When did my life change?

[cheerful_deviant]

Last night my daughter came running into the kitchen crying and saying “Daddy fix it!” She had broken the elastic chin strap on a toy firefighters hat. After I had hooked it back on she took her hat and said “Thank you Daddy.” She then grabbed my hand and said, “Daddy, come sit.” And dragged me into the living room to play with her.

Later that night as I sat in her bed with her with her while she went to sleep I wondered about how my life had turned out. When did I become so important in this little persons life and when did she become so important in mine? When did I go from being just ‘some guy’ to being a ‘Daddy’?

I know the literal change was when my first daughter was born, or maybe up to 9 months before that, depending on what you believe. But for the first months I didn’t really feel like a Daddy, more like a father, if that makes any sense. I knew the little girl was mine, but it still didn’t seem real somehow. How could I be a father? I don’t know anything about being a father. I don’t know how to raise a child! I couldn’t even keep a Goldfish alive for more than a few months, I can’t be trusted with a baby!

But as the months rolled past I became more comfortable with the idea, I started to feel more and more like a real father. My wife told me that many of her friends from her Mothers clubs said I seemed like an excellent father and some even seemed a little jealous. That made me feel even more like a father, “I must be doing at least some of it right.” I thought. So maybe I was a father after all. Other women thought I was doing well enough to comment on me, I must have been doing ok. Then my 2nd daughter was born and I found I could handle that too. More work, but I managed. I thought “I must really be a father now.”

But last night was different, it was more… I don’t know, real, is that the right word? To her, I was her Daddy, she came running in for Daddy to make it all better and I did. Just like I used to do to my father. And just like he used to do for me, I made it all better for her.

How did this happen? How did this beautiful little girl, and now her little sister, get so deep into my heart? When did I become the person she wants to kiss her booboo and make it all better? When did I become the person who fixes her toys and reads her stories at night? When did I become a Daddy?

I don’t know when it happened, but it did, and I finally realized it.

Sorry for all the rambling today, I’m just in kind of a reflective mood today and needed to get that all down.

Anyone else ever have a moment like that? When you realized your life had changed and you didn't notice?

CD

 

[Colleen Thomas]

Haven't had such amoment, but it was heart warming to read of yours



thank you

 

[English Lady]

Awww CD that is beautiful and I found myself beaming the whole way through.

I know my daughter is the same with her daddy, she's nearly three and with everything it is "Daddy Fix it" even if we are miles away from daddy and something is broken...Daddy will fix it. Whenever she is scared she says "Daddy take care me" It makes me well up everytime I hear her.


I know what you mean on the parent front...I didn't feel like a mummy for a while. I felt like I had this child loaned to me or something equally as silly and it took a long time to feel like She was mine and vice versa.

I'm not sure when it happened. I know it was sudden. I know i cried but I know the same sudden realisation happened a few times..and probably will keep happening for years to come. A re-realisation that I AM a mummy.

Having my contented baby sleeping in my arms, or that smile when she saw me coming into a room....or now when she says shes scared and she wants mummy....that kind of thing.

 

[GingerV]

Oh that's lovely.

My other half and I are just peeking around the corner of our lives to where we might be stable enough to have kids...and we're starting to talk about it. Stories like that make me think about just jumping the gun and going for it.

You're truly blessed.

G

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I remember when my son was born, my first child and a month premature. He stopped breathing 4 days after I had him, it was a slap into reality. He was a fighter and he has been my jewel...even got a job after school to buy me a ring that I broke(He's 10).
I remember when he was a baby and home with me and I realized,,,hmmm, no one is coming to take him, he's here to stay...Oh my God....I'm a parent.

Then my daughter came along and despite how they fight sometimes, they are great friends.
They have the most interesting conversations sometimes...lol.
They are way smarter than I ever was growing up and I get to learn things all over with them, as well as teach them things.

I finally got used to hearing "Ma".
That's me and it's very cool.

And...the love is unconditional.

I keep this pic on my desk, so when they are beating each other in the next room, I know they love one another.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

I don't think I've ever been so needed like that in my life. It's some kind of drug...there's a line from a song London Rain that goes "And when somebody needs you, there's no drug like that".

I felt important when I became an aunt...when my first nephew was born (my sister's first child) and I was the first one other than my sister and her husband to get to see him and babysit for him. I was scared. I had no idea how to soothe a screaming infant or change a diaper or any of that. Somehow, though, whether or not I knew how to do it was irrelevant, because this tiny little thing...this baby, needed me and was relying on me to take care of him. I changed his diaper, stopped his crying...and when my sister came home she was amazed, like she couldn't believe I figured it out.

Now though, I feel inadequate and like a terrible aunt...I haven't seen my nephew and nieces (my sister had two more kids) for two years. My youngest niece I haven't even met and it's been a year since she was born. I'll see them all this Christmas, but I know that the kids won't know me very well, and I hate that thought. I guess it's hard when they all live on the West Coast, but I wish I could have been there more often. When my sister asks if they want to talk to Aunt Alissa on the phone...the answer is usually "no". What kind of impact can I possibly make on their life if I can't be there for them 24/7??

