When did you know?

[Marie89]

Out of curiosity, and I'm sure this thread is somewhere, I'm just too lazy to go all expedition for it...

When and how did you know that you weren't straight? Was it a 'just know' thing...was it a special event in your life? Me personally was just crushes. I was too little to understand what it was until I got older. My first crush was a out-and-proud lesbian from my HS. She had no idea and we were just friends. But, she was my first 'official girl crush' and to this day I have a tendency to compare all other women to her. She was a ladies lady... lol.

 

[boredVAwife]

For me it was just like the song says, I kissed a girl and I liked it. It was literally that simple. I was 19 or 20 at the time and in college and it just happened and it changed everything from then on for me. Complicated lots of stuff too but that can be said about a lot of life changing events I suppose.

 

[Marie89]

For me it was just like the song says, I kissed a girl and I liked it. It was literally that simple. I was 19 or 20 at the time and in college and it just happened and it changed everything from then on for me. Complicated lots of stuff too but that can be said about a lot of life changing events I suppose.

Cool. Btw, that's one of my favorite songs....I now have it in my head. rofl.

 

[NatalieWouldToo]

When I was in my early teens, I caught a happenstance glimpse of a Playboy magazine that had been tossed into a trash-burning barrel. I fished it out and explored it, and have been enthralled with naked female flesh ever since.
At that age, of course, I didn't know what it meant for me, or that it even meant anything at all. I just felt like I'd discovered buried treasure!

 

[CJontherocks]

I believed there was something wrong with my personality, my strength of character, until way later in life.

I had sex with men early in my life, beginning with some older cousins. One in particular became a regular thing. A high school buddy and I got together once (and then once again a few years later). And I allowed myself to be seduced a couple times by older men. And once I fulfilled the fantasy of a woman who wanted to see her husband get some MM action (they were good friends). During all of that, I had myself believing that I was completely straight but that some flaw in my character caused me to acquiesce to the advances of not-so-straight men (and one not-so-straight woman). I was married at 23, and remained that way for 18 years. The thing with the couple happened while I was married, but my wife had apparently passed out after she got hers.

I guess right around the time of my divorce, I realized that I enjoyed sex with men and I became okay with that. I spent a weekend trip to San Francisco in the Castro, met a guy I thought was gosh-awful sexy (sadly, he got away), and made out with a guy. I think from the point that I kissed that man... and really, really, really liked it... I realized that I was not just a guy who liked sex and didn't care with whom. It all sounds kinda backwards, but you could say mine was also a "kissed a [guy] and liked it" kinda thing.

I met a girl and married again, knowing I am bisexual. She doesn't know. I hinted around once early in our relationship, but she either didn't get the hint or chose to ignore it. We haven't talked about it. At the time, I thought it wouldn't matter because one monogamous relationship is no different than any other. I'm still convinced that a bisexual person can have a monogamous relationship regardless of gender, but I do miss the way a man makes me feel. I had a huge crush on one of my male professors last semester (I'm currently pursuing a second career).

Mine was more of a gradual acceptance, because I was at first ashamed of what I'd done, later okay with it but still denied my sexuality, and finally as self-aware as I've come so far. It took the kiss to make me realize that it wasn't just about sex.

 

[Chrissi]

For me, I was in HS.

When I was younger I never really got all the excitement that my friends had with the girls...I never really thought that much about it. Then in HS a couple of times I worried that there was something wrong with me...by then I knew about homosexuality and how wrong and evil it was, so being raised in a Catholic family, I knew I couldn't be gay. But I had absolutely zero interest in girls. By my junior year I was still a virgin, and even though having been asked out on a couple of dates (by girls) that lasted exactly one date. I just never picked up on any of their hints, nor really had a desire to do anything with them, fine as friends, just couldn't understand why they wanted more. I actually had one date ask me if I was gay. I denied it, but it got me thinking, not that I wasn't already.

