What's the difference between a Dom and a Top?

[Dhabidommetrix]

A Dom leads the power exchange in a D/s relationship. Also, focuses on control, authority, and emotional/mental dominance.It could be part of a long-term dynamic. While a Top performs physical actions in a BDSM scene like spanking sometimes tying.

Key Difference a Dom controls the relationship or dynamic while a Top controls the actions during a scene.

Inputs are welcomed

Cheers

 

[Britva415]

I wish more people could separate these. D/s is not of interest to me but I can't talk about T/b without someone making it about D/s.

 

[AG31]

I wish more people could separate these. D/s is not of interest to me but I can't talk about T/b without someone making it about D/s.

Absolutely!!!

 

[filthytrancendence]

I wish more people could separate these. D/s is not of interest to me but I can't talk about T/b without someone making it about D/s.

Can you elaborate on why you think the distinction is important?

I'd be interested to hear more, because I'm basically the opposite. I don't think the top/bottom parlance was really much of a thing when I was learning BDSM terminology, or maybe I just missed it.

Maybe it's the switch in me but I just can't really agree that D/s is necessarily some kind of long-term arrangement. And it seems like hair-splitting to me to make the distinction at the encounter-level. Why does there need to be a separation?

I'm asking because I think I'm probably missing something, and the discussions I'm seeing really aren't clearing it up for me.

 

[tall758]

This comes from a fully submissive point of view… To me, a “Top” is simply a guy who wants to use my mouth (or ass on rare occasions) to get off. It can be once or regular, but the scenario is always the same, I walk in, drop to my knees and provide pleasure to him. I know why I’m there and he knows why I’m there. He lays back or fucks my face and cums. Then it’s over.

A Dom is the guy (or MF couple, I’ve had both) that want me to serve him (or them) in a way that they want to be served. If it’s a guy, he’ll invite me over and there will be some expectations of what I will do when I arrive. He’ll often be verbally abusive, planting that submissive streak deeper into me each time we meet. I will perform for him, take direction from him, and eventually make him cum (for me, ha!). Before I leave, he’ll often schedule the next time that we will meet for further activities. He may also share me with his friends, to show them what he has “trained” me to do (earlier in life, this was my most enjoyable time…).

 

[ToPleaseHim]

There isn’t a universally established definition for most of the labels in the BDSM world. Communication is key and finding where one’s kinks and desires matches with another. A great essay on labels: Stella’s thread.

 

[Britva415]

Can you elaborate on why you think the distinction is important?

You weren’t asking what the distinction is at all, or doubting that there is one, were you? Just asking why it’s important?

It isn’t what I think, it’s what I feel and what I like - and don’t like.

There is no elaboration on that.

 

[Britva415]

I just can't really agree that D/s is necessarily some kind of long-term arrangement

Is this in response to me? I didn’t say it was.

I don’t know how to show you that people do (try to) make it a thing on the encounter level.

 

[filthytrancendence]

Is this in response to me? I didn’t say it was.

I don’t know how to show you that people do (try to) make it a thing on the encounter level.

No, it's something OP said. I'm trying to understand why you think it's important.

Not trying to force you to explain... just curious.

 

[CuriousCat89]

A Dom leads the power exchange in a D/s relationship. Also, focuses on control, authority, and emotional/mental dominance.It could be part of a long-term dynamic. While a Top performs physical actions in a BDSM scene like spanking sometimes tying.

Key Difference a Dom controls the relationship or dynamic while a Top controls the actions during a scene.

Inputs are welcomed

Cheers

this is a good distinction

 

[Britva415]

I'm trying to understand why you think it's important

I like topping and bottoming.

I don't like domming or subbing.

That's all there is to it.

I'm not saying it's important to everyone, but it is to me.

But there clearly are other people to whom it's important, because they always show me - by trying to make it a D/s thing when I don't want to make it a D/s thing. If our preferences didn't differ, maybe I wouldn't even be aware that there was any difference and it wouldn't be important.

It's not important "why." It only matters that we're compatible or not.

 

[Exploringwife46]

It's important to separate kinks and fetishes from lifestyle in my opinion. (Which take it for what it is "an opinion") The beauty of it all is there is no right or wrong if done consensually.

D/s for me is a lifestyle and totally a mental willing surrender of the mind that then incorporates physical kinks within limits. Where as a T/b dynamic does incorporate the power exchange but it's mainly based on the physical aspects and is more often where switching is enjoyed, I see T/b as more of a kink.

As others have said, it really doesn't matter how you view either as long as it's being enjoyed and consented to by two caring people.

 

[Britva415]

a T/b dynamic does incorporate the power exchange

See, this is what I've been talking about.

It.
Doesn't.
Have.
To.

 

[saintcero]

A Top fucks you.

A Dom Top fucks you and tells you that he is fucking you and you don’t have any say in it.

 

[Exploringwife46]

See, this is what I've been talking about.

It.
Doesn't.
Have.
To.

That's correct Britva, I should have said "can" not "does"