What's your safe word?

[the_jawbreaker]

For people actively enjoying the lifestyle...what safewords do you use?

 

[EmpressFi]

red means stop
yellow means slow down or whoa... gimme a minute to collect myself

 

[the_jawbreaker]

red means stop
yellow means slow down or whoa... gimme a minute to collect myself

Those work well, but i wonder - do they not spoil the fantasy a bit?
Them being so unrelated to what's happening i mean...

 

[EmpressFi]

well I can only speak for me..

No, it doesnt (although I'd prefer the word mood to fantasy because his instrument of pain striking my skin is anything but fantasy). I will get to the point that I'm barely verbal and sometimes that's the only thing I can get out.

What words were you hoping for? What "fantasy" are you trying to maintain? I cant think of any better way to say.. "stop" and "wait a minute". Some people pick outlandish words just for the sheer fact that they WOULDNT be related to what was going on so that the dominant would be clear in what the submissive was saying.

 

[the_jawbreaker]

well I can only speak for me..

No, it doesnt (although I'd prefer the word mood to fantasy because his instrument of pain striking my skin is anything but fantasy). I will get to the point that I'm barely verbal and sometimes that's the only thing I can get out.

What words were you hoping for? What "fantasy" are you trying to maintain?

Something that's still "in-character",but not likely to come up

Maybe something like:

• Please, have mercy! - for yellow
• I beg you, no more! - for Red

Ok, they're not words, but i think they could still work.

 

[_kiana_]

Those work well, but i wonder - do they not spoil the fantasy a bit?
Them being so unrelated to what's happening i mean...

The whole point of safewords is for them to be noticeable. It's a communication and safety tool.

The traffic light system, like Fi uses (some people add green in, making up the whole traffic light) is really common. I know some people who use "mercy", "uncle", and most clubs (as far as I've experienced) simply use "safeword."

Personally, I like the word to be specific to the person I'm playing with. If it's going to be a regular arrangement to play, that is. Otherwise red and yellow are fine. But for my last partner it was fairy, for my husband it's always been turnip. I find it's easier to use a word that actually means something to me as I'm more able to use it when in distress. Fairy was one like that.

 

[missy_me]

For me it's something like "umm... is it your intention to.. err.. you know.. cut off the circulation in my foot."

We don't use safewords. If there's an issue I feel like he's ignoring and that shouldn't be ignored then I say it to him. As polite and kind as I can. But, it's usually just a mindless blurt...

 

[EmpressFi]

Something that's still "in-character",but not likely to come up

Maybe something like:

• Please, have mercy! - for yellow
• I beg you, no more! - for Red

Ok, they're not words, but i think they could still work.

I'm not "in character". I'm a submissive all the time.

And if I said those.. my Master would stop.. .and then laugh.. and then swat me more for saying them and then remind me that I'm not a renn-faire wench

In reality, I can see where it would fit in with what some see as the "fantasy" of the whole thing.. but really most of the time you're so mentally out there that a whole sentence.. well it's beyond my capabilities.

 

[_kiana_]

Something that's still "in-character",but not likely to come up

Maybe something like:

• Please, have mercy! - for yellow
• I beg you, no more! - for Red

Ok, they're not words, but i think they could still work.

That's fine if you are sure you wouldn't say those words for any other reason. I know that the last time someone tried to fist me (he had big hands!) I said "Oh god no no please stop" as a response to the pain. But I would have been pissed if he had actually stopped, because it felt damn good. We did have to stop, for other reasons, but he assured me that he wouldn't have stopped based on only my words because it wasn't my safeword. He trusted me to know the difference.

 

[_kiana_]

Something that's still "in-character",but not likely to come up

Oh, and there's also the fact that we get so hyped up on the scene, what's happening, that even screaming "yellow" or "red" doesn't dampen the scene very much. Because of the emotion involved in the words, that I've been brought to the point of those words by his hands/actions, by my submission to him. Yellow would only slow things down a bit. Red would end up with some intimacy as I got cuddled or whatever and him being worried/finding out what went wrong. And then more play would likely happen after I felt alright.

 

[the_jawbreaker]

What if you're gagged and can't speak? How do you signal that something's wrong?

 

[kinkyknickers]

"Cumquat" is the safe word with master (doesn't come up to much in normal or abnormal conversation so it works well, at least I suppose it does, never used it).

When I play with Minxie and she's gagged (I don't like gags on myself, gag balls knock out my veneers, and I'm allergic to adhesives so no tape either), she'll wave two fingers if she's in distress.

KK.

 

[WickedEve]

Thursday

26 new poems!

While I'm reading the new poems, why not check out a really good piece of erotica: X Why? by SunrockSin, or give this impressive piece -- Postcards: Marion, Indiana (1930) by Kolkore -- a read. Kolkore's poem has a few too many gerunds but it has a great last stanza. Good poem.


Edit: silly bdsm, poetry girl posted in wrong forum.

 

[kinky_meh]

Fuck off usualy do the job.

 

[WickedEve]

Thursday continued

I just read Pillowtalks by Josephine_Guilbert and I can't imagine finding a poem today that I enjoy more than this one. Her style reminds me of another poet's. Be sure not to miss this one.

8 of today's new poems are by newcomer, Cinderpanda. I found Nicci The Narcissist to probably be the one I enjoyed most.