Over that next summer, I worked for a guy (in his 20s) on a landscaping crew. He managed a couple of crews, and it was hard work, but he was a nice enough guy. During the summer he held a pool party for all his crews (about 8 or so guys total - a couple where HS kids like me, most were guys in their 20s though) at his house, it was supposed to have beer and was supposed to be a sleep over. (Because of the beer, I remember telling my dad that I was staying at a friends house)

Okay now my naivety was operating on all cylinders. I figured that there would be girl friends there, you know the typical pool party. But it didn't hit me as odd until about a couple of hours into the party when I noticed that it was all just guys. I was having a great time and conversation was normal and easy and not strained or forced. I felt comfortable and at ease. (What I didn't know at that time was that everyone there was gay.) I was the new guy in the crew, and apart from the guys in my crew that I worked with, really didn't know too many of the others. And there were some guys there who were just friends of my boss, or some of the other guys.

I retrospect, of course, I see it now, but at the time it didn't bother me that a couple of guys were nude in the pool, it didn't bother me that there was quite a bit of touching and groping and horseplay....I just figured it was normal horsing around. It really hit me and I recall with great clarity when sometime later in the evening I walked into the house and there were two guys on the couch kissing. I remember staring and getting excited by it. I was a little put off when they turned to me and sort of scowled and I got the hint and left them alone.

But I knew instantly at that point, that this is what I wanted.

As the evening wore on, I remember some guys leaving, but others pairing off and going to rooms throughout the house. At some point and I don't recall how it came about, but my boss told me that the only bed left was his and that I could share it with him. I know he was trying to get me drunk during the party, and was always handing me something to drink, but then and still today, I am not much of a drinker and kept just putting them down somewhere. I know he was coming on to me, but what he didn't know was that I was very alright with it, and after see that kiss, couldn't get to bed with him fast enough.

I was so excited that he striped down to his underwear to get into bed....but I was devastated shortly thereafter when he fell asleep. I so wanted something, anything, to happen...I was ready, this was going to be my first sexual experience, or so I had it in my mind....and he just fell asleep. I guess at some point I did too. But the next thing I recall was him playing with me. Sorta like he was still half asleep...but I was instantly awake, and let him know that I wanted this...

Well you can use your imagination for the rest. By that morning I was no longer a virgin, well in a couple of ways, I still was, but that status wasn't to last more than a few weeks and nights with him.

I remember that sometime during that morning feeling both wonderful and "at home" and terribly guilty all at the same time. Guilty, that I felt natural having intimate relations with a man, and knowing that everything that I had been taught, told me it was wrong, but yet it felt so right and natural. I was very conflicted.

Over the summer he helped me get through that. I know now that I was in lust with him, and have always had a fondness for him and what he showed me. We had sex several times that summer...during the day, overnights...at one point my dad actually became a little suspicious as I never stayed over friends houses, and I was doing so regularly.

Well the summer ended, and so did my job. Went back to school and we drifted apart. I lost touch with him for many years, but recently ran into him and his husband, and have rekindled a friendship.

So I guess for me, it was a summer pool party and a kiss between two unknown men...

topher

 

[fingermagic]

I never really thought about it too much. I just knew I really loved sex and did not care who I did it with as long as they did not smell bad or spit out brown stuff. I have always just gone with the feeling, however, my first sexual encounters were with guys and first female encounters were much older women. It took me awhile to figure out the difference. I thought for a long time that everyone liked both men and women, we just did not discuss bisexuality.

 

[Jules2372]

For me it's very recent, just started fantasising about other girls and realising it has all of a sudden has fallen into the right place

 

[CJontherocks]

I remember that sometime during that morning feeling both wonderful and "at home" and terribly guilty all at the same time. Guilty, that I felt natural having intimate relations with a man, and knowing that everything that I had been taught, told me it was wrong, but yet it felt so right and natural. I was very conflicted.

I vividly remember that feeling after a weekend with a guy I knew from work when I was about 21.

