What Was Your Sexual Timeline?

[DVS]

What was your sexual timeline? How did you become aware of your sexual tendencies in life? Not just the basic "I now enjoy the opposite sex" as in coming of age, but more the sexual self inside of you...how it developed into who you are today. And, when were you first aware of the more kinky you?

As an example, I developed my kinky side early in life. But, although I enjoyed certain things early on, I didn't know why and I didn't know they were kinky. And, as time went by, I found out more about things and understood names for what I enjoyed.

Age 8 or so - first felt sexual feelings and thoughts about the opposite sex. Although I didn't know why I enjoyed it, my first erections were confusing, though enjoyable. Erections felt good to touch, but I didn't have the developed skills to understand much else.

By age 10 - had developed sexual thoughts of bondage and knew I enjoyed it. Got erections and knew my thoughts were causing the erections. I didn't know why, but my mind didn't go that far as to develop a reason. I was just interested in tuning into the thoughts of bondage and spanking because of how they made me feel. I didn't think of it as sexual, although I did seem to know it was something I should keep to myself. Again, I didn't think about why.

By this time I had experienced my first ejaculation. Before, I hadn't developed a visual scenario that went far enough. But, I was finally putting 2 and 2 together and the first time was like an out of body experience. At first I didn't know what had happened, but I did know it was from a combination of the feelings I had been having about bondage and the female body. As I had more of these eruptions, I decided it was a good thing, although I still had no name for what I was doing or what it all meant.

By age 12 - I had developed a certain understanding of what I enjoyed, but still didn't know why. Summers brought a lot of idle time and I soon took advantage of it. I still didn't consider it sexual, but I knew I enjoyed the idea of bondage and an infatuation with the female body...always with the female ass. I experimented this with two neighborhood girls. With one only once, because I was so enamored with the experiment that I took no precautions.

My mother and her mother were in our kitchen talking and we were only a few rooms away, in what was called our TV room, behind the couch. The girl was laying on her stomach...her dress pulled up...and I was putting different sized toy balls into the back of her panties. I don't know what I was going for, except I enjoyed the contact and visual experience.

I think it might have progressed to the point her panties would come down, if I had enough toys to weigh them down. Kids...what causes their thoughts? LOL. Anyway, at that point in time, our mothers found us and so that little scene didn't materialize any further.

I don't remember any punishment that resulted, nor do I even remember any acknowledgement from either mother. As far as I know, nothing was ever said and it was probably kept hush-hush, in the hopes the thoughts would go away in time. After all, this was around 1961, I'd guess.

Well, the thoughts didn't go away. I was getting more and more into the bondage enjoyment and the infatuation for the female behind was turning into a spanking enjoyment. I experimented with another neighbor girl who was more experimental than the first girl was. The first girl was just a passive participant. She allowed me to play as I wanted, but she didn't really participate. This second girl was as inquisitive as I was about things, so our shared development progressed at a faster rate.

We still didn't understand why we enjoyed these things, and we didn't consider them sexual. We didn't even know what sexual meant. But, we knew we enjoyed each other's nakedness to a point and we did the "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" early on. I think it was an affection attraction, because we had no sexual contact.

Kissing was what she wanted to do and in turn she allowed me to tie her hands. She also allowed me to sometimes spank her. I also enjoyed putting things into her panties, like I did with the first girl. But, with the second girl, I had soon put the bondage and spanking together.

None of it was very heated as spanking and bondage is seen in a real BDSM relationship. It was mostly very light patting on her ass while she was on her stomach, or while she was over my lap. I enjoyed pulling her panties down and revealing her perfectly shaped ass. We played mostly in another neighbor's camper that was always in their back yard. For lack of a better name, we called it playing house.

Strangely, nothing was ever said during those times. We both kept silent during our play. I guess we were both just enjoying the moment, and still trying to understand why we enjoyed it. We never discussed why we liked it. I don't know why, except maybe we were just too young to have such an understanding. Just the primary feelings of enjoyment were all we were concerned with.

At first, I think I was just trading kisses to her, so she would allow me to spank her. But, I later found out she also enjoyed my touching her ass. Her grandmother had a pasture and barn a small walk away, and we sometimes took our play to the barn or a small shed near by. The scenario was always kissing and then pulling her pants down. Kissing and the tying of her wrists were introduced and spanking introduced soon after. By the time one summer was ending, we were spending a lot of time together in private.

I don't know what stopped us from continuing. Maybe we grew apart somehow. I don't remember. I know we continued through high school together, but neither of us ever said anything about our early years of experimentation. To this day, I wish I'd said something. I often think of her and wonder if she's happy. Ah...puppy love.

By my teen years, I was much further along in my understanding than any of the girls I dated. By this time, I knew what I had been feeling was sexual. I also knew about bondage and spanking as a fetish. But, I was seen as a pervert, if I even brought up spanking or tying the wrists of girls I dated. I soon learned to keep these things to myself, because I lived in a small town of fewer than 2,000. Everybody knew everybody. Getting labeled a pervert wasn't on my to do list. Pervert was a bad thing, back then.

