Whatcha think....

[Guest]

The moon was almost full in the midnight blue-black sky. The stars twinkled in their distance splendor. It was a night much like any other, calm quiet and filled with the peace that so many other nights lacked or only wished to have been so described. A cool breeze blew in across the mountains and through the forests. The scent of myrrh and lavender floated upon the night as a temptation and a reminder. The lushness of the land teased the senses with its bounty of vegetation and its almost endless supply of animals both large and small.

Any thoughts...

 

[slyc_willie]

The imagery is moody and romantic, suggesting something about to happen. Some of the word choices seem a little redundant or out of place, though. "Midnight blue-black sky," for example, and "only wish to have been so described."

And maybe it's just me, but the line about animals both large and small made me think of the last scene in 'Fantasia.'

 

[Liar]

Pretty. A little bit too flowery and wordy perhaps, but it depends on what you were aiming for. Pulp romance? it's perfect. Something more "serious"? Maybe tone it down a little.

And I want to know how a night "like so many other" can in the same sentance have what "so many other nights lacked".

 

[Rumple Foreskin]

Slyc and Liar jumped on the very things I was going to mention, honest. I agree with their positive comments and suggestions. So I've just added some "maybe this instead of that" type notes. The only exception is the one about replacing DISTANCE with DISTANT.

The moon was almost full in the midnight blue-black sky. The stars twinkled in their distance(DISTANT) splendor. It was a night much like any other, calm(COMMA) quiet and filled with the peace that so many other nights lacked (JAS - OMIT THE REST OF THE SENTENCE. IT FEELS LIKE AN ANTHROPOMORPHIC POV SWITCH AND COULD CONFUSE SOME READERS.) or only wished to have been so described. (JAS: NEW PARAGRAPH) A cool breeze blew in across the mountains and through the forests. The scent of myrrh and lavender floated upon the night as a temptation and a reminder. (NICE, SUBTLE HOOK) The lushness of the land teased the senses with its bounty of vegetation and its almost endless supply of animals both large and small.

Rumple Foreskin