When does it get good?

[tbs230]

Ok...so along with discovering all kinds of new things about myself and getting rid of unnecessary stuff in my life...I can add that I'm no longer a virgin to the list...

My question is: When does it start to get good? Cuz right now I'm not feeling much...ok, I feel NOTHING (must admit here...I've only done it once)...is it me? Or is this normal?

 

[bmw1080]

Assuming you are F?

keep practicing..enjoy the exploration of your sexuality. The first time, you have nothing to compare against. However, you will soon get to know what you like, dislike and expect.

What you have not mentioned is the setting, the lead-up, the guy? the after sex enjoyment of each other....?

I am sure there will be plenty here to offer assistance.

Ciao B

 

[Norajane]

It starts to get good when you're comfortable exploring your sexuality by yourself and with him. Explore what turns you on and what kind of touches you like and what you need to orgasm by yourself...then tell him, or show him, and have fun practicing. It gets really good when you're with someone that you are emotionally intimate with as well as sexually.

I'm not sure what you mean by feeling nothing, though. Do you mean physically or emotionally?

 

[tbs230]

It's all physical

It starts to get good when you're comfortable exploring your sexuality by yourself and with him. Explore what turns you on and what kind of touches you like and what you need to orgasm by yourself...then tell him, or show him, and have fun practicing. It gets really good when you're with someone that you are emotionally intimate with as well as sexually.

I'm not sure what you mean by feeling nothing, though. Do you mean physically or emotionally?

We decided from the beginning we would be realistic and not consider it a long lasting thing...so it was mostly physical...until afterwards...then the emotions came flooding in...but during the sex, I just felt like I wasn't there...at all...like I knew it was happening...I just couldn't BE there...I'm not making sense I know...but yeah...

 

[tbs230]

Female all the way...

Assuming you are F?

keep practicing..enjoy the exploration of your sexuality. The first time, you have nothing to compare against. However, you will soon get to know what you like, dislike and expect.

What you have not mentioned is the setting, the lead-up, the guy? the after sex enjoyment of each other....?

I am sure there will be plenty here to offer assistance.

Ciao B

My room, at 4 in the afternoon...really good foreplay, that I enjoyed...the guy...nice, a sweetheart...what do you mean by after sex enjoyment?

 

[cfuhrer]

but during the sex, I just felt like I wasn't there...at all...like I knew it was happening...I just couldn't BE there...I'm not making sense I know...but yeah...

That happened to me too, kinda like a "what am I doing?" or an out of body experience... it gets much, much better. At least in my experience it does.
When you learn what you like and start trying things that are new and different.
Laughing about what doesnt work and trying again what does.
*giddy stupid girly grin* Yeaaaahh it gets better.

 

[Norajane]

We decided from the beginning we would be realistic and not consider it a long lasting thing...so it was mostly physical...until afterwards...then the emotions came flooding in...but during the sex, I just felt like I wasn't there...at all...like I knew it was happening...I just couldn't BE there...I'm not making sense I know...but yeah...

If you're head's not in it, if you don't feel involved during sex, you need to think about what's creating that distance between your mind and your body. Your mind has to 'feel' the sensations your body is feeling, and be turned on by them, in order for the sex to be good.

And it helps to be into the guy, too.

Maybe you're not quite ready to be having sex? Do you masturbate? Have you learned how to make yourself come? That's usually a great place to start.

 

[leeroy jenkins]

My room, at 4 in the afternoon...really good foreplay, that I enjoyed...the guy...nice, a sweetheart...what do you mean by after sex enjoyment?

I will take a stab at this, I assume she means cuddling, maybe falling asleep while your holding each other. It could also be just sharing the moment in silence while gently caressing one another, just a few of my thought.

 

[SweetErika]

We decided from the beginning we would be realistic and not consider it a long lasting thing...so it was mostly physical...until afterwards...then the emotions came flooding in...but during the sex, I just felt like I wasn't there...at all...like I knew it was happening...I just couldn't BE there...I'm not making sense I know...but yeah...

You've gotten excellent advice, and I don't have much to add. I do have a question though: I refreshed my memory by looking at your profile and posts, and noticed the mentions of sexual abuse and starting to get help for it recently. Do you think it's possible (some of) the numb/disconnected feelings are arising from that?

If so, it might be prudent to wait for sex until you're further into the healing process, have resolved some of the issues, and maybe even have a different relationship dynamic. In addition to Norajane's suggestions, those are the main things that helped me get rid of the disconnect and feel everything as it should be. While you're working on it, explore yourself, and maybe non-intercourse activities with a partner; then when you're ready, everything will come together.

 

[Straight-8]

We decided from the beginning we would be realistic and not consider it a long lasting thing...so it was mostly physical...until afterwards...then the emotions came flooding in...but during the sex, I just felt like I wasn't there...at all....

Jeez, you're a virgin! You're not supposed to be some experienced babe of the world who can enjoy casual sex. You overthought this. You ought to fall madly in love and then the sex will get better. So it doesn't last. So you get bruised up in the process....that's what is called LIFE. If you stay unengaged then don't be surprised that you feel "like you weren't there". You weren't!

Get involved in your own life. It goes by pretty bloody fast!

 

[ccnyman]

Cuz right now I'm not feeling much...ok, I feel NOTHING (must admit here...I've only done it once)...is it me? Or is this normal?

As long as you're not feeling guilty.

 

[Guest]

Well for starters, masturbation helps. Your sexual development is not strictly a two-person thing, and when you know what you get to know your body all things sexual will be better.

IME, I loved my partner and knew my body well (REALLY well ) and intercourse still didn't get any better than "kinda nice" for a good month. Nobody ever mentions that it will take your hymen time to heal after your first ride out. We fucked like bunnies for a good week after my first time, and I thought I was a freak because it still hurt a little bit.