What's so hard about " I love you too"

[Uma]

I have been seeing a guy for awhile now. Everything between us seems to be going in the right direction. He is everything I have ever wanted in a man. He is warm, caring, thoughtful, and funny. He gets my door. He holds my hand when we walk. He listens to what I have to say. His smile makes me melt. He carries himself with a confidence and grace that makes people notice him. He seems to know people everywhere. He has a boyish quality and a love of all things fun. Everyday that I get to spend with him seems even better than the last.

So what's the problem you ask?

I have told him that I love him so many times I have lost count. He has never once said those words to me. The last time we were together I made up my mind that that day was going to be the day! I rented 2 of his favorite movies and made him a great dinner. After dinner I jumped him in the kitchen. We moved to my bedroom for round two. After it was over I straddled his chest and looked into his green-blue eyes. I kissed him deeply. Then returned my eyes to his and said "I love you". There was a moment of silence. It was the kind of silence that says alot and then he said " I think you are pretty special too. Want something to drink?" Got up and went back to the kitchen. I don't want to be stupid about this. I know he can say it. I have heard him say it to his daughters, his mother and even his brother. Why can't he say it to me? Have any of you been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? Am I just being silly for feeling somehow inadequate? Give me your thoughts please! Thanx- Uma

 

[AzureAngel]

Probably be something to bring up directly with him, I think... ask him what the deal is. Maybe he's scared of saying it because of some sort of committment, or... something else. Only he's really going to have the answer.

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[Mischka]

He is everything I have ever wanted in a man.

No, he's not, unless you don't want an emotionally secure man. If he is capable of telling others that he loves them, then something is missing if he hasn't told you yet.

Your relationship has come to an impasse. You are not getting everything you deserve out of this relationship, and it's time to confront him or get out. Talk to him tonight and tell him that his silence hurts you. You may have to face the very real prospect that he does not love you, but it's infinitely better to get this out in the open than to let it eat you up inside any longer.

Good luck.

 

[Laurel]

No, he's not, unless you don't want an emotionally secure man. If he is capable of telling others that he loves them, then something is missing if he hasn't told you yet.

Your relationship has come to an impasse. You are not getting everything you deserve out of this relationship, and it's time to confront him or get out. Talk to him tonight and tell him that his silence hurts you. You may have to face the very real prospect that he does not love you, but it's infinitely better to get this out in the open than to let it eat you up inside any longer.

Good luck.

Damn she's good!

"Next caller..."

 

[mistressastra]

The dreaded "L" word

In my experience men say I love you because they want something or they really do. You give him what he wants so maybe he doesn't love you. Do you ever read those articles in Glamour and Cosmo that have translations, what he means when he says........? It's really true. It may hurt but he truly may not love you, he may like you alot, even be quite fond of you, but love.......that's the big step.

 

[Cibo]

I have never once told a girl that I have loved her (besides family). And that day won't come until I know for a fact that I KNOW that I WILL marry her and grow old with her.

 

[Liontamr]

Forgive the length Uma...

My cousin (who is pretty much a brother to me) has been dating a woman for three years now. They seem perfect for each other, are constantly by each others side.. It's pretty much a given that some day they will end up marrying.. They are just too damn inseperable.

But they have never once told each other "I Love You"

Now while I find it hard to understand how you can sleep with someone as much, share as much personal items and share so much of each other without saying those words, apparently it comes quite easy for both of them because to be quite honest in their eyes the word "love" is not something to be thrown around lightly.

And in a way I can see their point.. Think of how many ex's you'd say "I love you" to and think of how now you really wish like hell you could take those words back! Not that you didn't love them then, but compared to a better relationship or looking back at how they maybe jerked you around, you feel as far from loving them as possible.

My point is, maybe your man feels the same way.. that while you are a wonderful person, maybe saying I Love You just doesn't quite feel right for whatever reason. The first thing I'd do in your case is not take it personally.. Based on your example, it sure sounds like he knows what you want to hear, and would like to say it, but can't bring himself to it.. Based on the fact he has daughters, I assume he has been in a deep relationship before... Maybe he feels burned by it. (Trust me, women aren't the only ones who hide scars from past cuts)

The next (and maybe even first thing to do) best thing to do is ask him about it.. Don't confront him and try and force him to say it or anything like that.. Just ask why he hasn't.

