When Did You Settle?

[Felix_Jones]

If ever, did you settle. Something along the lines of "this person sitting in front of me seems nice enough...meh, whatever let's kep dating".

I have a feeling this is more prevalent than most people let on. There was no spark in my case, no real atttraction, but what the hell, right? Better than spending weekday afternoons going in and out of conciousness on the couch.

 

[hatsoff]

I don't know if I really count these times as settling, unless I am mistaking what you are trying to explain. There have been times in my relationships where I could easily say I was not happy with how we were treating each other but still decided to stay in the relationship. It's not because I was settling though. I always thought to myself, "Well I'm not to happy now but I just need to figure out why I'm not so happy anymore and we'll try to work it out soon". Sometimes we did work it out and we stayed together and enjoyed one another's company again. Other times...well yeah. I have never stayed with someone because I thought they at least beat surfing the tele on a Saturday night, though. I am a pretty traditional kind of guy though.

 

[Noor]

never

 

[Reba67]

I've never settled.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Shit, you lot must be some appealing motherfuckers. Good on you.

 

[NeverWinterNite]

never

I agree.

 

[laceNlthrgrrl]

I assume you mean settling on/for a partner/companion/spouse-type person. Nope, never. I'm no stunning beauty, by a longshot, but I know myself well enough to know what I need in a SO. Life is entirely too short to accept anything less.

 

[BertrandRussell]

Mid 1984 through late 2001.

 

[NippleMuncher]

I've "settled" in all my relationships. I can say that I've finally reached my limit and the point in my life where I won't be doing it again. I now know what I want out of life and a partner, and won't be settling for anything less, even if that means no relationship at all.

 

[fuckmeat]

Settling is an alien concept to me. I've never chosen who to 'fall' for based on how many boxes they check regarding looks/salary or whatever. Love is practically an involuntary reflex for me.

I think it has a lot to do with my being sub/maso, because there is no way I could obey/serve someone I wasn't crazy about, trusted, respected and wanted to be with forever. I do know I'm not capable of developing strong feelings for anyone who isn't dominant, sadistic and a day-to-day alpha. Same goes for people who 'dominate' because they're actually very insecure and want to make someone the whipping bitch for their inner demons. Only someone who dominates from a well of self assurance and strength of character will captivate me.

Yes, there has to be romance and yes, that's perfectly possible in a power-exchange based relationship. Having said that, my definition of 'romantic' is somewhat broader than most girls'.

So never. I couldn't. As a sub/maso, it would be an untenable situation.

Having said that, once I commit to someone's authority, circumstances would have to get very unhealthy/abusive or hell, vanilla for me to consider leaving. I'm not one to drop something lightly if it's not working well at a given time. I will try as hard as I can to complement my partner and work within whatever headspace they have, for whatever reasons. I'm incredibly loyal and committed within a relationship and I really don't give much thought to my own needs unless and until they've not been met for quite some time and I can't see that happening on any visible horizon. I will speak out if I feel that we're not on the same page, but that's merely furnishing my partner with information. How he/she chooses to act on that info is their prerogative.

So I couldn't just settle, but I don't quit easily or lightly. I'm not a fair-weather partner only really interested in self gratification, who will move on the moment things aren't 100% funkydory.

 

[ecclectic]

I never questioned if my wife was the person I would marry. I never thought about it other than that. There was no settling, there was just knowledge.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Settling is an alien concept to me. I've never chosen who to 'fall' for based on how many boxes they check regarding looks/salary or whatever. Love is practically an involuntary reflex for me.

I think it has a lot to do with my being sub/maso, because there is no way I could obey/serve someone I wasn't crazy about, trusted, respected and wanted to be with forever. I do know I'm not capable of developing strong feelings for anyone who isn't dominant, sadistic and a day-to-day alpha. Same goes for people who 'dominate' because they're actually very insecure and want to make someone the whipping bitch for their inner demons. Only someone who dominates from a well of self assurance and strength of character will captivate me.

Yes, there has to be romance and yes, that's perfectly possible in a power-exchange based relationship. Having said that, my definition of 'romantic' is somewhat broader than most girls'.

So never. I couldn't. As a sub/maso, it would be an untenable situation.

Having said that, once I commit to someone's authority, circumstances would have to get very unhealthy/abusive or hell, vanilla for me to consider leaving. I'm not one to drop something lightly if it's not working well at a given time. I will try as hard as I can to complement my partner and work within whatever headspace they have, for whatever reasons. I'm incredibly loyal and committed within a relationship and I really don't give much thought to my own needs unless and until they've not been met for quite some time and I can't see that happening on any visible horizon. I will speak out if I feel that we're not on the same page, but that's merely furnishing my partner with information. How he/she chooses to act on that info is their prerogative.

