When I was in fourth grade...

[KillerMuffin]

Don't laugh at me dammit.

I was in the gym with about 300 other screaming urchins poorly controlled by five volunteer lunch room monitors. We were all throwing food and fourth grade insults (remember doodyhead?) at each other. The bratchild next to me, size boy of course, stole my dessert, a hockey puck shaped chocolate confection wrapped in aluminum foil commerically available from Hostess. I stood up and bellowed, I have an extremely well developed set of lungs, "Who stole my Ding Dong???" I seemed to hit the only lull in conversation that place ever knew. Yes, there was almost a riot. About 298 shrieking hollaring 4th through 6th graders howling their gleeful joy at my poor phraseology. One 4th grader had to be hauled off of another one who was getting his little ding dong theiving ass beat.

Just thought I'd share.

 

[April]

Oh my GAWD!!! LMFAO

 

[Xander]

ROTFLAMO...Oh my God KillerMuffin.
I remember those days

FOOD FIGHT!!!!!

 

[Sonora]

I broke my wrist.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

I broke my wrist.

Nahh that was second grade for me

 

[Unclebill]

Hey, Muff, I'm just glad I hadn't taken a swig of a coke or something when I read that. It was still hard to read the finale between the tears in my eyes and the pain in my sides from laughing myself silly.

And from your description and picture, you still seem to have that pair of well developed lungs!

BTW, was it you who was whippin' ass on the little Ding-Dong thief?

 

[KillerMuffin]

Of course it was, I kicked his ass for a week straight until he started waiting in his classroom for his big brother to come get him. I woulda whooped his ass too, but he brought friends.

Not only did he steal my cherished ding dong, he humiliated me in front of about 298 other students and assorted faculty. Yes, I know that I didn't have to bellow, but hell, he started it.

 

[SimplySouthern]

Picture this...it's Christmas. (yes...just the other day)

I am surrounded by family and friends (about 20 people total). Some of these people I work with and others are family who don't count beacause I know much much more embarrassing shit on them *deep breath* Anyway...I open one of my Christmas gifts. It's a "interchangable" ring with about 20 different colored round beads that can be popped in and out of the center mount in the ring to coordinate with whatever you may be wearing. I try the ring on with the mother of pearl set in it and turn to show my mother. When I turn back, someone has picked up the box with the other stones in it. I ask for the box back and no one seems to hear me over the "oooohhhing" and "aaaaahhhhhing" about the other gifts.

Finally, I have had enough. I bellow out, "Where are my balls? Who has my balls?" Dead silence. Everyone looks at me with a look of shock on their face. Finally, a few people start snickering and before you know it everyone in the house is horse laughing at me. Merry fucking Christmas.

 

[April]

LMFAO You poor thing! heehee

 

[Cheyenne]

I bellow out, "Where are my balls? Who has my balls?"

Well? Did you find your balls?

 

[GuyJD]

CALLING ALL CARS........CALLING ALL CARS...BE ON THE LOOKOUT FOR A DING DONG.

DID YOU EVER LOCATE THE BASTARD WHO STOLE YOUR DING DONG? SHOULD I BEGIN TO TAKE FINGERPRINTS? PUT OUT AN A.P.B, SARGE!!! WE HAVE GOT TO FIND KILLER'S DING DONG....LOL

 

[naudiz]

LOL!

Too funny.

 

[Rosebud]

Hey southern dear...some of your balls rolled over here to Kansas...come and get them hon

 

[Unclebill]

Of course it was, I kicked his ass for a week straight until he started waiting in his classroom for his big brother to come get him. I woulda whooped his ass too, but he brought friends.

Not only did he steal my cherished ding dong, he humiliated me in front of about 298 other students and assorted faculty. Yes, I know that I didn't have to bellow, but hell, he started it.

Hey, Killer, you got my support 100%! He certainly deserved his ass whuppin'. Glad you had the foresight and tenacity to assure the lesson was thoroughly learned, too. I admire persistence to finish a job.

 

[Sparky Kronkite]

Frankly, I'm glad the young lad stole your confection....

It saved the rest of the class witness to you eating off the outside before picking the insides apart - speck by speck. Uck.

 

[Purple Haze]

Quite a few years ago I was traveling with a band in an old school bus, we had this gig playing a prom at some little town way out in the middle of Bumfuck. It took the whole tank of gas to reach this little town, and my concern was running out before we reached a station.

There aren't any all night stations in little towns, and by the time we finished playing, We'd be screwed, so It was my job to find the owner of the Farmer's Union, so we could fuel up beforehand. Imagine going from bar to bar looking for someone named Elmer, so he could open the store and sell a tank of gas to some hippy rockers. Finally Elmer was pointed out to me standing around with a group of guys having a beer.

"Are you Elmer?"

All eyes were on me, I'm sure I looked weird to these guys. "Yep." says Elmer, turning around.

"Do you have gas?"

 

[Unclebill]

Well said, PH ...

I don't believe KM could have phrased it any better.

 

[Guest]

http://cwm.ragesofsanity.com/s/fk/shame.gif
A few days ago, I told a State Trooper I know and always see when he is in uniform ... "I didn't recognize him with his clothes on." His wife was with him ... she was not amused.