It may turn out that there is a real reason for his not saying it.

Hope this helps!

 

[Uma]

Thank you

Angel, Brat, Mischka,and Mistressastra. I know he is the only one who can really answer the question. I guess I am afraid to talk to him about it. If I do it could be the end. I don't want to lose him. I just want to know where I stand. To find that out I suppose I will have to ask. Take the risk. Live with the resluts. Nobody ever said life was easy. Wish me luck!- Uma

 

[AzureAngel]

Re: Thank you

Angel, Brat, Mischka,and Mistressastra. I know he is the only one who can really answer the question. I guess I am afraid to talk to him about it. If I do it could be the end. I don't want to lose him. I just want to know where I stand. To find that out I suppose I will have to ask. Take the risk. Live with the resluts. Nobody ever said life was easy. Wish me luck!- Uma

Look at it this way, Uma. If it's going to end because you're asking... it would've ended had you not, anyways. It just would've taken longer and hurt you more. However, askin' now is the express route to happy.

 

[Uma]

Thanks guys your points are good too. Liontamr I hope you are right! - Uma

 

[mistressastra]

What I noticed

Does he show you he loves you in other ways, without the words? Perhaps the words are hard to say but there just the same. Ask him what he feels for you without being confrontational. And don't you say the "L" word while talking about it. Say you really care about him and just wanted to know what he feels for you. But be prepared for a negative answer you may not want to hear. If he says he cares about you or is fond of you, take that at face value and decide if its enough for you.

BTW my hubby said "I love you" easily and he ended up cheating on me twice if not more. Words don't carry as much weight as actions.

 

[Aphrodisiac]

The first time my man told me he loved me I was taken back... I knew I loved him as well but when he told me he loved me for the very first time I did not say it back ...

My reason was not because I did not care about him or not love him back ... rather I was a little scared. I had never ever been in love before so all this was new to me and when it came to love I did not really think it exsisted till I met him ...

He was hurt I did not say I loved him that afternoon and I told him I was speechless and totally taken back by what he had just said ... we talked and he knew I was scared ... needless to say I did tell him I loved him ... I still love him. But that very first time I was scared...till this day he teases me about that day ... we laugh over it now.


Maybe your man is scared ?!?

 

[JennyOmanHill]

In an earlier relationship I had him tell me "I love you" all the time. Almost 8 years later, it changed to "I love you, but I don't want you".

Not a day goes by when I don't tell Oman I love him at least once! Fortunately I hear those words from Oman as well. The term has been overused, but I'll never get tired of hearing it.

I agree that you should address this with him directly as soon as you can. If it really is an issue with him, the earlier you discover it, the better.

Good luck!

 

[Uma]

I just wanted to thank all of you yet again

I am very new here. I was really unsure if I should even post this. I must say I am overwhelmed not only by the number of you willing to give me advice but also with the soundness of that advice. Again, I thank U all- Uma

 

[AzureAngel]

We're just fulla love here, Uma.

 

[Guest]

Just some thoughts

Uma

Maybe this guy is waitng for the ink to dry on his divorce or maybe someone in his last relationship told him that they loved him and really didn't mean it. Maybe the faces of his daughters on the day he told them he wouldn't be living with them anymore is etched in his mind. Maybe all of these things combined have given him a new respect for the word LOVE. Maybe he feels as though he used it too easily in the past. Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you the way he was hurt. It sounds to me like you need to ask yourself some questions.

Are you happier with him in your life than you were before him?

Do you trust that he is not playing games with your heart?

Can you be patient and see where things go?

If the answers to any of these questions is no, then sadly I think you need to move on. If not then trust this. If and when he does say those words to you it will be because he means them. He will be yours heart, mind, body and soul. He will not be telling you he loves you because it is what you want to hear. He will be saying it because he can't imagine his life without you. Just some thoughts.

