What would you do with this line?

[SweetWitch]

The smoky sound of his voice enveloped her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounded her.

What I did with it is not very good. I killed the story, in fact. It would be interesting to see what someone else does.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

What I did with it is not very good. I killed the story, in fact. It would be interesting to see what someone else does.

Just to clarify, do you mean what would you do with it after? As in continue the paragraph? Or do you mean for a story as a whole?

 

[SweetWitch]

Just to clarify, do you mean what would you do with it after? As in continue the paragraph? Or do you mean for a story as a whole?

Any thoughts, really. What kind of story does it bring to mind? Where would it carry you?

 

[TxRad]

Any thoughts, really. What kind of story does it bring to mind? Where would it carry you?

Forest firefighter meets sweet young thing in the dark, lost in the woods.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

Any thoughts, really. What kind of story does it bring to mind? Where would it carry you?

My first thought was of her being smothered, by his presence, by the woods, everything pressing in, closer and closer. The sense of needing to get away, but being trapped. The seduction is false, which makes whatever he plans false as well. There is a creeping darkness of such overwhelming power it steals away the touch of allure he holds and makes her afraid.

Only he can save her, only he can protect her. He must somehow regain her trust past the mind numbing fear. Either that or leave her to die.


Yes, there is something wrong with my head. Can't write pure romance, must add some kind of fantasy.

I'm sure however you worked it was better. That was kinda fun though!

 

[lance gt]

I get the feeling of a camping/hiking story. She's alone and meets him in the woods while hiking. He's the kind of guy she thinks of and his voice just does it for her.

 

[CrimsonMaiden]

Am I the only one who is seeing the Big Bad Wolf and Little Red Riding Hood? lol (or maybe red and the woodsman)

 

[TE999]

What I did with it is not very good. I killed the story, in fact. It would be interesting to see what someone else does.

I'm getting an undertone of terror. She's been running from him and now he has her cornered. He's talking to her in a soothing, seductive, rational manner, yet she knows he'll kill her if she doesn't escape...or fight.

 

[SweetWitch]

In my story, he's the god of thunder, Summanus, and she's a young wood sprite. She's been warned to stay out of the forest at night, because everyone knows a wood sprite should only travel in daylight.

but his name is a lie and his true identity is obscure. He's a demon bent on taking her innocence.

 

[TE999]

In my story, he's the god of thunder, Summanus, and she's a young wood sprite. She's been warned to stay out of the forest at night, because everyone knows a wood sprite should only travel in daylight.

but his name is a lie and his true identity is obscure. He's a demon bent on taking her innocence.

Well, I was close.

 

[Bianca_Sommerland]

In my story, he's the god of thunder, Summanus, and she's a young wood sprite. She's been warned to stay out of the forest at night, because everyone knows a wood sprite should only travel in daylight.

but his name is a lie and his true identity is obscure. He's a demon bent on taking her innocence.

That sounds awesome. When can I read it?

 

[voluptuary_manque]

I'm having a hard time with "seductive woods". Everything else is choice but I can't imagine how the woods could be seductive. That might just be the problem right there. Or not, of course.

 

[SweetWitch]

That sounds awesome. When can I read it?

It's dead, never finished. I got bored with it, which usually means the story sucks.

I'm having a hard time with "seductive woods". Everything else is choice but I can't imagine how the woods could be seductive. That might just be the problem right there. Or not, of course.

Are you serious? You, the great bwana, not suduced by the woods? Imagine it, on a summer night, with the wild honeysuckle in bloom. A night bird is calling out his lonesome song, the tree frogs are croaking and bits and pieces of moonlight filter through the trees. The air is balmy and heady with the perfume of summer blossoms. The stage is set. The mood is right. All that's missing is a mysterious lover.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

It's dead, never finished. I got bored with it, which usually means the story sucks.



Are you serious? You, the great bwana, not suduced by the woods? Imagine it, on a summer night, with the wild honeysuckle in bloom. A night bird is calling out his lonesome song, the tree frogs are croaking and bits and pieces of moonlight filter through the trees. The air is balmy and heady with the perfume of summer blossoms. The stage is set. The mood is right. All that's missing is a mysterious lover.

And then the sound of hounds belling in the distance. The hair on the neck stands straight out, the blood pressure rises in response to the adrenaline jolt and in long, ground-devouring strides we join the chase.

Oh, there was a lover back there? Sorry, I got carried away. Hound music does that to me.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Summer is for the lake. The Woods are for October and the hunter's moon.

 

[Dragonlipz]

What I did with it is not very good. I killed the story, in fact. It would be interesting to see what someone else does.

"The smoky sound of his voice enveloped her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounded her."

I'll work on rewriting it, but I'm smokin' a bird in the morning, in the rain......