So I couldn't just settle, but I don't quit easily or lightly. I'm not a fair-weather partner only really interested in self gratification, who will move on the moment things aren't 100% funkydory.

Whoa. You and I are like matter and anti-matter. Thanks for posting though, interesting.

 

[Felix_Jones]

Mid 1984 through late 2001.

Starter marriage, eh?

 

[MatthewVett]

Never.

 

[tenderlily]

I never settle, I just don't see the point. Why invest all that energy in to something that will never be what you want?

 

[rthnck]

January 20, 2010. I'm in a good relationship but the sexual aspect has always been lacking and after over 10 years of trying to make it better, I'm finally just settlin' for what I have. This whole thread had me humming along to Sugarland's Settlin'

 

[Felix_Jones]

I never settle, I just don't see the point. Why invest all that energy in to something that will never be what you want?

Well, not to sound too glib, but that point really hinges on the fact that you will get what you want. It's been my experience, and not always in a bad way, that most people shatter expectations and pre-concieved notions. I figure we put time and energy into things we think are worthwhile, whether or not the results meet our expectations might be beside the point.

 

[Kurokami]

I've never had to settle, nor have I ever been afforded the opportunity to; the woman I'm marrying in a couple of weeks was my first serious girlfriend. I struck gold on my first try.

 

[Plainly_Jane]

The closest I came to settling was in my first long-term relationship, where during the last year, I had basically lost my sexual desire for him although I still loved him platonically. I wouldn't really consider that time as "settling," but rather more of a transition to realizing that we had grown too much apart and the relationship would never return to what it once was.

In exchange for being unwilling to settle, I've had long periods of time being a single person. What helped when I was in my 20's to 30's, was having good friends to hang out with and do fun things with instead. As the years have gone by, I've discovered that I'm quite content many times to be on my own, and enjoy my own company. To trade off that quiet enjoyment to be with someone who I don't both like and love wouldn't be worth it.

Then, when I do find someone that I click with, and who makes me happy, the long wait was all worth it.

 

[Fuckette]

Once, my date to senior prom.

 

[tenderlily]

Well, not to sound too glib, but that point really hinges on the fact that you will get what you want. It's been my experience, and not always in a bad way, that most people shatter expectations and pre-concieved notions. I figure we put time and energy into things we think are worthwhile, whether or not the results meet our expectations might be beside the point.

Not glib at all, it's a valid point. I always give people a chance but sometimes it becomes obvious that the chemistry for whatever reason just isn't there. At that point it seems better to just move on. When you asked the question, I assumed that you meant settle into a serious relationship with someone that you weren't attached to. That was just my random projection.

I don't suffer from special little snowflake syndrome but I do have some basic needs and expectations from a partner. If they can't be met, I'll try with someone else. I've never been afraid of being alone for awhile and if for some reason I start...I can always settle .

 

[Felix_Jones]

Not glib at all, it's a valid point. I always give people a chance but sometimes it becomes obvious that the chemistry for whatever reason just isn't there. At that point it seems better to just move on. When you asked the question, I assumed that you meant settle into a serious relationship with someone that you weren't attached to. That was just my random projection.

I don't suffer from special little snowflake syndrome but I do have some basic needs and expectations from a partner. If they can't be met, I'll try with someone else. I've never been afraid of being alone for awhile and if for some reason I start...I can always settle .

*laugh* I was totally thinking of that Fight Club line, too. Good one.

I see where you're coming from though, maybe I'm cynical. It's starting to look like if I find someone whose good just barely exceeds the bad and I might stick. Otherwise brace for continued singlehood.

 

[sphy2]

It depends on what you mean by settle. There are always priorities. If the most important ones aren't met then it's a no go. But people are imperfect. There are always going to be features/quirks that could be different. The important thing is to keep the long term in mind. You either want to spend the rest of your life with the person or you don't.

 

[tenderlily]

*laugh* I was totally thinking of that Fight Club line, too. Good one.

I see where you're coming from though, maybe I'm cynical. It's starting to look like if I find someone whose good just barely exceeds the bad and I might stick. Otherwise brace for continued singlehood.

Always a fan of a good Fight Club reference.

Nothing wrong with a little cynicism, I could probably use some. I am an optimist and a romantic so getting dragged back to earth occasionally is a good thing for me.

So Mr. Jones, are you thinking seriously about settling?

 

[DrHappy]

Never. It's a waste of time.

Better than spending weekday afternoons going in and out of conciousness on the couch.

When I wasn't in a relationship, I was never spending afternoons going in a out of consciousness on the couch. I've always had a lot of other stuff going on in my life that was meaningful and/or fun. Hence, being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is a waste of time.