What's with men?

[lilpriss]

Ok, I'm thoroughly confused/ irritated/ etc.

Here's the deal. I've been seeing this guy since early December/ late November. We usually get together once a week and talk on the phone ALL the time (every night). We haven't said we're exclusive, but we are having (Really Really satisfying) sex.

Plus, we get along well and have a lot in common. We've both been single (from long term relationships) for about the same amount of time and we have both said we are over our X's... I know I am. I also know that he has plenty of friends that are female, however, I'm confident that he isn't sleeping with anyone else. Because he also knows that I have plenty of guy frineds.

Ok, last week, we had THE most incredible sex... I talked to him the next night and from what he said he was in utter agreement... Now it's THREE days later and I haven't heard from him. What the hell is going on? And yes, I have called him. He has caller ID... so he knows that I've called. What I want to know is this... Why the big gap... (especially after talking everyday for 3 months) and IF I fucked up...

 

[peachykeen]

Well, I can't say for certain obviously, but it sounds to me like if you guys were really clicking bigtime, maybe he is scared. Scared of getting into another LTR, having it not work out, getting his heart broken again, etc etc. So he's pulling back.

The ball is in his court, there's not really anything you can do about it. If you keep calling him, you'll only push him further away.
Just drop him a very brief email saying something like, "Wondering why I haven't heard from you, I was hopig we might get together again next weekend?" or something reallyopen-ended like that. DON'T go into some big long thing of "I really thought we had something, blah blah blah". Just short and sweet. And then leave it up to fate.

 

[lilpriss]

Yeah, I was wondering about that. The getting scared thing, he's pretty gun shy, with good reason.

And I feel like this... he's seen that I've called, so I'm not going to do anything else. I almost sent a text message on his cell phone... but forced myself not too. Because I really don't want to push him away. I have a tendency to be too pushy and I do really like the guy. Thanks for the encouragement, now I need help being strong...

 

[peachykeen]

go out. go to the mall, a movie, call up some girlfriends to see if they're free (or want some help with the housework, whatever). If you hang around your place waiting for the phone to ring it will make you crazy, and it will be harder to resist the temptation to try and contact him again.

 

[lilpriss]

Hehe, I'm about to go to bed... (work nights) And yes you are right about waiting for the phone to ring... One reason I'm still online, so I can't use the stinkin thing

 

[Jaded1]

Hi, lilpriss...

I am going to agree with peachykeen.

If the gentleman friend did come out of a bad relationship he may very well be gun shy of getting seriously involved again. He may very well feel he is up against the ropes again and very confused.

Back out of the pursuit. Let nature take its coarse. You may have to settle for a great friendship and great sex. Dammed if I can see the down side of settling for that....

Just some friendly advice from one of those dam men....

Jaded1, CT

Oh, Peachy bite able ass hon.....

 

[fgarvb1]

I think peachy has the right of it.

I think he's scared of you And of himself. Been there done that.

If or rather when you talk to him again tell him that you are afraid of getting in to deep yourself right now and how about we just date and have a good time and worry about the relationship stuff later. That should take the pressure off of him some as well as yourself.

The trouble is with this you might end up married some day.

 

[lilpriss]

Thanks for your replies, I was hoping for guy's points of view. Anyhow, I'm going to try not to worry about it, as he is instant messaging me right now. Seeming completely normal and being incredibly sweet...

Maybe I'm a panic operator.

I just don't get men.

 

[Jaded1]

Actually, lilpriss here's a little secret. If your straining yourself to try to figure us out your working way to hard.

We in fact are very primitive.

Give us unbelievable amounts of fantastic sex and feed us!

Why hell will follow you around like a puppy dog (of course there is the possibility that we just might start humping your leg)......

Really, we are not that dam complicated.....

Have a great evening darl'n....

