve]

I got a rejection from a print journal and it was nice, handwritten, personal notes, noting of things I had in common with the editor etc....


AND then written so nicely was a plea to look at her new book that just came out..... written right in there with the rejection along with a business card
advertising her book.
eh hem.

I might write a poem about it and submit it to her.

hehe

More likely scenerio, I go to her reading and buy the damn book

wus
anna

Bitch slap her was the first thing that came to my mind. lol

 

[PatCarrington]

Bitch slap her was the first thing that came to my mind. lol

i already suggested that to anna, in so many words.