Next time you have feelings like this how about you stop by his place and talk them over. I don't think he bites, at least not hard.
Take care and give these things some thought.

 

[Sillyman]

Forgive my ranting

Chickenshit pussy men who can't say "I love you" deserve a good beating. Men who can't say it to the woman they just fucked deserve to be shoved in a tiger cage. Men who reply with "I know" need to have a cattleprod shoved into their balls. A real man can show some fucking emotional maturity, grow the fuck up, and say it. Mankind will not evolve with wishy-washy morons.

Pardon me. This topic burns me up. Please continue with your polite advice and more civilized thoughts on the matter.

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Forgive my ranting

Chickenshit pussy men who can't say "I love you" deserve a good beating. Men who can't say it to the woman they just fucked deserve to be shoved in a tiger cage. Men who reply with "I know" need to have a cattleprod shoved into their balls. A real man can show some fucking emotional maturity, grow the fuck up, and say it. Mankind will not evolve with wishy-washy morons.

Pardon me. This topic burns me up. Please continue with your polite advice and more civilized thoughts on the matter.

Why should people feel obligated to say it? Would it be preferable that he say it, even if he doesn't mean it, but feels that he 'owes' her that type of response? Why should a guy feel the need to say it after sex, in particular? Do the two always go hand in hand?

I may be a chickenshit pussy woman who has no emotional maturity, but I've only told one person whom I was involved with that I loved him. I rarely say it, and I never say it when I'm not feeling particularly loving toward him.

 

[Uma]

Thanx Sillyman

But I think I got the answer I needed. I feel kind of silly now. For 2 reasons. 1) I can't believe I doubted him and 2) I didn't think he would see this. By the way how the hell did you see it unregistered??? Buddy Scott call it a short night did he????

Love ya babe

Uma

 

[Guest]

 

[Liontamr]

Sillyman

It has nothing to do with being a "chickenshit" in most cases and a case of some people hold words with mroe value than others do.

One thing I failed to mention in my last post is my own personal experiences... I've told four women "I love you" and been told that back three ended up cheating while the latest didn't cheat, said that if we continued after seven months, she may end up cheating because she wanted to see other guys.

So, I would perfer my next relationship to be one where the words "I love you" are earned and can be said by me and said back to me with a security of knowing that "love" doesn't mean "love at the moment, but we'll see about tommorow."

If that in the end makes me a chickenshit male, then so be it I suppose.. I'd rather be a chickenshit than to have my emotions ripped out of me.

 

[Sillyman]

Re: Re: Forgive my ranting

Why should people feel obligated to say it? Would it be preferable that he say it, even if he doesn't mean it, but feels that he 'owes' her that type of response? Why should a guy feel the need to say it after sex, in particular? Do the two always go hand in hand?

I may be a chickenshit pussy woman who has no emotional maturity, but I've only told one person whom I was involved with that I loved him. I rarely say it, and I never say it when I'm not feeling particularly loving toward him.

Yes he should be obligated to say it even if he doesn't mean it at the time. Just like you tell your grandmother her cooking is good even if it tastes like horseshit. Whether he 'feels' it at the time is of no relevance. If he really doesn't than he can do something about it later.

And stop taking shit so personally.

 

[Uma]

Maybe he isnt the type to take those wprds lightly.
Maybe he doesnt love you......yet. It takes people a while sometimes.
When he does finally say it, You can be sure he means it. But a lot of people dont fall in love very quickly. How long have you been seeing him?

I have been seeing him for about 2 months. Lucky ME!!!!!

 

[Calamity Jane]

Re: Re: Re: Forgive my ranting

Yes he should be obligated to say it even if he doesn't mean it at the time. Just like you tell your grandmother her cooking is good even if it tastes like horseshit. Whether he 'feels' it at the time is of no relevance. If he really doesn't than he can do something about it later.

And stop taking shit so personally.

I rarely take anything personally.

You honestly believe that lying to her about something like whether or not he loves her shows emotional maturity?