Jaded1, CT

 

[billwindows]

men are primitive apes who have never really gotten out of caves. A bit of trivia: did u know why humans are really intelligent? it is because FEMALES chose the really smart apes to reproduce with. But anyway, i have to agree with the rest of the people. when we meet someone we really love (one who complements each other as well as having great sex), we are really afraid to commit because we are worried that the person is too good to be true and that she will probably dump us. Anyway, the fact that he is back suggests that he has spend some time thinking about it and realised he really loves you enough to take the risk. so good luck and tell me when you are getting married.

 

[Lust Engine]

men are primitive apes who have never really gotten out of caves. A bit of trivia: did u know why humans are really intelligent? it is because FEMALES chose the really smart apes to reproduce with. But anyway, i have to agree with the rest of the people. when we meet someone we really love (one who complements each other as well as having great sex), we are really afraid to commit because we are worried that the person is too good to be true and that she will probably dump us. Anyway, the fact that he is back suggests that he has spend some time thinking about it and realised he really loves you enough to take the risk. so good luck and tell me when you are getting married.

Primitive maybe, but to compare our sexual preferences to apes?? If that's the case, every computer geek or chess champ would be getting laid 24/7!

Admittedly I do agree that as a guy, we do fret commitment. I think we tend to look at commitment as to what we're liable to lose as opposed to the more positive, what we're liable to gain. Back off a tad if he does seem a bit skittish. But three days isn't that long of a span of being apart... don't go fretting needlessly if he doesn't call.

Be pro-active in the mean time. Don't cling and hang all over this guy. As a very independent male, there's nothing worse than having a dependant woman clinging onto me. It needlessly puts pressure on us to be at your beck & call. A confident & independent woman has always been MUCH much sexier. Don't do the mental torture of WHY hasn't he called me- it's not only self torture but makes you seem SO desperate to be with him.

While it's perfectly great to want to be with him, it's a fine line that could be stepped across by being so clingy.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

he could be scared of getting into a new relationship. getting hurt or even hurting you. give him a few days then call him again.

 

[lilpriss]

Gee whiz, Lust Engine, I think you just called me desperate...

Thanks a LOT!

You always give good advice, however, when it's followed by a statemement that says, "You're desperate" and (paraphrased) "I'm discounting your fears because three days isn't all that long, therefore your fears are unfounded, stalker."

And three days isn't all that long... in the grand scheme of things... but after talking every day for two and a half months (which is about 75 days in a row)... it IS a long time.

I'm not calling him incessantly and leaving desperate messages, that's for sure. I do worry, however not so that he can see it, unless, of course, he's on this bulletin board and happens to have figured out who I am. Which is doubtful.

Jaded thanks for the tip, apparently I'm headed in the right direction, the sex part is easy, and fun... and the cooking part, well I love cooking too. Although, the (only) meal I've prepared for us thus far wasn't perfect... filling and tasty yes, but I would have preferred for it to be up to my usual standards. And he seemed so psyched about it... which is another reason I was so surprised not to hear from him...

BUT we did talk for awhile last night and he was incredibly sweet and his usual self, so I worry alot for nothing.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

did you call him or did he call you?

 

[lilpriss]

We were online at the same time, and (I admit) I messaged a "hey" to him first. Then he proceeded to chat me up, and when he said he wasn't doing too good, because I wasn't there... well I knew that I've been worrying for nothing.

 

[lorddragonwolf]

glade to hear its working out.

 

[lilpriss]

Thanks...

I'm glad too, I hadn't anticipated being this attracted to the man... it's unnerving, I usually find myself being the one who's "in charge" so to speak. I like this... it's interesting.

I love the fluttery feeling in my gut and the way my body responds to him before he even touches me... how he kisses and how his hands feel....

GRRR where is he?

I'd like to be snugged up with him now.

 

[JasonBe]

you lilpriss, some times us guys just don't know how fucking good some women are to us. and no matter how how women try men always get scared and run away. I hope he calls back and hope it works out...