My 20s were not much different, but things slowly get better as I moved to the big city. More women allowed me to spank them, but bondage was still not in favor. I could hold their wrists behind their backs, but that wasn't the same. I did experience my first threesome, though. Although it was great, it lacked any bondage or spanking which was quickly becoming all I wanted.

As my 30s progressed, I met more and more kinky women. But, we mostly just played together, and I didn't have any steady girls. I had a long sexual relationship with two women I worked with. They approached me to join them in their own kinky fun. We would spend lunch in one's apartment, directly across from work. Very convenient, I must say. And, they would come to my apartment after an evening of drinking for kinky sex.

One of them enjoyed having her wrists bound behind her back with an old pair of panty hose. She said she enjoyed not being able to get away. "PERK" Oh...right up my alley. They were both bisexual and would play dominant and submissive games where one tie the other's hands behind her back and then "make" her do little sexy things.

When they added me to the game, I had my own ideas to add, and we were soon taking turns spanking this woman while her hands were tied. Only oral sex happened between us then, but eventually I started dating one of them. She wasn't the one who liked having her hands tied, but I liked her passion. But, she didn't like anal sex and by that time, I was heavy into that.

She introduced me to her little sister. We had a lot of fun, but there were tough times during that relationship. Her father died of cancer, and her brother was killed in an apartment fire. She introverted into herself for a while. And, before long, her mother was remarried and strange things happen...her mother and stepfather introduced his son to her. Last I heard, she was going to marry her stepbrother.

I've learned a lot about BDSM sex and what I enjoy over the last twenty years. I'm mostly a people watcher and I study people during different life experiences. I like to know what makes people tick. That has also helped me to understand facial expressions and some body language, but strictly from a layman's point of view.

Still, I've become more and more aware of what I like and how to experience that. I've come to know so much about what I like that I find anything else to be somewhat wasting my time. I guess I've been sometimes seen as a ""know it all" by some people, but when you cultivate something down to almost a science, you tend to know what you like. Trust me, I've cultivated.

Now that I'm in my mid 50s, I feel very secure in what I like and what I can do for a female partner. I'm very aware of my ability and what I can do to make or help a partner experience great pleasure. But, I know all of this is just talk, until someone accepts my offer. I've had my share of acceptance, and there are interesting stories behind my two most recent submissive partners. But, I'll save those for a later day.

Now, it's up to the rest of you to give your timeline for your own understanding of sex, kinky or otherwise, as you learned and experienced through life. Come on, now. We're all friends. There's no need to be embarrassed. I put my life out there for you to read. Now it's your turn.

As a little special favor, please don't quote someone's timeline post, so if they want to come back and edit it later, they can. Thank you.

 

[CutieMouse]

Interesting thread idea, DVS... I need to think a bit about what my timeline is, and how much I'm willing to share about it...

 

[cobblestonefog]

When I was five, I first started being interested in boys. I had a few boyfriends in preschool and kindergarten and throughout grade school. Oh, fun. But I did not have any thoughts about boys outside of 'He's so cute *swoon*!'
In seventh grade I saw my first porno. Er, about ten minutes of it. I actually thought it was pretty funny and sat and giggled at it.
At fourteen, I started being fixated on making out and I became rather preoccupied with thoughts of kissing and groping. I had my fair share of this and preferred it when the boy was rough. I didn't go any farther than kissing and groping type things, though. It was during middle school that I learned how to masturbate and make myself orgasm.
In ninth grade, at fifteen, I developed my first realized crush on a girl. It was around this time that I started playing with the internet a lot and I discovered a few BDSM websites and became interested in it. I did a lot of researched and experimented with spanking and being tied down by boyfriends and girlfriends throughout high school (very silly and experimental. Neither parties took it very seriously, but this helped me fully realize my submissive nature.). It was during high school that I gave my first blow job, ate out my first girl and had sex. The first blow job I ever gave hooked me and now one of my favorite things is oral worship. I have yet to serve a true Master and participate in a seriously dominant/submissive relationship.
I am now eighteen and that is the extent of my experience!
(Hope this doesn’t interfere with you guys taking me seriously!)

 

[firefly03k64]

sex ed

Wow...interesting story DVS. And kinda hot.

Mine starts about 5 years of age, when I remember having a girl friend I wanted to play pretend with. I always wanted to be the kidnapped and tied up girl...

The only thing I can remember about liking bondage at a young age is I thought it was pretty. I had seen an episode of Gilligans Island where Ginger was chained with her wrists over her head and struggling, whining a bit. For whatever reason that image was beautiful and powerful to me. I was 5 or 6 at the time.

In fifth grade I tried to make my own dildo out of clay...<lol> didn't work and I didn't really know what to do with it anyway. I just knew I got a really tickly good feeling in my low tummy when my sis and I would play house and lay on top of each other.

