What would you use evil for?

[Lucifer_Carroll]

Everyone knows what they'd do with a single wish, a karmically clean one-time check from the Universe to have all one's dreams come true.

But what would you do with consequence. What would you do if you controlled the host of Hell for a day? Or if the Devil offered to buy your soul? Or if you had the power to do that one big bad thing? What would you do then?

 

[minsue]

Wipe the slate clean and start all over again?

Hmmm....I dunno, Luc, I'll have to think on it.

 

[shereads]

Those "deal with the devil" stories always lack credibility for me because they ignore this minor detail:

People who sin without repenting are able to sustain at least a degree of disbelief that there is a Hell. If Satan offered me anything I watned in exchange for my spending eternity in Hell, I'd have to consider that there's either a Hell or that Satan is disingenuous.

I can't think of anything so fabulous that it would make the prospect of eternal torture seem like a reasonable trade-off.

Who would be that short-sighted?

 

[wishfulthinking]

I'd be really really bad!

BTW, this thread made me think of that old joke, which the 1 or 2 people who haven't heard of it may find amusing


Dr. Schambaugh, of the University of Oklahoma School of Chemical Engineering, Final Exam question for May of 1997: "Is hell exothermic or endothermic? Support your answer with proof."

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, We postulate that if souls exist, then they must have some mass. If they do, then a mole of souls can also have a mass. So, at what rate are souls moving into hell and at what rate are souls leaving? I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to hell, it will not leave.

Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for souls entering hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, then you will go to hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and souls go to hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change in volume in hell. Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in hell to stay the same, the ratio of the mass of souls and volume needs to stay constant. Two options exist:

If hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter hell, then the temperature and pressure in hell will increase until all hell breaks loose.
If hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until hell freezes over.
So which is it? If we accept the quote given to me by Theresa Manyan during Freshman year, "that it will be a cold night in hell before I sleep with you" and take into account the fact that I still have NOT succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then Option 2 cannot be true...Thus, hell is exothermic."

The student, Tim Graham, got the only A.

 

[Clare Quilty]

I believe in neither devils nor hell, aside from the ones right here on the third rock from the sun. For the sake of this discussion, let us say that I'd summon he who in his house at R'lyeh lies dead but dreaming.

 

[Clare Quilty]

...and people do not belong to more than one religion...

Not true.

 

[Lucifer_Carroll]

I believe in neither devils nor hell, aside from the ones right here on the third rock from the sun. For the sake of this discussion, let us say that I'd summon he who in his house at R'lyeh lies dead but dreaming.

See sig line.

But how will you tell when he drives all of creation mad.

It's funny because the way I gleamed this topic was from a geek shirt I just got featuring that good ol' squid god with the caption "Sell your soul for a cookie?".

 

[Guest]

I also do not believe in 'the devil' or Hell (or angels and Heaven) though I appreciate them in myth and literature. I agree with CQ about their manisfestation here on earth. As for 'evil', the only thing I'd do with it is use it in story plots.

Perdita

 

[doormouse]

I'm staying clear of the Heaven/Hell issues here, but if I could control Satan for a day, I'd make sure I had a pen and paper with me!!

I'd be sure to come out with some brilliant story ideas

 

[Clare Quilty]

I also do not believe in 'the devil' or Hell (or angels and Heaven) though I appreciate them in myth and literature.

As do I.

I've always had the kernel of an idea perculating in the recesses of my mind for a novella wherein an evil spacefaring tyrant bred a race of utterly compliant semi-intelligent slaves from apes. He would eventually be thwarted in that evil enterprise by his lieutenant, who having come to feel compassion for the abject talking monkeys, would imbue them with reason and resentment of their thraldom... The Lieutenents name would be Morningstar, Lucifer Morningstar.

 

[shereads]

Who else has seen the movie, "Time Bandits?"

The kid's parents lose their souls on Satan's game show, when they risk it all for a chance at a new gourmet kitchen.

I loved that movie. Best devil ever - used plastic covers to keep things clean; questioned God's fitness to rule the universe based on the size of the avocado seed, and the existence of nipples on men.

Satan's castle, if you look closely, is made of huge black Lego blocks.