Funny that I never really felt that way before. It was certainly not my first rodeo. But that weekend was different somehow. Maybe because it was more than just a blow job, or excusable "experimentation." I still denied I was bisexual or gay, but it sure did feel right when it was happening. I wish he would have been more patient. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure it out on my own.

 

[BrianCaster]

In my teen, I thought it's only me on the whole planet who gets attracted to men. I came to know about my orientation through print media, probably.

 

[Chrissi]

I vividly remember that feeling after a weekend with a guy I knew from work when I was about 21.

Funny that I never really felt that way before. It was certainly not my first rodeo. But that weekend was different somehow. Maybe because it was more than just a blow job, or excusable "experimentation." I still denied I was bisexual or gay, but it sure did feel right when it was happening. I wish he would have been more patient. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure it out on my own.

I almost didn't go to work the next Monday. I was soooo conflicted. But I did. He was great. He kinda avoided me, but left me a message and told me when I wanted to talk, he was available. After about a week I couldn't take it any more, all I could think about was him and my night with him. Then later in the week one of the guys who worked on my crew just came up to me and said point blank some thing like "you know, it's okay if you are gay" It was like the flood gates opened.

He and I spent many nights together that summer. I was still very much in the closet, but it felt right and it felt great that the guys I worked with knew.

He talked me through my conflicts and I suppose it helped a lot that many of the guys that I had daily contact with also knew and were gay too. That early built in support I think really helped me accept that for myself. Which as we all know is the biggest first step.

 

[BidudeinWi]

When I "knew"

In my early teens, a buddy picked me up from my house one night. We were headed out to some event, but I don't recall what. He pulled a porn mag out from under his seat and handed it to me. Saying, "check this out." He had found it in the woods or something. After paging through it for a bit, I came across the "chat" ads in the back. One of the ads was for a gay chat line and had pictures of guys having sex. He pointed to it and said, "check that out." I distinctly remember a weird sensation coming over me and my cock immediately beginning to stir. (Which I later thought about since I had been looking at all the pictures of women, women and men, and women and women and had not yet felt my cock "stir". I remember thinking how hot it looked that two men were going at it, but didn't want to spend too much time looking at it for fear my buddy would think I was getting turned on. I was, but didn't want him to know. I know I masturbated repeatedly that night thinking about those pictures. I was confused, scared and worried I might be gay or at least attracted to the idea of sex with men. I now know. I am bisexual, and have had sex with men and enjoyed it. but am now married with kids and so all I can do is fantasize and masturbate!!

 

[BuckyDuckman]

Enjoying a man never dimmed my attraction to pussy

My first sex partner happened to be a guy. Started off as mutual masturbation and evolved from there. When the next school year started, women were finally willing to notice me. I went on to be straight and he went on to be gay.

I never forgot that summer with him, but it became clear to me that maybe that wasn't they way things were supposed to go? Maybe, if I wanted to be with women (and I really did!), I couldn't be with guys, too. So, I pushed those completely enjoyable experiences into my past and left them there until I was in my 20's, at an adult bookstore, and sucked my second cock.

After that, I realized I wasn't straight, but I wasn't gay, either. For years, I thought of myself as "slightly bent." I remain mostly in the closet. Easier that way, but I dream of the day when bi-guys are as welcomed as bi-girls. Until then I remain insanely jealous!

 

[Phydeax69]

When I "knew"? High school....I was playing with a couple guys prior to that, and after a few mutual masturbation sessions we started a little sucking, which led to fucking...but as we got older we all realized that we were either "gay" or "bi" which didn't sit well with the one guy..he just thought it felt good, and didn't KNOW what we were doing was just that....the other one, I had a relationship with him and a female one summer, and we determined that we were "bi"...ever since then I've assumed that I could go either direction, but happened to get married to a female, and have pretty much curbed my activity with other men.