In my early teens I was fortunate to meet a boy who shared a healthy, kinky attitude about sex. It seemed to happen quite naturally. He and I played a lot of role play stuff and bondage, spanking, name calling..etc....

So that was fun. And then when we stopped dating it seemed like if I even brought up blindfolding to a guy I was weird. I started repressing it, my desire to be kinky. I never should have done that. These younger girls and guys today, I think are fortunate to have this online community where they know they're not weird at all, or alone.

Anywho, plenty of fun "vanilla" sex and satisfying to a point. But, nothing about vanilla sex makes me feel as wonderfully alive as a good scene can.

I thought as I got into my mid twenties maybe I just went throught a phase in my teens and maybe it was this old boyfriend I missed and not the D/s stuff.

I came to realize in my late twenties it wasn't a phase(not even close) and I could again embrace this part of myself and share it with others. But, that was a very slow process...it eventually led me to Lit. Yea! (love you guys...even if I'm a lurker most of the time.)

 

[FurryFury]

My expanded time line is something like this:

? Not sure of an age here but my play with Barbie had to do with sex, bondage, humiliation and poly. I do not remember ever wondering if I was attracted to men or women.

I did upset a male friend of my Dad's because he objected to my Barbie play and me sitting on his lap. Really, I was very innocent and didn't understand what was wrong with any of that.

My Dad used to have my massage his back by walking on it.

I caught my grandparents doing it but didn't understand what it was they seemed so upset about, and later found quite a collection of toys and such.

I thought people got pregnant from kissing, though I'd been taught about eggs and sperm.

12-ish Sometime around this age I started visiting my grandparents for two weeks every summer. They were MUCH more permissive and absent than my parents. It was wonderful.

I was allowed to go to sleep overs and have them. During which I learned how to masturbate with the bathtub facet. My gf told me. More may have gone on with her but I don't remember it.

A boy next door to my grandparents and I would play little non sexual on the surface of it power games.

I was grabbed, threatened and molested (no penetration though) by two adults that summer.

Back at home I had fantasies while masturbating about being gang raped by nasty dirty nazis and secretly enjoying it when one was Yul Bryner from the movie The Journey (1956) he wasn't dirty btw.

14 ish I found Dad's magazines and porn books. I enjoyed them. I had learned how to masturbate without the facet. Self taught, aren't I clever. I masturbated to Dad's stuff or cosmo stories. I had dreams of being fucked but the men were almost always faceless.

I began to think about dating.

A male friend of mine asked me of defecating didn't feel somewhat like sex to me. I was a bit appalled and grossed out and said no.

I was sent home for wearing something "too revealing" at school.

I learned about periods and also heard what sex really was in gym from the girls but they got it wrong.

16-not getting laid was important despite the fact I really wanted to experience sex. In fact, I'd readily tell my grandparent to thier aparent delight that I couldn't wait to make up for lost time once I was married.

Therefore I'd have drunk times, alone times with men at least twice my age and so forth, leaving myself vulnerable while in some ways holding the trump card.

I did everything I could think of but have intercourse. (Anal sex never occurred to me.)

The one guy I seriously dated held me down and penetrated me with his finger. I don't know what would have happened if my mom hadn't come home about then. This terrified me but I didn't really understand that it was wrong and was willing to keep seeing him until he refused to speak to me thereafter. Seeing his reaction at school made me feel ashamed.

18 Dated a guy twice my age who supplied my Dad with drugs from time to time. "Rents didn't know. He asked me to marry him.

19 Dated lots of guys. Generally drank a LOT. Did everything but intercourse.

One guy put his finger up my ass while petting on a first date. I practically levitated off of his finger. I left immediately.

21-got raped but didn't recognize it as such in my own mind. I justified it for him. I felt I would be "evil" if sex had occurred and I wasn't at least in love. The sin could in fact, be expunged. at least in part, if we married.

Meanwhile he dumped me twice during which I had sex with two other men. After two years we married. I was convinced he was a great guy and that we were in love.

What he was as it turned out, was a controlling jerk. A jerk because I did not agree to his control. He systematically tried to break me down in every way he could. I still craved sex, even though with him it was never consensually done. This confused me a great deal.

30-Pregnant, abused for a decade and walked out on, I was sure I'd be alone for at least three years. To my surprise a good half dozen people came out of the woodwork wanting to be with me but only one knew what it took.

At this time I was a walking hormone but couldn't come at all.

35-Two pregnancies behind me, I was still feeling guilty for my "bad" thoughts. I was also closed off sexually in several areas due to abuse from my first husband. My second husband put up with all this and a raging sex drive I could come now thank heavens. This sex drive raged in part from my insecurities, as it always has.

42-Begin online gaming. Turns into cyber. Leads me to explore what Power Exchange is. Ramps up sex drive into the stratosphere.