Erased by kwrite69 is fairly good.


Edit: silly bdsm, poetry girl posted in wrong forum.

 

[WickedEve]

Good grief. I had this window open to this thread and ended up posting my poetry reviews on it by mistake.

My safeword is spongebob. That's all I have to say for now.

 

[sub_in_spain]

im not in a sub/dom relationship at the minute, but when i was we used to use the word banana. thats cos we didnt play with them and she used to hate them - like she hated me saying no, but i never had to use it.

 

[Homburg]

For me it's something like "umm... is it your intention to.. err.. you know.. cut off the circulation in my foot."

We don't use safewords. If there's an issue I feel like he's ignoring and that shouldn't be ignored then I say it to him. As polite and kind as I can. But, it's usually just a mindless blurt...

Yup, don't use safewords either, normally. Course if one of the girls calls "RED" I'm likely to stop out of habit. When we're in public play, safewords are in effect simply because of the constraints of the space.

The norm is just conversation. Like you said, "Hey, I can't feel my legs" indicates a possible problem, and I give it my attention. Other than that, I do as I wish.

----

I'm not "in character". I'm a submissive all the time.

Yup, my thoughts too. I'm not in character, neither is anyone in my service. Perhaps I could see it in a given RP scene, but not usually.

 

[intothewoods]

I don't know what your partner is like, but the words "I beg you, no more!" just aren't that likely to come out of my mouth. And as others have said, for safety's sake, I don't think you want a whole phrase that requires the pyl to think, uh, how does that go?

That said, to answer your question, mine is a color, but I don't like to say it to others because it's kind of special between me and Mister Man. I'd use the safeword if something crazy happened that just had to stop right then. So far I haven't used that word, but I'll sometimes say, oh wait, or the other day, I need water (because it was 18 billion degrees in the room and I thought I was going to pass out).

 

[Homburg]

I need water (because it was 18 billion degrees in the room and I thought I was going to pass out).

That makes me want to safeword. I _HATE_ it when it gets too hot.

Personally, I like the sort of water bottles they use for boxers. Very handy as they can deliver water to a bottom tied in an awfward position (assuming she is cognizant and in control enough to safely take water).

 

[intothewoods]

That makes me want to safeword. I _HATE_ it when it gets too hot.

So do I, generally. Hate hate hate. I think I was dehydrated though too, or something. It doesn't usually come on that fast.

Personally, I like the sort of water bottles they use for boxers. Very handy as they can deliver water to a bottom tied in an awfward position (assuming she is cognizant and in control enough to safely take water).

Yeah, that's a good idea. It was one of his spur of the moment ideas, which was hot (he tied me to a chair actually ), but unfortunately, sometimes all does not go according to plan when you're playing off the cuff.

 

[Caitlynne]

What if you're gagged and can't speak? How do you signal that something's wrong?

If I'm gaged, I've been given another means of communication. A ball with a bell inside in my hand, a feather, scarf, etc; something that if dropped will signal I'm in trouble. But to be honest, when I'm gaged, he realized I couldn't talk and paid more attention to other cues. It's what Doms do.

It's not my job to figure out how to communicate when I'm gaged, it is his to give me another means. I'm probably going to be in the zone, so it needs to be simple for me and visible or audible for him. He never just gaged me , went to town wailing on me, and then expected me to yell "red" if I got in trouble. [Yes, that was filled with snark, but I couldn't help it.]

As to a safe word, when in a D/s relationship, I didn't have one. I either said "I'm in trouble" or dropped the signal from my hand. Language is just fine for the men I've been bonded to. For play, I've gone with red, yellow, green if it was preferred. Most people are familiar with them, but I don't often play causally at all any more, so it becomes a moot point really at this point in my life.

 

[Homburg]

So do I, generally. Hate hate hate. I think I was dehydrated though too, or something. It doesn't usually come on that fast.

I've learned the signs all too well. Comes from doing a lot of biking and lifting and such in hot environments. I've found that some V8 afterwards works wonders. And if I can't taste the salt, I know I'm definitely dehydrated.

Yeah, that's a good idea. It was one of his spur of the moment ideas, which was hot (he tied me to a chair actually ), but unfortunately, sometimes all does not go according to plan when you're playing off the cuff.

I, uh, know a little bit about this

 

[the_jawbreaker]

Let me explain a bit better what I meant by 'staying in character' and why i preffer phrases like 'please, have mercy':

For me the pleasure of bdsm lies not only in the types of sexual play, but also in the psychological aspects - the sub's obedience towards her master, the knowledge that she is his property and that he may do as he desires with her body. Having a safeword which the dom always respects tends to brake this 'act', this pretense. For it is an act, unless you're into total power exchange.

Admitting the necessity of safewords, i think that at least we can choose those that 'break' the act the least. Stuff like 'please, have mercy'.

Of course, i do agree that they're too long and i'm trying to come up with shorter ones.

Hoping this made sense...

 

[catalina_francisco]

We don't use safe words...things stop when he decides, not me. The words you suggest make me think perhaps you have never been in the position you are asking about, and/or have been reading too much fiction and thinking that is reality...they just sound so cheesy and rehearsed to me. Perhaps your mileage is different. Safe words work for those who use them when they are used and reacted to responsibly, and something which is usually easy and quick to say, and easy to remember. What works for one won't work for another.

Catalina