When life is no longer interesting.

[Betticus]

Am I the only one here that feels like an old soul?

It seems strange to me that I can observe some of the most deviant, most perverted, most degrading behaviour imaginable on the face of this planet and I am not really moved by it. I'm not touched by it in the way an innocent would be.

I do admit that I'm still shocked by the sheer stupidity of some people but I don't think that counts. What I'm talking about is experience. It feels like there isn't really anything that goes on in the BDSM realm that I don't thoroughally understand.

I have been recently having these thoughts, dreams. I'll attempt to explain it.

I look at people and in my imagination I see past their fascade, I see past their skin and I picture them as blood, meat, fat, bone, organs. I see it almost like it were there laid out in front of me as a medical cadaver even though I am interacting with them. At this point they are no longer human to me. They are meat. I see past their pretty little presentation and instead I see them as something to be used.

I think that I am starting to accept who I am with BDSM and in life in general. I think that even to you who are on the fringes of normal psychology I may be an aberrant wild card. Take it back a bit and accept the fact that I don't get off on torture and causing extreme pain but that I want to feel like the owner of and the master of who I am with. I want her to know that she belongs to me and that I will protect and adore her on my own terms. My terms being that she belongs to me.

 

[Jailhouse]

When I first started to consciously realize that I was interested in (for lack of a better word) "deviant" sexual tastes, I let myself go right ahead and dig into that interest as much as I felt like, but with one and only one condition: I never wanted to go so far down the rabbit hole that I could no longer make love to a woman in the dark, in missionary position, no dirty words, no gimmicks, no props, nothing but the two of us in our bed. That's like the anchor to me... the bottom line that I never want to lose. So far I'm lucky because I never have.

If sex is used like a drug, i.e. exploited for its highs, then it will become a drug... which means that as you get used to it you'll need something more intense, more shocking to the system, more intense to get that same stimulation... and it never stops.

It's possible to go back... but it takes work and, more importantly, a desire to go back.

Or you could just keep chasing the rabbit down the hole and see how far you get.

 

[Betticus]

Dude, sex was never a drug for me to exploit. For me it is the psychology. I want to enslave her mind, make her mine, my property and my lover, my very best friend and my angel. She is so much more to me than just a pal. She is part of me and as such I will protect her and nurture her.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Not sure I can help. My feelings come from deep and are not tied to how much I have seen or done something but more in how that act or behaviour triggers me deep within. Those things which did in the beginning and before real experience, still trigger me now if I hear it mentioned, think of it, see something which reminds me of them, even if I have done them a lot. It is tied to the psychology, but also physical repsonses in part. I think it differes for everyone though.

Catalina

 

[graceanne]

I've been told, on many occasion by many people, that I'm an 'old soul'. I've been told that my whole life, actually. And as far as I'm concerned life is always interesting. It's not always to my taste, but it's always interesting. If you're that bored, then I'd say their's something you need to change.

 

[Netzach]

I never wanted to go so far down the rabbit hole that I could no longer make love to a woman in the dark, in missionary position, no dirty words, no gimmicks, no props, nothing but the two of us in our bed. That's like the anchor to me... the bottom line that I never want to lose. So far I'm lucky because I never have.

Niiiice, very nice. I dig this.

I can be bored by anything or engaged by anything, because it's not the act, it's the person. (This coming from someone who doesn't have to be in wuvvv to feel like I'm having a terrific and deep sexual experience.)

I can get more excited by just being in the same room as my husband than I can about the best orgy imagineable and there are times masturbation is the best sex I've ever had. Sometimes 20 needles in genitals is really ho-hum. Sometimes one needle in a tit is amazingly intense.

I was talking about this in bed after great fucking with health professional. He said "who's the most important person in the room, the patient or the doctor?" I said I couldn't begin to guess. He said "they teach you, NEITHER, it's all about the relationship between them."

I've been given the old soul moniker more often than I care to admit, too. I observe people and their craziness, admit my own craziness, and find compassion for them more often than not. But ultimately, I do think that connections are where it's at, and when those have been severed for me too much, I've felt like something was not as it ought to be for me. Detachment from expectations, agendas, plans, yes....but being outside the world isn't being on target for me.

 

[kiten69]

If you're that bored, then I'd say their's something you need to change.

nicely said...

 

[incubus'_sub]

I agree with Graceanne & Kiten, time to make some changes in your life.

Mostly, despite the I'm a tough, nasty, perverted freak stuff that you put across as being the real you, I find most of your posts are really about "poor me" in one form or another.

Whilst you really want to be a controller of your world, mostly you seem to see yourself as constantly victimised by life, circumstances, other people and maybe this perception is preventing you from moving forward.

I think you've said that you're on meds now for your depression & that's a good start. It does take time for them to work, so be patient, but don't expect them to cure all your ills.

I know quite a number of perverted freaks who embrace & enjoy their lives & a couple of them share your stated desires too. The difference is that they see the world as being full of opportunities to explore them rather than a place trying to crush them.

 

[kiten69]

I want to enslave her mind, make her mine, my property and my lover, my very best friend and my angel. She is so much more to me than just a pal. She is part of me and as such I will protect her and nurture her.

If it is true that lil girls compare their "mates" to images of their Daddy, then i just found the statement that my eventual "mate" has to live up to...*swoon*

 

[shy slave]

I agree with Graceanne & Kiten, time to make some changes in your life.

Mostly, despite the I'm a tough, nasty, perverted freak stuff that you put across as being the real you, I find most of your posts are really about "poor me" in one form or another.

Whilst you really want to be a controller of your world, mostly you seem to see yourself as constantly victimised by life, circumstances, other people and maybe this perception is preventing you from moving forward.

I think you've said that you're on meds now for your depression & that's a good start. It does take time for them to work, so be patient, but don't expect them to cure all your ills.

I know quite a number of perverted freaks who embrace & enjoy their lives & a couple of them share your stated desires too. The difference is that they see the world as being full of opportunities to explore them rather than a place trying to crush them.

I agree with this completely.

Everyone has difficult things that they are dealing with, we all do that differently.
Getting help is a start but a different mental attitude is an integral part of making life better/easier/bearable.

 

[incubus'_sub]

Well, you could call an attempted carjacking something interesting in your life.