I'll try to stay away from the hound music....very distracting........

 

[Stella_Omega]

What I did with it is not very good. I killed the story, in fact. It would be interesting to see what someone else does.

The smoky sound of his voice enveloped her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounded her.

I'm thinking she went out into the woods looking to get laid.

Who did she meet? What did he tell her, in that smokey voice?

 

[SweetWitch]

The smoky sound of his voice enveloped her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounded her.

I'm thinking she went out into the woods looking to get laid.

Who did she meet? What did he tell her, in that smokey voice?

The line came to me one day when I was in the woods on Dad's farm. I thought it was a cool line, but the story didn't play out right.

 

[Daniellekitten]

Maybe I'm just in the mind sex, but seductive woods takes me to werewolves and innocent young girls about to get that innocence ripped away by claws, cock and fangs. You know, full moon, dappled shadows painted on heaving breasts, eyes glowing from the dark and a soft growling, growing ever louder as she tries to flee.

 

[SweetWitch]

Maybe I'm just in the mind sex, but seductive woods takes me to werewolves and innocent young girls about to get that innocence ripped away by claws, cock and fangs. You know, full moon, dappled shadows painted on heaving breasts, eyes glowing from the dark and a soft growling, growing ever louder as she tries to flee.

Dani! Long time. This is the spirit of the line. Great thoughts.

 

[voluptuary_manque]

Leave it to Dani to put things on the right track. Now we can have sex and baying hounds/wolves in the same scene. I like it! Hounds are pretty primitive-minded kinds of dogs. It would give a right twist for the hapless maiden to be run down by a pack of hounds and then, instead of being ravished by the rednecks she thinks were following, the hounds themselves do the ravishing in human form. Interesting!

 

[Stella_Omega]

The line came to me one day when I was in the woods on Dad's farm. I thought it was a cool line, but the story didn't play out right.

The Goat god Pan was calling her.

She picked up some Two Buck Chuck, and a pack of Marlboro longs, which she knew he liked. She made sure her diaphragm was in place and went to the little clearing, and watched the light slant and fade during the long summer evening. The warm darkness seduced her into pulling her light dress over her head.

"I hope you brought me that red merlot wine, girl," Pan's smokey voice enveloped her with promises; She turned her head to look at him in the firefly light, up at his long grinning face, the twisting horns shimmering against the deep blue sky...

 

[yui]

What I did with it is not very good. I killed the story, in fact. It would be interesting to see what someone else does.

The smoky sound of his voice enveloped her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounded her.
He was warmth and light and the animal in me twisted and squirmed and pushed to the fore. He was woods and smoke and pine nuts and sea salt. I could taste him in my mouth and I could taste him in my soul. I wanted. All the darkness, all the heat. I wanted. The animal in me, the part that that only needed, the part that wanted, battled the part of me that believed in happily after after. But the taste. God, the taste of him. The taste of him and the smoke in his vioce and I was lost. Even found, I was so fucking lost.

 

[penandpaper]

It may, or rather it is cliche of me, but it reminds me of a line I would read from my wife's Meyer or Hamilton books.

Perhaps, if you take the sentence apart; say focus on smoky voice, and turn it on its head. Maybe it'll give you some inspiration. For example, a smoky voice may indicate one that appears or reappears, or one that is very light in tone. Not necessarily feminine, but soft with a sense of urgency. I know they're contradictions, but smoke should, after all, send alarm signals to our brain. Yet it can be carried away by such a small whisp of wind.

Just my 2 cents. Happy turkey day everyone.

 

[DeeZire]

The smoky sound of his voice enveloped her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounded her.

Obviously, it belongs in Loving Wives. Two couples are on a camping trip, with adjacent camp sites. Wife and wife's friend's husband are hiking down to the bathroom. This would be after sitting around the campfire telling silly ghost stories and drinking wine. She slips on the trail and he catches her, his arm around her waist, his hand snaking accidentally up under her left boob. It's an awkward moment, transformed forever when the smoky sound of his voice envelopes her like the darkness of the seductive woods that surrounds her.

"Sorry," he says, his hand firmly clamped onto her grapefruit tit.

"Don't stop," she hisses, grabbing his other hand and plunging it down inside her sweatpants.

"But what about my wife?" he gasps, his fingertips suddenly wet.

"Your wife's a fat skank," she snaps, shoving his fingers deeper inside her. "She's gained, like what, forty pounds since you got married? Look at these tits! Look at this ass! You know you want it." She shoves her sweatpants down to her knees with one hand while squirming out of her T-shirt with the other.

He lets go of her tit and grabs his flashlight out of his pocket so he can make in informed decision.

(On a completely unrelated note, I'm really disappointed LIT has no "Hack Writing" category, where I would feel most at home as a contributer.)