What would you have done?

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

wow. that's a hard situation to be in... and regardless of WHAT you did, you're a good man for taking ANY intiative in this age of societal anonymity we seem to muddle around in from day to day.

how old would you say she was? my first guess is that she was either on the outs with parents or a boyfriend/husband/partner. did she seem relatively clean or was she unkempt? in other words, was she clearly new to being street-bound or was this a new development. was she coherent or under the influence of something... an illness or substance?

just off the top of my head, i'm seeing a lot of variables... so many variables that my inclination would have been to get the police involved. all the way 'round... for my safety, for hers, for the sake of prudent action and the best chance for complete recovery from whatever brought her there... i'd say contacting the police is a pretty clear best choice.

 

[Guest]

 

[EJFan]

Thanks for responding. I would put her age at probably 30 to 35. Her clothes were clean (although soaked). She did seem a little "rough around the edges" so to speak, but she was somewhat distraught (sp?) and she was soaked. Her toenails were all painted and I could see a couple hairbrush handles sticking out of her small handbag. She would not make eye contact. She was not crying. It was hard to tell if she was on the verge of crying.

yeah... even from what you could GUESS based on her appearance, appearances can be deceiving. there's no way to ascertain anything about this woman, even if you were to sit and talk with her for a period of time.

there's nothing wrong with helping another person. it seems like she needed SOMETHING, but who is one person to say that they know, categorically, what's needed? calling the police isn't passing judgment on her and that's what i'd do... it's safer than any other option, for all involved. if they showed up and she flatly rejected their help, then that's all you can do... if she wants assistance, then there's no better source for it.

 

[Guest]

 

[brioche]

You did more than a lot of people would have done.

Yes, you might have offered her a blanket, some dry clothes, and an umbrella. In my experience, i have to be put in these situations in order to know how to react. Next time, you probably would do at least one of those things.

You reached out to her, worried about her, brought her a coffee, and gave her a chance to talk. Don't minimize that by what you didn't do.

 

[Guest]

 

[brioche]

actually, i'm glad you mentioned umbrella because I looked for one but could not find one (there's one in the car my son was using but it wasn't here). I was gonna give her one if i could find one and i told my wife i didn't care if we didn't get it back.

Thanks for bringing that up, i feel a little better about myself now.

Good. And good for you for caring.

 

[~Sweets~]

I think you did wonders actually. You cared and showed true humanity. I think I'd do just about what you did. I hope I would have asked her in so get warm and out of the rain - hoping we'd connect female to female kind of thing. Without a doubt you did well in my opinion. You showed heart.

 

[Guest]

 

[TBKahuna123]

Hay dude, you certainly have nothing to feel bad about. The fact that you even took the initiative to approach her is telling. You put your wife first, knowing she was uncomfortable and I think you did the right thing.

Also rembmer, hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.

 

[~Sweets~]

Thanks. I just felt kind of bad afterward and wanted to get it off my chest.

I understand that kind of feeling, lingering doubts or the dreaded 'I should have'. But you did help her and what came to mind to me was that others were going to get the chance to help her too. Sort of spreading the good will around.

 

[Eilan]

hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.

That's what I was thinking. What's done is done, and I think that, like brioche said, you did more than a lot of people would have done. Kudos to you.

 

[Quoll]

Hay dude, you certainly have nothing to feel bad about. The fact that you even took the initiative to approach her is telling. You put your wife first, knowing she was uncomfortable and I think you did the right thing.

Also rembmer, hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20.

Took the words right out of my mouth.

Maybe in a perfect world you would/could have done more, but in a perfect world she wouldn't have needed you. If she had been a friend of mine, I would have been grateful for the help and care you gave her.

 

[Scepter]

So I went back to the house, and my wife made some coffee (she also locked the door to the garage...other doors were locked. I realized she was very uncomfortable)

It sounds like your wife's feelings may have played a big part, either consciously or sub-consciously, regarding your not inviting the women into your home.

You did more than most people would have done, you tried to help her in many ways, and it sounds like you did talk her into accepting the shelter.
She really wasn't in a life threatening situation, uncomfortable certainly, but not in any danger.

You did fine.

 

[wicked woman]

There's also the point that perhaps she wouldn't have felt safe/comfortable in your home. You're strangers.

Repeating the other posts...you did great, more than most...don't hit yourself up over it.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

well done, scalywag. well done indeed.

ed

 

[The Gimp]

I'd like to think that I would have done exactly what you did, which was as much as was reasonably possible under the circumstances. It's not reasonable for you to invite a stranger into your home or to give her the shirt off your back.

 

[HornyHenry]

Scalywag, I'm a little late on this, but

Your wife and yourself come first. And your concerns about you and your wife's safety were correct. You have to be careful nowadays, it's sad to say.
I might have offered to let her wait on my porch if I had one, or in the garage if that was the only covered place. Then you two would still be safe.
I think you did well to go to help one of our kind, another fellow human in distress. I wish there were more people like you in the world.
May God bless you!

AND, I don't want to make light of your post. Please don't think this is trivializing your question, but, Wouldn't this story make a great opening to a good Lit story? It reminds me of the travelling saleswoman story I've been mulling over.

 

[AMHatch]

I'm gonna go ahead and echo pretty much what everybody else has said in this thread. Scalywag, you did everything you could, and much more than what I would expect out of most people in this world.

Your wife had every reason to be unsure and uncomfortable about inviting her into your home. You never know what people will do, especially in the shocked/disoriented state that you described the women to be in.

You, sir, have earned my respect.

 

[Guest]

 

[Pyro Paul]

Since i was raised by my father who is a true gentle man, i would walk out, see why she was there ask the whole 20 questions (are you waiting? why are you here? can i help?) if she answered no, id go back to the house, get a trench coat, and an umbrella, walk out drape the coat around her pop the umbrella and put it in her hand and say, "if you need anything, my house is dry and warm and you are more than welcome to stay untill the storm passes" then leave her be.

"Some times its best to let people think, but offering a comforting path to them helps them a lot. even if they dont take it, the knowledge that it is there is enough for most." to quote my father and grandfather.

 

[eudaemonia]

Lovely post, Pyro Paul. You sound every bit as worthy of the title of 'gentleman' as the men before you.

btw, any more like you at home?

 

[Batman4ever71]

Scalywag ~ IMHO, you did the very best you could under the circumstances. You offered her practically everything you had to comfort and help her.

In this day and age you have to be leary of strangers, whether they look as though they are decent people. I think that your unconcious desire to keep your wife and family safe and secure shows that you are a good husband and father. Being as over helpful as I usually am, I might have invited her into the garage until the help you called arrived. Again to echo an earlier post, "Hindsight is 20/20". Instead of beating yourself up over what you could have done, reflect on what you did do.

In today's society of people not being willing to help those they see in need, you did more than most, if not all of your community would have done. You, sir are the epitomy of what a true humanitarian should be. You should be praised for what you did, both in respect of helping the lady in the cemetary amd in the way you protected yourself and your family. If I knew nothing else about you, this alone would place you in a category of person deserving of a great deal of respect. You have mine!!!

Best Wishes,
Batman