Finally accepted my kinky desires. Became sexually, totally open, to my husband. Worried about missed opportunities and lack of time. Began to see all people as sexually attractive in some way. Began to be interested in females. Had my first online Dom. Went to my first local BDSM events.

Late bloomer much?

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Good lord, DVS… so many years to remember… LOL!

I know I started spanking available female bottoms pre-school. Got the belt to my rear for that a few times. Seems my mother didn’t approve of me having my little girl friends droppin’ their britches so I could spank them.

Kept that up through elementary and junior high, but a lot fewer bare bottoms and more “spur of the moment” kind of stuff… just a swat here and there. <Sigh>

Early high school years (14), got into my first knowingly sexual consensual spanking relationship. It started out with a punishment spanking, because she pissed me off about something – we weren’t even dating or going out. When it was all over, she left for home turning every 5th step or so to cuss me out with every word she knew. A week or so later as I walked by her house, she was on the porch and asked me if I wanted to come in for a drink (Coke, etc. – no booze ). I cautiously said yes and went inside. We were hardly inside the door before she asked if I remembered what I’d done to her the week before. I looked around to see if she had a big brother or boyfriend hiding behind the door before I answered yes… and my jaw hit the floor when she said, “Wanna do it again?” Her shorts hit the floor, her tummy plopped across my thighs, and we had a great summer, doing “everything but” with spanking as an integral part of every meeting… unfortunately, at the end of the summer, she moved away, and I was partnerless.

I knew then that I liked spanking bottoms – preferably bare bottoms – and other similar things, including bringing a compliant female to orgasm after orgasm until she was gasping for breath and begging me to stop… and then bringing a few more. However, I didn’t find a partner that liked “that sort of thing” for another seven years – my first wife. She wasn’t really submissive, but she loved getting a broad leather belt across her ass, and would cum as soon as she was touched or penetrated, vaginally or anally after being spanked with it, and multiple times thereafter. For other reasons, we split after ten years.

So basically, I’ve always been into spanking a nice round female bottom to a glorious bright pink or red in association with sexual activities – and have merely refined my interests to include toys and tears and trembling…

 

[catalina_francisco]

'Tis late so I may have to come back and add things once I am more awake.

Around 5-6yo, maybe a little earlier, I remember having desires to be tied up, made helpless, and have at that stage undefined things done to me which I did not know what they were, but had the sexual feelings that came with such thoughts and dreams. In an effort to get rid of the frustration, and likely to explore a little as well, I began using my nightwear to tie myself up naked in bed at night which I think ended when my mother discovered me in such a state one night and I had to play dumb and say I must have been having a nightmare and somehow lost my clothes and gotten tangled up in them. I can't believe she bought it!!

Started school and had a healthy interest in boys, but also found there was a nagging interest in girls which I didn't fully understand but which lead me to be fascinated by the bad girls people talked in whispers about, and also lead to some sexual experiementation in the girls toilets with another girl when we were around 7-8yo. Also I seemed to attract kinky boys, one in particular who used to follow me home begging me to show him things I wasn't supposed to though I didn't know why, and he also had a GS fetish I expect as he waited on the bridge over the creek one afternoon and whipped out his cock and pissed proudly in front of me off the bridge and wanted me to do a similar thing for him to watch. I was more concerned about getting caught so walked home very quickly and said nothing to anyone..he kept begging. I also had a boy who used to love to sit across from me during lunch break and have his legs up in such a way his shorts fell open to reveal all he had...and I was fascinated but tried not to show it, but of course my eyes were riveted.

Sexual experimentation and exposure came to an end around 10 when we moved to the big city and I found kids there were much different and certainly not friendly enough to even raise such subjects, or at least I didn't feel I knew them well enough to trust them with such topics.

Started high school and found my sexual desires and curiosity on the rise to the point it was no longer totally controlled by me as it had been the past 3-4 years. I developed a crush on a couple of female friends, even began making moves on one until she made it clear she was not into girls, though she still was not sure that was what I was moving toward, and due to no knowledge this was even possible, nor did I. That sort of ended my into girls phase for quite a few years. Confusion was bad, and I attempted to bury it as best I could and hope it all went away. Didn't get any sex education from my parents as they relied on the very vague sex ed school night to do it for them...it didn't.

Around 13 I also began weekend trips to the city on my own and began to find interesting characters of the male variety. First boyfriend was Aboriginal, definately a no-no in those days, and I made it worse by taking him to the school fete. LOL, we did lots of kissing and fondling but somewhere in my head I was smart enough not to do anything more, mostly because he kept on about his first love and how he still loved her so I figured it wasn't going to last...it didn't, I dropped him eventually. At around the same age and on a visit back to our hometown, my mother left me alone with an uncle she knew to have molested or tried to molest every female in the family including his own daughter....hmmm, my mother is strange about these things in a way it is almost like denial it could happen. Most i remember was waking up to him rubbing his hand between my legs, it feeling good, but instinct telling me this was not a good thing to be happening so I rolled over and prettended to be still asleep and then someone came in the house so he left quickly. He had a couple of other attempts over the next couple of years, but was never able to get anywhere as someone else was always around..it did start a whole new set of sexual fantasies for me though which carried through into my late 30's at least and I often regret it didn't go further even though he was not an attractive man in a physical sense...think I always knew he could have taught me lots, and from events later it turned out I was probably not far wrong.