 

[ABSTRUSE]

SHE, don't feel bad, all kids never want to talk on the phone, It's not you, my kid's do the same thing.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

SHE, don't feel bad, all kids never want to talk on the phone, It's not you, my kid's do the same thing.

But my sister's kids always want to talk to my brother in law's family. On the phone. I tried and thought I could buy them with gorgeous books and little cards and pictures....but material things don't buy a child's heart.

 

[Belegon]

SHE, don't feel bad, all kids never want to talk on the phone, It's not you, my kid's do the same thing.

Agreed, mine too. unless it is the cel and I'm driving, then it is ALL they want

 

[Belegon]

But my sister's kids always want to talk to my brother in law's family. On the phone. I tried and thought I could buy them with gorgeous books and little cards and pictures....but material things don't buy a child's heart.

You've already learned this and you are worried about when you see them next? My guess is you will do fine...

 

[oggbashan]

Once you start...

My daughters still expect Dad to fix it - their cars, their computers, their jobs, their lives...

The youngest is 24.

My father told me that you never stop thinking of how you can help your children, and they never stop being your children even if they have achieved more than you did. He was 93 when he said that. My brother and I had been running his financial affairs for 5 years because his short term memory had gone. He could still give advice and was not slow to do so. Sometimes he could be as irritating as my daughters sometimes find me (I know! - and litsters too.) but from time to time something worthwhile would come out.

When his sons had children, his responsibilities grew. When those children had children... He enjoyed talking to his grandchildren when they were old enough to understand him. He even managed that with some of his great-grandchilden. When they weren't around, he would issue unasked advice to the staff of the nursing home that he lived in.

The excellent hygiene standards in the kitchen surprised the inspectors. My father had been inspecting twice a day to his own standards. His raised eyebrow was enough to inform a cook that something wasn't being done properly. A raised voice? Never. A quiet word in private was as far as he would go. His responsibilities had extended beyond his family to the inmates and staff of the home. If he could, he would make everyone's life better. His expertise included food preparation and hygiene so the kitchen sparkled.

Once you start taking responsibility for a child, that responsibility spreads to their school, their friends, their college - it grows with your child's world.

When you are fighting City Hall for all the youngsters of your town - you know it has got out of hand. (Where did I put that speech about how much we need a skateboard park? I need it for tomorrow evening's meeting.)

Og

 

[SensualCealy]

Og when you are done with that speach can you pm it to me? My kids are fighting the local government for one here too! lol

It would certainly save me alot of hassel and alot of time, and you are such a great writer Im sure they would be impressed with your words!

Im kidding, actually no Im not but I hear what you are saying.

My kids, 13 and 11 are at the stage where we as parents arent needed as much. I wish they still called me Mommy and my husband , daddy, but I guess at 13 thats a little embarassing.
Everytime they push you away to take one more step into an independent world you feel that little bit more useless in their eyes.

Soon enough my son will be off in highschool and Im sure Ill have to beg to get any information out of him, I only hope he feels he can still come to me to help solve his problems.

Kids the rainbows of your life!
Cealy

 

[TheEarl]

I've had that feeling before cheerful. Was holding my Lady and she suddenly smiled. And I suddenly thought of the times when she walks into a room and smiles to find me there. I make this person happy, not through my actions, but through simply being.

Best feeling in the world.

The Earl

 

[cheerful_deviant]

It warms my heart to hear all of your stories about your children. I have been thinking alot lately about what my daughters will tink of me in the years to come. Will I be a 'Cool Dad' or will she be embarrased by me. Will she hate me for being to strict, for not letting her smoke, for not letting her see a movie I don't think is appropriate for her age but her friends are allowed to see?

Hopefully it will work out ok.

Anyway, here is a pic of the older munchkin that someone had asked for a while ago. (Younger to follow)

CD

 

[cheerful_deviant]

And here is the little munchkin.

 

[she_is_my_addiction]

And here is the little munchkin.

Oh my goodness....what adorable little angels!! Even if they don't think you're "cool" as they go through stages, believe me, you'll regain your coolness. I know that despite all the animosity my dad and I had/have between one another, now that I'm in college, he's become my best friend and confidante, and I share almost everything with him. I miss him a lot, and I was highly disappointed when he told me he couldn't make it out for my first college homecoming. I was a little happier when he told me he'd make it out for Family Weekend along with my brother, sister-in-law, and nephew/godson.

So as much as I've resented my father in the past for whatever juvenile reasons, I've become very close to him now. I call him for every bit of advice and just to have a good laugh.

 

[EmeraldKitten]

Wow. I hadn't seen this thread earlier.
Reading all that- I felt tears well up more than once.
I don't have kids. I do have the worlds best mother though.

I never had a dad to go running to to say 'Daddy make it better." I still don't. I wish I did. I wish I had that instead of the Heroin addicted shmuck I do have.
But, I guess him being here is better than the alternative.