 

[Liar]

I would kick Bill O'reilly's ass. Not for any specific political agenda, just because he annoys the crap out of me.

 

[Clare Quilty]

I saw "Time Bandits" so long ago that I can't clearly remember it. I just remember some kid saying "don't touch it, it's evil." I'm going to borrow this movie from the library once I've finished Eric Rohmer's six moral tales series.

 

[Clare Quilty]

.

 

[sincerely_helene]

Forced hindsight... combined with a pinch of ten-fold should the mood strike me. Oh wait... consequence? Cancel the ten fold. I would make a really boring satan.

If I went through the effort of selling my soul, I would likely bestow eternal hemorrhoids and fat headed children upon those who really pissed me off. I'm real keene on the vengence idea, you see.

PS. Was Time Bandits the one with an evil toaster at the end of it, or was that all just a bad dream?

sin_hel

 

[ferociouskittycat]

You people are SICK I tell you... SICK!!!


Oh, shit... sorry. Wrong thread

 

[sincerely_helene]

I believe you are looking for the Bohemian Hangout (points.)

Kidding! Really! (Please don't beat me up.)

 

[SnoopDog]

Everyone knows what they'd do with a single wish, a karmically clean one-time check from the Universe to have all one's dreams come true.

But what would you do with consequence. What would you do if you controlled the host of Hell for a day? Or if the Devil offered to buy your soul? Or if you had the power to do that one big bad thing? What would you do then?

A lot of things that happened in my life made me not believe in God anymore. But I made one promise to myself. If all this crap is true and I'm going to Hell (aren't we all ?) then I'm gonna become the Devils sidekick and fight God and Heaven.

So Lucifer, let's kick some butt.

Snoopy, let the war begin.

 

[Couture]

I'm thinking the devil needs to engage in a little positive PR. I mean, Jamaica isn't very fun anymore, now that you have people following you around, wanting to braid your hair, or sell you this and sell you that.

So, here's what I'm thinking. Get a little gambling going on down there. Pump in some water. Air conditioning. Some nice roller coasters. Then get a few TV spots. "Now, the last place you wanted to spend your afterlife, will become your first. It's one big orgy down here, we like to call it, Hedonism IIII."

All you have to do is commit a few sins. Kinda easy to do, with that Thou shalt not lie or covet bit.

 

[rgraham666]

A rhetorical question as my soul isn't for sale at any price.

 

[Bandit1]

If I controlled the Hosts of Hell for a day, the succubi would get a Hell of a workout!

 

[Remec]

But what would you do with consequence. What would you do if you controlled the host of Hell for a day? Or if the Devil offered to buy your soul? Or if you had the power to do that one big bad thing? What would you do then?

Seems to me this is several different things...

1) Control of the host of Hell for a day....Well, who's going to stand up against an army of devils and demons? (Except for a handful of paranoid demonologists and perhaps the Jesuits, I mean.) So, it's simple. Enact World Peace. Even if it only lasted long enough for the weapons to be rebuilt. The Host could swarm the world and destroy all the stockpiles everywhere of gas and chemicals and germs and nukes and other things that only exist to wage war.

2) What worth is my soul? That's hard to say. I'm inclined to go with RG on this one. It's my soul, and the Devil isn't ever going to come up with a worthwhile offer for it.

3) Just one big bad thing? Well, damn...how about lots of the same bad thing? Y'know the list you have in the back of your head? (Sure you do, trust me. Everyone has a list.) I can be very stereotypically Cancerian sometimes, and the bad part of that is long memory and grudge-holding...let's just say there's several hundred people who would just up and disappear...

 

[Guest]

I make it a point to practice a little evil every day.Good for the heart.

As for one major evil deed...

Well, that would take all the fun out of it now, wouldn't it?

 

[ABSTRUSE]

I would harness the power of evil to clean my house since the mess was created by unearthly demons....my kids.

 

[TheEarl]

I can't think of anything so fabulous that it would make the prospect of eternal torture seem like a reasonable trade-off.

Who would be that short-sighted?

A gentleman named Faust springs immediately to mind.

Haven't you missed the sarky comments while I've been gone?

The Earl