Around 14 I began getting involved with older boys in the school who I discovered had a perfect hideaway under the science block, and where I used to go and join them in their escapes. I did the foolish thing of offering my virginity to one of them in desperation to find out what was going on with me that I didn't understand. His maturity compared to the other guys made me feel safe with him, and true to form he gently explained he couldn't accept as he had a girl friend and wouldn't like to hurt her if she found out. On weekends I used to go skating with friends and it was there I met 2 guys who had an influence on furthering my knowledge of all things sexual. One was a cute Burmese guy who was about 6 years older and working, and who took an interest in me for awhile. He turned out to be flaky in many ways so it didn't go further but we stayed friends for decades. The other guy was a friend of my friend's sister and in his early 20's. I must have had some sort of guardian angel as be was a biker with a reputation I discovered much later, and one day actually let on he thought I was cool. A few weeks later while the rest were skating he offered me a ride on the back of his motorcycle which in my innocence I jumped at on the promise we would be back in time for me to get the bus home with everyone else...he agreed. That was the most eye opening afternoon to date as he took me to his place, stripped naked, stripped me naked and took me to bed...though I was still jumpy about getting pregnant and such so we didn't actually get rid of my virginity but did a hell of a lot else just short of it including almost penetration. I think I was in a daze for weeks after that just processing all of it, replaying every moment and sensation, but still way too niave to know enough about what it was I was wanting.

At 15 I left school early when I was unexpectedly offered a job. I met a guy while out with friends on a Saturday night and I have to say the minute our eyes met I was gone. I was by that time on the pill for female problems but still a virgin. My closest friend thought it her duty to tell him this bit of information as she knew he had been using the 'if you really loved me you would have sex with me line' for a couple of months so once he knew about the pill the pressure increased until I decided 5-6 months into the relationship it was the right time, right person, and did it under my parents house while they were upstairs watching TV. Hmm, well that was sort of a mistake as he was only too willing but then told me he was disappointed in me because he had me on a pedestal and I was not supposed to give in to him and by doing so I had fallen off his pedestal. That relationship was on and off for a couple of years until the day he was killed on his way to tell me he realised he was an idiot and wanted to get engaged. Fate huh. I also began to lead a bit of a double life which found me scooped up by an older university educated group wiith a good spattering of psychics and poets who held candle lit evenings of poetry reading in old houses filled with incense. LOL, my mother was more concerned with my hanging with this group who never even approached me sexually than the younger, wilder firends who would do whatever they could to get me into bed.

During those off times I also became involved with another Aboriginal man who turned out to be a cousin of the one from when I was 13. He at one point defended my honour with the virgin snatcher and threw him down a flight of stairs...men!! He was my most steady relationship around the age of 16-17, though was also on and off, but we ended up in the sack and explored a lot together. I also began having a lot of one night stands, sometimes not even bothering to get names, and also had changed jobs and was being pursued by the boss but ended up sleeping with one of his friends who I was not aware until much later was married. Once I found that out, he got booted. Of course he had a pure reputation with all the women in the company who described him as the only man they knew who would not and never had cheated on his wife...I wasn't about to blow that out of the water. I also began to invest money in porn and a lovely book with pictures about various ways to masturbate which my mother found and I never saw again.

Also around 16 I met a guy from NZ who was from a strict religious background but had joined the army to escape from. LOL, he began my real sex education managing to first show me the hugest cock I have ever seen, and then getting me into oral and anal sex almost immediately and which I took to like a duck to water. Unfortunately our great sex life came to a halt because he couldn't leave his puritanical backgournd behind and blamed me for misleading him, told me how evil I was for enjoying sex, and ran back to NZ to his parents and the church. I had met one of his friends who I absolutely loathed and which surprised my mother when I told her as I didn't dislike anyone as a rule. LOL, he came to my rescue when the other one ran home and surprisingly we took up from there and ended up engaged. I was far too young and he had far too many problems in his head to sort out so he ran out and back to his parents interstate shortly before the wedding. I moved out of home and into my own place alone and decided life was going to change.