What really bothers me, is my little sister. She is now 11. She grew up with him- my stepmom kicked him out when she was 9. The poor kid had her family pulled out from underneath her. Now her mom has to work and be the sole income, and her dad isnt even around. It is a big change.

Well, 'Sissy' (me), steps in.
When she was born I was thrilled. Yay for a sibling! AND it's a sister! I hate boys! lol.
I'd go out there on weekends when she was a baby, and I remember being so in love. This little thing was going to grow up and look up to me. Want to be like me one day.

She got older, and I'd go out there and we'd play, and everything she did was precious.

Once my dad got bad into drugs again, I quit going out there was much. I distanced myself from the situation. I basically missed about a year of her life. I hate myself for that.
Once my stepmom kicked him out, I was out there every weekend, being 'Sissy' again.

Through all the drama, my stepmom has been taking her to a counselor. (Whom of which is doing nothing for her.)
Anyhow, I decided it was time for me to step in and have a chat. We talked for two or three hours straight. It was creepy though~ her 11 year old persona flew out the window, and I felt like I was talking to an adult.

Afterwards, she told my stepmom that talking to me made her feel a lot better than when she talked to the counselor. Mission accomplished.

A few weeks ago, my stepmom and I were talking, and she made me cry... she said my sister thinks the world of me. She gets so excited when I call and say I'm coming out. She can't wait to tell me this or show me that. My stepmom said, and I quote, "In her eyes, you are the queen."

I don't know when it changed, or how I became such a 'good' big sister. Maybe its because I didnt grow up in the same household. Maybe its the 10 year age difference. I couldn't really tell you. But I am so glad, that even when she feels everyone is against her, or leaving her, that she has me, her Sissy, that she can confide in and be comfortable with... and live with the knowledge that I will not turn against her.

We share the same bloodline, but what's thicker, is the love.

~K

 

[Guest]

dont know when it happened.. dont care. all i do know is that without my girls.. i would not be who i am.
i am mom
i am best friend
i love this feeling and couldnt do without it
i have another little girl that i've welcomed into my heart and ive yet to meet her yet...its all semantics until january when i can hold her in my arms for a few moments before she runs down the halls screaming her head off. shes in texas. . . but we talk on the phone already, me and this little 2yo. i cant wait to see her

here are my girls.

Theahttp://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-9/822586/theapic.jpg

Kathttp://img.villagephotos.com/p/2004-9/822586/katprom.jpg

 

[Just_John1]

There is no specific point

Cheerful,

I know the feeling of having to fix something. I can't tell you how many times I've fixed something that could've been replaced in less time and for less money but I never wanted to let the boys down. Had to be "Daddy Fix it up" Something I've noticed though through the years. To my little one (8) I am still daddy. To my older one I've become Dad. I've noticed more of a friendship developing, a sharing of life's experience as he gets older. The only thing I know is that as they grow it will be different. The only constant is change. I keep thinking that it can't get better than this and then it does. I remember standing in the delivery room, tears in my eyes, as I held my son for the first time. I was thinking, it can't get better than this.

Then his brother came along, the emotions were just as deep, overwhelming, again tears from someone who never cries. Until I introduced him to his brother. Then it got more intense.

Being able to tell him about being a big brother, something I never was, watching them learn, watching them get to the place that they can negotiate with you, discuss things with you. The one lesson I've learned from parenthood is that they are smarter than you could've ever imagined. Its not a change, its a growth, they grow you grow and you grow together. There's nothing better in the world.

Just my two cents.

JJ1

 

[English Lady]

This is my little Angel

Awww to al the cute pics already posted

 

[snooper]

I had to give my baby away <sighs>.

Look:

 

[Guest]

I had to give my baby away <sighs>.

Look:

i loved that pic!
huge smiles even before the sun rises.. nearly impossible!
thanks snooper

 

[Guest]

 

[oggbashan]

Og when you are done with that speach can you pm it to me? My kids are fighting the local government for one here too! lol

It would certainly save me alot of hassel and alot of time, and you are such a great writer Im sure they would be impressed with your words!

Im kidding, actually no Im not but I hear what you are saying.

Cealy

I don't need to give it now. The local kids have prepared their own (OK I helped) and a 14 year old is delivering it. They are pushing at an open door. The funds are in the budget for this year and the list of possible sites has been reduced to one recommendation. That should be approved tonight.

Our local councillors (and I) have been working at it for TEN years.

We got one set up 8 miles away. Now we should have one here if the local residents don't object too much (and I'm Chairman of the Residents' Association so some of the objections have already been dealt with). The Chamber of Commerce also supports the idea (I'm their Vice-President). All the local churches are also on the kids' side (no - not me but some of my friends).

Og

 

[oggbashan]

I've given one daughter away. I posted my speech here.

I give another one away in December. She wants the same speech with slight modifications.

The other daughter is not thinking of marriage. She and her partner grew away from each other (Dad and Mum knew it would happen. We didn't say a word. They are no longer partners but are still friends). They split up earlier this year.

I can still retrieve the speech if she finds someone else.

Og