1. Two vultures board an airplane, each carrying two dead raccoons. The
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
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2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as "the lesser of two weevils."
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3. Two Eskimos, sitting in a kayak, were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
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>
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
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5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
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6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
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7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a photo of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a photo of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."
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8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their shop,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up the shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.
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>
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him ... what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
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>
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
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Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
stewardess looks at them and says, "I'm sorry, gentlemen, only one carrion
allowed per passenger."
>
>
2. Two boll weevils grew up in South Carolina. One went to Hollywood and
became a famous actor. The other stayed behind in the cotton fields and
never amounted to much.
The second one, naturally, became known as "the lesser of two weevils."
>
>
3. Two Eskimos, sitting in a kayak, were chilly, but when they lit a fire in
the craft, it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.
>
>
4. A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to
the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
>
>
5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal?
He wanted to transcend dental medication.
>
>
6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in
the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour,
the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse.
"But why?" they asked, as they moved off.
"Because," he said, "I can't stand chess nuts boasting in an open foyer."
>
>
7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a
family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain;
they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a photo of himself to his
birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she
wishes she also had a photo of Ahmal.
Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen
Ahmal."
>
>
8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened a
small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from
the men of God, a rival florist thought the competition was unfair.
He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist
hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to
"persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their shop,
saying he'd be back if they didn't close up the shop.
Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can
prevent florist friars.
>
>
9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which
produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little,
which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad
breath. This made him ... what? (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)
A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
>
>
10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to
friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh.
>
Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