It did for awhile and I dated a few men, went back to one night stands occasionally then ran into my Aboriginal lover again one night and somehow ended up letting him move in with me. My family were scandalised, sex was good, but still something was missing. It didn't last and he left and got a virgin pregnant. Around 21 my former fiance returned and wanted me back and even though he had asked to come back several times during the past couple of years, until then I had turned him down. Think I was bored and wondering what I was missing when I went to meet him and ended up resuming the relationship....what was I to do, he was in black leather from head to foot?!! We were to live together but my mother threw a fit so he said we had to get married instead...and I went along with it despite having serious concerns it would not work. The first few years were good as we were both spontaneous and heavily into motorcycles, spending most of our spare time riding and attending rallies and meets. Sex was OK as well with a bit of bondage but nothing outstanding, but at least he knew how to give a woman an orgasm and had a good libido. Then came children and he descended into alcoholism which had been there before but because of my background, I hadn't seen. By 29 I was divorced and footloose and fancy free.

My first sexual experience after that was a gift from my best friend, her younger brother who I raped on my doorstep...hey, he was willing and stuck around a long time until his family got worried he might marry me. I used that time to explore my sexuality more, took charge more often than not as he was just 20 and despite being built like a Greek god and movie star looks, he had not had very experienced or adventurous partners. That ended and I began looking elsewhere. During that period I also had a penpal who wanted to move to Oz to be my sex slave...he was sexy and very kinky (into GS, SM, and a few other things), but I wasn't ready for that and still somehow didn't manage to make the connection this was a lifestyle choice available. I also discovered during this stage of my life that my gyno had been harbouring lustful thoughts for me for years, and we had a short affair on and off which turned out to be a waste of time.

I had a few affairs, no more one night stands, but still felt something was missing. During one of the longest relationships I had a 3some with my partner and another girl, an exotic dancer. It was fun, but she was going through some problems so it wasn't going anywhere. Tried to arrange during those times to try a MMF 3somes too but on each occasion one of the males got cold feet and backed out. Nearly married an American, but he was too sexually uptight for me so I cancelled and we are still friends.

Then I went back to my education in my mid 30's and began a new career and discovered computers and the net. I met someone online in my late 30's who turned out to be a DOm and who awakened me to what it was I was missing in my life. LOL, I had a dog eared copy of The Story Of O I had owned and read several times since I was 17 or 18, but didn't know people really did those things in real life so had been keeping them for my fantasies to get off on. I realised I could never in all those years orgasm without fantasising on some level about D/s and SM themed settings where I was the submissive one. He guided me to explore this side of who I was, helped me find people I could trust to play with and explore my pain threshold, and eventually gave his blessing to F and I for our future together as M/s at the ripe old age of 44. From there it has finally been answered what I was feeling was missing all those years of exploration that left me wanting more.

Catalina

 

[skittles_lm]

Awesome thread...

I was 6 or 7? the first time I kissed a girl. I had been masturbating for over a year by then. it just felt really good, so i did it.

If you want to get clinical about it, I was raped by a friend at 13 (I was a virgin before that) and never got any real attention from my dad. so, lots of sex, lots of older guys. Lots of girls too. Hmmm, just lots of sex. I was probably getting attention the only way i knew how.

I always knew I liked pain, except I never thought of it just that way. I'm the kind of girl that will bite down on a toothache or press on my bruises, pierce myself for kicks...kid stuff. When I got to high school, things got kinky. We played Fire and Ice, cut each other and licked each others cuts, we had riding crops and all kinds of other toys... and i was always volunteering to be the one getting beat. *shrug* more fun with an audience, right?

15 years old~I also had a gf who I now know was my first Domme. We didn't know the word back then, but that's exactly what she was. She would play teacher to my student, make me follow her around campus on a leash (we were gothic and freaky in a small town, so you can imagine, right?), make me eat her out in public places to see if we would get caught, tie me up... yeah.

She was great.

19 yrs old~then i got out of high school, got married, and lived totally vanilla for 6 years. ugh. I tried to tell him to spank me once, and he said i needed counselling. What was I thinking, marrying someone so unlike me? i don't know. It didn't last for a lot of reasons, vanilla sex being the least of them.

25 yrs old~Now i've got a Domme again, and outside the bedroom she's an amazing person too. Yay for me. We like to share girls, play in front of other people, have sex in crazy places... and explore all kinds of new kinks.

for example, she cut me for the first time the other night. And i don't mean like the poem i wrote about the subject, all blood and gore and hardcore; it was intimate and arousing and really even more erotic than i thought it could be.

Being humiliated is my biggest problem right now. I'm still working on admitting that i really like to be humiliated in all kinds of different ways. I want to revel in it, but i can't. I just can't.

lol, any helpful hints on that?

I'm so sticking with this thread and reading everyones replies...

 

[myinnerslut]

ill do this quick now becuase i dont have a lot of time but ill come back and edit it later

5 started mastubating

6/7 knew i was a masochist, started playing with ropes and scarves, punishment, pain, clips, etc when i knew my parents were out of the house

11 figured out that i was submissive though i didnt have a clue that it was sexual, started sneaking in the word "sir" to male authority figures when i could

12 had my first bf

13 started playing with my ass a little when masturbaing in addition to my pussy and breasts

15? say a CSI episode with BDSM in it. wanted what was going on in the show to happen to me

16 boyfriend twisted my arm when i didnt say i love you and was in other ways physical to me. i never once thought it was abuse

17 started going out with A.. six months later started exploring BDSM... began our relationship in terms of D/s

19 where i am today....

