What's a good start?

[1sneakthief]

Good evening,

I just submitted my first story (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=489105). I haven's had any written feedback - not even hate mail. That isn't a total suprise. I only have ten votes for a score of 3.7. Is that good for a first effort?

thanks

sneak.

 

[nerk]

My first story has been up a month with 27 votes.
My most read story only 52 votes.

It takes people a while to get around to it, and most people aren't reading to engage in any kind of discussion. It seems to me that it's less than 1% that even vote on a story. Of course, "views" are people who opened it, not who raed it through.

 

[RedJohnny]

The first thing to recognize is that many people read but don't vote. If you want to do some quick math, with 10 votes and a 3.7 it means 3 people voted 3 ("Liked it. Keep on writing") and 7 people voted 4 ("Really liked it. Good read."). Or, a 3.7 on a 5 point scale is somewhere in the C+/B- range, which isn't bad for a first effort.

Personally, I enjoyed it. I felt like you were trying too hard with the metaphors in the beginning, and some of them were a little cliche, but once you got into the rhythm of the story and added in the dialog, it settled down and was pretty good.

Good luck and keep writing!

 

[driphoney]

I get the impression Erotic Couplings is a tough crowd and the competition is stiff. Then you piled on by writing in second person ("you".) There are more than a few around who dislike second person stories out of hand. I thought you did a pretty good job of it, though. I've read that second person makes it harder for a reader to place themselves into the story, which is what the Lit reader is trying to do. I know, it seems counter-intuitive and many of us get started writing this stuff by writing a fantasy "me and you" story for a special person. For what it's worth, I'm kind of dumb and I'm a female, so I thought the "I" was a female dressed too casually in her shorts and polo until you wrote the words "red dress".

Writing a moving sex scene is tough, as I know from personal experience, and honestly, I've read a few red H stroke stories that I can't figure out for the life of me why they seemed to push the right buttons of enough people to make it onto the Top List. I've also read a few stories that I can't figure out why they don't have a red H. Those are harder to find because they languish in "the stacks".

Good luck and I do hope you keep writing.

 

[Hotcappucino]

I personally don't like second person point of view, for the reasons stated above. Go with third person past or possibly first person past.

Punctuation needs to be cleaned up. I think a lot of readers will automatically mark down a story with bad punctuation, grammar, or spelling because it can be very distracting to try to muddle through.

I didn't understand the connection between wearing red and soccer night. Is this something that the average reader should understand? Something a soccer fan would understand? If it's supposed to be some kind of inside joke between the two characters, it should be explained somehow.

Stories which consist of mostly a sex scene generally won't get high scores. Learn to develop characters and a plot. The temptation is to concentrate on writing a good sex scene and then throw some fluff around it. Yes, this is Literotica, and you'd think the emphasis should be on sex, but the good stories aren't just about sex.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I looked at the story, but didn't read it. I will do so tomorrow. I see it is in E/C, which is a rather crowded category and is in second person present tense. Those are a couple of strikes against it already, because those are not very popular.

However, an average score of 3.7 is not at all bad. I have quite a few with lower scores than that.

If you want public comments, and most of us do, it helps to ask for them. Just say something like you appreciate hearing from readers as to whether they like the story or not.

 

[KillerMuffin]

You've written in second person, which is your prime culprit. You've alienated half your audience right out of the gate. Few men can get into a story that tells them that some guy is licking their clit, etc. Beyond that, the POV distinctly says that the story is aimed at a specific gender and the other gender was not considered.

There are some people out there who like second person. Most people will either back click at the first "you" in the narrative or will skim and give it a low score. Most second person stories get little feedback and few votes. The scores on second person tend to hover around 3, while first and third person stories hover around 4. Keeping in mind that there are 100 points between the two in statistical tallying tells you a lot about second person.

Next time, write in first person. "I did this to her." You'll find it just as comfortable as second person to write, and the general readership will find it far more comfortable and interesting to read.

Now, was your sex scene hot enough? Was your writing itself good enough? Were your descriptions done well? Have you ever seen a lime green ferrari? The car is a work of art, but the paint job makes it urk-worthy. That's what second person can do for you. It's hard to see the art behind the lime green second person. I didn't find it very hot. You selected several actions that don't work on me, personally. It would be hot on some other woman who it works on, but it's not hot when it's supposed to be me.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

Good evening,

I just submitted my first story (http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=489105). I haven's had any written feedback - not even hate mail. That isn't a total suprise. I only have ten votes for a score of 3.7. Is that good for a first effort?

thanks

sneak.

Nobody really votes, or cares about the voting. I still get feedback from stories I wrote 10 years ago. Be patient. And stop caring.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

What's a good start?

10,000 lawyers at the bottom of the sea.

 

[1sneakthief]

Me too

I hate to admit it, but I don't like second person stories either. This was written for someone special and at the time second person made sense. After the story sat for over a year I decided to post it.

So for next time NOT second person. Or expect luke warm results.