Isabella Thorne
Saucy Ambassador of Tarty Foreign Affairs
- Joined
- May 5, 2000
- Posts
- 3,084
I hope you enjoy a few wee Irish jokes on this festive occasion ... <handing out ice cold mugs of frosty green Moslons>
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were
stumbling home from the pub late one night and found
themselves on the road, which led past the old
graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's
Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He
lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named
Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a
fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy?
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a
match to see what else is written on the stone
marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
==============================================
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is
driving home from the city one night and, of course,
his car is weaving violently all over the road. A
cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the
driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the
drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had
quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
=============================================
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may
I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery"
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and
gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen,
Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of
Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three
times to pee."
==============================================
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his
Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says,
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My
husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell
me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father.."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn
gun...'
__________________
http://www.funnygreetings.com/jig.htm
__________
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were
stumbling home from the pub late one night and found
themselves on the road, which led past the old
graveyard.
"Come have a look over here," says Paddy, "It's
Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul. He
lived to the ripe old age of 87."
"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named
Patrick O'Tool, it says here that he was 95 when he died."
Just then, Shamus yells out, "Good God, here's a
fella that got to be 145!"
"What was his name?" asks Paddy?
Shamus stumbles around a bit, awkwardly lights a
match to see what else is written on the stone
marker, and exclaims, "Miles, from Dublin."
==============================================
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is
driving home from the city one night and, of course,
his car is weaving violently all over the road. A
cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the
driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the
drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had
quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and
folding his arms across his chest, "that a few
intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute
there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
=============================================
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual,
when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door. "Brenda, may
I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome,
Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda.
There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery"
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me."
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Shamus is dead and
gone. I'm sorry."
Finally, she looked up at Tim. "How did it happen,
Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of
Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim.
Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda... no. Fact is, he got out three
times to pee."
==============================================
Mary Clancy goes up to Father O'Grady after his
Sunday morning service, and she's in tears. He says,
"So what's bothering you, Mary my dear?"
She says, "Oh, Father, I've got terrible news. My
husband passed away last night."
The priest says, "Oh, Mary, that's terrible. Tell
me, Mary, did he have any last requests?"
She says, "That he did, Father.."
The priest says, "What did he ask, Mary?"
She says, "He said, 'Please Mary, put down that damn
gun...'
__________________
http://www.funnygreetings.com/jig.htm
__________