 

[sister76]

I knew I wanted domination by a man when I was 5 or less, mainly resulting from TV shows I saw.

 

[wouldloveto]

didn't know people really did those things in real life so had been keeping them for my fantasies to get off on. I realised I could never in all those years orgasm without fantasising on some level about D/s and SM themed settings where I was the submissive one. He guided me to explore this side of who I was, helped me find people I could trust to play with and explore my pain threshold, and eventually gave his blessing to F and I for our future together as M/s at the ripe old age of 44. From there is has finally been answered what I was feeling was missing all those years of exploration that left me wanting more.

Catalina

Wow! Thank you for that...

 

[WriterDom]

I remember pinning the preacher's daughter down in the snow. I might have been 12 and she was 11. I was on top, pinning her wrists to the snow as she struggled and laughed.

Also fucking my 16 year old girlfriend doggie style in my parent's house while spanking her ass. She cried, a lot. Turned me off of the spanking thing for 20 years.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

<Snip>She cried, a lot. Turned me off of the spanking thing for 20 years.

Hmmm... the "summer girl" in my high school years cried (and cussed) a lot, too, especially the first time (the non-consensual punishment spanking). It amused me to hear her cuss, and excited me to see/hear her cry while being spanked, and know that despite all the apparent protest, she'd have a hissy fit if I stopped. She both hated the pain and humiliation - yes, I was already into that, too, though not consciously - and loved and needed them. Have looked for that kind of honest emotional response ever since.

 

[skittles_lm]

Hmmm... the "summer girl" in my high school years cried (and cussed) a lot, too, especially the first time (the non-consensual punishment spanking). It amused me to hear her cuss, and excited me to see/hear her cry while being spanked, and know that despite all the apparent protest, she'd have a hissy fit if I stopped. She both hated the pain and humiliation - yes, I was already into that, too, though not consciously - and loved and needed them. Have looked for that kind of honest emotional response ever since.

All about the love-hate thing, eh?

It's hard to feel like that! All jumbled and guilty and confused...

It's like mind-fucking yourself. Fabulous.

 

[omniavincet]

This is a fascinating threat - stuff I wish was more easily shared - this opportunity to share is wonderful, so here it is for me:

5-6 yrs - start having daydream fantasies about my school art teacher - imagining that she had me trapped at her house, ordering me about - no idea yet it was sexual

10 yrs - suggested to the cute girl in the neighborhood that we should tie up and torture (tickle) whoever got caught during our capture the flag game - realized as I said it how strange it must have sounded but couldn't get the warm feeling to go away

12 yrs - I can still remember the key stories from the Penthouses my friend and I stole from the store on our way to junior high; one about a domme who stuck a candle in her slave's ass for light at dinner, one about a couple dominated by another couple, and another about a boy whose neighor punishes him with an enema for some misbehavior. This was the key period where I started to realize something was up and that I was systematically turned on by ideas of submission, humiliation, bondage, etc.

12-14 yrs - more reading, a few porno movies on cable (still remember one about a guy being kidnapped and hogtied for his birthday), discovery of my hair brush as combo self-paddling implement and plug, and the beginning of the fear that I was not normal in some serious ways.

15 - 17 yrs - realized I was not only submissive but also bisexual - I worried that I might be gay, which for some reason at the time seemed like a big problem. I flirted a lot with girls but never dated very much in high school. I had a tendency to look at every girl and wonder if she could dominate me - I think it made me too uncomfortable to get close in case things went wrong. Also discovered by serious love of being tied up - typically using a belt to tie my legs together while masturbating.

16 yrs - Probably the most unusual thing in my young timeline is that my stepmother for some reason (still unknown to me) starting putting a set of three women's panties in my underwear drawer when I was 16. I thought at first it was an accident but I put them on and wore them to school - never been hotter, especially because my stepmom was a ballbuster and the subject of most of my fantasies at the time. After a few months of wearing them, putting them in the laundry, and finding them back in my drawer, I threw them away, worried about myself and what would happen if she said something!

17 yrs - starting dating my wonderful but very vanilla (now) wife. Over the first summer and the next couple years I tried telling her about my sexual desires but she freaked out. I think the tipping point was my ill-advised request for her to use the vibrator I had just used on her on me...

39 yrs - Now, 20+ years later, as I have shared just recently on another thread, I am out of the closet again, this time to a much more understanding response thanks to a lifetime of getting a little more perspective on both our parts - we are figuring things out and I think we'll find a new path together.

I am so inspired by everyone's stories - not only because it's good to know I had some company during elementary school even if I didn't know who you were at the time, but because many others of you, like me, are getting a late start on your kink timeline.

