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Whats your Blooper?

bigdaddykingdavid

bigdaddykingdavid

Experienced
Joined
Feb 6, 2018
Posts
74
As brief as possible, what funny, crazy, embarrassing thing happened during sex?
Like the time I walked through the kitchen intending to take her on the dining table. I sneezed and my rubber butt plug shot out bounced once and landed in the dogs water dish!
 
hi

my ex bf left his condom inside my anus when he finished and plopped out shrunk. I didnt realize it until much later.
 
A few minutes earlier I had eaten out my wife's pussy at my office desk. I had my back to the door wiping her cum from my chin when I heard her come back in. "You have one sweet pussy baby", I told her.

"Excuse me?" she asked very sternly. When I turn to look she's standing in the door behind one of our suppliers, who happened to be a very hot woman and was grinning from ear to ear!
 
There's been a few;

- farting during sex
- lost condom inside her a couple of times
- curvy wife on top, cowgirl. vigorously rides up and down repeatedly... All the way off, back down .

Cocks it up on the angle. *SNAP*

My dick actually made a cracking noise, was in agony.

Wilted in seconds, years in my eyes. Her oblivious.

- wrong hole. Wife was especially loose/wet. Dark night. Bit merry. All fours.

You can guess the rest.
 
After fooling around on the living room couch, I was ready for a roomier venue. Swept her up in my arms and started carrying her up the stairs to the bedroom. About half way up, I lost my footing, and we both tumbled all the way down to the bottom like Jack and Jill! Thank god we were drunk enough that we didn't get badly hurt.
 
We were both blindfolded and going at it. I told him I wanted to switch positions. His thought was doggy. My thought was give him head for a while. I get into position and put my hand on his butt to guide him to me. I guess he took it as a go ahead. I just feel him grab my sides and he trusted forward. His cock hit my cheekbone then my eye. Lucky it bent off to the side so it didn't go into my eye (unlucky for him cuz I guess it bent weird) and his pelvis into my face. I screamed. He screamed. He had a hurt dick. I had a black eye. I think mine was harder to explain how I got it.
 
So many but I'll go with...splinters....ass splinters.

A girlfriend and I were messing around on an old wooden dock, on a pond in a remote section of family ranch (grazing) land, when she suffered an insult to her buttocks.

We had been skinny dipping, and doing some heavy petting in the pond, but moved up onto the dock for a bit of the "old in/out" on a towel we'd laid there for that purpose. Somehow, somewhere in our sexual frenzy, I had moved into the water and asked her to move to the edge of the dock so I could eat her out while she dangled her legs off the dock (water depth and dock height were perfect).

You guessed it. She moved off the towel, onto the weathered old dock, and just as I buried my tongue in her quim and she began to squirm she shrieked, "Ouch". After a quick inspection of the damage. we headed to the cabin where I spent the next half hour, with her laying across my legs, as I plucked slivers from her glorious alabaster ass.

But, that didn't spoil the fun. Once she was all patched up we had our debauchery. (BTW, next night, same trip, parked in my van by the pond, with the rear doors open while screwing, and a Treeing Walker Coonhound that had just been sprayed by a skunk jumped into the van with us. Good times...LOL)
 
When air builds up while you're doing doggy and when you sit up, all the air gets out of your pussy and makes the weirdest sound... I can't be the only one!
 
UnderMyKilt said:
So many but I'll go with...splinters....ass splinters.

A girlfriend and I were messing around on an old wooden dock, on a pond in a remote section of family ranch (grazing) land, when she suffered an insult to her buttocks.

We had been skinny dipping, and doing some heavy petting in the pond, but moved up onto the dock for a bit of the "old in/out" on a towel we'd laid there for that purpose. Somehow, somewhere in our sexual frenzy, I had moved into the water and asked her to move to the edge of the dock so I could eat her out while she dangled her legs off the dock (water depth and dock height were perfect).

You guessed it. She moved off the towel, onto the weathered old dock, and just as I buried my tongue in her quim and she began to squirm she shrieked, "Ouch". After a quick inspection of the damage. we headed to the cabin where I spent the next half hour, with her laying across my legs, as I plucked slivers from her glorious alabaster ass.

