What's the best way to come out?

[P.B Walker]

Who do you tell first?

 

[lobito]

Who do you tell first?

you just did, to us.

 

[apexpark]

over dinner:

HeyMomPassTheMashedPotatoesImGay

 

[Rhys]

I bet you are fun at dinner parties.

 

[sexy-girl]

i did it over dinner but i had the trump card of having invited my girlfriend to stay with us from canada for 2 weeks

my parents would never be rude enough to make a scene infront of a guest

and if they were i would of been going back to canada with her

 

[SweetCherry]

I don't thikn there can be any one "best" way. What works for some might not work for others. While one person can tell his/her entire family in one shot, someone else might have better luck taking the time to inform just the immediate family and letting the extended family find out thru the grapevine. Yet another might find it easier to tell an aunt or uncle or cousin first, and then try for the parents. Then again, there's only 2 people that I deal with on a regular basis who know my sexuality.

 

[PoliteSuccubus]

Being the mother of a bi daughter with an open relationship she said "Mom, I think might be bi." So even tho we have been pretty open and honest with each other she still used "softer" words "think" and "might".

Most of her friends haven't come out to parents, but have to their friends and sometimes siblings.

A teen friend of my daughters came out as both gay and wiccan. He desided that he'd rather be just totally open with his parents and suffer the consquences than live a lie within his own home. He's not allowed to work his reglion at home, or have boyfriends spend the night, but they've come to accept him.

Generally I've found thru the experince of my friends that the best order to tell family is: Sibs, Mother, Father. Mother is most likely (in general) to be terriably upset at frist, but also most likely to love you anyway without any side bullshit. After that, Fathers are more likely (in general) to harbour resentments, but keep them underwraps in order to not incur the wrath of mother.

As a parent I've always been the "love them no matter what" type. Some people aren't like that, they put being right or "moral" over relationships. You have to guage your own family.

Some of my friends treat it as a "need to know" basis. They don't hide anything, but they don't falunt either and answer honestly if asked. They treat it the same as relgion or politics...something they don't go tossing into casual conversations.

"How about those lakers, huh? Oh, hey, by the way, I'm gay, a republican, and a practiceing Buddist!"

 

[Queersetti]

I don't thikn there can be any one "best" way. What works for some might not work for others. While one person can tell his/her entire family in one shot, someone else might have better luck taking the time to inform just the immediate family and letting the extended family find out thru the grapevine. Yet another might find it easier to tell an aunt or uncle or cousin first, and then try for the parents. Then again, there's only 2 people that I deal with on a regular basis who know my sexuality.

I agree, there is no one-size-fits-all method.

I do think that, generally, it's good to have some support network to fall back on if the coming out does not go well. So, coming out to your friends and finding out which of them will stand by you before telling your family can be helpful.

I am of two different minds about telling some family members before others. On the one hand, I can see how it might ease the way, but on the other, it could possibly lead to resentment within the family. I'd be interested in anyone's thoughts on that aspect of the issue.

 

[P.B Walker]

Thanks, these are all good ideas.

 

[Etoile]

Coming out to yourself is the first step. After that, it's up to you. I'd tell your closest friends first. Telling your parents depends on how old you are, and what's at risk if you tell them. (I'll never tell my uncle because he's a very devout Catholic and I don't want to alienate him.)

 

[Bandit58]

I came out to myself a year ago.....then to my online lover (male) who was so wonderfully open minded and just lately has been admitting to me that he's bi-curious I told my best friend a few months later and she was so cool, I don't know what I was worried about. No way would I tell my family, my ex husband is very conservative and our 15 year old daughter lives with him and he might try to stop me seeing her. My parents and brother are the same......

I keep my private life private anyway, living in a small rural community where everyone knows you is the pits. I have had a couple of lovers since my marriage broke up but they live out of the immediate area. I have told my family that sometimes I will be away and if they need to contact me they have my mobile number They don't need to know what I'm doing.......

 

[WhisperHaven]

I got drunk and told my husband. It's the only way I would have gotten the nerve. While we're both very open and honest with each other about everything else, anything of a sexual nature is just too difficult to discuss.

I'll never tell my mother because she thinks homosexuals are "disgusting."

I think my sister suspects and probably is also bi, and while we joke around about it, neither of us has actually "come out" to the other.

A few select friends know, and everyone else is on a need to know basis.

As far as telling my kids, while I wouldn't lie to them, I don't see the necessity of actually sitting them down and telling them that Mom is bi.

As for their future decisions in life, I will love them no matter what.

I just call it karmic debt that my husband is one of those people who is intolerant of homosexuality, yet he finds himself married to a bisexual.

 

[april-wine]

Hmmmmm basically the only ones that need to know is my immediate family....after that they are on a need to know basis....