 

[Feotakahari]

High school, checking out a boy who looked like a statue of a Greek hero come to life. Never had the guts to tell him how I felt--I wasn't sure how he'd react.

 

[Little Bird]

I first noticed when I was 21 and started having sexual fantasies about a friend.

 

[woman_inside]

It really happened on two occasions:
I was 12, and a friend from school was wearing shorts, I just happened to glance down at his legs, which were hairy and started to get feelings I didn't really understand, but at some level I knew what they were. It wasn't too long after that that I began fantasizing about another boy, what he must look like naked, etc.
Eventually my desires became straighter, and eventually I was convinced I was straight, but one day a stranger (a man) fondled me - I wasn't just aroused, I had two powerful images in my mind: me sucking him on my knees, and the two of us in a hotel room, me being fucked doggystyle.

 

[MichelleWhoIs]

For me it was very early in my life. I had a boyfriend that taught me how to please him orally only. I met several others after him that again was nothing more than oral. In my teens, I met a boy that I really liked and allowed him to get further than any other boy had.

In my 20's, I needed a GG to help hide who I was and for the longest time had straight sex but my mind would wander turning the her into a him. Today, when we may love it's more like two woman. Over the course of my marriage, I've had several occasions to be the woman I truely am.

 

[andy_charles]

For me I was about 13 or 14. All of a sudden it was the thought of being with another guy - it got me going. I don't know why, it had never really entered my mind before then.

A couple of years later I was lucky to begin a year long sexual affair with a friend of mine - he initiated everything and I fell hook line and sinker. I ended up with a gf after this, and since then have had two other girls and one other guy.

I guess for me I'm bi, but it has to be the right kind of guy to get me going.

 

[BentSecrets]

It's hard to say. When I was a little kid, my dad always had porn on TV when we kids went to bed. Thing was, my bed faced the tv, and with the door to my room opened just a crack, I could watch too. I very early on started touching myself pleasurably. This evolved to my male, and later female, cousins and I doing things together and it's really just continued from there, even to encounters with my sister and a *sort of* encounter with my aunt. In any case, I learned early on the enjoyment of pleasuring a cock as it gets hard, and of course having mine pleasured regardless of the sex of the person doing the pleasuring.

 

[Missouribiguy]

I always notice I was checking the guys out in the locker room in High School, and I wanted to see a PE Coach naked when I was in Junior High. Then, I got the Internet, discovered Internet porn, and I got more into the site of a naked man.

However, my feelings at the time was a mixed of guilt and fear, and that really, really sucked.

I know, a bit boring than everyone else, since I haven't had my first time.

 

[mc44k]

This may not make sense but is what I feel. When did I know? It may have been last week. I still have not had my first man to man encounter. I have thought for a while the sex with a man sounds very erotic and something that I wish I could explore. I have been in chat rooms and have looked at m2m sites, on and off for about six years. Never really thought of myself as man only kind of guy. Last week as I was driving, it felt like I finally said to myself its ok to be gay. It felt almost like a peace had come across me. My wife and I had been having issues for a while now, mainly due to the fact that I havent' desired to have sex with her. This weekend we went to the beach, just the two of us. After making love to her, this thought came into my mind, "is that the last time I will have sex with my wife?" Where did that come from.
This is the reason that I think I may be gay.
Tell me what you think.

 

[ignorantslut69]

I think the first real time I thought about I was 15/16 in school, but I remember back to kindergarten/first grade letting other little boys touch my dick in the back of the bus, wut, what the hell did I know then.

So, it was 15/16, sophomore year...I did not do anything about it till I was 21.

Joe

 

[Little Bird]

One night, when I was 20 or 21, I realized I was fantasizing about a guy I've known for a few weeks. The idea of having sex with a man as well as women seemed right to me, and that was pretty much the whole story.

 

[MichelleWhoIs]

Over the summer he helped me get through that. I know now that I was in lust with him, and have always had a fondness for him and what he showed me.
topher

I think all of us will always remember our first with fondness