I'd love to hear more timelines!

OV

 

[intothewoods]

16 yrs - Probably the most unusual thing in my young timeline is that my stepmother for some reason (still unknown to me) starting putting a set of three women's panties in my underwear drawer when I was 16. I thought at first it was an accident but I put them on and wore them to school - never been hotter, especially because my stepmom was a ballbuster and the subject of most of my fantasies at the time. After a few months of wearing them, putting them in the laundry, and finding them back in my drawer, I threw them away, worried about myself and what would happen if she said something!

Wow - seriously? That's bizarre.

 

[DVS]

Don't let the fact that most of these posts are from people who learned of their sexually kinky selves early in life. There are just as many, if not more that found out about their kinky selves after entering adulthood.

If you learned about your submissive self after becoming an adult, it's just as important to hear your stories as with those of us who found out as kids. It's still important to know there are others out there that think they are alone in how they feel.

It's also unlikely they will come forward and say how they feel. Tell your story of how you found out about all of this. Maybe you experienced things that you later realized were thoughts of submission or dominance, but at the time you just thought were strange.

I like to think the reason for this thread is to help others understand there are people out there experiencing the same feelings, and encountering the same obstacles. Maybe how you dealt with something could help someone else dealing with the same issue now.

Life is not always a unique and personal thing. To a degree, our emotions and feelings are all quite similar. Think of how you felt when you first realized you were just a little different. Someone else is at that point right now. Your timeline could include the answer they are looking for. Why not share.

And it nothing else, your story could be very interesting masturbation fodder for the rest of us. So, I ask you...what else could be more worth your time?

 

[Retrieval]

Jesus, how the hell do you remember all this stuff?

 

[CutieMouse]

Don't let the fact that most of these posts are from people who learned of their sexually kinky selves early in life. There are just as many, if not more that found out about their kinky selves after entering adulthood.

If you learned about your submissive self after becoming an adult, it's just as important to hear your stories as with those of us who found out as kids. It's still important to know there are others out there that think they are alone in how they feel.

It's also unlikely they will come forward and say how they feel. Tell your story of how you found out about all of this. Maybe you experienced things that you later realized were thoughts of submission or dominance, but at the time you just thought were strange.

I like to think the reason for this thread is to help others understand there are people out there experiencing the same feelings, and encountering the same obstacles. Maybe how you dealt with something could help someone else dealing with the same issue now.

Life is not always a unique and personal thing. To a degree, our emotions and feelings are all quite similar. Think of how you felt when you first realized you were just a little different. Someone else is at that point right now. Your timeline could include the answer they are looking for. Why not share.

And it nothing else, your story could be very interesting masturbation fodder for the rest of us. So, I ask you...what else could be more worth your time?

So what you're saying is that I should think of discussing my sexual timeline in terms of being an act of public service?

(not quite to the point of laughing, but your argument did make me smile...)

 

[Sir_Winston54]

So what you're saying is that I should think of discussing my sexual timeline in terms of being an act of public service?

Certainly - after all, you're the Librarian, and librarians are supposed to be devoted to sharing their knowledge with the world!

edited quote returned to its original pristine state

 

[LadyAria]

Everytime I share stuff like this I get two reaction 1) disbelief and 2) something akin to disgusted pity. Neither give me warm fuzzies. So, I think I'll take a pass.

I am enjoying everyone else's posts though

 

[CutieMouse]

......

 

[graceanne]

Ok, had fantasy's and stuff at about 8. Didn't really do anything other than typical child touching, and some pain causing for myself. Never had an orgasm.

When I was 16 I was convinced that masturbation was a sin so I quit. It wasn't that big a deal since I'd never orgasmed anyway.

When I was 18 I started dating K. Within three months we were having sex. Nothing kinky, though, cause I refused to discuss my fantasy's. Heck I wouldn't even wear sexy lingerie. Not totally 'nilla, since there was oral and differen positions and stuff, but pretty 'nilla.

Got married at 19. Dont' know if that counts in my sexual time line.

Got comfortable enough with sexuality to start surfing the net looking when I was 26. Learned I wasnt' alone and wasn't a freak. Managed to talk to K about it, and he was THRILLED. lol Definately puts some spice in our sex.

See? Boring - and I wasn't tied up at 5. *hugs*

 

[DVS]

Everytime I share stuff like this I get two reaction 1) disbelief and 2) something akin to disgusted pity. Neither give me warm fuzzies. So, I think I'll take a pass.

I am enjoying everyone else's posts though

That's not fair. But, it's your timeline, so you can do what you want with it. If you want to keep some poor soul from finding out an answer to their problems, That's up to you. I just hop you can sleep at night.

 

[LadyAria]

That's not fair. But, it's your timeline, so you can do what you want with it. If you want to keep some poor soul from finding out an answer to their problems, That's up to you. I just hop you can sleep at night.

Bah, no one listen anyway. They just keep asking the same question believing themselves to be different.