But, that didn't spoil the fun. Once she was all patched up we had our debauchery. (BTW, next night, same trip, parked in my van by the pond, with the rear doors open while screwing, and a Treeing Walker Coonhound that had just been sprayed by a skunk jumped into the van with us. Good times...LOL)
Click to expand...
I like your style mister. thanks
 
yourgoodgirrl said:
When air builds up while you're doing doggy and when you sit up, all the air gets out of your pussy and makes the weirdest sound... I can't be the only one!
Click to expand...
Have not met a woman yet that doesn't get the queef , pussy fart burbbles after doggy then spinning around for missionary. My sick twisted self actually has her try to hold it in when I pull out of doggy and put my face under so she can sit up, then mash my face and push. Blurbbles all over my face. My cum , hers and air blasting down on my face, and if she pushes hard enough, a real poo fart too. I'm kinda sick like that though.
 
maJESStic said:
We were both blindfolded and going at it. I told him I wanted to switch positions. His thought was doggy. My thought was give him head for a while. I get into position and put my hand on his butt to guide him to me. I guess he took it as a go ahead. I just feel him grab my sides and he trusted forward. His cock hit my cheekbone then my eye. Lucky it bent off to the side so it didn't go into my eye (unlucky for him cuz I guess it bent weird) and his pelvis into my face. I screamed. He screamed. He had a hurt dick. I had a black eye. I think mine was harder to explain how I got it.
Click to expand...
that there is a doozy, co workers saying, "come on we know he is beating you we want to help"
 
bone251 said:
I figure if I can make her fart during oral, she is pretty excited.

Also once she farts in your face in a new relationship it is much easier to let one go.

:eek::eek::eek::D:eek::eek::eek:
Click to expand...

I agree, you down there giving it your best and she rips one, you know for certain she would never on purpose. therefore you, champ just made her lose control because you are rockin and rollin. She couldn't help it! I've had my share of methane powered blow dryers. I'm a guitar man myself by the way Cheers!
 
Carnevil9 said:
After fooling around on the living room couch, I was ready for a roomier venue. Swept her up in my arms and started carrying her up the stairs to the bedroom. About half way up, I lost my footing, and we both tumbled all the way down to the bottom like Jack and Jill! Thank god we were drunk enough that we didn't get badly hurt.
Click to expand...

Glad no one was hurt. I love drunk sex provided she is drunker! I will check out your stories, I have some pending. Cheers!
 
newhere2learn said:
There's been a few;

- farting during sex
- lost condom inside her a couple of times
- curvy wife on top, cowgirl. vigorously rides up and down repeatedly... All the way off, back down .

Cocks it up on the angle. *SNAP*

My dick actually made a cracking noise, was in agony.

Wilted in seconds, years in my eyes. Her oblivious.

- wrong hole. Wife was especially loose/wet. Dark night. Bit merry. All fours.

You can guess the rest.
Click to expand...
You know how to party cowboy! I have had a couple times when I was pumping right along and out of nowhere gas bubbles from hell come growling out. Pretty bad when a man fakes an orgasm and starts hollering out in hopes of covering the noise of the chatty walnut. thanks for chiming in , I love it.
 
RipRespon said:
A few minutes earlier I had eaten out my wife's pussy at my office desk. I had my back to the door wiping her cum from my chin when I heard her come back in. "You have one sweet pussy baby", I told her.

"Excuse me?" she asked very sternly. When I turn to look she's standing in the door behind one of our suppliers, who happened to be a very hot woman and was grinning from ear to ear!
Click to expand...
Sounds like future opportunity? you know she could smell love in the air if your still doing the chin swizzle swash. I see a threesome in your future if your wife is a sport, and by all account???mmmeaahhh maybe!
 
fma20fma said:
my ex bf left his condom inside my anus when he finished and plopped out shrunk. I didnt realize it until much later.
Click to expand...

um how much later?? like next morning doing the poo doo or um two hours later at dinner with the in laws.? That's crazy, thanks for chiming in, I'm glad I started this , i'ts been fun.
 
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